(AN: 'memories, past recollections'
"speech, (in present)"
'song lyrics'
A part of this oneshot is basically a whole lot of song lyrics and past memories being recalled in present time, kinda like a flashback but not quite. See it this way, that as the song starts to play Kai recalls things that have happened previously. These flashbacks are not in chronological order. They are disjointed memories that the lyrics bring up. I will demarcate that portion of the story with an *)
The tournament was over. The Great Lord of Darkness was done with. The team was taking time off to relax and visit friends and family before they started preparing for the next one. Everyone seemed happy and content except for a certain neko-jin who had recently come out of the closet and broken up with his long time girlfriend back home.
Needless to say, that hadn't been received well by her friends, who had doubled as his till a few days ago. They had ratted him out to the village elders and… the crux of the matter was that he had been disowned.
So, he roamed around the dojo, depressed and silent till even the three stooges (Tyson, Max and Daichi) noticed there was something wrong with him and consequently forced him to spill the beans to them. Apparently, he was planning to accompany Hiro (who looked way too happy about the arrangements for it to be considered decent) to the next beyblading team he was placed to train till the BladeBreakers had to start themselves, so as to not intrude on Tyson and his grandfather.
Not if his captain had anything to say about it.
One afternoon found the two basking in the sunlight on the back porch of the dojo when Kai sought to make his proposal.
"Won't it be awkward, being present during training sessions of another team that you can possibly expect to battle in the finals with your own?"
Ray chuckled. "It probably will be. I don't think I will be very welcome there but I don't have too many options, do I?"
Kai turned to look at him, to find golden eyes already trained on him. "You can come stay with me."
"At your place?"
"Generally speaking, that's what the sentence is taken to imply."
Ray grinned sheepishly, a fang popping over his lower lip. Kai loved that particular grin, and that particular fang, and that particular pair of lips. He shook himself as Ray started talking.
"Kai, that's so nice of you but-"
"What? Are you more comfortable living with Hiro amongst a bunch of complete strangers?" There was a decided bite to his tone which made Ray raise an incredulous brow. He didn't trust himself with attempting damage control when Ray looked so positively fuckable just then.
"No! I would rather stay with you, of course! It's just, it was so sweet of Hiro to offer when I had literally nothing coming up and I already said yes, I-"
'So the bastard offered.' Kai got to his feet. "Never mind that. I will take care of him." He turned and left, Ray spluttering in confusion behind him.
—
Kai raised his glass to take another sip of his drink, only to find the whiskey still gone, frustrated at himself for having made the same mistake for the third time now. He desperately needed another drink but moving to get it would mean taking his eyes off the couple dancing happily in his direct line of sight. Before that night, he had never realised what a masochist he truly was.
His heart beat felt laboured and his hands itched to curl into fists and pound through something, anything, but the rest of his body had settled in such an overwhelmingly lethargic state that he wondered how he remembered to breathe. He felt resigned, resigned and yet bitter to his circumstances just then, already having directed every cuss word his mind could recall at himself. Bryan Adams was cooing about how his first love was still the love of his life in 'Please Forgive Me' and those two bastards were looking at each other with such affection in their eyes that he wanted to gouge their eyes out, because it wasn't the truth, was it?
Hiro wasn't Ray's first love, he was, even if he had damaged everything beyond repair, the title was still his and he hated that it was just one of the many things the older Granger brother had snatched from him.
Tyson and Max were trying to dance a few paces away from the first sickening couple, key word being 'trying'. Tyson had abandoned Hilary in favour of his best friend almost as soon as the dancing commenced and the hyper blonde hadn't even bothered to glance back at Mariam the moment he spotted the human garbage disposal in this weird, unnecessary reunion of the best of the beyblading world. Kai often wondered if the two were still just as naive as they had been back then, if they could still not see how smitten they were with each other, or if they had just settled into their married lives with the sort of ease which makes even the best of changes seem like monumental disasters.
