Oookay, guys, I'll explain what this is about:
I have this habbit of collecting quotes from stories; ones that I find funny.
So, basically, I own but a few of these quotes below...
Enjoy, and please, tell me if this offends anyone :( I'm not trying to...
PS: I'm not gonna name all of these stories as they come out. Basically, 000 means later in the story a page-break means a different one alltogether. I've tried ordering them, so, we'll see how it goes...
TC Brothers - Written By: VAPX007
"Simon, quick ... do something!"
Simon pulled off his glasses and cleaned them, making sure he stayed calm. "Alvin, they've padlocked these cages, and I didn't bring my burglary equipment tonight." He replied with a trace of sarcasm.
Alvin gasped, "You have stuff like that?"
Simon rolled his eyes and didn't bother answering.
000
"Is there anything I can help you with, Simon?"
"Sure, could you get the milk?"
Alvin blinked, that wasn't what he meant ... "okay."
(A/N: This story is NOT supposed to be funny [But with the chipmunks, it is anyway] as it's about Alvin getting depression. When I read this part, it was just such a strange relief from the trouble :). The fact that I was not expecting this story to BE funny made it that much more)
Why - Written By: Munk19
Upstairs in Alvin's room. Alvin was still laying on his bed. He was playing catch with a glove in his hand and a baseball. He was throwing the ball up and catching it as it came down. He was enjoying it. However, someone else was in the room with him, and this person was not enjoying it.
'He's been playing catch for the past twenty minutes! When will he stop?' Simon thought impatiently.
Simon was sitting at Alvin's computer desk. He was facing Alvin, crossed armed, and slumped back on the chair. He was glaring at his brother who just kept throwing the ball up and down. Simon hoped that Alvin would miss the ball and it would hit him in the head. However, Simon would have felt really guilty if that happened.
Alvin's thoughts were interrupted by a loud banging noise. He caught the ball that was coming down to his glove and turned his head to the noise. He saw Simon banging his head on Alvin's desk really hard. Alvin tried really hard not to laugh or let out a small chuckle. He let a small smile appear on his face.
'Oh Simon' Alvin thought happily.
He loved the way Simon reacted to his shenanigans.
000
Simon stopped banging his head on Alvin's desk and looked up.
'Why am I injuring myself?' Simon thought.
He heard a ball hitting a glove multiple times and turned his head towards Alvin.
'Oh. That's why' Simon thought.
He turned his chair around and looked at Alvin, who was playing catch with himself. Simon shook his head and sighed.
'Alvin, I love you, but you are not helping' Simon thought.
000
"Gimme!" Alvin demanded in a loud tone.
Simon still kept the ball out of Alvin's reach as he was still attempting to get the ball. He smirked at Alvin.
"The correct way to say it is 'Give it to me', Al." Simon said.
Alvin got a little angrier and jumped a little higher.
"I don't care! I just want my ball back!" Alvin demanded.
"What's the magic word?" Simon sang in a teasing voice.
Alvin let out a groan as he kept jumping for the ball. After several minutes of jumping, Alvin stopped. He quickly backed up and landed on his bed, flat on his back. He was breathing very heavily. After a while, he got control of his breathing, and let out a long sigh. Simon saw Alvin calming down and smiled.
'Are you done?" Simon asked.
Alvin looked up at Simon with an angry glare. Simon chuckled.
"I'll take that as a yes." Simon teased.
000
(A/N: WARNING: ALVIN/SIMON HINT HERE. Read up to where you think it's gross if you have problems reading about this pairing. Once again, I don't mean to offend anyone...)
Upstairs in Alvin's room. Alvin was still frozen. The only movement was with his eyes, slowly watching the blue-clad chipmunk opening and closing the cover, not looking down on it.
Why?
Well, he was not going to read it. He was only doing this to scare Alvin into telling him what is going on with his life. Alvin did not know this, he believed Simon was really going to read it. However, Simon would never go through his brothers, or anybody's, personal stuff without permission. Remember, he is the responsible one.
'Do something!' Alvin yelled at himself in thought.
Simon stared at Alvin's expression on his face. He was still opening and closing the cover of the book, not reading it.
'Come on Alvin, spill it out' Simon asked in thought.
Alvin was not saying anything. He just stood there waiting for his younger brother to do something he did not want him to do. Simon noticed Alvin was not gong to talk, so he did what he had to do. He fully opened the cover. Alvin was about to die. He had to do something, instead of taking the book away from him. That will only make Simon suspicious, because Alvin did say it was nothing.
Which was a lie.
'Lie. That's it!' Alvin thought quickly. 'Think of one!'
Simon adjusted his glasses and slowly looked down to read the journal.
"I'm gay!" Alvin shouted quickly.
Simon, was surprised at Alvin's outburst, dropped the book in his hand. Alvin let out sigh of relief.
"W-What did you say?" Simon asked shocked.
Alvin gulped.
What DID he say?
