WARNING:: This story is PURE crack.

There is cursing, compliments to Hidan.

There is Crossdressing, basically crossdressing inspired this lovely little mess.

There is slight OOCness, but only at certain parts, the rest IS canon personality, well...as well as I can write it . lol

Read at you own discretion. Which...I think you should because this is going to be humorous lol


Red Moon Cafe

Chapter One: I know Your Secret

"Red Moon Café?" I raised my eyebrow at my best friend.

The blonde girl nodded, "It's all Temari could talk about." she squealed, "All the servers are actually guys dressed as girls in maid uniforms! She said they were so cute!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Just the thought of seeing some poor guy in a skirt made me want to gag. The café itself was nicely decorated and had a 'cute' feel to it. A woman, I hoped, with blue hair walked up. She smiled and opened her arms in a welcoming way. "Welcome to the Red Moon Café, where you'll be served by the cutest men in all of the world!"

Ino giggled wildly and asked for a seat near a window. The woman nodded and took us to a nice booth near the back of the café. She introduced herself as the café's owner, Konan, and told us our server would be right with us.

"So?" my blue eyed friend grinned. I stared back with blank ones.

"So what?"

"Ugh," she leaned back, "You're such a downer! What do you think of the café? I like it here! So cute and I can't wait to see our server…" sure enough, as she spoke those words a person came to our table. The face was definitely male structured, but the hair and clothes said otherwise.

He had cute reading glasses on the end of his nose. Long silver hair cascaded down his back, which was tied up into a pony tail. His maid uniform was black with white lace edges. The apron he wore was a crimson red color.

Anger rolled off of him in waves as he was forced to lean down in a very…cute and suggestive manner…and ask…in a cute, higher pitched voice…what we would like to drink.

"Oh! So cute!" Ino spouted, "I'll take a diet coke, a lot of ice, please."

He turned to me and his light violet eyes met mine, "And you?" I tried not to giggle at his tone of voice.

"I will just take hot tea, um…green tea, please…"

He nodded and popped his hip to the side as he took down the order, "I'll be right back then…"

"OH! Look, there's another one!" my exuberant best friend yelped. She pointed to the other side of the café, where a…guy…with hime style curled blonde hair walked out with a tray of desserts. His hair was decorated with a small lace band, placed right on top of the mass of curls. He had startling blue eyes. His dress was a blue and beige mix, with a white apron. The apron was decorated in little colorful firework explosions.

"Wow," I laughed, "what possessed these guys to do this to themselves?" I watched another man in a black and blue dress hop lightly to his table. His hair was pulled into twin pony tails.

"I don't know, but I'm glad they do…" she then proceeded to take advantage of the raven haired one's short dress. "Gods, he has sexy legs…"

"You're such a pig…" I laughed.

She shot a glare at me, "Shut up forehead-"

"Here's your drinks," the odd male voice, attempting a female tone, popped up. The long silver hair brushed against my arm as he bent over. It was fake, a wig.

Did that mean that all these boys were hiding their real selves under the wigs and dresses?

"So, my lovely, do you have a name that goes with that cute face?" Ino giggled.

The boy looked even more irritated than before, "You can call me Hi-chan…" I giggled lightly, sending him into more of an anger mood.

"My shift, is over now, so anything else can be left to your new server…Dei-chan…" he growled, losing his feminine voice. He walked off towards the back room labeled for employees only.

The blue haired woman, Konan, rushed in after him and after a few minutes, he came back out even more disgruntled.

"See?" I said, "He obviously hates his job…so why does he still dress like this and make a fool of himself?"

Ino shrugged and sipped her soda. Hi-chan walked back up to the table, "It seems as though I'm stuck until you two leave…"

Kind of rude, but I didn't blame him. He asked if we were ready for our lunch, and Ino nodded, giving the menu one more look.

"Yeah, I think I'll take the house salad…what about you forehead?" she handed her menu to the angry waiter.

I sighed giving the menu a good raking, " I don't know…what do you think is good, Hi-chan?"

"I dunno…the fucking salad is good…I guess…" I was startled at his use of foul language.

"Ok…I guess I'll take that then…" he snatched my menu and stormed off with the orders. I shook my head.

"What an ass…" I sighed.

A little bit of small talk later, he dropped two plates of leafy lettuce and various other veggies. "Enjoy the damn meal…"

Konan walked up, "I'm sorry, he's new here and…well is still trying to make his work ego better…"

I nodded, "Why is he working here then. I mean…if he hates it so much?"

She smiled, "He's trying to finish school…needed the money, and since he was a personal friend of mine, I could give him the job…"

Looking back towards the man in the long haired wig, I sighed, "I see…"

The salad was pretty good, in fact, I'd say it was the best salad I'd had in the longest time. Ino agreed with me, and continued to coo over how cute the waiter who had started his shift was. He was wearing a frilly crimson red gown, with spiked hair to match. He also wore reading glasses and frilled cuffs on his wrists.

