I could not believe how stupid i have been. Of course he didn't love me. He never did. He even told me so and he showed me that i was just a solution for his problems. Now you will ask who i am and who i'm speaking about. I am Kyoko Fuwa and 19 years old. I'm speaking about Shotaro Fuwa, or better known as Sho Fuwa, the singer. Now your next question is if we are related. The answer to that is that i am his wife. Yeah his wife but he only married me because it was the only way his parents would have let him go to Tokyo and become a singer. Now you ask why i would marry him knowing that. It's simple really; i loved him and i thought that he would love me too eventually and i wanted to help him achieve his dreams. He was the only one that didn't leave me, till now. My mom left me at the Fuwa's. She never wanted me. I was a burden to her and my father was never there. I was never good enough for her. I tried my very best in school but i would always be too tired to really concentrate on my tests because I stayed up till I couldn't stay awake anymore. So i never got full marks. I was still one of the best in class but it was never enough for her. That is why i clung to Sho he never left and he was the only friend i had. His parents raised me to become his wife and to help him with the ryokan, that his parents owned.

One day he told his parents his plans about going to Toyko and to become a singer. The Fuwa's of course didn't approve but eventually they came to an agreement. He and I would marry before he went to Tokyo and he had one year to prove that he could become a singer. They would provide us an apartment and we still had to go to high school and finish it regardless of him being a singer. We still had to provide for the living expenses like food, clothes and other things. We would keep the marriage a secret because if someone knew that he was married he wouldn't have a good chance at becoming a singer. I mean who would be his fan if they knew that he was already married and of the market. If he failed to get a contract from a company in one year we would have to go back and he would take over the ryokan without complain.

I know what you think, why would i accept this. Why would i let them decide about my life and why would i still marry someone if i already knew that he was marrying me because he wanted to be a singer and not out of love. It just shows how desperate i was for some affection even if it meant to marry someone who just needed me to achieve his goals. Still someone needed ME. So i didn't refuse.

Now back to the present its been three years and he is number one of the charts with his single and his album. He managed to get a contract from Akatoki agency within the first year and we didn't need to go back to Kyoto and the ryokan. Last year we graduated from school but we didn't went to the same school because of his fame. His agency got him a place in a high school just for celebrities. I graduated one year before Sho because i skipped one year. I figured out that some rest from learning helped to let the information settle in and that i wouldn't be too exhausted for my tests, so i could concentrate. That's why i skipped one year because i was quickly the best in my class and i studied ahead and could skip one year.

I was always good at cooking and i liked it enough to go to a cooking school for the next year. I already could do the katsura-muki knife cutting technic, where you turn a large daikon radish round and round while cutting off the peel really thin.

After the cooking school i quickly got a job in a very well known restaurant with one of Japan's best chefs. I loved my job and i got a good pay.

Sho was constantly on top of the charts and there were many speculations of his love life and many photos of him with different women. He always told me that it was because he needed to hold up the facade of him being single but since last year he stopped explaining. There were more photos and more women.

Today i walked in on him and some girl going at it. In our apartment and in our bed. I walked away and he didn't even chase after me. Some time later i came home and he was sitting on the couch and seeing some TV show. He looked up and didn't even look guilty. I had thought about everything and i realized that he never really loved me. I had known it but i had just ignored it for the last three years. I also realized that i didn't really love him. He was just the first one who showed some affection towards me and i thought i felt love for him but i just felt gratitude. Maybe. Its not like i don't feel anything about his betrayal but i can't really hate him. I just don't care about him anymore. I told him that i wanted a divorce and he wasn't against it. However he wanted to know if i would go to the press about it. I didn't want to. I'm not that kind of a woman. I didn't want his money i got enough from my job and i also didn't want people to know that we were married. I just wanted some time to find a new apartment for me and he agreed to let me stay a while. It was his apartment the agency gave it to him.

Our marriage never feel like a real one. He wasn't there most of the time and we didn't even sleep together because he said that we should wait till we could tell the world that we were married. He also didn't want kids and i didn't argue. I wasn't ready yet to sleep with a man even if we were married. The kiss on our wedding was also our only kiss. So our marriage was more like living in a community. His agency knew about our marriage and they approved of the idea of hiding it. I didn't really know anyone from his agency or his life in general and he didn't know anything about mine. So it didn't really bother me that he cheated on me. It still stung a little but i knew for a while that i didn't love him.

The next week i moved into my new apartment. It wasn't as big as Sho's but i didn't need much space. I didn't want anything from Sho and the divorce was over in no time. Nobody knew about our marriage anyway except his parents so everything was as if nothing had happened at all. I had some friends at work but not really someone i could confide in.

As i stood in my new apartment i decided that i would make a new life for me. I wanted to change so i went to the hair dresser and got a new hair style. I never thought about my looks so i never went to the hair dresser. I always cut them myself.

The hairdresser cut my hair into a bob style length with feathery layers to add length to achieve texture and height. The hairstyle allows me to add volume, thickness, and height to my hair said the hairdresser. I also changed my hair color from black to burgundy red. Next i went shopping for new clothes. I always wore practical things and i wasn't interested in fashion but i thought i would like to change that. The shop attendant helped me find some things that would suit my new style better. I got some skinny jeans, skirts, cute tops, blazers, dresses and sexy underwear. I also bought new shoes and high heels. I wanted to have some fun and i was still a woman and i wanted a man. I was a 19 years old woman and i never had really kissed someone.