WARNING!: This fic is utter crack. It contains adult situations, abuse of people, pokemon, and toys. If you are offended by any of the above, are under 18, this type of material is illegal in your area, or any combination of the above, LEAVE NOW! For everyone who's left, this is your last chance to leave the demented labyrinth that is my mind.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
The Continuing Adventures of Ash's Toys
Where we learn some of Ash's secrets and more about James than we ever wanted to know.
The tents appeared to be abandoned as James quietly (somehow) snuck towards them. Team Reject had been having horrible luck as of late and anything they could steal, be it food or pokemon, would be of immense help. Finding the twerps' tents by the riverside, unwatched, was a true blessing in the purple-haired man's eyes. After silently slinking up to the first tent, he slowly slid the zipper partially down, and peered inside. Seeing no one but a disgruntled sleeping bag inside, he finished opening the tent and made for the unguarded backpacks. The primary twerp's (A.K.A.: Ash's) backpack was already partially unzipped, almost as if something had been hastily jammed inside. Hoping for a pokeball or a quickly hidden snack, James opened the bag with glee. "Oh ho, what do we have here?" He mused aloud, certain that no one was around. Pulling out the first object he could grab, the one that had been quickly jammed into the bag, James found an object that he didn't really expect.
"Well, what do you know? I do believe I have just caught the twerp's-"
Before James could finish his musings, he heard several voices approaching the tent. Not wishing to be discovered, James made a quick exit and hurried back to his team's camp as quickly and quietly as possible.
Having approached from the opposite side of the tent, Ash, Dawn, and Brock failed to see the retreating member of Team Reject, and it wouldn't be until night that they discovered that their belongings had been tampered with.
-Team Reject's Camp-
"Just where have you been, James?"
James held up his hands in defense. "Well, you know how I said I was going to find something to eat?"
"Yes." Jessie answered, her impatience evident.
"Well, I found the twerps' tent." James continued. "Since there was no one was around, I thought I would try and steal some of their food."
"All right, so what did you get?"
"Well, I do believe that I have successfully captured the twerp's penis." James concluded.
Jessie looked dumbfounded. "Just how did you manage that?"
James just shrugged. "Would you believe that the twerp simply left it lying around in his backpack?"
Jessie leaned forward, her eyes gleaming greedily. "So, where is it? Let me see it!"
James suddenly pulled his hands back, placing his body between Jessie and his ill-gotten prize. "No! It's my penis now and I'll do what I want with it!"
Jessie pouted. "Oh, come off it! I'll give it back!"
James relented. "Oh, very well." He brought his hands back in front of him, revealing a flesh-colored object, roughly seven inches long and three inches around. Near the base, written in waterproof marker, was the name 'A. Ketchum'.
Jessie snatched it out of James' hands and brought it to her face. "Ohh, so this is what a penis looks like!"
James snatched it back. "Will you cut that out! That's not how you use a penis!"
Jessie crossed her arms under her bust, pissed. "Fine, show me how to use it then!"
James looked nervous for a moment, before an evil gleam appeared in his eye. "Fine, I guess I'll just have to!"
Just as he was reaching for the hem of Jessie's skirt, Meowth, who had been cat-napping on the other side of the bush the two humans had been arguing next to, popped his head up. "What the hell are you two idiots doing?"
While James looked like he had something stuck in his throat, Jessie wasn't ruffled in the slightest. "James here managed to steal the twerp's penis and was just getting ready to show me how to use it."
Meowth took one look at said object and sweatdropped. "That's not a penis." He finally managed to say.
James suddenly looked confused. "It's not?"
Meowth had to resist the urge to smack the wanna-be bishounen with full claw extension. "No, it's not a penis, dickhead, it's a dildo!"
James suddenly looked thoughtful. "A dildo? Why would the twerp have something like that?"
Meowth looked like he deflated. "Wait a minute, you know what a dildo is but you don't know what a penis is?"
James gave Meowth an odd look. "Of course I know what a dildo is. Jessiebell has quite the collection of them, most of them modeled after moi. A dildo is something a woman uses for her own pleasure, and as such there's no reason for the twerp to have anything like that, and that means that it can only be a penis, which can be used to pleasure both sexes."
Meowth gave James a deadpan look. "A penis is a dick, numbskull, and it's attached."
