I'm not really sure what this is. It started out as a few smut scenes, but I have a lot of emotions, so this is now it's own story. Not sure how long it will be, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.


When Soda died in the war, Ponyboy felt he could fall apart.

His memories of that time are hazy - there was a funeral, and many, many tears. According to Darry, they made it all the way back home before Pony reacted; he'd dropped to the ground like a ton of lead in a dead faint, and Darry nearly had a heart attack. If it hadn't been for Two-Bit keeping his cool and getting both boys in the house, Darry hadn't known what he would of done. Ponyboy started sleeping on the floor of his bedroom, unable to handle the cold spot next to him in bed.

Darry cracked, somewhere deep inside, aging years right before Pony's eyes. They fought less before, but now they don't fight at all. Pony does whatever Darry says, when Darry has the presence of mind to tell him to do something. Their only fight happens when Ponyboy gets a job, a part-time gig at a bookstore not too far from their house. Darry nearly turns blue in the face yelling, and Ponyboy is no better, but the anger doesn't last long, and by nightfall, they're curled up in Darry's bed, grieving for their lost brother. Soda asked them not to fight, so they won't.

Two-Bit came and went like a ghost. He and Darry get into a fight not long after Soda dies, and it makes Ponyboy so upset that he shuts down for a week. Two-Bit tries to stay his happy-go-lucky self, but Ponyboy sees right through him, sees the ache the never ceases, just like the rest of them. He no longer watched Mickey Mouse on their TV, doesn't joke as much, if at all. He mostly curls up on the couch, beers nearby, staring off into space, tears sometimes running down his face. Darry sits with him, shares a beer or two, and even though they don't always talk, Pony can see that it helps. Every once in a blue moon, Two-Bit shows up banged up and bruised, still seething from whatever fight he found himself in. Ponyboy fears the road his friend is headed down, and says as much in only the way he can while patching Two-Bit up. Two-Bit stops Pony's hands then, gult trickling into his heart when he sees them shaking. "I ain't like Dally, Ponyboy. I'm torn up, but I wouldn't leave y'all like that."

Ponyboy wants to believe him, but he's seen what grief can do to people, what grief has done to him, but Two-Bit has never let him down, so he just nods, cleaning Two-Bit up before giving him a blanket to rest.

The real ghost, though, is one Steve Randle.

Nobody in town really knew what day Steve actually got back, and some even thought he'd died. His tour had long since been up. It was Ponyboy who found him on the porch, sleeping, eyes squeezed shut and teeth grinding. Pony shook him, jumping back when Steve swung at him, sitting up and blinking.

"Ponyboy." Steve's voice was rough.

"What're you lyin' out here for? You could have lie down on the couch."

Steve shrugged. "Can I get a glass of water?"

Ponyboy nodded, going inside and dropping his backpack near the couch. He grabbed a glass from the kitchen cabinet, filling it up in the sink and taking it back out to the porch. Steve thanked him quietly, draining the glass as Ponyboy sat down beside him.

"When'd you get back?"

"To Tulsa? Days ago."

"Where you been?"

"Around."

Ponyboy turned to look at the older man, took in the dark circles under his eyes, the blankness in his face. On the outside, he looked pretty normal, wearing his usual denim vest with no shirt underneath. There were scars on his arms.

"Steve?"

He grunted.

"You hungry? I gotta do my homework, but I can get you something before I do."

Steve turned to look at him, his face unreadable. "You got any chocolate cake?" he whispered.

Ponyboy trekked back to the kitchen, fetching a slice of cake and another glass of water.

When he put the plate down, Steve's eyes widened. His hands shook as he picked up a piece, shoving it in his mouth and groaning, eyes rolling back. Pony watched him scarf down the cake for a second before retreating into the house to do his homework.

The front door banged open just as he was finishing up, and Ponyboy went to see who it was. It was Darry; his eyes were wide, his face pale.

"Darry?"

"Steve."

"What about him?"

