I took an unofficial break from the internet world to focus more on the real world, which was a nice breather. In fact, I rid of the plot bunnies, that full on attacked me just now when I opened my FF email account. Oh God. I'm back. I have never felt better. I'm not sure how my writing will be, since it's been a month, but I just need to get this out.
Note: I've been listening to Cameron Mitchell's version of You Could Be Happy, which inspired all of this.
Disclaimer: You Could Be Happy belongs to its respective owner, as does Glee.
"Kurt, it's been a while since I've heard a 'Mr. Schue, if I may?' coming from anyone besides me," Rachel said, sliding into the plastic seat next to a sulking Kurt, "Are you okay? I know that we're not the closest of friends, but I figure that our bond has to count for something. It's nearly October, usually we'd be having diva offs by now, but instead you're quietly sitting in the corner. Is it Bla–"
"I'm fine, Rachel," Kurt irately said upon hearing the opening syllable of his name, "Now, if you don't mind, I prefer to sit quietly in the corner."
Rachel nodded, turning her body towards the front of the room, making Kurt roll his eyes.
"Alone," Kurt sharply added, as Rachel gave him a sad glance, before going to her usual front row seat.
Kurt didn't mean to push her away, but it just happened. It was like all of the internal pain of his physically broken heart was just being lashed out at other people, who didn't deserve it. And, it most certainly didn't help that he couldn't express himself in song because that's when the pain really flared up in his chest.
"Mr. Schuester, if I may?" Rachel called out the second he walked into the room, gaining a solid eyeroll from Santana. Rachel brushed it off, before continuing, "Now, while I know that we have all equally gained our spots in Glee Club, I believe that we should have a reevaluation of sorts to make sure that everyone is still up to par."
"Now, why would I want to do that? I have a kickass voice and we all know it," Santana sassed, causing Rachel's head to not so nonchalantly flinch back towards Kurt in the corner.
"I've written another song, but this one is about Lord Tubbington," Brittany shyly said, "I think it could win us Nationals this year."
"I don't think that's a bad idea, Rachel," Mr. Schue said, ignoring Brittany as usual, "Besides, I have a scheduled audition for tomorrow, which will be perfect for the occasion."
"Good," Rachel said, abruptly clapping her hands together, "We should all pick songs to express our innermost feelings that we can't get out on our own."
Kurt was done. He's left the room with a loud slam of the door to mark his exit.
...
"Kurt, you're the last one," Mr. Schue said, catching Kurt's despondent expression.
"What about the audition?" Kurt feebly asked, as Brittany smiled over the fact that Ursula hadn't stolen his voice like in The Little Mermaid.
"He's running a bit late with another club, but he should be here as you finish," Mr. Schue said, as Kurt nodded. He walked to the front of the room, motioning for Puck and his guitar to join him.
Kurt took in a deep breath, as Puck started the acoustic intro. It took everything he had to keep his feet planted, so he didn't bolt out the door. He knew from the beginning of this assignment that this was going to break him right in front of everyone, but maybe this is what he needed to heal. Or maybe he was some sort of martyr / masochist.
"You could be happy and I won't know," Kurt sang, his voice nearly catching, as he struggled to push on, "But, you weren't happy the day I watched you go."
It nearly broke Rachel's heart into a million tiny pieces as she realized that it was about Blaine. And, it wasn't a good thing.
"And all the things that I wish I had not said are played in loops till it's madness in my head," Kurt sang, his voice sounding more broken than he had ever conjured up before, "Is it too late to remind you of how we were? But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur."
Kurt squeezed out a tear, which he quickly swiped at. He ultimately decided that he was a masochist as it felt like his heart was literally being ripped from his chest, and yet he forced himself to continue with the song.
"Most of what I remember makes me sure, I should have stopped out from walking out the door," Kurt's voice quivered as he sang with tears freely cascading down his cheeks, "You could be happy, I hope you are. You made me happier than I've been by far."
It was in that moment that the choir room door silently opened behind Kurt, making Rachel's secondhand broken heart squeeze even tighter in her chest.
"Somehow everything I own smells of you, and for the tiniest moment, it's all not true," Kurt sang as a pitiful smile shone through his slight crying fiasco.
Kurt knew that it was pathetic to feel like this, since Blaine had wanted Kurt to be able to experience other people, since Blaine would be doing his Senior Year Study Abroad project from October to April, since Kurt agreed to let him go. It ended with periods of silence broken by cutting words. And, to Kurt's knowledge, he was the only broken heart in the situation.
"Do the things that you always wanted to without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do," Kurt sang, his voice taking on more venom than pity, "More than anything I want to see you take a glorious bite out of the whole world."
A heavy silence cocooned the room leaving an awkward tension that could have been spliced with a spoon. Kurt wiped at the tear trails, before deciding that he needed no applause, since he just released all of his inner turmoil that was quickly pulling him apart at the seams.