Something akin to realization appeared in James' eyes. "Oh, so penis is simply a different name for a cock. That makes so much more sense now."
Jessie, who felt somewhat out of the loop here, held up the offending object. "So, what is this then?"
Meowth really had to resist the urge to slap her. "Isn't it obvious? It's a dildo!"
Jessie looked at the offending dildo. "Okay then, but if what James said about dildos being used by women is true, and this belongs to the twerp, then that must mean…"
Realization, perhaps for the first time, dawned upon Team Reject. "The twerp is a –"
-Back at the trainers' camp-
"So, turning in already?" Brock asked as Ash moved to the tent.
Ash rubbed the back of her head, giving a quiet nervous laugh. "Yeah, guess all that training today wore me out."
Pikachu, riding its trainer's shoulder, gave a long-suffering, but knowing, sigh.
Brock just nodded, his eyes, as always, unreadable. "Fair enough. Good night."
Ash just continued her nervous chuckle as she continued into the tent. After zipping the tent, Ash quickly moved to her backpack as Pikachu dislodged itself from her shoulder. "Sorry, buddy, but it's time to finish that show I promised you that got so rudely interrupted earlier."
Reaching into the backpack, Ash started to fish around for a certain well-loved object of enjoyment. After a minute of searching, and not finding, Ash started to worry.
"Okay, I know I threw it into my backpack when Brock 'woke' us up for training, so where did it go?"
In desperation, Ash flipped the bag upside down and dumped its contents all over the floor of her tent, with a silent 'Where the hell is it!'. Finally conceding defeat, Ash unzipped the tent and poked her head back outside.
"Hey, Dawn? Did you borrow my 'toy'?"
Dawn looked up from her normal ministrations of her beloved Piplup. "Huh? No. Why?"
Ash started to look even more nervous. "I can't find it anywhere!"
Brock looked back towards the tent. "What kind of toy was it? Maybe I can help?"
Ash really started to look nervous now. "N-no, that's fine, I'll find it by myself!" She stammered.
Brock just raised an eyebrow. "Okay, whatever you say, Ash."
Ash pulled her head back inside her tent. Turning to Pikachu, she simply sat down.
"What am I going to do now? What if someone actually finds it? Why the hell did I write my name on it?"
Pikachu walked up to its trainer and patted her on the back, a slow "Piiiiikaaa" escaping.
Ash relaxed a little. "Thanks, buddy. And since I did promise you a show-"
-The next day, Team Reject's camp-
"So, what are we going to do with this?" Jessie asked, twirling a certain object between her fingers.
Meowth gave her a sideways look. "If you're not going to use it, get rid of it."
Jessie looked at the dildo for a moment. "Hah, like I'd stoop so low as to use something that's been between the legs of that cross-dressing little twerpette."
With that, Jessie tossed the toy behind her, throwing it deep into the woods that they were hiding in.
As the toy flew threw the forest, it smacked into the side of a small, odd colored Ratatta. Seeing only the odd, fleshy looking thing around it, the small rat pokemon sniffed it once and, finding the odor lingering to it to its liking, grabbed onto it. Sadly, in the pokemon's distraction, it hadn't noticed the young trainer who had been sneaking up on it. "Great Ball, go!"
After being forced inside the capsule, the poor rat had little chance to escape the reinforced capture system. Since the young trainer already had six pokemon in his party, the newly captured dildo-holder was instantly transported to Prof. Oak's laboratory via the Pokemon Transfer System. Upon arriving at the lab, the good Professor released the small rat from its confinement.
"Well, well, a shiny Ratatta! I haven't seen one in ages! And to think that Gold of all people was the one to catch it." The Professor rambled, beginning his physical examination of his new charge. It didn't take the doctor long to discover the toy in the rat's possession.
"A dildo? What would a pokemon want with something like this?" Taking the toy from the pokemon, Prof. Oak found the name written near the base.
"A. Ketchum? Wait, she lost another one? When will the dear child learn? Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to send it back to her when she sends for another pokemon swap." Placing the dildo next to the pokeball rack with Ash's picture, Prof. Oak turned back to the rat. "Now, let's get you all the appropriate shots, shall we?"
After the professor left the room, two of his younger assistants walked in.
