The streets of the city of Ravnica, that were normally bustling and crowded during the day, were horribly lonely at night. Aside from the odd, lost passerby, or the random drunkard headed home, the metropolis was completely silent, which left a lot of room for Liliana's thoughts to be incredibly, deafeningly loud- mostly inward grumbling and mutterings about how much of a fool she was. She was a fool for walking around aimlessly at night, for even coming to the city in the first place, and for feeling the crushing feeling of disappointment. All again.
This wasn't the first time she'd passed through the city. Oh, she had plenty of things that were worlds more important than slumming it in Ravnica (two very big problems, specifically) but, like clockwork, she had returned. Every so often she found herself traveling there, doing nothing in particular for an entire day, passing through a tavern or two before leaving just as the night was chased away by sunlight. She had no business there, nothing specific she had to retrieve somewhere in the city. Just a small, wayward hope- a hope she would outright deny if she were ever confronted about it, even to herself.
She sighed to herself and shook her head, just about done with wandering and hoping and not technically looking for anything. It didn't help her pride that she was just wandering blindly, hoping to accidentally run into him. It didn't help those hopes that who she was looking to just randomly run into was one single person out of thousands that lived in Ravnica- one such person who wouldn't just be walking around the city at night, or even at all. But if she were to actively look for him, it would only make her seem more pathetic.
That and there was a tiny inkling that hoped against her own hopes, wishing to never see him again. As much as she loved him, she hated him. As much as she wanted to reach out to him, she wanted to push him away. He was already tangled up in her life more than she had hoped- aware of too many things about herself she wished she'd never told him. She wanted a chance to happen upon him, but at the same time she knew that, if he were to grow closer to her he would only wind up getting hurt- killed even. Her thoughts were an inner struggle, both hoping and dreading catching a glimpse of that familiar blue cloak.
"This is pointless..." She muttered to herself for the countless time that day as she looked up toward the stars in the sky that were scattered beyond the dark silhouettes of tall buildings and spires. She paused, briefly acknowledging the aching in her feet and just how difficult it was to stand upright (she'd just come from one of a small collection of taverns she'd chosen to visit, and admittedly had herself a few strong drinks to drown... whatever emotions she detested feeling). She stood, battling with her own thoughts over whether she should continue her fruitless wandering and wondering or if she should retire at an inn or find the energy to possibly planeswalk somewhere else altogether.
"I... I should just go." She said with a sigh, turning on her heel with her eyes still turned skyward. However, as she shifted her gaze back in front of her, she came to find her path blocked by someone else, and by some miracle she managed to double back instead of continuing forward and propelling herself into the body of a stranger... only, before Liliana had a chance to possibly give an apology, she came to find it wasn't a stranger at all.
"Liliana!?"
Of all the people she had to run into when she finally found the resolve to give up, it had to be him. Him, the person she'd been searching for all damn day, and now she couldn't summon up any glee or relief that he was there before her now. Instead her stomach tightened up, and the ground seemed like it had been violently pulled out from below her. She'd been there, wasting precious time she could be using for much more dire matters, hoping she'd somehow run into him, and now she found herself denying she'd ever hoped anything of the sort. Maybe it was because she'd never actually expected for walking around aimlessly to actually work. Maybe she wasn't as ready to see him again as she thought.
Whether it was she who found him or he that found her, all that mattered was that Jace Beleren was standing before her, and all she could do was stare back at him with a stupidly-shocked expression, mouth agape in what could only be described as terror.
"J..." she began, only to abandon speaking completely and instead turned in retreat. She clenched her teeth in anger behind tightly pressed lips, bowing her head and trying to pretend she hadn't seen him at all. It was all horribly moronic, but she couldn't think to do anything else. It was absent-minded of her in the first place to even consider the fact that she'd react to finding him again with any amount of excitement. The last time they'd spoken, they hadn't exactly been on the best terms, and the last time she saw him, she had expected him to return. He hadn't. He'd left her waiting in that chamber with nothing but her conflicting thoughts for company.
She wasn't ready to find him, she wasn't ready to see him again. She was still angry at him, still worried for him. If he still felt for her what she felt for him, those feelings would surely lead to either of them doing something foolish.
