Many people used to question as to why I would bring my girlfriend on these "adventures" with me. There's only one answer to that question, but it's one I cannot legally say.

I wish to kill her.

Yes, it's true. I hate my girlfriend. I didn't always hate her. In fact, I was very in love with her.

In March of 2010, I went over to my brother's house to pick up my moped that I had lent him, for his car had gone out. However, his garage was locked so I opened the door to his house and tried to find him to ask him where the key was. I walked into his bedroom and made the biggest discovery of my life.

My girlfriend was cheating on me with my brother.

I snuck back out of the house and went home. The next day I went back for the moped and my girlfriend was now gone. My brother gave me the keys to my moped and I killed him. It was quick. I was merciful, because he was my brother and only human, after all. My girlfriend was quite the wooer. I then took his body to a new playground being built down the street and dumped him in.

He still hasn't been discovered, but his absence was quickly noticed by my girlfriend who came over and ended things in a flurry of tears that obviously hadn't belonged to the break-up she was having with me, but the mysterious departure of her lover. I asked her why she was ending things and she said I wasn't adventurous enough.

I then told her to get on the moped and I would show her what true adventure was. Intrigued, she did as I asked. I'd wanted her to suffer as I killed her, but alas. I seem to never be able to kill her without endangering my precious life in the process.

One of these day, one of these long, endless days, I will succeed. We will no longer be known to the world as the adventurous couple, but I will be known as the irresponsible boyfriend.