"Should we really be doing this?" Assistant Number One, a male, asked quietly.
"Don't worry, I've done this dozens of times!" Assistant Number Two, a female responded. "After all, it's not like we're stealing any of them!"
"But what if the Professor finds out?" Number One asked.
"Don't worry! After all, in pokeballs or not, all of them need a little love now and then too!" Number two retorted.
"Out of context, that can sound just plain wrong." Number one deadpanned.
Number two simply stared at her colleague. "Now who has the dirty mind?" she asked.
Moving towards the pokeball racks, Number two began musing aloud. "Now, where is that Snorlax?"
Finally coming to Ash's rack, Number Two's eyes fell upon our favorite toy. "Helllooo, now, what do we have here?"
Number one hurried over. "What did you find? A super-rare pokemon? A legendary?"
Number two started to laugh. "I found," she began, picking up and lifting the dildo to view. "A very interesting toy."
Number one looked like he was about to choke. "W-why would the Professor have something like that?" he managed.
Number two just laughed at her co-worker's distress. "It probably came in on a pokemon, and he just hasn't gotten rid of it yet." She said, a smile crossing her face. "But that doesn't mean that we can't have a little fun with it before he does."
Before Number one could come up with an answer, Two had already shed her lab coat and grabbed her colleague into a rather intense kiss.
Twenty minutes (And quite a few moans) later, the toy was replaced on the pokeball rack, one with a picture of a certain female gym leader next to it!
-The next morning-
"What can I do for you, Ms. Waterflower?" one of Oak's many assistants asked the young gym leader over the vid phone.
"I'd like you to transfer Staryu over. I need it for one of my upcoming battles."
The assistant nodded. "Very well, I'll send it right over for you."
Walking over to the pokeball rack, the assistant saw a note left next to our favorite toy. 'To be sent with next transfer.' Not really wanting to know why, but not wanting to disobey orders, the assistant picked up the toy, found the appropriate pokeball, and attached the dildo via the item feature. Not wasting any time, the lab rat placed the pokeball in the transfer unit, typed in the appropriate coordinates, and hit 'send'.
"Your pokemon is on its way, ma'am."
On the other end, there was a flash of light in the receiver, and the ball appeared.
"Thanks again." Misty said to the assistant, before hanging up. Picking up the ball, Misty smirked.
"Been a while, but you and I are gonna kick some butt, Staryu!" the young leader cackled madly as she released the star-shape pokemon.
Upon its release, Staryu, who lacked arms or claws to hold it, dropped the toy that had been attached to it.
"What's this?" Misty mused as she bent to take a closer look. Picking up the toy, she couldn't help but muse aloud. "Well, you look familiar…"
Turning the toy over, the gym leader burst out laughing. "Oh, I remember you! I can't believe Ash lost you again!"
Continuing her mad laugh, Misty motioned to her pokemon to follow her as she made her way to the gym's private hotspring, shedding clothing as she went.
"Well, lacking my favorite fuck partner, I think you'll do as an excellent substitute."
Thirty minutes (and a lot of fun) later, Misty was sitting on the side of her all natural hotspring in all her natural beauty, mildly exhausted.
"I got to say, you're not quite as good as Ash, but not bad in a pinch." The gym leader patted the toy sitting beside her. "Speaking of which, I should probably look her up again. She's gotta have what, at least seven badges now? That definitely deserves a reward of some kind. Maybe I should get that mega double ended thing she was looking at back in Johto?"
During her musings, Misty accidently knocked the toy into the draining stream from the hotspring. Immediately seeing her mistake, the water trainer lunged for the toy, but was to slow to rescue it as the current quickly swept it away from the girl.
"Just great, now I'll have to get her a new one." Misty pouted.
The toy, being made primarily of rubber, was buoyant, and was quickly swept out to the river outside of Cerulean City. Once it reached the river, it struck a rock that sent it flipping through the air. After flipping for several feet, it struck the head of a Dragonair. The pokemon, mildly surprised at being attacked by an inanimate object, decided to grab it and take it back to its master. Maybe she could explain what this odd thing was? The trip to the Den, a travel that would take most people, and pokemon, a full day, took this dragon only an hour.
Upon entering the Den, the Dragonair slid up to its Master, who was bathing in the private baths of the Master Trainers.
