Many Uses for a Podling

By Cursed Sun and her friends

(sol_do_curse@yahoo.com.br)

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"The Dark Crystal" (O Cristal Encantado or El Cristal Encantado) is trademark of Henson and Oz.

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This is a fun Idea thought up by me and some friends of mine (concept by Metal Morphasis, edited and translations by me).

Now, let teh Podling carnage BEGIN! ---

The Podling Cookbook
I. Cooking with the Podling

II. General preparation of Podlings

III. Selected Recipes
I. Cooking with the Podling

The key to cooking with the podling, is to remember that it is in fact,

a vegetable and therefore should always be used as a side-dish.

It is very important to try and select the healthiest specimens...always

watch for bruising, soft spots or general abnormalities (avoid using

podlings associated with the skeksis's "essence" draining process).

The subtle taste of the cooked podling varies greatly, depending upon

age and which portion is eaten. Most prefer the "head' region, as it is

generally the most solid and best preserved. It is also said that the

excitement level of the podling BEFORE preparation, can vary the taste.

While a calm podling, unaware of what is about to happen, has a smoother

dryer taste, whilst an excited and terrified podling, who realizes his

fate, will taste more bitter...perhaps even gamie. A quick and

unsuspecting blow to the back of the aforementioned "head" region,

generally makes individuals more compliant and serves to tenderize

hardened areas...

II. General preparation of Podlings

Preparing the podling is quite easy. Be sure and wash all individuals

before using them, cutting away heavily soiled or bruised areas. If

proper measures have not been taken (see above), this might aggravate

the remaining portions of the podling. Eyes and protruding roots and

limbs are usually removed, as well, leaving only the thickest part of

the podling remaining. The skin is also quite easy to peel off, at this

point, or can be boiled off while cooking...
III. Selected Recipes
Podling French Fries

-First, heat up deep fryer.

-Second, prepare as noted previously, though skin may be left on if

prefered.

-Third, slice little bastards into thin strips (or for a fun snack the

children will love, try cutting them into shapes).

-Fourth, place podling strips into deep fryer. Wait 8-9 minutes, or

until golden brown.

-Add salt and pepper to taste, serve when ready.
Boiled Podlings (or Podlings and Carrots)

-First, fill large saucepan with lightly salted water and heat to boil.

-Second, prepare as previously stated, again skin may be left on, if

prefered.

-Third, pitch podlings into boiling water...hehehe

(for Podlings and Carrots, chop both carrots and podlings into cubes,

then pitch in water).

-Fourth, cover and boil rapidly until tender. Length of cooking time

may vary depending upon age, size and general stamina of podling.

-Fifth, drain immediately and shake over low heat, until dry and mealy.

-Lastly, keep uncovered in a warm place until ready to serve.

-Serve hot with butter or gravy.

Mashed Podlings

-First, clean and prepare podlings as stated, also removing the skins.

-Second, cook podlings in boiling salt water until soft (as above).

-Third, drain and shake over low heat, again until dry and mealy.

-Fourth, mash or press podlings into pulpy consistency (use mixer or

stir vigorously).

-Last, add milk in small amounts to moisten.

-Best served hot, with butter or gravy.
Podlings Au Gratin

-First, prepare medium to large sized serving of mashed podlings.

-Second, grease shallow baking dish.

-Third, spread 3 or 4 cups hot mashed podlings (as above), into greased

baking dish.

-Fourth, sprinkle with half-cup of buttered bread crumbs and half-cup

of grated cheese and a dash of paprika.

-Fifth, place into moderate oven (300-350 degrees), for about 20-30

minutes or until lightly browned.

-Lastly, keep in warm place until ready to serve. -Add salt and pepper

to taste.
Baked Podlings

-First, select smooth evenly shaped podlings, as they are better for

baking.

-Second, scrub clean.

-Third, rub podings with butter or bacon fat.

-Fourth, bake in oven (450 degrees or more), for about 45 minutes

-Fifth, remove steaming spudheads from oven and cut gashes immediately,

lengthwise and crosswise, to allow steam to escape and prevent

sogginess.

-Lastly, pinch to spread opening, insert a piece

of butter and sprinkle with paprika.

-Serve at once.

REMEMBER KIDS...EAT PODLINGS !!!...they look and taste just like potatoes

with half the fat...