Well if their wives noticed their husbands' wandering constancies, they never commented. The two were chatting together, swinging to the music, out of beat and content. Mariam seemed to be a lot more careful on her feet than she ever was before, probably because of the pregnancy. Max, the designated child of their team, was well off to become a father. First out of all five of them, and it never ceased to amuse his ex-captain.
Well, Ray and Hiro had filed the paperwork for the adoption of their first child together a few months before Max had announced Mariam was pregnant but the process was being held up like it was expected to be so Kai wasn't too sure who was to be called first. It definitely wasn't him though. Fortunately or unfortunately, in his case, his first love was still his only love. Years after Ray had left, and he still hadn't done any of the 'moving on' Tala kept pestering him with.
The song ended and whoever was in control of the music system must have really hated him because the song played next was Queen's 'Love of my Life' and his favourite eyes on any human ever, rose up to meet his.
Ray gulped visibly and gave him a watery smile. Before Kai could return the gesture, he had hidden his face in the crook of Hiro's neck and the man had turned so that all Kai could see now was his back, not the smaller man folded so close into his chest that it made Kai's own burst with pain.
Ray remembered, he remembered just as well as Kai did and it only made him hurt more.
"I love you. I love you. I love you, Ray. I am sorry. Do you hear me? I am sorry!"
No matter how many times he had said it while Ray remained framed in their doorway, bags packed and ready, it couldn't change the fact that he hadn't said it nearly enough times when he still had the chance to prevent this from happening. They had both cried that night, Kai probably more than he had in all his years combined but it couldn't change his mate's mind as it rightfully shouldn't have.
As the memories hit him again, Kai closed his eyes against the onslaught. He tore himself from his table and walked over to the bar.
He ordered a refill and scoured out where the DJ was placed as he waited for his drink to arrive. Once he spotted it, and his glass was in his hand, he made his way straight over. It was about time they played a song he could relate to.
Once he was done placing his request, he downed the remainder of his whiskey and walked over to where Ray was still swaying on the dance floor, wrapped up in his lover's arms. Grabbing onto his shoulder, he tugged him around to face himself. Ray looked startled as for the second time that night, vibrant golden clash with equally bright red.
'Please bring it back home to me, because you don't know what it means to me…'
"I will have the next dance."
Hiro opened his mouth to protest, but Ray silenced him with a hand to his bicep. The familiarity of the gesture stung Kai as he recalled how many times, during numerous arguments Ray would place his hands on Kai's arms and he would just ignore Ray's silent requests for him to stop and continue piling on insults nevertheless. Hiro, apparently, paid attention to every little gesture the raven-haired beauty made, and heeded all his wishes, like Kai should have.
"Sure." Ray nodded, hesitant fiddling with his shirt sleeve belying the confident actions.
As the classic piece that had once been both their favourite, hit its ending notes, Ray gracefully moved away from Hiro and into Kai's waiting arms. As soon as they came in contact, both of their eyes widened. Ray's lips parted but he said nothing as the Russian's requested song started to play.
The starting notes introduced the song to the neko-jin and the sudden jolt that ran through his body made it clear to Kai that he'd rather be anywhere other than here, dancing to this particular song with him.
"Ray."
"Kai, what the fuck? Why now?"
"Ray calm down and look up at me."
The shorter (only by two inches!, as Ray never forgot to remind him) boy took a deep breath and finally gazed up at the face of his first love, his first kiss, his first time, his first everything and Kai felt the precise moment in which he forced his body to relax. Kai started to swing to the beat and Ray followed his lead with ease, movements fluid and smooth. The older man smiled.
"I don't want my last memory of you to be… what it is. Just let me, Ray."
He had been watching the pretty neko for about half an hour now, curled up against Kai's body, head on his bicep, Ray's naked chest rose and fell with shallow exhalations. With every breath he blew his bangs about a quarter of an inch off his face and Kai couldn't help reaching across and tucking the stray strands behind his pointed ear.
As he slowly woke up, Ray curled on himself moving away from Kai and straightened, lazily blinking awake. Kai watched, fascinated by the near feline movements of his partner, the way his back arched, the way he used the back of his fist to rub his cheekbone before yawning deep and sharp just like a cat. He sat up and looked about himself.
