Harry Potter

and the

Idiots of the Iceberg

Chapter one:

Kit Kats and Fops

(Disclaimer: No matter how hard I try, I will never own Harry Potter or the Phantom of the Opera, so I'll just say screw it. But I'm basing the Phantom characters offa the new 2004 movie (sorry!), and the Harry Potter ones offa a movie also, although this is supposed to be their sixth year, I guess. Although that's not important. Wait... did I just type 'that's'? NOOOOO! I DID IT AGAIN! I NEVER TYPE THAT! Well, thas it, so I hope you enjoy my newest Phanfic!)

(Christine and Raoul are taking a walk on the street; Actually, Raoul is taking a walk and Christine being the lazy little git she is wants Raoul to carry her, many protests from him of the heavy-ness, and complaining that she weighs a ton. Boy, I'll bet you cant guess who won that fight, huh? Wait...rambling...no rambling... Getting back to our little developing story here, Carlotta walks by with her poodles, looking disgustedly at Christine and Raoul, who are now kissing, and didn't notice her)

RAOUL: Christine, my feet hurt...whine whine whiiiiiiinnnnne! I need a break... (Christine, knowing what the idiot meant, pulls out a kit kat bar and stuffs in his mouth. Don't ask where she was hiding that bar, seeing as the dresses didn't really have pockets then, as far as I know, because I don't know either. IT JUST HAPPENED, OKAY!) (muffled) Franks.

CHRISTINE: That better, honey?

RAOUL: Not really. Me wanna nutha! Nutha, nutha, nutha, NUTHA! (He starts frantically waving his arms up and down, which caused Christine to fall, of course)

CHRISTINE: I would give you more, BUT THEY'RE SMASHED NOW! (she pulls out the kit kat wrapper from the back of her dress, it was all squishy)

(Raoul helps her up, and points and laffs at her)

RAOUL: Haha, looks like you made a poopy! (his face goes blank, forgetting what he was talking about) Christine, I wanna break! he breaks off into that commercial song) Gimme a break, gimme a break! Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!

CHRISTINE: (throwing the chocolate covered wrapper at his face) here's your break, you idiot!

RAOUL: No, I don't want that! It tastes like butt!

CHRISTINE: You know what else tastes like butt?

CARLOTTA: (chuckles to herself at the young couple's stupidity while they fight on, then coughs to make her presence known)

CHRISTINE: glares, then mockingly) Oh, Raoul, my dear man, it seems to be that toad Signora Carlotta Guidicelli! Let's go and congratulate her on her fine job in Il Muto, shall we?

RAOUL: Il whatta?

(One of Carlotta's two cute and cuddly poodles that I really want waddled up to Christine and started licking her dress, trying to get all the chocolate. The other one joins in the fun!)

CHRISTINE: Aah! Get them offa me!

CARLOTTA: No! My doggies, youa will get dirtzy! She pulls the dogs away from Christine, smiling widely)

RAOUL: Christine, now I wanna doggy!

CHRISTINE: Be satisfied with your butt-tasting break

RAOUL/CARLOTTA: Gimme a break, gimme a break! Break me offa piece of that Kit Kat bar!

CHRISTINE:screams angrily and pouts off, kicking one of the poodles on her way)

(Kay, this takes place in Christine's dressing room. Christine, Meg and Raoul are just sitting on the bed talking, while holding about twenty Kit Kat bars each, when Carlotta bursts in)

CARLOTTA: holding a poodle, which has gauze around it's leg, she points at Christine) You deed thiz to Fluffypuff!

RAOUL: Fluffypuff? thas a gay name for a dog

CARLOTTA: Yez, ten wat would 'oo name heem?

RAOUL: Pretty pink pony! It's practical, and not gay! everyone stares at Raoul)

(Just then, Erik comes in magically appearing from behind the mirror! Yaaaaaaay!)

ERIK: Hello Fop, ballet idiot, awful diva, hot singer that denied my love for an idiot.

RAOUL: WAAAAAAAAA! He called me a fop! Christine, gimme a break!

CHRISTINE: Hello, Erik

MEG: Meep

CARLOTTA:...

(Suddenly, Lord Voldemort appears out of nowhere, points his wand at the five peeps in the room, says some stuff, and Erik, Meg, Raoul, Christine, Carlotta, Fluffypuff, and the big pile of Kit Kats disappear. Lord Voldemort vanishes, seeing that his work here is done.)