Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. They were created by Janet Evanovich. I made no money writing this story.
FOR STAYCE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Chapter 1 - Revelations
Steph's POV
"Okay, so what are you looking for in a man?"
"Connie, I'm not doing this." Connie had found a Trenton personal ad website and was now on a mission, and that mission was let's find a man for Stephanie Plum.
"Come on, Steph. It's just for fun. You don't have to post it if you don't want to." Lula and I had pulled up within minutes of each other this morning and shared some doughnuts while leaning against the car waiting for Connie. When she'd finally showed up, she mumbled something about a doctor's appointment as an excuse for being late then threatened to beat us both bloody if we hadn't saved her a doughnut.
She'd opened the office door to let us all in, snagged a Boston Crème and was currently sitting at her computer. Lula was bouncing up and down in her seat on the sofa, and I was trying to not give in to the urge to bolt out the door.
"Yeah, come on, white girl. What can it hurt? This just be for fun." I looked over at Lula in her purple sequins and lime green feathers.
"Then why don't you do it?"
"'Cause I've got me a man now. A real good one too, if you know what I mean. I don't need to place no personal ad to get my oil checked."
"She wouldn't either if she wasn't so damn picky." Connie snorted while she typed.
"I am not picky." I watched as Connie and Lula looked at each other and rolled their eyes.
"What?" I didn't care that my voice was nearly a shriek. These two were driving me nuts. Had been for days. Okay, so I'd been a little moody lately. And maybe they were onto something with the whole sexually frustrated thing, but it's not like I wanted to be in this condition.
"Morelli?" The name was a question from Connie, not a statement.
"Don't even go there. He talked about marriage and kids so much the last time we were on again that I was afraid he'd get me drunk one night and I'd wake up in Vegas with a ring on my finger and eight hours pregnant." I almost shuddered thinking about it.
"Yeah, well, there are worse things than marrying Joseph Morelli and having his kids. Steph, don't you want to get married and have a family?"
"Not any time soon."
"Besides," Lula piped up. "She can't marry officer hottie."
"Why not?" Connie looked as confused as I felt.
"'Cause she's in love with Batman." I froze as I stared at her.
"I'm not in love with Ranger, Lula."
"Are you sure?" Now I looked at Connie. Yeesh, why couldn't I have normal friends who minded their own business?
"Yes, I'm sure." My teeth were clenched. And I was lying. I knew I was lying, but I was sticking to my story.
"Okay. Fine. Don't pop a blood vessel. Just figured that's why you're too chicken to do this." I gave my best deep sigh.
"I am not chicken, but I meet more than my share of crazies without advertising for them."
"Steph, it's not like you're really going to post the ad. Here. Look. I won't even be on the website. We'll just go to Word here and type up a list of answers to the questions. It will help you get an idea of what kind of guy is right for you." I watched as Connie's printer started spitting out paper.
"Okay. We need a list of physical qualities you're looking for."
"Tall," Lula blurted out.
"Not too tall," I said to Connie.
"Big." This time I glared and Lula.
"Not too big."
"And a huge …"
"Lula!"
"What?"
"Unless you're willing to share Tank with Steph, you might want to let her have some input here." Lula's face turned to a pout.
"Just tryin' to help her out some."
"Now, Stephanie, give me your idea of the perfect looking man." Connie and Lula stared at me as I chewed on my lower lip. My voice was quiet as I answered.
"Taller than me, but not so tall I'd get a kink in my neck kissing him. Um, muscles. He'd have to be able to pick me up. Even when I've eaten too many doughnuts that week." A part of what I'd just said surprised me. When had I started fantasizing about a man carrying me to bed? The first time Ranger scooped you up into his arms, a little voice answered.
"Eyes and hair," Connie asked.
Closing my own eyes, I brought into mind the perfect man. "Long black hair. The kind of brown eyes that go black with emotion, not milk chocolate. He should make his clothes look good instead of the other way around. And use shower gel that makes my mouth water." I was so caught up in my own daydream that I forgot anyone else was around.
"His mouth should be so hot that my knees go weak just from a stolen kiss. His hands so clever that they send shivers through my body."
"Told you," Lula snorted softly, but the sound was still enough to have me jump and open my eyes. I squinted for a few seconds as I came back to earth with a thud.
Connie was looking down at the paper in front of her. When her eyes came back to mine, her voice was gentle. "What kind of relationship are you looking for?"
Staring at her, I answered from my heart. "I want a relationship with a man who won't push me to be something I'm not. I want a relationship with a man who isn't afraid to give love a chance. I want a relationship with a man who won't suffocate me or push me into a mold. Or worse, make me feel like I'm good enough for sex but not good enough for anything more."
"Didn't I tell you?" Lula was staring at Connie with a stubborn look on her face.
Connie looked at me, and I had to get away from the sympathy in her eyes. I started to the door. When my hand turned the doorknob, Connie's voice stopped me.
"Are you in love with Ranger, Steph?" I turned around and looked at her, fighting to keep the tears in my eyes from falling.
"How could I possibly not be?" I heard the door shut behind me as I raced to my car.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Connie's POVI watched Lula's eyes widen and a big smile light her face. I turned to look out the window just as Tank parked the shiny black Bronco in front of the bond office.
"My man." Lula started to get up but paused as the door to Vinnie's office opened. We both gasped in shock as Ranger walked out and stepped over to my desk. I grabbed the paper in front of me and turned to feed it into the shredder. When Ranger merely reached out and turned my Rolodex over, my gaze followed his as he removed the bug Vinnie had obviously planted there.
"Vinnie, you son of a bitch," I shouted just as Vinnie slammed his door shut and threw the lock.
Ranger dropped the bug to the floor and ground it under his boot before throwing me one last look. Lula and I watched him stroll out and angle himself into the Bronco. When Tank squealed away from the curb, we looked at each other.
"Oh, shit," Lula and I said in unison.