'Why am I even here!?' She thought angrily to herself as she pressed forward, away from Jace, with a clumsy speed walk. 'I shouldn't have even come!'
"Liliana! Wait!" She heard him calling, not too far behind her. She could hear his foot steps coming up behind her, drawing nearer despite her having picked up a considerable amount of speed. There was no crowd for her to blend into, no alley way to duck through- just a single walkway, suspended above the ground by the surrounding structures that it wound through. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide or escape- only enough room to surge forward and hope that her refusal to stop would persuade him to.
"Liliana! Dammit, Liliana, wait!" His voice emanated from right over her shoulder now, and before she had a chance to even gasp, she felt him grasp her wrist and force her back around. And the very second that his face entered her line of vision, her hand struck out and aimed right for it. Using the force from being spun around, she smacked him across the face as hard as her exhausted limbs could manage, impressively managing to hit him hard enough that the hood of his cloak flew backward off his head. He grunted in pain, immediately nursing the welt on his face with his free hand, but much to Liliana's displeasure his grip on her wrist didn't loosen at all.
"...That was for last time." She huffed, giving reason for her striking him while she tried and failed to pull away. He didn't seem particularly upset she had hit him- the expression on his face was more determined than anything else.
"What are you doing here?" He asked her firmly, not seeming happy or bothered to see her. Liliana opened her mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again. She'd been very ready to shout back exactly what she was doing there before she remembered that she'd been there for the odd chance she'd find him. Suddenly she was extremely hesitant to tell him anything. "...Liliana?"
"I was looking for you, alright!?" She found herself shouting as she finally found the strength to pull her hand away from his grip. Or maybe the surprise brought on by her sudden outburst cause him to loosen his grip on her. But either way, she was free. But despite that, she couldn't bring herself to flee. Instead, all she did was stand poised in front of him, catching her breath after having expelled all of the air in her lungs to speak.
"Then why in the world did you just-?" Jace began to inquire.
"I don't know, alright! I came here to find you... but I didn't actually expect to find you..." Liliana cut him off, her words growing quieter until they were nothing but a frustrated mutter. "I know I shouldn't come looking for you... not now, at least."
"Why is-"
"No... Not here." Liliana held out a hand to stop him, lowering it back to her side once Jace had paused. "Could we continue this somewhere else?"
"Well, there's a tavern nearby we could-"
"No, not there." Liliana groaned, feeling something in her stomach turn at the mention of being somewhere where she might be able to get even more alcohol in her system. "Just... somewhere private. I don't think I can handle the presence of other people right now."
"I do have a place nearby, if that's suitable." Jace said, humoring her wishes through a cautious tone.
"...It is..." Liliana spoke hesitantly, her insides churning nervously as she tried her damnedest not to let it show on her face. Faking how she really felt around other people was an easy task for her, but around Jace she found it difficult to keep any sort of facade. She always had before, and it was unsettling that nothing had changed- that her travels and time spent away from him hadn't changed her at all. He still filled her with uncertainty, with nerves and with a lonely, loving longing she could never shake, no matter the cost.
The two of them stared the other down, waiting for the other to add anything more to the tension filled air, but all they could do there was glance away and shuffle awkwardly. Whatever words they could possibly share now could be shared in closed quarters, so after a few painfully long moments, Jace finally took initiative and began leading the way, Liliana forcing herself to remain several wide steps behind.
The silence between them carried on until the two of them finally reached the formerly mentioned "place nearby" which seemed to be Jace's base of operations, based on the telling decorating. It was quite clear he never figured he'd have company, given the lack of organization, all sorts of scrolls, books, maps and other odds and ends strewn about. If it didn't bother Liliana so much to say it aloud, she would have described it as a "bachelor pad".
"I remember you being a little more organized." Liliana forced jokingly, sliding a pile of whatever odd, hastily placed papers to the side. "I take it you're a little more busy now?"
"You weren't lying, were you?" Jace asked, obviously not about what she had just said. Liliana sighed, wishing she had been lying. She wished she had a better, less embarrassing reason for why she'd been skulking around the city at night.
"If I were lying, there's nothing stopping you from finding out on your own now." She told him bitterly.