"Ino, these guys have it hard enough cross-dressing for a living, without you cooing over how 'cute' and 'adorable' they look in their dresses."

She stuck her tongue out at me and turned back to the waiters. Hi-chan came back our way with a dessert samples cart. He seemed to have calmed down some, and sighed, "Is there a dessert you would like to try?"

Ino squealed, "Oh, I really shouldn't!"

I rolled my eyes and looked at the cart. There were about a dozen little plates, each had its own fork with a bite of some type of cake, pie or tart. I scanned over them and saw a cherry cheesecake bite that looked absolutely delicious. I bit my lip, "That cherry cheesecake…can I try it, please?"

He nodded and grabbed the small plate. I thought he was going to hand it to me, but instead he set it down, grabbed the fork and gently grabbed my chin. He lifted it and met my gaze with his piercing violet eyes. The fork was placed at my lips and slowly slid in. I closed my lips around the bite and he slid the fork away.

"Is it good?" he whispered.

I felt my face go red, "I-I…" Ino laughed, "I'll try one of everything!" I jumped up and pushed passed the maid-dressed man and into the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and shook my head clear. That had never happened to me before, not even that one time I danced with my high school crush, Sasuke, at the spring fling.

I dried my face and walked back to the table where Ino had already paid for the meal, "Come on spaz, let's go ahead and get back the campus…"

"O-ok." I walked out with her into the streets. The second semester of our second year at college was starting the next day, and both of us were going to need all the rest we could get.

"Oh, gods!" I grabbed my bag and phone, before running out the dorm room door. I had over slept and now was running utterly late to my first class of the day. The English professor was surely NOT going to be a happy camper if I showed up to his class too late.

I looked down at my phone and yelped. Only five more minutes until class started, and it was all the way on the other side of campus.

Suddenly, I found myself slam into something hard, knocking me back against the ground. I gasped and felt pain in my backside. I looked up and saw a very angry man standing above me.

He had silvery hair that was slicked back against his head, and his shirt was unbuttoned half way, revealing a small rosary.

"Watch where you're fucking going, bitch!" he yelled. I glared. The man he was standing with, a dark skinned tall guy, with dark brown hair. He had stitches tattooed all over the visible parts of his body, including from the corners of his mouth up through his cheeks. They disappeared behind his hair.

This man sighed, "It was an accident."

"So!" he snapped, "She should watch where she's fucking going. Shit like that's going to get her ass kicked, if not by me then some other un-fucking-fortunate person who has to come across her!"

I stood and dusted off my shorts, "Why don't you get the hell out of my way and stop being a jerk. You didn't have to be standing right here in the middle of the path!"

He just rolled his eyes, "Shut the fuck up, you're giving me a headache."

I growled and was about to go off on him, but the dark skinned man shook his head, "We should get to class…" The jerk nodded and walked off, leaving me to gather the things I had dropped and run to class fuming.

The professor hadn't said a word about my being late, because even he could feel the anger that I shot every where I looked.

I had finally calmed down by the end of my second class, and was heading into the courtyard to meet Ino, Hinata and maybe Temari, is she was out of her chemistry course yet.

Sure enough, Ino stood beside the fountain with my lavender eyed friend. Temari wasn't there yet, but I figured she would be soon. The purple loving blonde was giggling to Hinata about the café and I groaned.

"Hey, pig, can't you just drop that place?" I muttered.

She only laughed, "You're just mad because a man in a skirt spoon…I mean…fork fed you!"

I growled, "I don't care about that!" I felt my face burn red, "I only hate that they are subjected to that kind of thing, you know. They are forced to wear skirts and wigs and such…"

"What the fuck is this shit?" my skin crawled and I felt my anger renew. That voice. Why did HE have to show up?

Slowly, I counted to ten and turned to meet the silver haired man from earlier. He had his arms crossed over his chest, and there were three people with him. One was the man that had been with him, the other two were a blonde, with his hair pulled up with a bunch resting over his left eye. The other was a crimson haired guy, with chocolate uncaring eyes.

"I beg your pardon, jerk?" I asked. His cheek twitched as he stepped closer.

"This spot belongs to me and my buddies, we've been sitting her since our freshman year here and it's not about to fucking change now because some bitch decided to sit here." he tilted his head.

"Maybe it's time for a change." I gritted my teeth, "And this is where I want to sit. I'm not moving."

"Neither am I, bitch." he leaned forward, menacingly. He may have been taller than me, but I wasn't afraid to take him down.

I felt Ino's hand on my shoulder, pulling me back. I saw the tall, dark skinned man did the same to the jerk.

"Hidan, knock it off." he growled.

"Sakura, come on…we'll just find a new spot…" Ino sighed.

"NO!" we yelled in unison. He turned to me and took another step closer. I stepped, too, like hell he was going to win this war.