Clair eyed the Dragonair as it slid into the baths. "You're back sooner than expected. Did something happen?" she asked.
In response, the Dragonair placed the toy at its Master's feet, almost with a bowing motion. After it did, it used the end of its tail to point at the toy, then at the bruise on its head.
Taking the hint, Clair picked the toy up. "This did that to you? An odd thing indeed."
Turning the toy over in her hand, Clair finally came to the name on its side.
"A. Ketchum? As in Ash Ketchum? Quite interesting, indeed." She turned to the dragon who was waiting patiently upon her. "Thank you for bringing this to me. You can go now."
The dragon made its odd bow again, then, as it turned to leave, it looked back at its Master. Was that desire it smelled?
Clair noted the bewildered look upon the dragon's face, then followed its gaze to herself. "Ah. Don't worry, I can relieve myself of this."
The Dragon, noting that this dismissal was final, turned and left the bath.
Clair looked down at the toy in her hand, then at the wetness pouring from between her thighs, and this most positively didn't come from the baths. "Well, don't look a gift from a dragon in the mouth." She mumbled, then got to work.
Almost an hour later, Clair lounged on a chair in her personal den, her only clothing her over-elaborate scarf loosely draped over her. Looking at the toy in her hand, she had to debate with herself. On the one hand, the toy was very nice to have on hand, but on the other hand it wasn't legally hers.
"Hmmm, decisions, decisions." She mumbled.
Finally, she concluded that it would be wrong to hold on to the toy, regardless of how much fun it was for her. Well, from water to water and all that.
Without bothering to robe herself, Clair walked over to her writing desk, picked up a pencil and began writing a quick note. After finding it to her satisfaction, Clair picked up an empty bottle from the nearby nightstand, rolled up the note around the dildo, and placed both inside the bottle. After corking the bottle, Clair turned to the pool in the center of the room.
"Dragonair, I have a mission for you."
The serpentine dragon rose from the pool at its Master's bidding, again making its odd bow to her.
Handing the bottle to the dragon, Clair gave her instructions. "I want you to take this to Ash Ketchum. She is in the Sunnyshore area of the Sinnoh region. You're free to return at any speed you wish."
The Dragon, accepting its mission, bowed once more before diving into the pool.
-Two days later, With Ash and Co.-
Ash stopped by the window, eyeing the wares. Ever since her toy went missing, she'd been overly frustrated that she couldn't get off by herself, and it had started to show in her training. She snapped at the slightest of things, and it wasn't helping that Brock was starting to catch on, or that her so called 'one size fits all' corset was starting to not be enough to keep an androgynous look. For her own sanity, and the safety of her team, she was out to find a new toy.
After passing nearly a dozen novelty stores, she was about to give up hope finding anything in her style when she literally ran into someone walking out a suddenly opened door.
After staggering to her feet, and allowing Pikachu to reclaim its perch on her shoulder, Ash began to round on the other person.
"Why don't you watch were you're going!"
The other person responded as she also staggered to her feet. "Me? Why don't you watch… it…"
Ash's eyes widened when she realized just who she had bumped into. "Misty?"
"Ash? Is that really you?"
Ash simply grabbed the other girl in a bear hug. "Of course it's me! Where have you been? Better yet, what are you doing here?"
Misty started giggling as she broke free from the hug. "Looking for you, actually. I found, and accidently lost, something of yours, so I decided I'd get you a replacement."
Ash stopped at that. "Wait, found and lost something of mine? I don't get it."
Misty's giggles turned into a full laugh. "I found your little 'friend', but it wound up floating away from me in the hotsprings. Since I lost it, the least I could do was get you a new one. And I wanted to see you again, after all, it's been almost two years."
Ash looked dumbfounded. "How did that end up all the way back in Kanto? I lost it three days ago on the way to Sunnyshore."
Misty shrugged. "I don't know, but one of Prof. Oak's lab rats sent it to me with Staryu, so it probably got sent there by a trainer whose new pokemon had just picked it up."
Ash simply shivered. "And you used it, even after knowing it came from there? Even if I find it again the only thing I'm going to do with it is burn it."