"You know I can't, Liliana- not to you. You know that." Jace muttered, to which Liliana rolled her eyes and turned to face him. Maybe it was the both of them that were driven to stubborn naivete born from their attraction. Liliana sought out Jace despite her still being furious at him and worried for him, and Jace refused to read her mind, even now, despite her track record of not being completely honest with him. Were they really that lonely? Were they that blinded by their own feelings?
"Well, then you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you?" Liliana spoke teasingly, hands clasped behind her back as she looked around his quarters. "But know that I'd never make up a lie that made me sound so... pathetic." Her hands clenched and unclenched in frustration where Jace couldn't see.
"Pathetic?" Jace parroted, seeming legitimately confused about Liliana's obvious discomfort.
"Oh, please, don't tell me that it doesn't sound at least a little sad." She spat, not sure if she was angry at Jace or herself as she began to nervously pace, but in his general direction. "I came here looking for you- not to ask anything of you, or to use you for anything. I just came here to see you... because no matter how long I remain apart from you I find myself missing you! This isn't the first time I've come to Ravnica, Jace... this is just the first time I've actually found you. And now that I have I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do now!"
"Liliana-"
"I don't know whether I should hold you or if I should push you down a flight of stairs- if I should kiss you or spit in your face! All I know is that I can't get you out of my head!" Liliana continued to speak, drowning out Jace's words with a flood of her own that, now that she had unleashed them, she couldn't stop. "I keep on turning over in my mind when you shouted that you loved me, and when you refused to listen when I tried to convince you I felt the same! I don't know why I feel this way or why I'm acting like such a fool, but all I know is that it's you're fault! I was fine with being alone before I met you- fine with having no one to turn to before I loved you! Now I... I..."
Thoughts finally slowing and words beginning to slow their flight from her lips, Liliana found herself standing before Jace, both hands reaching out and clutching at his cloak. He looked back at her with a gaze that held no anger nor pity. He just met her furious, desperate glare with a look of nothing but patience, waiting for her to be completely out of words to throw at him.
"Liliana..." He spoke, not a bit of bite in his voice. "... I missed you, too."
"What? No... I..." Liliana began to protest, but words became increasingly more and more difficult to form. Lies normally came so easy. She could usually string up falsehoods and make up all kinds of wild stories like it were second nature- like breathing. She couldn't lie to Jace, not any more. She'd seen what happened when her lies grew out of control and what they could do to him.
She missed him, too, but she couldn't let herself say it aloud. All she had left to speak for her were her actions, and those actions drove her to release his cloak and instead take his face in her hands, allowing her fingers to gently slide up his jaw and across his cheeks. In response, Jace rested his hands on her hips, pulling her in close enough that their bodies brushed against one another.
There were so many words Liliana wanted to say- that if she were a weaker-willed person or a more dependent soul she would have let them flow right passed her lips. "I'm sorry about what I did to you." "Have your feelings for me changed at all?" "Should we really be doing this?" "I just want to start over again." Instead she acted, pressing herself against him, her lips following suit as she kissed him. The contact was feather-light at first, prompting Jace to move as well as he leaned in and deepened the lip lock.
And as the kiss grew hungry and heated, Liliana couldn't help but wonder what words Jace's actions were replacing. What was he trying to say as he held her tightly, like he expected her to run. What was he trying to convey as he kissed her with an amount of passion that dwarfed all the other times in the past he'd kissed her before.
"Jace..." Liliana gasped breathlessly as she pulled away, looking him dead in the eyes. Before things got too heated and spun out of control, there was something she needed to say- a single, simple phrase that would guide them back to solid ground once they were through. "Before we go on I need to tell you... I can't stay. I want to... but I know I can't. Not while I'm still the way I am." She honestly expected devastation, but Jace reacted to her words with a slight nod and a down-trodden, but understanding smile.
"I know..." He spoke softly, reaching up to brush away a strand of hair that had fallen in her face. "I wouldn't dream of asking- not right now, at least." He paused, a quiet, defeated chuckle escaping him. "I think you made it pretty clear last time that remaining by your side as you are now is a bit of a hazard."
"I think we both made it pretty clear." She nodded before resting her hands on his shoulders. "But... just for tonight... I just want to forget about all that. I want to love you like I wasn't afraid you'd get hurt, and I want you to love me like you still trusted me. That way, when I'm alone, and thoughts of you come crawling back into my mind, I'm not overcome with anger and regret. I just want to remember your lips and your arms holding me, and to remember that, no matter how awful things become, there's someone that..." She paused, her eyes drifting down to the ground before she looked back to him again, the words she was momentarily holding back burning her tongue. "... Loves me."