"He's on the porch."

"I know. He's been there a while."

Darry shook his head slowly. "He… I can't believe he made it out alive."

Ponyboy knew what he meant. Families all over town were having their boys snatched, receiving letters to let them know that those same boys had been lost. The letter announcing Soda's death was tucked into Ponyboy's copy of "Gone With the Wind," right next to Johnny's note.

"Tried to get him to come in, but he said he prefers the porch." Darry shook his head again. "I'm gonna shower. Your turn to cook." He loped past Ponyboy to the bathroom. Pony went back out to the front.

Steve was sitting in the exact same spot, and Ponyboy could see chocolate smeared on his hands. He didn't turn around when Pony spoke.

"You staying for dinner, Steve? I'm cooking. Baked chicken and mashed potatoes."

Steven shrugged. "If it ain't too much trouble."

"None at all. You gonna eat out here, too?"

"I like it out here. Reminds me of the good times." his voice sounded far away.

Ponyboy didn't pry, didn't want to. He only took the empty plate and glass and deposited them in the sink before taking a damp towel out to Steve to clean himself up. He went back to the kitchen and began prepping dinner.

Eventually, Darry wandered into the kitchen, digging around in the fridge. He sat down at the table with a glass of juice.

"How long he been in town?"

"Couple'a days, according to him."

"Damn. Where's he been?"

"Around."

Darry grunted, picking up the newspaper he'd abandoned that morning. Pony continued with dinner.

There was a small commotion outside, and next thing they knew, Two-Bit came flying in, eyes wide and smiling. "Steve!" was all he said, and Ponyboy smiled a bit in spite of himself. "When'd he get here?"

"He was lyin' on the porch when I home. Won't come inside."

Two-Bit frowned. "Did he say why?"
He said it reminds him of the good times."

A look of understanding passed over Two-Bit and Darry's faces, and Ponyboy wished he understood. Two-Bit sat down.

"That boy has war in his eyes." Two-Bit said, and Darry grunted in agreement. Ponyboy tuned them out, his mind going to school. He was doing well, even after everything he missed when Johnny and Dally died. He'd made it into college, one in Tulsa, but Ponyboy wasn't sure he wanted to go. They couldn't afford it, even with an athletic scholarship he'd won. He was a track star, but he was a realist, and he knew Darry was drowning in bills and school loan statements would only make it worse. Maybe if he took a break and saved some money from his job first. Or published a book. Ponyboy started with the realization that the option was still available to him. He hadn't written anything important since he'd turned in his composition - he'd gotten an A on it, and his teacher had been so impressed that he'd gotten a B- instead of the promised passing C. The composition sat in his room, untouched after all that time. He could publish that - no. His friends lives weren't a cash-grab. The composition had been therapeutic for Ponyboy. To publish it felt wrong.

"Ponyboy?"

Ponyboy jumped, looking at his brother. He and Two-Bit were staring at him, both concerned. It was then he realized the kitchen timer was beeping. He spun around, turning off the timer and pulling out the chicken. Thankfully, it wasn't burned.

"You doing okay, Pone?" Darry asked.

Ponyboy stirred the potatoes. "Yeah, was just thinking about college."

Darry perked up. "Oh yeah, did you hear back from any of the schools?"

Ponyboy froze, spoon in hand. "Actually I did, but I wanted to talk to ya about it."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"I don't think I want to go to college-"

"What?" Ponyboy flinched at his brother's shout. He knew this would happen. Darry continued. "Why in God's name wouldn't you?"

Pony put the spoon down turning to face the table. Two-Bit's eyebrows were nearly in his hairline, and he looked concern. Darry's brows were scrunched together.

"Can we sit and talk about this? I don't want to fight." Ponyboy's voice cracked on the last word, and he could see the pain flash in Darry's eyes. Immediately, the older boys face softened.

"Yeah. C'mere. Let's talk."

Pony turned of the stove, moving the potatoes to a cool eye before sitting down at the table.