It took him a moment to recall their actions from the night before.
Even after Ray had shifted into his house, Kai making clear it was a permanent arrangement and the Chinese teen barely protesting, the captain knew and in fact expected that nothing would change. They had assumed an easy system of co-existence in which neither dared cross the clearly drawn boundaries of two friends 'shacking together'.
Except for the night before, when Kai had stumbled in drunk and the water in Ray's shower had run out so he had asked to use the Russian's. He should have known that in his inebriated state he wouldn't be able to stand the sight of his long time crush fresh out of the shower in his very own room. It was not even like Ray was standing in just a towel or any of those cliche situations. He had dressed himself, but his hair was down and his cheeks pinked. He had that toothy, grateful grin in place, which showcased all his teeth, and his fangs and Kai couldn't breathe.
Before he knew, he had Ray pressed against the wall, lips mashed together in careless excitement. Contrary to expectation, instead of being pushed away he felt fingers threading through his slate hair, tugging him that much closer. Something uncurled in his stomach. He took hold of Ray's hips and lifted his legs to wrap around his own waist, their groins flush, as Kai crowded the trembling neko-jin against the wall, barely keeping from rutting against him like a mad dog in heat.
They had ended up losing their virginities to one another. The experience was awkward and painful but both got to feel the other filling them up in the most intimate of ways. Kai wouldn't trade the night for the world but Ray's subsequent words made him realise he could have done this better.
"You are still here." There was no hint of malice in Ray's voice, but he sure sounded surprised and Kai felt his chest clench to think he had given his beloved any reason to believe he would be gone the moment he got what he wanted, that he didn't care in any other way.
"Of course Ray." He tried smiling and Ray's eyes widened a little more before he blushed and shyly shifted closer to the Russian boy. Kai wrapped his arm around the neko's hips and tugged him closer so that he fell onto his chest and their nipples brushed, Ray's metal piercing cold against his skin. "Mhm, deja vu."
Red exploded across the bridge of that tanned nose and as a result Kai found himself straddled by an annoyed looking Ray.
"Hey, kitten." He grinned.
"You know that's actually a thing back home? Like when two people are in love, the man or more precisely the dominant calls his partner kitten or tiger or neko or…" At that precise moment, the anger that had momentarily vanished, giving way to excitement was again replaced by apprehension.
He bit his lower lip. "I am sorry Kai, I didn't mean to imply that you…" he trailed off, unsure of what to say only to find himself flipped to be placed underneath his Russian partner.
"I know I could have done this better baby but this was not a drunken one-night stand to me. I… I am sorry, I know conventionally this is not the right sequence of things but, just let me… just let me love you, Ray."
Golden eyes brimmed with tears and happiness and affection and Kai leaned down to kiss his precious, precious lover.
'Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now…'
They had returned after an exhausting day out, training and then a quickie in the abandoned training hall while the others ate. They hadn't told anyone anything about their relationship and that was okay. It became all the more precious, the longer it was kept a secret and it enthralled the both of them. Secret glances that nobody else noticed, or knew how to interpret. The times Ray would get all shy and flustered over a seemingly innocent lowering of Kai's voice, because only he knew the promises it held. Or that one time Max jumped out from behind a door and scared the shit out of Ray, making him cling to Kai for dear life and the Russian just couldn't hold back, dragging him out of the dojo a moment later to satisfy the more urgent of their cravings.
Cute as it was, it tired them out to constantly be walking on eggshells around their teammates. Kai wasn't ready to tell them anything though, and Ray could tell.
So the Neko quietly collapsed on to their huge, huge bed. He sighed in contentment, curling underneath the sheets already.
"I will marry your bed, I think." He told Kai when the Russian moved to lay beside his boyfriend.
"What will happen to me then?" He quirked a brow, choosing to humour his partner.
"Find a new one." Ray grinned lazily, eyes still closed. The maroon of the sheets contrasted beautifully with his skin and he grabbed a pillow from against the headboard before proceeding to cuddle it.