"I'm here for my audition," A voice spoke up from the doorway. It was awfully familiar in the most painful way to Kurt's ear, which caused him to spin on the heel of his Doc Martens.
"I need to go," Kurt said, his boots pounding the tile as he raced for the other exit to the choir room. It was the one that wasn't being guarded by the one who ripped out his heart for breakfast.
...
"Kurt, sweetheart, you've got guests," Carole said, gently knocking on Kurt's bedroom door, which as of late was always shut and locked with him inside.
"I'm not feeling up to it," Kurt miserably said, raising his voice the slightest bit to be heard through the wooden door.
Recently, it was like wallowing in his own pity party was his favorite hobby. Now, Kurt was never one to sit and sulk, but he didn't know what else to do at this point. He tried to get over this, but it only intensified the pain, which wasn't worth it in his mind.
"Kurt, I made you vegan sugar cookies, just like you like," Rachel said from the other side of the door, "I even put those sprinkles that you adore on them. I'm not sure if I'd be able to cope with you rejecting my cookies. I understand ignoring me, but my time and sweat went –"
"I sure hope that you did not literally sweat in these," Kurt deadpanned, opening his door the slightest bit, which Rachel quickly pushed open further.
"I did not, but I figured that they'd help with the Bl" – Rachel stopped in the middle of his name because of Kurt's death glare and quickly set herself straight – "breakup, since cookies are a certified comfort food. Besides, I think you need someone to talk to. I'm here for you."
"I don't need to talk about it," Kurt shortly said, opening the Tupperware, and grabbing a sprinkled sugar cookie, "I just need time to let it all heal and go away."
"While that is very noble of you, I think it would be beneficial to get it all off of your chest," Rachel said, reaching for a cookie of her own.
"I disagree," Kurt said with a hard stare in her direction that shut her up.
"Then, can we just talk about school or Glee or something? I missed having our girl chats," Rachel said, curling herself up on Kurt's comforter, patting the seat next to her.
"You pick the topic," Kurt flippantly said, grabbing another cookie from the batch.
"You know what I want to talk about," Rachel lowly said, as if making a dangerous bargain.
"We broke up. Big deal. It happens all the time. You and Finn breakup and makeup like it's going out of style, which it is," Kurt agitatedly said, needing to busy his hands to keep his mind from wandering back to him. Kurt's subconscious always led him to think back to the boy that started his misery, and it always ended with him in melodramatic tears.
"It is a big deal," Rachel earnestly said, following Kurt over to his desk, where he was absently toying with papers, "What happened?"
"He didn't want me, or us, to be tied down while he was supposed to be in Europe for some study abroad program. But, he's not even in Europe and he wanted us to breakup anyway," Kurt rushed out, before tears pricked at his eyes, and Rachel gathered him in her arms.
"I'm sure that he has a perfectly acceptable reason for not going over to Europe with the program," Rachel tried to reason, as her hands worked soothing circles across his sputtering back.
"I did," Blaine's voice cut the silence, instantly making Kurt freeze up, as Rachel broke the embrace with Kurt.
"I don't want to hear it," Kurt brashly stated, walking into his en suite bathroom, as Rachel urged Blaine to follow.
"I couldn't go. I couldn't get on the plane. I couldn't do it," Blaine confessed, wanting to do nothing more than console Kurt at this point, but he refrained because they were still in uncharted territories.
"Why not?" Kurt asked in disbelief, doing his best to pull himself together because Blaine was not turning into a blubbering mess.
"I couldn't leave you here for six months," Blaine said, taking a tentative step towards Kurt, "I made up my mind about not going the night we broke up."
"Why –"
"I didn't want to say anything about my transfer until it was set in stone," Blaine interjected, "I'm not going anywhere. And, I know it won't be perfect, but I'd like to get back to where we were."
Kurt fervently nodded, nearly tackling Blaine in a hug, which sent the smaller boy reeling back into the vanity stand. Kurt clung to Blaine like he never had before, until his anger creeped back up as he peeled himself from Blaine. Kurt threw a solid Finn-esque punch into Blaine's bicep, "Don't ever scare me like that again."
"I won't. And, I wanted to start with an unofficial coffee date to the Lima Bean," Blaine said, holding out his hand for Kurt to accept or reject, and he was hoping for the former.
"Maybe I'll even let you kiss me," Kurt coyly joked, hesitating with taking Blaine's hand because he needed to issue a warning first, "But, you are not off the hook that easily for putting me through hell on Earth."
"I expected that much," Blaine said, his hand starting to get awfully lonely, "I truly am sorry, and I know that I'll have to work overtime to make all of our moments together extra special and happy to make up for that hell."
"As long as you understand this," Kurt said with a slight smile as he clasped his hand with Blaine's, which was working wonders for taking the tension out of his chest.
I suck. I know. It's clichéd and lame. But, hey, it's something. I love that song... and I'll probably beat myself up over using it for such a bleh storyline.