"I-I'm gay." Alvin lied with a weak voice.
Simon was still in shock.
"Y-You're g-gay?" Simon asked, nervously.
Alvin nodded his head.
Simon's shock went away, as a smile appeared across his face.
"Is that all?" he asked.
Alvin nodded. Simon kept a smile on his face as he picked up the book off the floor. Alvin went to panic again, but it faded away once Simon placed it back on the desk, where it was before. He turned to look at Alvin.
"Why did you not tell me sooner?" Simon asked.
'He believes me?' Alvin asked in thought.
Alvin shrugged is shoulders and looked down.
"I dunno. I guess I was embarrassed. I was afraid you were going to judge me." Alvin lied.
Simon shook his head slowly, with a smile still on his face.
"Alvin. I am your brother. I'll never judge you for who you are. Even if you're gay, straight, bi, it doesn't matter to me. I'll always accept you, because you're my brother." Simon explained gently.
Alvin looked up and smiled.
"Thanks." Alvin said.
"No problem. Anytime big bro." Simon said.
Silence, once again, was in the room. No one was talking. No one was looking at each other. Just silence.
'It worked' Alvin thought happily.
Simon looked up at his brother and smirked.
'He believes that I believe him. He wants to play, lets play.' Simon thought.
"So." Simon started.
Alvin looked up at his brother.
"So?" Alvin asked.
"Who do you like?" Simon asked.
Alvin's eyes went wide to the question that his brother asked.
"W-What?" Alvin asked, nervously.
"Who. Do. You. Like?" Simon asked slowly.
"Oh. uh, a guy." Alvin said.
Simon chuckled at Alvin's answer.
"What guy? What's his name? Do I know him?" Simon asked.
"Well, uh, he goes to our school, uh, you do not know him though." Alvin explained.
"What's his name? I might know him." Simon said.
"uh." Alvin said.
'This is getting hard' Alvin thought.
Simon chuckled at Alvin's nervousness. With a smirk on his face he turned around and picked up the journal on the desk. He turned back to Alvin, who panicked again when he saw it in his brother's hand. Simon looked down and opened the cover.
"Is it in here?" Simon asked.
"No!" Alvin yelled.
Simon closed the book and looked at Alvin.
"Then who is it?" Simon asked again.
It's uh, uh uh," Alvin said.
Simon looked down and opened the cover again. Alvin was about to lose his mind.
'Think Alvin! Think!' Alvin yelled in thought.
"It's you!" Alvin yelled quickly.
Alvin covered his mouth to what he just said. Simon looked up with a fake shocked look on his face.
"Me?" Simon asked.
Alvin reluctantly nodded to Simon's question.
"Really?" Simon asked.
Alvin nodded.
Simon smiled. He turned around and put the book back on the desk. Alvin's heart was about to explode due to all of this. Simon looked back at Alvin and smiled.
"So you really like me?" Simon asked, faking the shyness to his voice.
Alvin arched his eyebrows to Simon's tone of voice. He nodded to his answer.
"Kiss me."
(A/N: I decided to leave it there... :) if u've read the story, then u know what happens after)
000
"Where's my food?" Alvin asked.
Simon chuckled and looked at Alvin.
"In the oven. Dave's working late tonight. So Theodore cooked something special. Just for you." Simon said.
Alvin arched his eyebrows.
"What is it?" Alvin asked.
Simon smirked at him.
"It's a surprise." Simon said.
Simon looked back at the T.V. Alvin glared at him. He crossed his arms and looked back at the T.V.
"Fine! Don't tell me. I am not hungry anyway." Alvin said.
Alvin stomach rumbled loudly. He looked down at it with a glare.
"Shut up!" Alvin yelled.
000
"What happened to your finger?" Simon asked, again.
"Oh, uh, uh, uh." Theodore said, nervously.
Simon watched Theodore answering trying to answer his question.
'It is not a hard question Theo' Simon thought.
Simon looked back down on his plate, picked up the fork, and poked at the cheese. He then dropped the fork and looked up.
'Wait a minute!' Simon thought.
Simon looked at Theodore, who was still trying to find an answer. Simon rolled his eyes.
"Theodore Seville! Did you use a knife to cut the cheese?" Simon asked, sternly.
Alvin chuckled.
"Cut the cheese." He muttered.
000
"Can I help you?" Alvin asked annoyed.
Simon smirked.
"What?" Simon asked. "I can't keep my brother company."
Alvin nodded and looked at his comic book.
"You can. Theodore is downstairs." Alvin said.
Dream Lover - Written By: SawyerSeville19
History is so overrated...Alvin thought as he forced himself to concentrate on his teacher's lesson. At least he looks like he knows from experience...He thought, referring to the fact that their teacher, Mr. Albertson looked like he was born during the Great Depression.
"Ohh! that boy is something else" Elanore said.
"Yeah. Perverted" Brittany said, flipping her hair behind her.
