Title: Secrets, Duty, and Love

Title: Secrets, Duty, and Love

Author: PiperBAnne PiperBAnne@aol.com

Summary: Mac's only loyalty may not be the JAG corps. And when she is called her duty may have to come before her family.

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. We all love them but CBS owns them and an even smarter man created them.

JAG Headquarters

"Harm just give it up. Renee is growing on you." There was the sweet sound of Mac and Harms teasing each other, something that hasn't been heard in the office for quite some time.

"Renee and I have an understanding. But I am sure that she is not the one I can spend the rest of my life with." The office workers were working around them but listening at the same time. It was a nice change to have them back to their old antics. Harriet was amused the most. She was not hiding the fact that she was watching them walk to their offices. Just as they stopped outside the Colonel's door Harriet's phone rang.

"JAG Headquarters. How may we help you?" "Yes, Sir. Hold on please."

"Colonel? The phone is for you. They didn't mention who it was."

She smiled at one of her closest friends in the office. Things were getting back to normal, she thought.

"Thanks Harriet. I'll pick it up in my office." Harm followed her into her office leaning against the frame. He was watching her pick up the phone and watched the smile on her face drop. She looked up at him, and gave him a forced smile.

"Harm. I need to take this. Can I meet you for lunch?" He was worried at the emotion he saw in her eyes. He couldn't figure out if it was fear, sadness, or confusion.

"Sure. I'll come get you when I'm ready."

She watched as Harm made his way to his office and smiled at him when he looked back in concern. Shutting the door softly, she sighed and returned to the phone.

"Yes?" Sarah sat at her desk looking at her picture of the whole office group at Harriet and Buds wedding party. A look of sadness overcame her features, as she touched the photo.

"I understand sir." "No I will report this afternoon." "I know. No contact." "Yes Sir."

There was a click on the other end of the phone. Mac sighed and blinked back tears as she packed up the photo and the other personal items she held in her office. She put the in a small gym bag she keeps in her bottom drawer, so her packing wasn't obvious when she left.

"Tiner is the Admiral available?" Sarah doesn't remember ever being so nervous while entering her CO's office.

"Yes ma'am. Go on in."

Tiner looked back down at his work as he watched her close the office door.

"Colonel, at ease. What is it you needed to see me about?"

He watched his obvious nervous lawyer.

"Sir, I need to ask for the afternoon off. It is a personal matter."

He wanted to ask why, but could tell from her composure that he would not get a straight answer.

"Request granted. Have a nice afternoon Colonel."

Mac was relieved he didn't ask too many questions.

"Thank you sir." Just as she was about to leave she turned back around to address the Admiral.

"Permission to speak freely sir?"

He looked up from his work. "Speak what you want Colonel."

"I think you do a great job here Admiral and you will be around longer then SecNav, and his threats to you. Of that I am sure."

Admiral AJ C. wasn't sure how to respond to her. He settled for a smile and a "Thank you Mac." He tried to dismiss the uneasy feeling that overcame him as he watched her leave.

Later that Afternoon

Harm went to knock on Mac's office door when Bud came up behind him.

"The colonel left for the day sir."

"Did she say where she was going Bud?"

He was worried ever since he saw her pick up the phone. Harm had to leave shortly after that for court so he didn't get to see her leave.

"No sir. She just came out of the Admirals office, packed her stuff, said goodbye to Harriet and I, then left. Come to think of it, she was acting a little weird. In the way she said goodbye and all."

"Thanks Bud."

Harm walked into his office and shut the door. It would be a dead end talking to the admiral. He knew their CO would think he was over reacting and dismiss him from the office. 'She is fine. Just took a day.' He told himself. 'Then why do I feel like something is wrong.'

As he sat down he noticed an envelope on his desk. It was addressed to him in Mac's handwriting. He couldn't bring himself to open the letter right away. After staring at it for a few minutes he broke the seal. What he read inside made his heart skip.