"Huh, seems even someone like you has a softer side to them." Jace playfully teased, but took not time in adding, "But a good memory is always nice to look back on, I suppose" as Liliana glowered in response.
"Tonight I'll just be Jace Beleren, and you'll just be Liliana Vess, the woman I love, and nothing more."
"I'd like that." Liliana found herself smiling as she rested her forehead against Jace's chest to hide it. "And the next time I'm here in your arms, I promise I won't have to pretend."
"What do you-?" Jace began to ask, but Liliana was quick to hush him, lifting her head and planting a single, silencing kiss on his lips.
"You can ask all the questions you want later." She whispered, a look that could only be described as sly creeping across her lips. "For now, you'll have to work for those answers." She reached down and took Jace's hands in hers which he allowed her to move without the slightest bit of restraint until she placed them right above her healthily-developed chest. She looked to him, watching his expression change so rapidly it was nearly impossible to tell just how he felt. That was, until she let his hands roam free and they immediately traveled downward. She raised an eyebrow and smirked, but did nothing to discourage him and instead pressed herself against his touch.
His hands worked nimbly, as if his hands had made this journey down her body millions of times (hell, in his own mind, maybe he actually had- who was Liliana to know?), fingers unhooking and untying until her clothes were nothing but limp cloths that she willingly allowed to slip off her body. She now stood before him, bathed in moonlight that managed to slip through a crack in the drawn curtains, completely bare. And, at first, it was only Jace's eyes that caressed her.
"Enjoying the view?" She asked jokingly. "You know it isn't very fare that I'm the only one in the nude, here? Maybe we should do something to... change that." She reached out, seductively running her hand down his chest before running her fingers back up along his body to unhook his cloak with a single, easy motion of her fingers and it soon came to lie draped around their feet with the rest of her clothes. But before Jace could continue to remove his own clothes, she stopped him, leaning in so that her lips caressed his as she spoke.
"Let me." Her words were simple, but they were nearly strong enough to knock Jace backward. He let his hands drop to his sides as she began to get to work of removing each intricate layer of clothing- all the while he carefully navigated the two of them towards his sleeping quarters, leaving a trail of his own clothing in their wake. By the time the two of them came to find their legs knocking against the edge of his bed, there was nothing between them but skin.
They fell onto the bed, she followed by him, skin colliding with skin as they descended, transitioning easily into a deep, longing kiss- a kiss between people who wanted nothing more than one another. Liliana eagerly licked at Jace's lips, easily pushing through into his mouth as she lapped inside. Their tongues clashed between lips as their hands wandered in a clumsy, curious, lustful fashion. Every inch of flesh would not go untouched, and their eagerness to caress every inch of the other ended as their hands clasped and Jace pinned her's against the bed, pressing down on them just enough so that she couldn't easily wriggle away.
"You've changed, Jace Beleren." Liliana chuckled once the two of them parted for air. She licked her lips as she looked to each of her hands Jace was holding down. "You've gotten bolder."
"Thank years of having to keep these sorts of things only in my thoughts." Jace grinned back, bowing his head as he lapped playfully at the skin of her neck. Liliana's body shivered lightly as she bit her lip, suppressing a moan. "I've had a lot of time to think."
"Show me..." She mewled, running her hands down his back, nails just barely scraping the surface of his skin. "Show me what exactly you've been thinking about all this time."
Without a word, Jace was more than happy to obey as he continued to drift down her body, licking and kissing at her skin, like he knew all the right places. The base of her neck, her collar bone, her breasts- he lingered there, lapping playfully at one of her nipples while taking the other between his fingers and pinching just enough to toe the line between pleasure and pain. Unable to hold back any more, a moan finally escaped Lilana as she pulled Jace's body closer to her own, feeling his warmth press against her own body as he teased, licked and sucked on her nipples.
It had been far too long, it seemed. Jace was the only person who could make her feel this way. Maybe it was because he was also the only person she legitimately had feelings for- longed for, thought of for unhealthy periods of time, and loved.
