Touma Kamijou was currently hanging out with his bros, Tsuchimikado and Aogami while complaining about his lack of a girlfriend.
"Man, such misfortune. I just… I just don't understand why I'm still single. I mean I am pretty average but-
"EXCUSE ME?!" Tsuchimikado and Aogami shouted in unison with pure unrelenting venom in their voice.
"W-what? Why are you guys so… triggered?" Touma muttered in slight fright over his friends behavior.
"Kami-yan, Kami-yan, Kami-yan, are you a goddamn dolt?!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed.
"Yeah Kami-yan, aren't you aware that the whole female population is trying to sniff out your ass?" Aogami asked in shocked curiosity.
"Geez you two, can you please stop with that annoying talk?" Touma asked aggravated.
"I don't have a harem you know? All I have is my right hand every night!" Touma exclaimed passionately.
"Ah Kami-yan, if you really want a girlfriend, I think I could help you out." Tsuchimikado said cryptically.
"W-what?! Really?! Can you really find me a girlfriend Tsuchimikado?!" Touma asked in desperation.
"Yeah can you help him?" Aogami asked in surprise.
"Yeah yeah, it's pretty simple really. I actually had a feeling that something like this would happen. All I need is your signature Kami-yan." Tsuchimikado said kindly.
"M-my signature? That's it? Huh. Sounds simple enough." Touma said in agreement.
"Alright, just sign here." Tsuchimikado said pulling out the last page of the contract.
"Okay let's see here…
For the one who signs this contract, I Tsuchimikado Motoharu will work day and night to get you a girlfriend. And wait, there's more! It's not just any girl! It's your most compatible girl!
Sign Here! _"
Touma then swiftly signed, trusting his close friend. Aogami was watching closely, quickly realizing that the contract was yet another dubious trick by Tsuchimikado. As he was holding back his laughter, Touma looked at Tsuchimikado with an earnest smile on his face.
"Okay thanks Kami-yan. With this, your future is guaranteed to be stellar! I'll see you in due time!" Tsuchimikado said waving as he walked towards the sunset.
"Wow, that's pretty romantic. That whole scenario might just be one of my new top-tier fetishes." Aogami muttered lustfully as he licked his lips.
"Man, I can't wait to see the girl that Tsuchimikado brings back to me!" Touma said to himself with a big smile on his face as he walked off towards a better tomorrow.
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3 Months Later
"Damn it! It's been three months and I haven't seen that fucboi since!" Touma grumbled angrily as he cooked some breakfast for Index and Othinus.
"Toooouuuumaaaa, is something wrong?" Index asked her guardian worriedly.
"Yes human, you seem rather irritated as of late." Othinus added.
"Oh i-it's nothing you two." Touma said haphazardly.
DING DONG
"Oh the door let me get it." Touma said as he opened the door of his apartment.
"Huh? There's no on here- oh a letter on the ground." Touma said with great curiosity present in his voice.
"Alright let's see…
Dear Spicyboi,
It's me your best friend, Tsuchimikado! So Kami-yan I know you've been worried about me and the girlfriend contract for a while now but don't fret! It's all coming together now! You'll see attached to this letter, a plane ticket to a small island off the coast of Canada called 'Academy Island'! You're gonna want to go there to meet your new girls-er girlfriend. Of course, I'll be here as your wingman, so come on over Kami-yan. Be sure to bring some condoms and plenty of sex toys. You might need them."
Love, Tsuchimikado Motoharu
"Academy Island huh? Heh, it looks like I was right to trust my best friend!" Touma said happily as the two girls behind him had a look of regret.
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Later that night, Touma bid adieu to his roommates, counting on Komoe-sensei to look after them. However, what Touma didn't know was that this was all an elaborate ruse to hype up an initially small joke.
Index and Othinus got a phone call about a month ago from Tsuchimikado which detailed the 'plan' in full. They felt a little guilty deceiving Touma like this but they felt as if this was the only way to figure out who could truly capture Touma's heart.
Eventually, Touma's plane ride occurred. What seemed odd to him though, was that the plane seemed really… empty. Almost too empty. However, Touma didn't pay that any mind and decided to rest while fantasizing of making love with his 'dream girl' throughout the ride.
When the plane ride ended and Touma stepped off the plane and headed off to the docks which is where the pilot told him to go, he saw his friend Tsuchimikado Motoharu with an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, shorts and his signature shades.
"Kami-yan, I'm glad you could make it! Now smile for the camera!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed suddenly as a blinding flash came out of nowhere and stopped Touma in his tracks.
"A-AH! W-what the hell was that abou- HAMAZURA?!" Touma shouted in confused anguish.
"Hey there Boss, I'm the camera man for this new hit show. Tsuchimikado there is paying me a solid 300 yen an hour! Do you know how much money that is?! That's like 10x the amount that ITEM gives me!" Hamazura said happily which just confused Touma even more.
