Fine Wine

Chapter One

In the wee hours of the morning, a genius is at work. A sex genius, but a genius in what she does nonetheless. She typed away furiously at her trusty laptop, answering the questions that dumpers and dumpees ask themselves everywhere:

"Why is that when we can have our significant other, we don't want them, but when we can't have them, they become our unearthly desires and our forbidden fruit?"

*~*

"I miss him." Carrie Bradshaw slumped down in her seat, next to Samantha Jones, and across from Charlotte York and Miranda Hobbes. "I miss Aiden."

"Fuck men." Samantha said.

"Wait." Carrie held her hands up. "Was that a statement or a command?"

Samantha smiled. "I'm sorry girls, but my fucking days are over." Miranda leaned into Charlotte and dropped her fork. "Pinch me, because in a world where Sam won't fuck a guy is not reality."

Charlotte shook her head. "Just please don't tell me you're going back to being a lesbian, Sam?"

"Oh, hell no. I'm getting older. One month I have my period, one month I don't. I'm just not in the mood to fuck anymore. It's depressing." She took a bite of lettuce.

Carrie rubbed her head. "Samantha's libido is doubting itself. I read about it in Redbook. It's completely normal. You're normal, Sam. Sam, can you hear me? This is your good friend Carrie Bradshaw speaking. YOU'RE NORMAL."

"Last night," Sam confessed, "I watched a porno and didn't even get a twitch, let alone an orgasm."

Carrie cocked her head. "On second thought, we should be afraid. The apocalypse is coming and Samantha isn't."

Miranda snorted.

Sam sighed. "It's something I got to get used to. Every night, I used to fuck every Tom, Harry, and Dick--"

"Literally." Charlotte giggled. Carrie grinned.

"But it doesn't feel normal to me anymore." Sam went on. "I'm like the dick who couldn't stay hard."

"As opposed to The Little Engine That could?" Miranda questioned.

Sam's lip trembled. "I'm - I'm OLD." She wailed loudly and Carrie took her head under her arm and comforted her.

"Don't feel bad," Carrie said. "Most women have dry spells in their late thirties."

"Bullshit." Sam said. "I'm 41."

"What?" Charlotte asked. "Samantha, you're 41? Why did you lie to us?"

Sam wiped her eyes. "Because you guys wouldn't want to hang around with an old fart." She sniffled while Carrie dried her eyes with a linen napkin. The white linen was stained black from Sam's running mascara.

Miranda laughed. "You're not an old fart yet. You can still your control yours. But have you smelled the elderly people's farts on the bus and train? God damn it."

Carrie rolled her eyes. "Sweetie, you're acting silly." She rubbed her arms vigorously.

"I'm a fraud. I turned 41 on February 22." Sam sighed.

"You're a Pisces?" Carrie asked. "Cool. I am a Virgo, September 14th."

"I'm a Leo, August 4th." Charlotte grinned.

"I am the lovable Gemini, June 20th." Miranda sighed. She poked a potato.

Sam took a deep, long sigh. "Wonderful. I am a fucking fish who's sitting at a table with a virgin, a lion, and a pair of cynical twins."

Carrie took a piece of Sam's blonde hair and pulled it back. "Sweetie, we're all fine wine -- we get better with age."

*~*

Disclaimer: Darren Star owns SATC. I own nothing. I don't even know their birthdays. I just made them up to see what suited them.

A/N: Please review! This is my first SATC fic and I'd really like some feedback.