So caught up was she in what he was doing with one hand, she hardly realized his other drift downward until she felt his fingers brush against her inner thigh, wordlessly asking permission to delve between her legs to touch the very-most intimate part of her body. She, unable to find correct words that weren't just her moaning "yes", simply gave him permission in the form of lightly bucking her hips, coaxing his hand so that his fingers drifted against the outer lips of her pussy. The single touch turned into light, teasing petting, causing Liliana to do nothing but squirm.
"Stop toying with me!" She moaned, her brow furrowing as she heard Jace chuckle a bit above her. Maybe he'd just been waiting for her to beg, since he finally began to apply pressure. He rubbed at her clit and dipped his fingers shallowly passed her moist lips. His actions began to escalate with each passing second as Liliana found it more and more difficult to hold back moans and gasps of pleasure.
Maybe she finally grew tired of feeling so helpless at his hands, writhing and cooing beneath him, as Liliana found the strength to sit up and take him by the shoulders. In one, swift movement, she pushed him to the side and spun him around so that it was him lying beneath her. She reveled in the short, brief look of shock on his face, a smile of victory stretched across her mouth before she smothered Jace's own with it.
She wanted him. She wanted every last bit of him so that she could take it with her. She wanted the Jace Beleren that would haunt her dreams, as well as nightmares, to be the one she had with her at that moment. The one that reached out and held her, kissed her back with a hunger equal to hers. Not the one who left her waiting, leaving her cold- leaving her alone. That had been the Jace her mind would always remember whenever she became faced with just how lonely she had become, and she had grown tired of only remembering seeing turn his back and leave her, lying to her just as she had lied to him.
"Jace..." She breathed, pulling away from his lips hesitantly. "I can't wait any longer... Please... I don't want to be lonely any more."
Jace looked back up at her, noticing the legitimate look of sadness on her face and reached up, resting a comforting hand on her cheek. She leaned against his touch, removing her own hands from wandering over his body so she could take hold of his wrist. For the first time that night, he dared to delve into her mind, feeling her loneliness so that he could fully understand it. It wasn't just a handful of years worth of being lonely- in that short moment, he felt the century's worth of loneliness weighing on her mind. He'd only made her very much aware of it, it seemed.
"Lili..." He muttered, sitting up so that the two of them were face to face. He moved his hand slowly from her cheek to her chin and coaxed her to raise her head that she had allowed to droop. She looked back at him with a sad, wavering gaze. She'd felt him in her head, and she knew just where he had dared to tread. He knew just how much emotion she had pent up inside her in attempts to save face. There was hardly any point in hiding them away now.
She hated him so much. She loved him even more. She'd wished she'd never met him. She wished he was always by her side much more than that.
"I wish I could hate you..." She muttered, her voice strained and quiet as she fought against the flood of sadness welling up just beyond her defenses. "I wish I could just be rid of you, but I can't. I have to accept this loneliness, because I love you too much to give you up... So please, give me a reason to keep on living with being lonely until I can really, truly love you!"
"I honestly wish there wasn't an option that left you feeling that way at all. But... if that's really what you want..." Jace signed. He wished he could convince her to stay with him in Ravnica, but he knew Liliana would not allow herself to be bound to one place, not as she was anyway. She was cursed to search for answers- answers Jace wished he had the luxury of being able to help her find- and he was cursed to remain in the sprawling city, keeping peace. They weren't ready to fully devote themselves to one another yet, as unappealing as living with loneliness sounded.
"I do." She nodded. "Or rather, it's all I can possibly have right now: just a happy memory to turn to."
Without another word, Jace planted a warm kiss against her cheek before lying her down and positioning himself above her. She smiled up at him, but her eyes were full of a wave of melancholy that ripped the air from his lungs. He wanted to beg her to stay. She wanted to beg him to come with her. Neither of them could say any of what they really wanted and let the other see their sad, dependent, selfish nature. All either of them could do was live with "the best they could do".
"... I love you, Jace." The words were so disarming, cutting through the silence, it took Jace a moment to comprehend them. He remained poised above her, a single motion away from thrusting into her, mouth slightly agape as he let the words sink in. There was no hint of dishonesty in her voice, no sting of hatred. The words were genuine, and they caught him completely off guard.
