Chicken Wuss

Chicken Wuss

By Alex and Dave

Disclaimer: I don't own FF, it belongs to Square, and the song "Lean on Me" belongs to Bill Withers.

I thought of writing this after attending A World of Difference in the past few days. A World of Difference is a program that recognizes diversity. I thought it was stupid, but they had a good point. At one point, we discussed how name calling hurts, and that's how I got the idea for this fic.

Zell's feelings about his life.

Zell sat on his bed in his dorm. He had been there for almost an hour, just sitting. Alone. When he was alone for long periods of time, he thought too much. That's exactly what had happened. He had been thinking too much.

He was thinking about his life, and the way things were. He had come to believe that his life was not going the way he wanted.

Just this morning, he had been late for his first class, and was sprinting down the hall, when he ran right into Seifer. Seifer had pushed him on the ground and said, "Get the hell out of my way, chicken wuss. You don't deserve to walk in my presence."

Zell had quietly apologized and continued on his way, watching where he was going this time. When he finally did arrive to his class, his instructor yelled at him and assigned him a 5-page paper on the causes and effects of the Sorceress' War as his punishment.

They really didn't let you slack off in Garden. Any excuse was taken as bullshit and you never got off easy.

After his classes, he had gone to hang out with Irvine, Selphie, and Quistis in the Quad. They, and a few other Garden Festival members, were building a stage. He had gone to sit with them; they didn't look too busy. Actually, they seemed to be in a conversation.

As he approached them, Irvine turned to him and said, "Zell, we don't need you here, everything's taken care of. We have all the help we need."

Zell looked back towards the stage to see four students, no more, struggling to carry a huge platform over to the stage. He looked back right after one fell and they dropped the large sheet of wood. "It looks like they could use some help, and you three don't seem to be contributing too much."

"I said, you are of no use to us. Go eat a hot dog or something, chicken wuss."

Selphie slapped him on the arm. "Irvine! That wasn't very nice! Apologize to him!"

Irvine had turned to say he was sorry, that he was having a bad day, but it was too late. Zell was running up the steps to get out of there.

From there he had gone to Rinoa's dorm. They had come to be close friends since they defeated Ultimecia. He knocked on the door, but she didn't answer. He tried again and thought he heard something. "Rinoa?" he said to the door. He heard a giggle, and then he heard someone whipser "Shh!" and he knew why she wasn't answering her door. Squall was in there with her.

He wanted someone to talk to. Irvine, Selphie, and Quistis didn't want him near, and Squall and Rinoa were busy. He thought he'd try Dr. Kadowaki.

On his way to the Infirmary, he saw Seifer and his posse, and quickly turned and went the other way, in hopes that they wouldn't see him. His hopes were let down as he heard a "Hey! Chicken wuss!"

He kept walking, but heard heavy footsteps behind him and was violently spun around by a strong hand on his shoulder and found himself face to chest with Seifer. He looked up.

"When I call someone, they answer, understand?"

Zell nodded nervously. His voice cracked as he said, "What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought I'd get a little payback for this morning."

"I said I was sorry."

"Sorry's not enough, shit head. You'll be punished accordingly by the Disciplinary Committee for being late to a class, and injuring a fellow student."

Zell looked shocked. "But you're fine!"

"Am I?" Seifer took out his gunblade, faced the tip of the blade towards Zell, and bashed himself in the nose with the butt. His nose started to bleed, and was horribly disfigured. He had just broken his own nose. "Who do you think they'll believe?"

"You can't do that! Why are you out to get me!?"

"Because, you're easy."

Zell felt tears collecting in his eyes, and ran off before the situation got any worse. He heard Seifer shout, "You little shit! Get back here! I'm not done with you yet!"

But Zell escaped back to his dorm and locked his door before Seifer could get him.

That had been about an hour and a half ago.

He felt so alone. He had no one. And that's all he wanted, someone. He wanted someone to be there for him like Rinoa was there for Squall when he was having a shit day.

Rinoa…she was a great person to talk to, but she was too wrapped up in Squall. They were on the verge of obsession. He didn't think they'd last. It was the most dependent relationship he'd ever seen. It wasn't bound to last much longer.

