DEATH PAPER Written by Renodin & Wolflink93
A Myth Labs Production
A Basinga Production
A parody of Death Note
Weeeeeeeeeee!
Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note. But we do own a chip bag.
Episode 1:
The Death Paper
Ryuk was bored looking down into the human world. (YEAH!!!!) All of his Shinigami buddies were gambling over by a rock, betting the same money over and over, and playing the same child's card game over and over, and one Shinigami cheating, over and over.
"Hey, Ryuk, get over here and play with us! Stop looking down that hole! You pervert!" One of them said.
"But one of these "humans" is watching the Playboy channel! I can't stop watching now!" Ryuk stated. But, he wasn't really watching the Playboy channel. He was writing some stuff down in his second Death Paper, which looked like a whole bunch of papers stapled together. When he was finished writing, he tossed it down the hole into the human world, screaming "BASINGAAA!"
"Yagami Light, translate this sentence into Japanese, please." The teacher said.
"Hell no, I speak English! (This is OUR fanfic, so just SHUT THE HELL UP!)I don't even speak Japanese, and this is English class, anyway!" Light snapped.
"….Excellent point, Light! A+ again!" The teacher said. Everyone began clapping, and Light decided to look out the window. He saw a notebook falling from the sky in slow motion, completely defying gravity!
That book has to have some form of magical qualities and wonders. Light thought to himself. Maybe a 'magazine'. He added in his thoughts. Then suddenly, he started to have trouble breathing. His breath was inhaling and exhaling uncontrollably!
"My esophagus is acting up! A storm's a-coming!" Light said with a Jeff Foxworthy accent.
"Well, you are such a good student, just go home and watch TV, maybe the Myth Labs Channel, or Adult Swim, (YEAH! ANIME!)Or perhaps Nick at Night. (wooo! Fresh Prince of Shinjuku!)" The teacher ordered. Everyone clapped as Light left the room.
Light left the room and slammed the door shut behind him. "WHORES!" Light exclaimed very loudly to the class. Some other student popped out of a tile in the floor.
"That's why you're #1 Light!" The boy said in a fanboyish accent, then ducking down.
"I'm not gay you idiot! And that's a message to all you faggots who thought me and L had something! I don't even know who that is yet! But I know it's wrong! Ohhhh, I do!" Light said, pointing to a conviently placed cameraman. "Where did you come from?" Light asked the man.
"Just go along with it, foo!" The man said. Light nodded and did a pimp walk out of the school. Yeah, I'm sooooooooooo gangsta' and pimpin'! That's right, I'm da pimp! He thought to himself as he walked, wondering why all his thoughts were converted to writing.
He kicked the doors open with authority like an FBI agent and went outside, jumping and frolicking. "DON'T JUDGE ME!" He yelled into the air. He then walked over to where the strange object had fallen, defying the laws of gravity. He slowly and dramatically stepped over to it. Slowly, he reached down with his hand slowly. Oh, so slowly. (Yeah, too sexy!) He touched it, and he felt a rush of electricity flow through him. He dropped the book and turned around.
"Damn it, Larry! Stop doing that!" He said to his imaginary friend. He reached back down and picked up the poorly put together sheets of torn paper.
"Deeetha Peeparey…." He said, attempting to read. He opened it up and looked at the inside cover.
"Any human whose name is written within these sheets of paper shall surely die….or at least we think they will. When writing, you must write their full names, excluding middle names. You must have their face in mind when writing their name, so people with the same name will not be affected. If the cause of death is not specified within 40 seconds of writing the name, that person will die of food poisoning. If they haven't eaten any food that day, they will eat any object they can chew. If the cause of death is written, then you have six minutes and 40 seconds to right any details. The cause of death must be something possible and logical, or else a Death Clown will rape you. The Death Paper will not work on those who are under the age of 780 days. The Death Paper will have no effect on clowns. Except Shinigamis can kill clowns, though. (Clowns are fun!)
Light suddenly stopped breathing when he heard the word 'Shinigami'. He dropped the book and began to twitch uncontrollably. He turned around.
"Damn it Larry!" He yelled. He picked up the book again. This must be a prank. He thought. Or some form of sexual torture. I dunno which is which anymore, ever since that party with Ferchini last week. Then, a man came out of a bush.
"It's Alfredo, you dick!" The man yelled in a French accent, only to dissolve into dust. Light put the notebook in his pocket and ran home in the rain.
