I do not own the L word or any of it's characters so please don't sue I don't make any profit out of this and I'm poor.

Life Without Jenny

Shane:

I will never forget the expression on Alice's face when she walked into Bette and Tina's living room, tears rolling down her face, and only being able to say, "g-guys, Jenny! Jenny!" We all reacted the same way. We jumped and ran toward the pool. I was out of the door first with Bette right behind me. Then I saw her, he lifeless body floating in the pool, her eyes wide open. Pain shot through my heart and I yelled out "Jenny!" as I jumped into the pool.

I heard the cried of the others and I heard another splash as Bette jumped into the pool next to me. "No, no, no!" I cried hugging the body of best friend to my chest.

"Tina, call 9-11!" Bette cried trying to pry me off of Jenny's body.

"I already did," Helena said.

"God just get her out of there!" Kit cried, tears rolling down her face.

Bette tried to pry me off again but I resisted unable to release one of the most important people in my life. "Shane," Bette said, "you have to let her go."

"No, no!" I cried letting my tears fall onto her pale, innocent face.

"You tried to save her Shane," Alice said, "you really did. But no one could save her."

"Shane," Bette repeated softly.

I let out a whimper and released Jenny so that Bette could help me get her out of the pool.

"Guys," Helena said, "what if she didn't kill herself?"

"No way, you think someone murdered her?" Alice said.

"Anything's possible," Kit said, "a lot of people had the motive to do so." She looked worriedly at Bette then at Tina, then at Alice.

Max, who had been observing quietly, and trying to hide the tears that were streaming down his face couldn't move from his spot at the door. He watched as Bette and I pulled Jenny out of the pool and attempted CPR to no avail.

"God," he said wiping his tears. He turned his head as if he heard something then said, "Tina, I think Angelica is crying."

"Oh," Tina said wiping her tears, "I don't want her to see this." She walked into the house and Max followed her.

"You don't mind if I go with you do you? I don't wanna see her like that," Max said.

"Of course not Max," Tina said solemnly.

"God, please Shane, close her eyes," Alice cried.

I looked down at her wide open blue-grey eyes but I couldn't bring myself to shut them. No one would ever see those eyes ever again. Bette was the one who put her hand gently on Jenny's eyelids and shut her eyes.

"Come on, let's go to the living room and wait for the cops to get here," Bette said.

"You think someone really did this to Jenny?" I said my voice cracking.

"I think it's a possibility," Bette said.

I couldn't get those images out of my head as I slipped on my black shirt and coat. It had been a week and that was the scene that enfolded in my head. The house was so empty without her. Everything in there reminded me of her and I haven't been able to go into her room. After so many hours of interrogations I couldn't bring myself to sleep here, so Bette and Tina let me sleep at their place. They had postponed their move to New York, mostly because they weren't allowed to leave until the murder investigation was over. It was only yesterday that I built up the courage to sleep in my house again.

"Shane?" I heard Alice's voice.

"Coming," I said walking slowly out of my room. I couldn't stop the burning tears that threatened to spill from my eyes as I walked past Jenny's room.

In the living room, Alice and Tasha were waiting in the living room along with Max who look disturbed. I knew that he was trying to hold his tears in, he lost two people in his life right after the other, I imagine he feels so alone.

"You okay?" Alice said.

"Yeah," I responded.

"You're taking this way worse than when D…" Max trailed off.

"You can say it," Alice said, her voice laced with pain.

"Then when…Dana died," Max said softly.

Tasha put a gentle hand on Alice's shoulder and Alice gave her an appreciative nod wiping her tears away.

"Bette and Tina are waiting outside, Kit and Helena are already there," Alice said quickly. I knew she was hiding her emotions again. She didn't normally do that, but when something was too painful, she pretended it didn't affect her.

We walked to the door and I said, "do they still have Nikki in custody?"

"She's a prime suspect in Jenny's murder," Alice said, "her and Dylan. But Dylan has disappeared. No one knows where she is, not even Helena."

"That just makes her most suspicious," Tasha commented as they walked out of the house and towards the car.

Alice and Tasha got in the car and Max got in my jeep with me. We followed Bette and Tina in silence. I needed to ask Max for help because I couldn't cope with this myself.

"Max," I said tentatively.

"Yeah?" Max responded.

"I-can, can you help me clean out Jenny's room?" I asked.

Max sighed and said, "I don't know if I can go in there, but I will try."

"Thanks, I really don't wanna do this alone," I said.

We arrived at the cemetery and we were shocked by the amount of people that had shown up. Jenny's roommate from college was there in a fit of tears. Marina was there looking like a statue. I could tell she was in a state of complete shock. All the actors that had been in "Lez Girls" were there as well as the production team. Helena and Kit were guiding people to their seats, and trying to calm down Jenny's mother who was in a fit of hysterics.

"They didn't leave each other on good terms," Max said remembering the unfortunate incident, "she must feel really bad about herself."

I saw Papi and some of her friends sitting down in the seats followed by Ivan. Max and I got down the car started walking toward the crowd.