Misty smiled. "Well, it's a good thing I got you a new one, then. Feast your eyes on the biggest model legally available in all of Sinnoh!" At that, she lifted a long object out of the opaque black bag she was carrying. "Twenty-five inches long, five around, double-ended, seven speed fun!"
Ash began to sport a smile of her own. "Double-ended? Well, I may just have to 'thank' you for getting it for me."
At that, the two girls started back to the hotel that the traveling trio had rented for the night.
-At the Hotel-
Brock was humming quietly as he fixed lunch. It had been almost an hour since Ash had gone off to find a new 'toy', and he was sure that the fiery trainer would have quite an appetite upon her return. A sudden knock at the balcony door, however, brought the breeder out of his thoughts. Turning to the balcony, he saw a Dragonair tapping at the sliding glass door.
"Hello," Brock started, opening the door. "What brings you here?"
In response, the dragon brought the jar around its neck to Brock's face level. Taking the hint, Brock took the jar.
"A letter for Ash? Well, I'll make sure she gets it, okay?"
The Dragon nodded once, turned back to the open air, and took flight. Seeing that he was alone for the moment, and deciding that Ash wouldn't mind to much if he looked at her letter, he opened the bottle.
-Thirty minutes later-
"Hey, Brock! Look who's back!" Ash called as she entered the hotel room. Getting no response but the boiling pot in the kitchenette, Ash and Misty both rushed into the room.
As they rounded the counter of the kitchenette, they found Brock moaning on the floor.
"Brock!"
Ash moved to stop the fire hazard on the stove as Misty moved to help the downed breeder.
"What happened to you?" Misty asked, trying to bring Brock around.
"C-can't… b-believe…" Brock stuttered out
Ash moved to the Breeder's side. "Can't believe what? What happened?"
"Letter… for you…"
"What letter?" Ash asked.
"Brought… by a dragon… I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT MORE IN THREE DAYS THAN I'VE GOTTEN IN THREE YEARS!" Brock finally shouted, sitting bolt upright and grabbing Ash's jacket.
"Wait, what? What did I get more of? Sleep?" Ash asked, holding Brock back.
"Read the letter!" he shouted, pointing at the bottle on the ground.
Ash complied, unrolling the letter. As she did, a round object fell out of the bottle into her hand.
After skimming the letter, then looking at the object in her hand, to looking at the letter again, Ash suddenly froze and made an odd, chocking-wheezing noise.
"What's wrong?" Misty asked, seeing the pained expression on her lover's face.
Unable to form a coherent sentence at the moment, Ash simply handed Misty the note and promptly dropped the toy. Pointing at the toy, Ash finally managed an order to her mousy partner. "Destroy!"
Pikachu quickly obliged with a thundershock that left little but a melted pile of rubber and plastic.
While Ash destroyed the toy, Misty read the note.
Dear Ash,
One of my dragons found this in the river outside of Cerulean City. Since your name is written on it, I can only assume that it's yours, and how it came to be in the river is of little concern to me.
While such things don't bother me, you may like to know that this object of enjoyment has changed hands no less than six times, and has been used by at least three of that number, since it left your hands. Use this information however you see fit.
Sincerely yours,
Clair
P.S.- As a side note, I believe I finally know what your name is short for.
Misty stood with her mouth agape for a moment, before finally bursting out laughing in understanding of why Ash had just ordered the destruction of her former favorite toy.
Brock finally managed to stand on his own. "So, you owe me."
Ash snapped out of her stupor. "I owe you nothing! It's not my fault you strike out with every breathing female you come across!"
Misty had to agree with that. "Ash is right. And don't you dare tell me that Professor Ivy didn't put out while we were in the Orange Archipelago."
"Don't… mention… that… name!" Brock mourned, as he slowly melted to the floor in a dead faint.
Ash simply stared at the quivering mass on the floor. "That was… easier than I thought."
Misty just giggled. "Well, you want to try this new one out in the bedroom."
Ash shot one more glare at the mass formerly known as her right hand man, then another at the other quivering mass that called itself her right hand man.
"Sounds good to me."
A/N: Have to admit, this is my first attempt at anything patently adult oriented. If you liked it, drop me a review. If you try really hard, I might do the next scene with Ash and Misty, but it will take quite a bit of persuasion on your part. So hit the review button already! As always, this is Shining Pheonix, signing off.