Plus, she always put Squall in front of everything and everyone else, which made it hard to get a chance to talk to her, so in fact, she wasn't really there for him as much as he'd previously thought.

Then there was Seifer. All he ever got from Seifer was endless name-calling and torture. What had he ever done to deserve this? He guessed it was just impossible to like him. Look at how Irvine had treated him. He assumed Quistis and Selphie felt the same way. Unfortunately, he hadn't heard Selphie defend him.

He wasn't wanted around here, he figured. Why not move to Galbadia Garden or Trabia Garden? He'd just get the same behavior from them, but it would be from strangers, not his friends. Nothing hurt him more than strangers making stereotypes.

No one ever took him seriously. They thought he was the stupid one they could always pick on, and he always went along with it. They always rejected his ideas. His stupid ideas. Why did he even bother making suggestions? They always told him they were dumb ideas. That hurt, that they didn't consider him their equal. He was always the scapegoat. It was always his fault, and even when it wasn't, they made it seem like it was.

And no one ever asked him if he was okay. How it was going. Not even a "What's up."

He came to the conclusion that he served no purpose; that no one wanted him here. What about Ma? A voice inside his head asked.

He sighed and thought to himself, She never loved me. I'm just an orphan.

He got up from the bed and walked over to the window. After thinking for a minute, he punched out the glass. He pulled his hand back to find it covered in blood. He took one of the shards of glass from the floor and put it against his throat. He started sobbing uncontrollably. He pressed the sharp glass harder against his throat, but suddenly threw the shard down on the ground. A note. He had to write a note, to let everyone know that they could live in peace now that he was gone.

He opened his desk drawer and found a pen and a note pad. He sat at his desk and thought carefully before writing:

To Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, and to anyone else who might care;

I was never wanted. Even in childhood. My parents didn't want me, so they gave me up. At the orphanage, no one ever talked to me, and when they did, they were the best days of my life. As a teenager at Garden, I was not accepted. I didn't really have any solid friendships. I'd talk to someone here or there, but it was nothing more than a conversation. I was so happy when I was finally able to take the SeeD field test. I thought, 'Finally! A chance to meet and bond with people!' And I didn't at first, but then I found some friends. Five actually. I thought they were great people, but then I got to know their real sides. I became close with one, and I love her dearly, but she puts her boyfriend before anyone or anything else. I'll be laughing in hell when you two break up. The other three use me as the one to put all faults on. It was my fault when Irvine broke Cid's chair. It was my fault when Rinoa and Squall were caught doing inappropriate things in his dorm. Apparently I dared them to and told them that if they didn't, I would hurt them. It was my fault when Quistis got drunk and took a bunch of Trepies to the Secret Area and whipped them until they couldn't walk. I guess I made her get drunk. Should I keep going?

I'm always the one that's laughed at for being stupid. I'm always the one that's picked on. I'm always the one who's not wanted. Not by you guys, not by my parents, not by my adoptive mother, and not by anyone. Seifer knows this, he always lets me know I'm a chicken wuss and that I'm worth nothing. He tells it how it is, and I respect him for that.

All I've ever wanted is for someone to be there for me. Someone who cares, who asks me if everything is all right, if I need anything. There's a song from a long time ago. It goes: "Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on." What I wouldn't give for someone like the man who wrote that song. No one on earth has been that for me. I've never had some one to lean on.

I do realize the consequences for what I'm about to do. I'm sure the devil will accept me with open arms. He's the only one who will.

-Zell

He put down his pen and stood up. He read over the letter and, satisfied, placed it on his pillow.

He walked back over to the window and picked up the glass again. He sat on his bed, leaning against the wall. He put the sharpest end of the glass up to his neck. He cried harder than he had ever cried before. His hand was shaking, and the glass cut into his neck bit by bit as his hand moved constantly. He felt a small trickle of blood run down his neck and over his collarbone. He closed his eyes and pushed the shard deep into his neck, and then moved it from one side of his neck to the other. His mouth filled with blood and he dropped the glass. Blood poured out of the fatal gash in his neck. He opened his eyes, but his vision was dim. It got darker and darker until it faded to black.

And Zell was gone.

The End.