Temari walked up and sighed, "Sasori, get him off Sakura now before I kill all of you…"

The red head looked up, "Hello Temari." then he walked over to Hidan, "Hey, ass face, leave the girl alone now. This is boring."

The blonde rolled his eyes, "Danna's right, un." the silver haired man groaned.

"Pansy ass fucks…" the small group walked off, but not before Hidan told me that this wasn't over with.

"What the fuck!" I yelled sitting down on the side of the fountain, "Who the hell does he think he is coming over here and telling me to leave? I was here first!"

"Do you know him or something?" Hinata muttered quietly.

I snorted, "Hardly, but the ass was standing in the middle of the walk way and I bumped into him by accident. He starts cussing me out and telling me to watch myself!"

Ino laughed and I sent her a glare full of daggers. She bit her lip and started doodling on her notebook.

Later that afternoon, Temari offered to treat us to something to eat, in celebration of our successful day. We walked to the Red Moon, much to my chagrin.

Inside, Konan led us to one of Temari's usual tables. The curly haired blonde waiter walked up and handed us the menus, "Can I start you guys off with something to drink, un?"

Though his voice was supposed to be higher pitched, I couldn't help but find it familiar. I didn't have much time to think about it.

"Hey, Dei-chan, I'll take my usual," Temari smiled. Ino ordered a diet coke and Hinata, green tea.

"I…uh…the same as Hinata, I guess…" I muttered. Ino sighed heavily and looked at me with an annoyed expression.

"Girl, you've been in some weird funk all day," she yawned, "You're bringing everyone else down…"

Chuckling lightly, "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little tired from running around all day." Ino wasn't convinced.

"I mean, really, just because some guy pissed you off…" she glared, "doesn't mean you have to go and bring our happy down!"

"Shut up, pig!" I turned to Temari, "So, did you know those guys?"

She looked up, "Yeah, Sasori is my cousin, and Deidara is his best friend. They both hang out around Hidan, Kakuzu and a few other guys you haven't met." she thanked Dei-chan, who brought our drinks.

"Oh," I sipped my tea, "I see."

Things had actually been pretty peaceful, this time around at the café. That it, until I heard a loud crash behind me. I also felt a wave of ice hit me. I was soaked. I turned to see Hi-chan. His violet eyes full of shock.

"Damn it…" I muttered standing up. I shivered. Hi-chan apologized quickly and grabbed the fallen mess and went back to the kitchen.

The raven haired waiter walked up, his black and blue dress flouncing behind him, "Here, let's get you into some dry clothes…"

I nodded and followed him to the 'employees only' room. He handed me a small bundle, "These are Konan-sama's, but they should fit you well enough. I'm Ita-chan. Don't be afraid to call for me if you need help…" he shut the door behind him and went back to tending to his customers.

I sighed and peeled away the sopping wet clothing. This had to be the icing on top of the crap cake that was my day. A blast of cold air hit my body and sent violent shivers down my body. Maybe the new clothes would make me warm again. I grabbed them.

He had to be kidding, right? Seriously? The outfit consisted of a short blue dress with a white rose pattern spread across it. How was this…cloth…supposed to make me warm again? Ugh! It was better than nothing though…

I slipped in on and felt my cheeks burn red. It didn't cover much at all. I sighed and bent down to pick up my wet shirt, but my eyes caught a couple of bags. Each was emblazoned with the initials of the workers.

There was one with a D, Dei-chan…S…I don't think I've met him yet…I for Ita-chan…and H…for the long silver haired waiter that spilled those drinks all over me. I grabbed the bag and studied it. There was nothing special about it. I was always taught not to peek into other's things, because it was their privacy, but this was a once in a life time opportunity!

I slowly gripped the zipper and bit my lip. Swallowing hard, I pulled it open. There was a few text books inside, as well as a couple of notebooks. I grabbed the first notebook and looked at the cover. It was red with little circles drawn all over it. There was a triangle in each one. I had seen this symbol before…

I opened the paper book and inside was a bunch of random drawings, but those weren't what caught my eyes. Inside the cover was the name of the owner of the book. I felt both a mixture of pure joy and shock inside. This was too good to be true!

"What the hell are you doing?" I looked up into the eyes of Hi-chan.

"Oh, me?" I smiled softly, but those who knew me, knew the smile was nothing more than trouble, "I was just cleaning up your things, Hi-chan, or should I say, Jerk…I know your secret Hidan…"

Revenge was going to be so sweet, I giggled softly.


SOOOO? lol you guys mad that I dressed the akatsuki in frilly dresses? You shouldn't, I've seen drawings FAR worse . lol

I actually watched an episode of Taboo for the inspiration. It showed a cafe staffed only by men who wear female outfits, wigs, heels and lace stockings and all. They act cute and it's really popular with young girls of Japan.

You'd think this would be weird for guys to work in places like this, but they said that When they had an open spot, nearly a hundred guys flooded to the shop to apply!

amazing, ne?

Anyways, please review!

Lady Pyrien