(ANOTHER WARNING: This story is NOT JUST ABOUT CROSS DRESSING! It's a dare Brittany gave Alvin, so don't say how wrong it is, please. This story was really entertaining. Also has an ALVIN/SIMON HINT) Found on Deviantart.
"Simon you're a genius!" Alvin said as he bounced up and down watching his new cleavage jiggle.
Simon smiled but thought to himself that there should be a better use for his intellect than giving his brother breasts.
000
Dave [random guy at pary], meanwhile, droned on with Alvin barely listening to his tale of love at first sight and finding his soul mate. Alvin just enjoyed his cake and threw an occasional 'yes' into the conversation.
Suddenly Dave stopped talking just after Alvin's last "yes, of course" contribution to the conversation. He started to move closer to Alvin who started to get uncomfortable with this latest intimacy.
Quickly Alvin tried to remember what had been said before. A single word popped into the disguised chipmunks mind, "Wait a sec, did he say something about marriage?"
Before he could form another thought Alvin found himself being kissed by his new fianc e. (Well technically it was the lips of his mask that were kissed) Dave stood up bringing Veronica [Alvin] back to her pained feet too.
Holding her gloved hands and gazing into her eyes, oblivious to the panic they seemed to show, he said, "You've made me the happiest man in the world. Wait here while I make an important phone call."
Alvin's figured that this would be a great time to make his escape. He had to get out of here fast. As soon as he was gone Alvin walked a bit unsteadily over to Brittany and Simon, both of whom had seen the kiss and were shocked at it.
Simon was the first to speak, "what was that all about?"
Alvin was silent for a second then slowly said, "Uhm, its this way, that is, well...I think I'm engaged."
Simon just covered his face with his hand and slowly shook his head. Brittany on the other hand was laughing so much she could barely breathe.
" Guys Choice School Dance This Friday! " She read the words, with hate and rage in her eyes. Where the hell was she suppose to a get date to this thing, oh but wait how wonderful it was guys choice. She moaned out in frustration, and threw hands up in the air. " Cant you just give me a break? " she screamed to no one in particular, students stopped to stare at her causing Brittany to blush.
" Whoops, uh nothing to see here get on with your lives! " she yelled nervously, as she turned around and ran to her next class.
Simon grabbed Alvin's cap and jammed it on his head.
Theodore laughed. 'Simon looks just like Alvin!'
Alvin glared. 'DOES NOT! GIVE ME MY CAP BACK RIGHT NOW!'
Simon smirked and put on a higher voice. 'Hello, I'm Alvin and I love school and homework, it's just as awesome as me!' He mimicked what he hoped Alvin would (someday) say.
Alvin took Simon's glasses and put them on. 'Hi, I'm Simon, and these glasses are too big for me, but I won't let Dave buy me new ones because I care about our finances.'
'Haha!' Theodore laughed. 'Simon's Alvin and Alvin's Simon.' His laughs became chuckles. 'Then who am I?' He asked in confusion.
Alvin replied blandly. 'You're Theo.'
'Oh.'
It's Nothing, Just a Little Terminal Illness - Written By: Catherine Writes
"Well, I'm just glad I'm alive," said Brittany, who thought it was high time the conversation moved on to something more important-like herself, for example.
"Honey, you sprained your ankle." said Ms. Miller, straight to the point.
Brittany scoffed.
"The doctor did say you were fine," said Jeanette to Brittany.
"Well, what does he know?" asked Brittany.
000
"Alvin! Slow down!" called out Theodore, covering his eyes with both hands.
"Sorry, Theodore." said Alvin. "I'm not exactly sure where the brake is."
"ALVIN! MAKE IT STOP!" Theodore yelled, but Alvin didn't think much of it.
"Oh relax, Theodore." said Alvin weakly.
He was completely oblivious to the fact that poor Theodore was scared to death. Of all of Alvin's schemes, this one was the worst for Theodore.
Place yourself for a moment in Theodore's shoes.
First, imagine that you are being driven by Alvin. If that isn't scary enough, imagine that Alvin, your driver, is sick and had just snuck out of the hospital. Finally, imagine that this same sick Alvin is driving you in an ambulance at 110 miles per hour down the Freeway while going the wrong direction-that is, driving into the traffic instead of with the traffic. One thing's for certain: Alvin is worse than Ms. Miller.
000
1. My mother taught me to APPERCIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into next week."
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORSIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about,"
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mout and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about weather.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
10. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck."
11. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
" You'll sit there until all that spinich is gone."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a millon times. Don't exaggerate."
13. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
16. My mother taught me about about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home!"
17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing you eyes, their going to freeze that way."
18. My mother taught me about RECIEVING.
" You are going to get it when we get home."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold."
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come crying to me."
21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
22. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
" When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Weelll, reviews'd be gr8, 'cause I'm REALLY unsure if this is a good idea and I should continue..?
Hope you enjoyed!
