A/N: FireLily is writing a comfort/romance story about Colin comforting a saddened Ana in Song of the Lioness (It SHOULD be posted soon, but don't know at this point...) so I thought I would base this story on something sad and... Well, this came to be.
Sorry if this fanfic stinks... or is cruddy (haha)... I may have a Part 2 to extend the ending a bit but I'm still debating this. Knowing me, it'll probably be awhile before it happens either way.
I went to sleep with chocolate in my mouth and now there's chocolate on my shell. It was so sticky, it took me about an hour and a half to wash it all out in the shower. When I got out of bed this morning, I tripped on the
skateboard Ludwig had lent me for the weekend. I got so mad, I broke the skateboard over my knee. Ludwig is probably gonna kill me when he gets home.
Plus, breaking that hard wood over my knee hurt like heck. I was walking with a limp the whole morning. To make matters worse, I dropped my favorite CD on the floor and it broke into a million pieces. After all this, I could tell it was going to be a stinky lousy really rotten extremely cruddy day.
At breakfast my brother Morton found a Piranha Plant Sting Ray in his breakfast cereal box and my sister Wendy found a Little Miss Spoiled Brat Eyeliner in her breakfast cereal box. But all I found in my cereal box was a huge open space with no bag of cereal in it. Why? It turned out Iggy and Lemmy had eaten it all. Also, they had used up all the milk and there were no other milk bags in the fridge. In fact, there wasn't any breakfast food at all. All I had for breakfast that morning was a stupid glass of water.
It think I'll move to Desert Land.
When I got a lift to Dark Land city hall there was already Roy in the front of the bus. Ludwig was sitting at the left-side window in the back so I got in beside him. Bad move. The next guy we picked up was this really fat Tubb-O Troopa and he squeezed in next to me. I said I was getting scrunched and smushed. I told the driver that if I don't get a window seat soon I'm going to blow chunks. Nobody answered me. Just before I got to work, the Tubb-O Troopa developed stomach problems and let out the biggest belch I had ever heard. It smelled so bad in there I wondered if living in Lethal Lava Land would be any better.
I could tell it was going to be a stinky lousy really rotten extremely cruddy day.
At city hall King Dad told me that Ludwig's work was far better than any of the work I did. Why wouldn't he? If you're the boss's oldest son, you always get more of the praise. That's when I decided that Ludwig was a
sneaky jerk.
When Iggy, Lemmy, and I were rehearsing for a concert, I asked Lemmy if I could sing, but he says I sing too loud. He says I sing like Celine Dion. Ouch! I guess that proves I'm not a good singer. He also said I wasn't
able to write good lyrics. Who needs good lyrics?
I could tell it was going to be a stinky lousy really rotten extremely cruddy day.
I felt this way because Kind Dad didn't give me the Koopa of the month award. He said that one Magikoopa who I don't even know would be getting it this month and that another Goomba I don't even know would probably get it next month. He said I was his seventh favourite Koopaling, which is the lowest score you can get.
I hope you step in a pile of my Koopa Poopa, I said to King Dad. I hope the next time you get a taco salad, somebody puts the hottest chili peppers in it. That way, you'll hopefully burn down your oversized castle. Then I hope they drag your carcass to Desert Land and let a bunch of nomads in the desert have it for dinner.
Ludwig had two cupcakes in his lunch bag and a Charging Chuck got a Hershey bar with almonds and Lakitu's mother gave him a piece of jelly roll that had little coconut sprinkles on the top. Guess what Chef Torte forgot to put in my lunch bag? Dessert! All I had was a puny carton of milk, a puny coleslaw container with a breakable plastic spoon, and a peanut butter sandwich. That Apprentice must have helped make my lunch again. I'm going to break his neck when I get home. Hasn't he forgotten that too much peanut butter makes me break out in hives?
It was a stinky lousy really rotten extremely cruddy day.
That's exactly what it was. After work I went to the dentist and Dr. Boom Boom found two cavities in my mouth. He told me to come back next week and he would fix them. He said that perhaps I wasn't flossing everyday and brushing my gums. I thought, what's the big deal? They're just teeth. This guy probably never went to dentist school. He was probably an escaped mental patient with a fake dental degree.
I told him that next week I'll be moving to Desert Land.
On the way downstairs the elevator door closed on my tail. And guess what... that hurt! While I was waiting for a taxi, a Bandit robbed me, stole my wallet, and pushed me into a big puddle of mud. When I got home,
Kamek gave me a major scolding. He said I was too old to be playing in the mud.
I am having a stinky lousy really rotten extremely cruddy day.
After lunch, we went to get new shoes. I wanted new shoes myself. Morton got white sneakers with blue stripes, and Wendy got some high heels which looked exactly like her old ones she got last week but these ones were cooler she claimed. I wanted to buy these cool basketball shoes with wild colors but the salesman told me they were all sold out. I bought some plain old white ones, but when nobody was looking I threw them into the trash can outside. Who wants to wear a pair of dumb shoes like that? Not me. I'm too cool.
I went with Iggy and Lemmy back to the office. I told them not to play with the photocopier, but they forgot. I also told them to watch out for the books on the desk, and they were as careful as they could be except for
their elbows. I also told them not to fool around with the phone, but I think they made an overseas call to Desert Land. A call that cost about $105.00. I then told them that I would bring them to see the office again... but not until they were 18. Kind Dad got into a big snit and accused me of making the mess. Maybe you should jump off the roof and let yourself get hit by a car. That would really make my day better.
It was a stinky lousy really rotten extremely cruddy day.
Chef Torte made cabbage rolls for dinner. I hate cabbage rolls. For some strange reason, my siblings like them. I can't imagine why. When I'm their ages, I won't touch them with a 10-foot pole. Kammy told me that I had to eat them because I wasn't getting anything else. I ate them all, then I went to the bathroom afterwards, stuck a finger down my throat, and vomited them all out into the toilet. The best part was when I flushed the toilet. That was the last time I saw those hated cabbage rolls. For dessert, I had ice cream. The ice cream was so thick that the spoon got bent out of shape when I was trying to scoop it. To make matters worse, I got one of those "brain freezes", those headaches you get when you get frozen desserts. It was so bad, I took a whole bunch of Excedrin pills and a big glass of water.
I felt better after that... but the worst was yet to come.
I don't like watching many adult programs. I like to watch cartoons on The Cartoon Network. Of course all that was on tonight was Ed Edd and Eddy. Who wants to watch a show about three morons who do nothing but gag and gasp and accomplish nothing for the whole episode? Not me!
My shower was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my lucky gold coin got accidentally flushed down the toilet, and I had to kill an earwig from heck. Also, the only pajamas I had that night were the St. Patrick's Day pajamas Wendy found at Goodwill. The ones covered with shamrocks. Her heart was in the right place... but I really hate wearing those.
When I went to bed I had to get up two times after I almost went to sleep. First, I had to change the light bulb in Wendy's nightlight because the old one had burned out and she refused to sleep unless it was lit. Second, I had drank so much water after my headache that I had to go to the bathroom and take perhaps the longest sit in the history of my family. When I finally got settled in, I eventually drifted off to sleep and dreamed that I was in Desert Land. It turned out that living there was probably not as much fun as living in Dark Land. When I convinced myself that staying here was the best thing for me and my family, I slept like a log for the rest of the night.
There's one thing I can't deny. It had been a stinky lousy really rotten extremely cruddy day.
Dad told me that we would all have days like that. Even in Desert Land.
Just putting this disclaimer on for fun.
Story © 2001 by Hip (Hip Neptune)
Nintendo owns the characters.
Wee. That was fun! Okay now that's a wrap!