"Ah if it isn't Touma Kamijou, the Imagine Breaker. It's been a while." Kamisato Kakeru said while gripping a broom and wearing a janitor outfit.
"K-Kamisato?! Wait, let me guess. Are you working here for 300 yen too?" Touma guessed.
"300 yen? Pfft. Please. It's 325 yen you shitface." Kamisato said in a disgusted tone.
"R-right. N-now Tsuchimikado, what exactly is goi-
"Oh the fu***** hero is here already huh? Wow, I'm kinda shocked. I expected the plane to crash and for you to almost drown in the ocean but be rescued by your new harem of mermaids." Accelerator said distastefully while he wore an iconic chef's hat.
"Woah there Accelerator, you can't say the f word on national television." Tsuchimikado warned.
"A-Accelerator?! A-are you working for 325 yen too or-
"What the f*** did you just say you brainless dick face?! I'm getting paid 150 yen. I'm much more honorable than these other dweebs working here." Accelerator said proudly.
"A-alright. Now Tsuchimikado, what exactly is going on here? I thought you got me a girlfriend." Touma asked, pissed.
"Ah calm down Kami-yan. Oh, here comes one of the candidates right now!" Tsuchimikado said happily as one of the several small party boats arrived at the docks.
"C-candidate? W-wha-
"Oh, is this it? Will I really get a limited Gekota for doing service on this island?" Mikoto Misaka asked worriedly.
"No not quite. You'll get something even better." Tsuchimikado said as he pointed to Touma much to Mikoto's shock.
"Y-you i-i-i-idiot?! Why the hell are you here?!" Mikoto snapped ruthlessly.
"Mi-Misaka, why are you here? Are you my girlfriend?!" Touma asked in distress.
"Wha- girlfrien-
"Oh here comes the next candidate!" Tsuchimikado announced.
"Ah, I'm finally here. Will I really get super nutrition here?" Fukiyose asked.
"Fukiyose, I'm glad you could join us!"
"Wha-what is going here? Why are the Railgun and Kamijou on this island too?"
"You'll see, you'll see. Oh here comes the next boat!"
After that, several girls came by. They each came to this island with falsified expectations of what they would find here.
"Alright, everyone it's time for the roll-call!"
"Mikoto!"
"Here!"
"Othinus!"
"Here!" She said while somehow in her original form much to Touma's amazement and confusion.
"Misaki!"
"Here!"
"Index!"
"I'm hungry…"
"Mugino!"
"This is such a fu***** chore…"
"Kuroko!"
"Why am I here?!"
"Kanzaki!"
"Seeing Touma here makes me feel very… unholy."
"Saten!"
"…Huh?"
"Himegami!"
"*Nod*"
"Kumokawa!"
"Here!"
"Leviana!"
"Here! I really should've brought Mark with me…
"Misaka Imouto!"
"Affirmative Misaka says expectantly while saluting towards the host of this elaborate show."
"Fukiyose!"
"I really want some milk…"
"Awaki!"
"I was told some really cute young boys would be here. Where are they?"
"Itsuwa!"
"K-K-K-K-Kamijou-kun is here?!"
"Oriana!"
"I was told that there'd be a way to increase my bust size here…"
"Kongou!"
"I should've brought Ekaterina here. It's lonely without her."
"Sister Agnese!"
"It's so hot wearing my nun-outfit here…"
"Konori!"
"I feel bad for leaving Uiharu with all that Judgment work."
"Sister Orsola!"
"My, this seems like it'll be fun!"
"Lessar!"
"Here, I can't wait to make Kamijou squirt!"
"Sister Lucia!"
"…This is a big waste of my time."
"Sister Angelene!"
"I'm glad I at least came here with Sister Agnese and Sister Lucia."
"Ureapaddy!"
"Heh, I hope I win whatever this is."
"OK, so basically all of you girls are gonna be split into two teams. The 'Superb Scientists' and the 'Magnificent Magicians'! Every day, each team will compete in a challenge and whichever team loses has to vote one of their team members off!" Tsuchimikado explained.
"W-wait, what is the point of this competition?" Fukiyose asked in perplexity.
"Glad you asked Iron Wall Girl! The winner of this gets 100,000 yen and… gets to be Touma Kamijou's girlfriend!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed dramatically.
"WHAT?!" Touma and all the girls yelled in shock.
"You'll all be staying here in Academy Camp! Accelerator here will be cooking your meals! Kamisato will be the janitor and if you need to record any thoughts, you can go to the outhouse and have Hamazura our camera man record it all!"
"If anyone doesn't have any questions, then we can get started on…
"W-wait what the hell is this BS Tsuchimikado?!" Touma interrupted.
"TOTAL…. DRAMA…. HAREM!"
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AUTHOR'S NOTES:
So this is a pilot chapter. If you guys really enjoyed this, then we'll continue. See you all either next time or in one of my other stories!