"Shane," I heard a male voice say.

I turned around and breathed out in surprise, "Tim."

"How…Who…Why?" he managed to say.

"I don't know Tim, but it's killing me," I said, "she was my best friend."

"I never stopped loving her you know?" He said tears flowing down his face, "I can't help but think that if I would have forgiven her, she wouldn't have ended out like this."

"It's not your fault, Tim," I pacified, "this was coming, there was no avoiding it."

"God," Tim said softly walking to the chairs and sitting down next to Robin who looked positively distressed.

I sat in an empty chair in the back next to Jodi who was strategically far away from Bette who kept on eyeing her. Jodi knew how bad Bette felt about hurting her, we all knew that, but Jodi had already made her decision that it was either lover or nothing at all. Friend was not an option. I thought Max was going to sit in the empty chair on the other side of me, but he sat near the front next to Kit and Helena. I assume he probably blamed Jodi for the disappearance of his baby daddy/interpreter.

I saw from the corner of my eye someone taking the empty chair next to me and when I turned my heart leaped up to my throat and I couldn't even breathe let alone talk.

She looked so beautiful, even when her eyes were red and there were tears rolling down her beautiful brown face.

"Hey Shane," she said softly. I could tell it was difficult for her to speak, I could tell by the strain in her voice.

My voice was raw with pain and memories, and all I was able to muster was her one word, her name. "Carmen…"

Alice:

We had been lying down like this for two hours now. It had been three weeks since Jenny's funeral and with the investigation going on I hadn't been able to talk to Tasha about Jamie. So tonight, I knew we were both off from work, so I decided it would be a good time to talk. However, we haven't uttered a word. If I don't say something, I know one of us will fall asleep, my bed is just too comfortable.

"Did you fuck her?" I said finally.

I didn't turn my head, afraid of what I would see in her eyes. I did feel her gaze on me, but I had grown accustomed to it. It didn't make me cringe anymore.

"No," she said simply.

"Did you kiss her?" I asked tentatively.

Tasha inhaled deeply and said, "when you were unsure of your feelings for Dana, did you kiss her?"

"I did a lot more than kiss her Tasha," I answered remembering the fiery 4 am kiss in front of her door step. I smiled fondly at the memory then finally turned my head to look at Tasha for the first time.

"Well you did a lot more because when you kissed her you felt something and she felt something," Tasha said.

"Yeah, it was like a spark of electricity," I said, "we had a very passionate relationship. Like you and me."

"When I kissed Jamie, there was no electricity," Tasha said.

"None at all?" I said disbelievingly.

"None whatsoever," Tasha said, "it's not like when I kiss you." With those words her lips pressed against mine softly, "there's sparks flying."

"I feel them," I said softly, my voice betraying my desire as it only occurred when Dana used to kiss me, and now Tasha.

"You're the only one that I want," Tasha whispered huskily kissing my lips more passionately this time, "I'm not going anywhere."

"God I love you," I said giving in to my desire and crashing my lips against hers. I tongues met in a desperate battle for dominance. Normally Tasha dominated our sexual encounters and she would let me dominate sometimes. This time I wanted to dominate because I wanted to. Dana always dominated me and I wish I would have dominated her…I never got the chance.

With a set mission in mind, I straddled Tasha seductively and slipped off my shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra and this pleased her. She let out "sss" sound as if something had burned her and her hands were immediately cupping my breasts. I let her caress them for a while out my own personal need, but then I grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head. She looked at me in surprise and watched me closely for my next move. With one hand still holding her arms in place, I brought my other hand under her shirt and to her breast. She wasn't wearing a bra either. One of the things we have in common is that we synchronize in this aspect. I tweaked her nipple roughly and she arched her back letting out a long moan.

I kissed her neck softly, then started sucking the artery which I knew drove her crazy. I slid my hand down her stomach and into her sweats, under her panties. I wasn't surprised by the wetness, just by the amount of wetness there was. She let out another moan at the contact and bucked her hips. She was getting desperate. I circled her clit agonizingly slow with my thumb then I slipped my index and middle finger even slower.

"Aaaaliiccce," she hissed, "y-you f-fuckin' tease!"

"What do you want?" I whispered seductively in her ear biting it.

"Fuck," Tasha moaned, "I want, I want you to…"

"Me to what?" I instigated. I know this was hard for Tasha because of her military-strong pride, but I needed to hear it.

"F-fuck me!" she cried. That was all I needed to hear before I started slamming my fingers in and out of her as fast as my hands let me. She was letting out loud screams that weren't normal for her. I lurched my body forward and back to help me press my fingers deeper and deeper into her.

"S-shit I'm gonna…" That's all she was able to say before an earsplitting shriek filled the room and her body racked with shudders and trembles. I removed my fingers very proud of myself. I never even made Dana cum like that, or anyone else for that matter.

I watched as she panted, trying to catch her breath. I stood up and slipped my pj pants and panties down, then straddled her neck, putting my aching pussy right in front of her face.

"Your turn baby," I challenged, "can you top that?"