"Why don't you want to go to college anymore, Ponyboy?" Two-Bit murmured.

Ponyboy shook his head. "I was gonna say, I don't think I want to go to college right now. Even with an athletic scholarship, we can't afford it right now. I wanna work a little bit first, put some money away. I can work full time for bit, bring in a little more money for classes and bills."

A myriad of emotions passed over Darry's face, and Ponyboy waited with bated breath for his answer. Finally, Darry swallowed.

"Pony… It's not that I don't think that would work…" Darry's voice broke a bit, and Ponyboy's eyes widened in alarm.

"Be honest with me Darry, what is it?"

"Oh, honey… I just don't want them to get their hands on you."

Two-Bit and Ponyboy shared a look. It wasn't hard to figure out who "them" was. Darry was hardly ever bitter about anything, but any time anyone mentioned the government or the war, Darry's eyes got cold and his jaw clenched. The night they lay together, missing their middle brother, Darry had grabbed onto Ponyboy's shirt, saying, "to think, I was always worried about losing you, and it's Soda who slips through my fingers." Ponyboy knew Darry blamed himself for Soda's death, even though there was nothing he could have done - fighting it would have put all of them in danger.

"If you go to college, you can get a student deferment. They won't draft you. You'll be safe, at least for a little while longer."

"Yeah, but if we go bankrupt, we'll be in a whole 'nother mess."

"I can help."

Darry and Ponyboy turned to Two-Bit. He was looking down at his hands, face solemn. He looked up at them. "Actually, it's why I came over. I… I realized that I wasn't much help after Johnny and Dallas died, then when Soda did, and -" he swallowed, voice getting choked. "Guess it's to grow up some time. I got a job."

The Curtis boys nearly keeled over in shock. "You, a job?" sputtered Darry.

Two-Bit gave a small smile. "Yeah. Nothing major, just a sign twirling job for a sandwich shop. They pay is pretty good though."

"We can't ask you to do that, Two-Bit. That money will do your mom and sister better than it does us."

"I already talked to her about it, and she thinks it's a good idea, 'specially since I'm here all the time. She wants Ponyboy to be in college, too."

"Keith-"

"No. I wanna help you guys. You're my family, too. And if any of us has the best chance of getting out here, it's Ponyboy. Please?" They hadn't seen Two-Bit this worked up since Soda's funeral, and Ponyboy almost felt bad for his suggestion.

"Okay," he said, "Nevermind. I'll go."

Ponyboy could see Darry try to hide his sigh of relief, and his heart hurt. He reached over, squeezing his brother's hand before going to finish the potatoes. Darry got up to set the table and coax Steve inside. Two-Bit slumped down at the table.

"Hey, Two-Bit?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"You're a real pal."

Two-Bit looked up. Ponyboy rubbed his arms.

"You're wrong. You did a lot to help us when everything happened. Darry and I probably would have fallen apart if you hadn't been around. I know everything's been kinda hard, but you stayed good ol' Two-Bit. I'm glad we can count on you. You're more'n a pal, you're a brother."

Two-Bit's eyes filled with tears. "Aw, kid." he jumped up, pulling Ponyboy into a rough hug and messing up his head. They separated when they heard yelling outside. They ran to the door.

"I can't!" Steve hollered, eyes wild.

"Why?" Darry asked, voice calm.

"I-I can't. Not without-" Steve took a step back, pulling at his hair. Darry turned to Pony and Two-Bit, obviously lost on what was happening. Ponyboy mouthed ' Soda,' and understanding passed over Darry's face.

"Steve, look at me." Darry said, taking a step toward their friend. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I can't." Repeated Steve, fingers loosening in his hair.

"I won't make you. You can eat out here if you want to, I'm sorry."

Steven swallowed audibly, hands shaking as he removed them from his hair. Pony's stomach lurched as he remembered that same expression on his face the night Dallas died.

"Dinner's done." He blurted. "I-I can make Steve a plate and bring it out here."

