Skipper's Log – Cerberus Space Vehicle Normandy (SR-2)
Commander Isabel "Novabella" Shepard
January 22, 2185 –
I hate working for Cerberus, no matter how necessary it may be. After everything that happened before the Battle of the Citadel, I don't trust them one bit. The Illusive Man says that he has humanity's best interests at heart, but I've seen what Cerberus is capable of. I haven't forgiven them for the experiments they performed with the Rachni and the Thorian creepers. The Husks on Chasca. Corporal Toombs and Akuze. Admiral Kahoku. They may have brought me back, but that doesn't let them off the hook. Not in my book. One right doesn't make up for all their wrongs. Once this is all over, I'll make the Illusive Man pay for Cerberus's crimes. Until then, I'll put on a smile and play nice with Cerberus. But I won't be their puppet.
Although I wish the circumstances were different, I have to say that it's good to be back in space, back on a ship.
Back on the Normandy.
Like Dr. Chakwas, I've spent my whole life sailing in the black. Life's just not the same without the dull humming of the ship's engines to help lull you to sleep at night. I really sympathized with Tali when we served together on the old Normandy. I know just how she felt. This is what happens when you spend most of your life aboard starships.
Tali...
I miss having Tali aboard. Seeing her on Freedom's Progress really hit home just how far apart the old crew is now - and just how much has happened since my death. Some of the old hands came aboard to Cerberus, such as Joker and Dr. Chakwas. While I'm happy to have them on the new Normandy, having just those two aboard feels like I've just gone to my first academy reunion fifty years too late: there's too many people missing, too many ghosts amidst all the unfamiliar faces.
I may have been jumping from ship to ship since I was a little girl, and I've certainly been with a fairly diverse range of crews - both good and bad - during my days in the service, but Normandy was different. She was the best ship in the fleet with the best crew a captain could ask for. And she was mine, my first. A little after my dad took command of the Agincourt, he told me that your first command will hold a special place in your heart, even after you move on to newer, "better" ships in your career. After all, it's more than the ship that makes the command: it's the people too. Even without her fancy systems, the Normandy was a special ship, and her crew was like family to me. Seeing the Normandy in pieces on Alchera hurt a lot - more than I've let on to anyone.
After Elysium, I swore that I wouldn't lose another soldier in my command, and I lost twenty at Alchera. I know there wasn't anything more I could have done for the ship or for the crew, and beating myself up over it isn't going to bring the dead back from their graves. All I can do now is to remember the sacrifice they made while striving to do better, just as I did for Ash after Virmire, just as I always have. I'll fight the Reapers and I'll beat them - not just for humanity, and not just for me, but so that the whole galaxy doesn't have to go through what I did. There won't be another Elysium, another Virmire, or another Alchera. Not if I can help it.
The people that Cerberus has given me with the SR2 seem competent enough, but they aren't Alliance and they definitely aren't military (with a few exceptions). Mr. Jacob Taylor is one of those few. Jacob used to be with the Alliance for five years before joining with Cerberus. He distrusts Cerberus as much as I do, despite working with them. I hate to say it, but with a man like Jacob on my side, I might be able to tolerate working with Cerberus.
My "XO," Cerberus Operative Miranda Lawson - the woman responsible for my resurrection - seems like a decent person, once you cut through her frosty exterior. She was rather short with me when we first "met," but a few days on the Normandy seems to have helped thaw the Ice Queen. Although she's started to open up to me, she trusts the Illusive Man implicitly. She may take my orders, but she's made it clear her loyalties lie firmly with Cerberus - same with Jacob too, despite the doubts he's expressed. No matter how much I may like them, these people were my enemy not too long ago. Hell, I spent as much time fighting Cerberus as I did fighting Saren and the Reapers.
Because of that, I'm not going to be letting my guard down anytime soon. The Normandy SR-2 is a fine ship. Maybe even a little cozy. But I can't shake the feeling that this is all too good to be true. I feel like I'm staring down the mouth of a temperamental gift horse. Sooner or later, it's gonna kick me hard in the chest - once we finish with the Collector's, I imagine, though it could come whenever, knowing Cerberus. And when that time comes, I'm going to be ready.