I mischievous smile crossed Tasha's features and her hands wrapped around my thighs bring my center to her hungry mouth. I let out a moan of pleasure upon feeling her wet tongue and grabbed the headboard for support.

Oh this was going to be a very interesting night…

Tina:

When I saw that video Jenny had recorded there were so many things going through my mind. I considered leaving Bette, I was so angry, but then I considered the possibility that Bette was telling the truth, after all Jenny did steal the negatives for her own movie then cried and told me that she was completely innocent. She made me lose my job. How do I know that she wasn't lying about Bette and Kelly? Then again the evidence was compelling, but I refused to do what we did in the past. We broke up so many times because we never talked about the issue, then when the whole thing was forgotten we would ran back to each other unable to live without each other.

I wasn't going to let that happen again. So I took a deep breath and walked into our room. I knew Bette was waiting for me, and she didn't disappoint. She was sitting on the bed anxiously, tears were all over her face and her mascara had run all the way down to her jaw line. That beautiful, perfect jaw line. I shook my head to get out of that line of thinking and focused at the task at hand.

"Tina," she started.

"Shh," I interrupted, "let me go first."

Bette nodded and gulped. I could tell she was nervous. She wasn't like this when she cheated on me with Candace. She was guilt-ridden and desperate for forgiveness. And she was the same way when she cheated on Jodi with me. Maybe she really didn't cheat on me, but I have to remain objective.

"How do you expect me to believe that you didn't sleep with Kelly when I see a video like that?" Tina said, "you say you were only picking up a glass she had dropped and broken, but with your track record…"

"Tina," Bette said gently, "I swear to you, I did not sleep with Kelly. She made a pass at me, I pushed her away and said I love you. She was drunk so she bumped into the table and dropped the wine glass. I was picking it up and that's what Jenny saw. She misunderstood, Tina, please, you have to believe me."

"Swear? Bette Porter doesn't swear," I said taking in her words.

"I swear on my father's grave that I did not sleep with her," Bette said grabbing my hands, "I love you and you are the only woman I need, Tina Kinnard."

Her words were powerful. I looked into her eyes and I saw the truth in them. The way her hands gripped mine as if her biggest fear in the world was me walking out of that room and never returning. I knew it then that she was telling the truth. Her eyes said so. And no one knew her eyes like I knew them…

…..

Helena:

"Kit, this is stupid," I snapped angrily folding my arms over my chest.

"Sorry baby girl, but I know the signs, I was an alcoholic once myself," Kit said, "if anybody can help you it's Ivan."

"I don't need help," I snapped.

"Helena," Kit said, "I used to say that same thing, then I ruined my life. My father disowned me, my son didn't want to see, and barely does. Bette was the only person who talked to me and that was because I was there when…" Kit trailed off.

"When what?" I pressed.

"Bette and I agreed to never mention it ever," Kit said, "I don't think Tina even knows."

"That bad?"

"Yes, and if hadn't cleaned up my act, I wouldn't have been able to save my sister. She would have been lost," Kit said, "I can't let you get to that point Helena. That's why I brought you here. I can take care of 'The Planet" and 'Hit' by myself while you recover."

"Fine," I said in defeat, "but only for you. What is this thing anyways?"

"Well Ivan gets a group of people together who are addicted to something," Kit explained, "it could be an addiction to money, drugs, alcohol, or even sex. Together they hike and camp through the mountains while having group and individual sessions."

"This worked for you?" I asked.

"Yes, but back then Ivan was a group member not the leader, we shared a tent together that's how we became friends," Kit explained, "if it worked for me it will definitely work for you, and Ivan is a much better leader than the old one."

I sighed deeply and said, "alright, I'll do it, but only for you because I am not an alcoholic!"

"The first step to recovering is by admitting that you have a problem," Ivan's cool voice said startling me. I narrowed my eyes in annoyance and he simply smiled and said, "it's okay Helena, it takes time. Come on, let me introduce you to your tent mate. I made this choice very carefully, it's someone you know."

Ivan walked toward the group of people waiting patiently and I turned to Kit saying, "someone I know? So help me God if it is Dylan, I am leaving right now!"

"I doubt it's Dylan, she is wanted by the police for the murder of Jenny, Ivan knows that. He would report her right away," Kit reassured.

"Well that does make me feel a bit better," I said sighing and turning to follow Ivan.

"Hey," Kit said turning me around and embracing me warmly, "good luck."

"Thank you," I said returning the hug fondly then walking to Ivan's side. Ivan smiled at Kit then led me toward my tent.

"Your tent partner is inside, go ahead and get acquainted, we start the hike tomorrow morning," Ivan said walking away from her.

I looked at the tent then unzipped it hesitantly. I entered and closed it behind me then gasped when I saw my tent mate. It was someone I thought I would never see again, Dusty…

Da da dummm! Things are heating up! This is my first L word fic so don't judge too harshly but please review and do mention if I got some character aspect wrong or some sort of inconsistency. I hope you guys like it and if you do, I would love to continue this fic.