Dear Harm,

I am sorry that this is how things are revealed to you. A letter isn't enough to express to you how much I care for you. Our relationship was so estranged since Australia. I never meant to hurt you when I excepted Mic's ring. When he asked I told him no. Mic told me to keep it on my right hand for awhile until and if I was ready. My fear of loosing someone and being alone again is the only reason I can think of, when explaining the movement of his ring from on hand to another. Mic is good to me Harm and if I allowed myself to really open up to him I could fall in love with him. But Harm, I could never love him the way you have taken my heart. No man has ever stood up for me and stayed with me like you have. There have been times when I wanted nothing more then to yell at you for you to notice me, or kick your six from here to Antarctica, but I knew it wouldn't help any. You hold your heart close to you. We have both been hurt in our childhood, both loosing parents. But we reacted differently to the experience. You keep yourself from getting too close to care fully. I was once like that if you remember. Tried that tactic when I met you, and after my experience with Chris. Before you I sought any comfort in a relationship, wanted to be with another. This blinded me to truths about those I was with, Chris, was no better then my father. But Harm, you scared me. I tried so hard to be the tough marine you thought I was. Running from my past and hiding all my feelings. After a few months with you I felt myself opening up and truly caring again. Then there was Bud and Harriet; whose hearts are big enough to swallow anyone whole. You can tell them that for me Harm. Tell them I love them, and know that I love you. Even the Admiral has entered his own corner in my heart, and Webb; well Webb isn't as tough as he looks. He is a good friend to us Harm; he just has a funny way of showing it. Let him be your friend in my absence, and try not to let the Admiral beat on him again. Knowing you will ask him about me, understand if he turns down any news. He may not know. I don't know where I am going or when I'll be back. I want to come back to you.

Take care of my family Harm. JAG is the only family I have.

Love, Sarah

He read the latter over and over again. Not wanting to accept the obvious, she was gone. No reason, no hug goodbye, just gone. That he can not except.

MAC'S APARTMENT

Harm raced as fast as he could to her place. He left the office so fast the Admiral will probably punish him leaving everything unfinished. But he wasn't worried about that. The only unfinished business he was worried about was Mac. He noted that her lights were out, but pounded on her door anyway. After there was no answer, Harm let himself into the apartment with her spare key that she keeps above her door. His Marine always comes prepared.

The apartment was quiet and still. Everything but her pictures remained untouched, they were no where to be seen. The closet and drawers still full, with her clothes, and the room still smelled of her. There was no sign of her or her destination. As Harm turned off the apartment lights and began to shut the door, something on her desk across the room shined from the hallway light. Moving to the desk, he found the proof he needed that she wasn't coming back to her place. There on the desk was her engagement ring to Mic.

JAG Headquarters

Four Weeks Later

After that day four weeks ago there was no word from Mac. The Admiral and Harm both tried to open a missing case on her, but kept being denied by the SecNav. There was a quiet atmosphere around everyone at JAG. Everyone feared the worst and hoped for the best. Webb even came to Harm one day at his office. Telling him that he really knew nothing but that Harm would be the first to know when he did.

Harm wanted to take off and look for her, but he didn't know where to start. Since no missing persons case was able to be open, and she was not declared AWOL led him to the conclusion that this was an official matter. All he was able to do was wait and see what happened. He broke things off with Renee and buried himself in his work. Harm looked up into the bullpen and his attention was drawn to three uniformed Marines who entered, one carrying a folded flag. Bud pointed them to his office while he stood and exited his office. The whole office stopped work.

"Commander Rabb?" The senior officer asked.

"Yes." God he feared what the man was about to say.

"We present this flag to you for Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, who died in honor for her country. We are sorry for your loss."

The Admiral was summoned out of his office by Tiner. He stood silent and shocked at the presentation before him.

"I don't understand. What happened to her?" Harm was overcome with sadness and confusion at the same time, and looked at the man with disbelief.

"It is a classified matter, sir. There is no body to bury do to the nature of the situation of her death. She was a good officer, and a benefit to our country."

One of the other officers stood forward from behind his senior officer and handed a bag to Harm. "These are some of her personal items recovered from where she was stationed. I worked with her sir, she spoke of you very much sir."

The office watched as the three Marines turned and left. No one had the energy to stop them. All were too shocked to speak. The only noise heard was the sound of the Commanders door shutting softly.

THE END?

MAYBE, BUT PROBABLY NOT