"That's a good idea." Darry said. "Hey, Steve? It's alright. Sit on down, and Pony will bring you some food."

Steve hesitated, eyes turning to Ponyboy.

"It's okay, Steve." Ponyboy said, voice oddly soft. "Just sit down and relax. I'll bring you some food."

Steve looked between them all before taking his original seat. Ponyboy disappeared into the house, and went to make Steve a plate. He made himself one as well, and went back out. Two-Bit and Darry were standing by the door. "You two can make your plates and eat. I'll keep Steve company." he said to them.

Steve was staring off into space when he sat down beside him, but jumped when Ponyboy put the plate on his lap.

"You need to eat, Steve."

Steve glared at him, though it held no actual anger. "Who're you, my mom?"

"Lord knows if you were my kid, I'd have offed myself." the retort pops out before he can think about it, and Steve's face paled. His mom died while he was away in Vietnam - Soda had sent a letter home about it. Ponyboy cried, and he couldn't explain why. Everybody knew he and Steve didn't get along. Ponyboy guessed it was the thought of losing a parent. His own parent's deaths didn't affect him so much anymore, but the thought of any of the others going through the same killed him on the inside.

Ponyboy coughed. "But luckily, you had someone better than a no good hood for a mother."

Surprisingly, Steve smiled. "Yeah, lucky me." They eat in silence. Ponyboy tries not to stare, but he can tell it's been a while since Steve has had a home cooked meal. He eats slowly, savoring everything. It makes Ponyboy think of Soda, wondering if he would have acted the same way when he came from war. The chicken turned to ash in his mouth, but he keeps eating.

When they're done, Ponyboy takes their plates into the kitchen. Two half eaten plates sat on the table, but Darry and Two-Bit were nowhere to be found. Pony dropped the plates into the sink before searching out his brother and friend. Darry's door was cracked, and he raised his hand to knock when he heard it.

"Mm, Keith…"

Ponyboy froze. That sounded an awful lot like Darry. He peered into Darry's room, eyes wide.

Two-Bit was flat on his back in Darry's bed, Darry kneeling between his legs. They were kissing passionately, Two-Bit's fingers tangled in Darry's hair. Darry pushed his hips forward, and Two-Bit gasped, groaning. Ponyboy turned away, hand over his mouth. He didn't know what to think. Two-Bit and Darry, together? It was weird, but Ponyboy didn't hate it. A stab of hurt shot through him at the thought of Darry hiding the relationship from him. Did he think Ponyboy was too immature? Was he ashamed? There were too many thoughts going on in his head. He. went back out onto the porch.

"You don't have to keep checking on me, kid." Steve muttered.

"I'm not. I hang out here all the time, when the weather's nice."

"Still don't got any friends?"

"I did. Two of them died, and one of them went to war."

Steve didn't reply.

"I get why you don't want to come in the house." Ponboy murmured. "I can't sleep in our bed anymore. The nightmares are even worse. Darry tried to get me to sleep in his room, but I'm too old." he sighed heavily, then jumped when he felt the other boy lean against him. He turned to Steve, who stared straight ahead. The circles under his eyes seemed all the darker. "I write still. And talk to Darry. It's okay to need help, Steve."

Again, Steve didn't answer, and Ponyboy stopped talking. They sat in easy silence for a while, watching the sunset. Steve's lean became heavy, and Ponyboy could tell he was tired.

"Hey, Steve?"

He grunted.

"I think you should rest inside. I'll stay with you, if you want."

Steve didn't answer, only sat up. Ponyboy stood and offered the older man a hand. Steve stared at it for a minute - then took it, letting Ponyboy help him up. Together, the two went inside. Steve kicked off his shoes and dropped onto the couch. Ponyboy sat down, pulling Steve's legs onto his lap. Steve frowned, but said nothing, and in minutes, he was asleep, snoring softly. Ponyboy leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes.


Not to bad, is it? Don't forget to review!