"I... love you, Lili." He responded, moments before he pressed forward. While he still had a chance to articulate his words right, he wanted them to reach her. "I'll love you, no matter how long either of us have to wait." A small, trusting smile from Liliana was enough to assure him, and with that he finally proceeded, slowly beginning to enter her as she began to grind against his cock.
Their previous actions had been needy and boarding on rough, but the lovemaking that followed was anything but. It was gentle, loving, but also satisfying. Before, when they had found themselves together, they would come together in a way that could only be described as overwhelming by either party. Nails would dig into skin and draw blood, and hips would grind together enough to even sometimes bruise. It was like the two of them were afraid of putting on the breaks for fear that the other would tire of them- like both of them were both in some ways subconsciously aware the other would betray them.
Jace made love to her gently this time, eliciting soft moans and gasps from the woman below him as she reached out, wrapping her arms around him, followed by her legs. She embraced him with her entire body as if they were saying goodbye- and maybe that was true. It was certainly an odd, unorthodox was to say it, but this might as well have been one. Neither knew when the other would find them again- if they'd meet under circumstances that would allow them more time. Liliana buried her face against his neck, making noises Jace couldn't tell if they were noises of pleasure or the beginnings of sobs. In that moment, both of them wished they could remain like this: connected in the loving embrace of the other, no longer being driven mad by loneliness and longing.
Of course, the natural progression of things had no mercy for just how precious the moment was. Jace could feel her insides tightening around him and his own, eventual climax approaching. The spell would come undone once they finished. The magic of the moment would dissipate, and the two of them would be faced with the fact they were living lives that actively kept them apart.
"J-Jace... I'm-" Liliana stammered, looking up at him with a half-lidded gaze that, despite that, was full of the same emotions he was feeling. The moment was ending, and she could only grab onto him tighter in response.
"I know... me, too." Jace grunted, picking up the pace to match the growing feeling of pleasure. Heat and the volume of their moans rising, the dread of their parting was drowned out for a moment that felt like it lasted an eternity by passion and pleasure. In that moment, they lived and died, every last bit of loved completely exposed. And as the two of them came, nearly in unison, they called out one another's names as if the other was somewhere in the distance instead of in their arms.
It wouldn't be long before that would be a reality, after all.
Jace awoke to morning light glaring at him through an uncovered window, warming his bare body as he slowly opened his eyes- and immediately sat up. Liliana, who had fallen asleep in his arms, was nowhere to be seen. She was nowhere on the bed, or his room or, upon further inspection, the rest of his living quarters. Like a ghost, she had completely vanished, leaving no proof that she had even come through in the first place.
"...Liliana..." Jace muttered in defeat, looking to the door that she had no doubt left out of. She'd promised him answers the night before, but she hadn't even stayed long enough for him to wake up. Maybe this was just a force of habit for her- to never really, fully tell the truth. Or maybe this was her way of getting back at him, despite the words they'd shared the night before. Now he could taste the bitter tang of rejection- and he had to admit, it wasn't a flavor he'd ever be able to acquire himself to.
But then he caught sight of a paper lying on his desk that hadn't been there before (as disorganized as his entire place was, there was a method to it all, and he knew exactly what and where everything was). Upon further inspection is was a quickly scrawled note, like the writer had been in a hurry.
"Jace, I'm sorry I couldn't stay to answer any of your questions. I can't allow you to pry any more than you have and draw you any deeper into my own problems. If I had my way I'd rather you not even know what you know already at all. I love you, I missed and will continue to miss you, but I won't dare endanger your life by asking for your help. I can live with being lonely, knowing your worlds away, but I wouldn't be able to live with losing you. As much as it pains me, I ask that you stay away.
"I love you, Jace, but I need to keep you at a distance, so the next time we meet I can say that to your face and not a grave stone. I hope, until then, your feelings remain unchanged. I know mine will."
Jace sighed, bothered both by the fact he hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye and the sinking feeling that he wouldn't be able to fulfill Liliana's request, as much as he wanted to. He'd made a promise to himself, and even though he was bound on Ravnica he was determined to keep it. He would have a hand in freeing Liliana from her curse, no matter how much danger it put him in.
But maybe her loneliness would become too much for her, and she'd find herself wandering about Ravnica again, looking for him. He could only hope.
