During the first minute of Barney's speech - of his idea how to mess with Zoey - Lily keeps quiet, assuming this is going to be some kind of joke and waiting for the punch line.
Barney paints his picture with broad, assured strokes - the seduction in the bar, the invitation of a one night stand and Zoey's inevitable submission. It's a story he's told a hundred times before (although usually directed at Ted), with a hundred different girls in his crosshairs.
Lily's sure somebody will interrupt Barney before he gets too gross.
But as his fantasy continues, Lily's eyes move furtively from Marshall to Robin and back again. They both look caught-up in a kind of horrified fascination.
When he talks about how easy it is to get a girl let you tie her to the bed, Lily's mouth goes dry. Her palms itch. Every instinct inside her is screaming to say that he's wrong, and that only bimbos are ever that dumb. But god, she knows that's a lie. Barney's words, his sweet, seductive words, they wrap around her like the feather light tingle of a lover's breath on your skin.
Barney tells them at great length exactly how you can get a woman's limbs into variously different position by simply tonguing her nipples. And how, if you move lower and get between her legs, into the heat of her, she'll agree to pretty much anything.
Then, when she's helpless, when she's yours, the fun can begin.
It's then that Lily feels the ache, the tug inside that makes her shift on the plastic-covered bench and she knows that her cheeks are flushing. She wonders why Robin doesn't say anything. Why Marshall doesn't say anything. Why there's hushed silence as Barney ponders what to do next to torment Zoey.
He decides on candle wax - hot wax, dripped teasingly across the belly, up over one breast to briefly splatter her erect nipple. He hopes she screams a little. He hopes it hurts her a little - just enough to make her more sensitive.
Then maybe he'd drip that wax down between her legs, just over one thigh.
Lily throbs to every word, her breath coming in quick, fluttery gasps and now her palms are sweating. It's horrible - horrendous - the picture he's painting. It's so damn vivid. She can see it, feel it, almost smell the wax. One second more - Just one second and she'll stop this. She's shut Barney up. She will. She really will.
But before Lily can protest Barney lowers his voice, so it goes all quiet and rough, and he tells them that he might even make love to Zoey, bring her right to the edge, right to that razor-sharp edge of sweetness before...
Before he leaves her there. He's planning to just leave her there, covered in wax, tied to the bed - aching, wanting, needing release.
Of course he would, the bastard.
Lily's so choked that she's incredibly grateful when Marshall speaks, expressing all their disgust, and finally Barney's spell is broken.
There are ways to mess with a girl, yeah. But jeez, sometimes even a tiny peek into the mind of Barney Stinson makes Lily want to take five showers in a row.
Or maybe try some of Barney's ideas on Marshall later...?