When he walked in the door, his mom walked up to him, wearing nothing but an outfit of a sandwich.
"Yo, my homie G poptart grandma!" She greeted him.
"Hey, my cherry stroodle bitch!" He said back. They tried to give each other a high five, but hit each other in the face accidentally. Light walked up to his room, where he was greeted by his sister, who was wearing nothing but an Oreo costume.
"Bru….bru…..brutter! I can't…..breathe…." She strained.
"Hey, hey, hey, heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy! You wanted that costume for Weasel Stomping Day last year, and you're gonna wear it!" Light scolded her. But, she didn't hear. She was rolling on the ground, drooling uncontrollably. Light walked into his room and closed and locked the door behind him. He walked over to his computer and closed out all the porn.
He turned on the TV and changed it to the news. There was an Elvis Impersonator Rapist with a LASER!
"His name is Derrick George Panty Hose the 5th of the French Line!" The news reporter exclaimed like a sexy little schoolgirl. "He has taken 65 hostages and stolen 86 hot dogs!" She added.
"Time to test this Deeeetha Peeperay with this guy! Hold on to your diapers, babies!" He yelled. He pulled out the notebook and began writing. Derrick George Panty Hose the 5th of the French Line. After writing it, he swung his hand in the air dramatically, and the cameraman zoomed in on his hand as all the lights temporarily turned red for the drama. "What the hell" Light exclaimed loudly. But Light just shrugged his shoulders and continued on to counting.
"36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, forty……what comes next? Oh well, he didn't die! What a load of bull ice cream!" He said, standing up so fast he knocked over his chair. Then he looked at the TV. There was a recording of the criminal. He suddenly dropped his gun and looked around. He ran over to a painting on the wall of the Mona Lisa and began to chew on the paper. He swallowed it whole. He began to laugh maniacally. Then, he fell over onto his side and began to have a seizure. He drooled everywhere, and soon died.
"Basinga! Wtf was that? No, no. This… This has to be a coincidink! (Coincidence for those city slickers!)" Light thought to himself. "I have to test this once more." He said to his pillow. He zipped up his fly and buttoned his pants and ran out the door. That was one sexy schoolgirl! He thought as he ran over his sister's unconscious body.
He ran to a comic store and stood inside waiting for a crime to happen. He looked out the window and saw some other schoolgirl walking down the street.What is up with all these schoolgirls in these anime shows? There are so many of them wearing hardly anything at all, while every guy is always dressed in some metal suit of armor! And then the female knight will have a bra made of metal and some steel panties and nothing else! How the hell is she supposed to be protected? I mean seriously, this is the real world, I mean come on! He thought realizing he should button his pants when in public. "Don't tell anyone about this, Larry!" Light yelled to his side. He continued to watch the schoolgirl. Soon, some bikers dressed in panties (what!?) came driving around her. "
"Hey, can you give me directions?" A biker asked. The schoolgirl made her clothes look tattered quickly and fell to the ground and screamed.
"RAPE!" Light stood up and punched a kid sitting close to him. He began writing the people's names in his notebook (how did he know their names? I dunno daytime television?)And looked at them. They were all staring at her, smoking their pencils. Then suddenly, they all dropped their stuff and got off their bikes. They looked around and ran in separate directions, taking ice cream from teenage dating couples. They began to rub the cream in the mold of a tree, and then ate it, getting food poisoning. They all laughed maniacally and started to choke. They all fell down except one, who began to twirl around and screaming. He coughed up his liver and spleen and fell down, dead. They were all dead. The schoolgirl got up and put her clothes back on. She stole one of their bikes, loosened her shirt a little bit and drove off, yelling "To Hooker School!". She was never, EVER seen again. Except at your local bar and library.
"Alright. This notebook does have powers. Time to end this episode." Light said while he was beating up the kid he punched earlier, for reasons he didn't even understand.
A kid from another aisle in the store popped his head above the shelf.
"That's why you're #1, Light!" He yelled. Light stood up, gave a thumbs up to the cameraman, smiled, winked, and said "Believe it!" The background around him suddenly changed into a cartoony explosion color. The screen soon closed over him.
Renodin: AWAIT THE NEXT EPISODE, YOU ANIME GEEKS!
Wolflink93: AND PLEASE REVIEW