"Bed or boyfriend?"
"Logically speaking," Ray looked him dead in the eyes. "Both."
'Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same…'
It was Ray who got him into the world of Queen and the band's amazing music. A few months later and Ray was the only person to whom he would reluctantly admit that not only was his current favourite song by the band, but also that he was completely and thoroughly obsessed with them.
As 'Love of my Life' played on the jukebox of this dingy cafe they had come into all because the neko was desperately craving a burger just then, and Ray turned to him with an expectant smile, starting to sing along to the heartbreaking lyrics, he realised how much he cherished every moment of his days spent with him.
Suddenly, a hand took his as Ray gazed deep into his eyes still singing along to the song they both had come to adore, almost as if pouring his heart out and telling Kai how he would be completely destroyed if the Russian ever decided to leave. There was a solemnity to his eyes Kai had never seen before, almost transcending to fear as the lyrics lead his mind to wonder what life without Kai would be like and he silently begged his boyfriend to never let him find out.
Kai knew he should have gripped his hand tighter and assured him that he would never leave. He should have thrown in a kiss for good measure. He knew that now though, back then the number of people around had made him retract his hand so quickly that it left Ray floundering for a second before the expression in those eyes visibly dulled.
'When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down…'
The rest of the BladeBreakers never did find out the truth about the older two. Ray never told because Kai never let him, and after the split Kai saw no reason Ray would have wanted to talk about it. Even though once Ray had walked out Kai had an urgent need to scream it out to the world that he was Ray's first love, as Ray was his. They were each other's except they weren't anymore.
So Kai had to listen to all the unwanted details about Ray's whirlwind romance with Tyson's older brother. He had to listen when Tyson and Max openly wondered why Ray burst out crying one evening only to have Hiro rush and wrap his arms around the neko. He had to listen when Daichi explained how he had caught Ray laughing, openly laughing for the first time in two months after their break up and it was because Hiro had gotten sick of him looking so down and straight up started tickling him. He had to listen when Hilary first commented on how cute a couple they would make and Tyson finally clocked on to the realisation that his brother had a thing for Ray.
He had to listen when Kenny reported how he had heard Hiro ask Ray out on a date, down on one knee with flowers under the starlit sky and how Ray had chewed on his lower lip before smiling and saying yes, because that was how you asked someone out. You did not, under any circumstances, drunk fuck them and leave them for the entire night to think they had meant nothing more than a one night stand, disposable and random.
He had to listen to Hiro himself announce their relationship at the next blading convention because he could. Kai could swear the little shit looked challengingly, threateningly at him before grabbing on to Ray's waist and kissing his forehead in front of the entire crowd that went downright bonkers because that was what you did when you truly loved someone. You made them feel special by showing to them how proud you were to call them your own. You didn't hide them away, and make them feel like a soiled, dirty little secret.
That also made him realise exactly what Ray meant when he begged him to tell their friends at least because he couldn't bear how whenever, the Russian was out of ear shot, everyone started discussing Hilary's little crush on him and strategies to get them together. He realised exactly what Ray meant when he said that made him feel small and inconsequential.
… and he was so, so sorry.
' 'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name…'
They were all at Starbucks together because Kenny was craving coffee. Ray had ordered a drink for himself, mostly because Kenny felt conscious about going up to the till all on his own. Kai felt pride bubble in his chest at this reminder of Ray's generosity and kindness before he caught sight of Hiro distinctly murmuring something about rewards into Ray's hair, making the raven-haired beauty chuckle.
As his ex-lover's name was called out for him to go and collect his drink, he watched from his seat how Hiro kissed his cheek and got up to fetch the drink himself. It was such a simple, innocent, mindless gesture on the part of the Granger brother but it made Ray smile so wide, and Kai hurt so much because it stung him how much he had not done for Ray because he was too afraid of people knowing.
'It all just sounds like ooh ooh ooh ooh ooooh…'
Voltaire was still out there, still his legal guardian, and Kai was frankly afraid of what the homophobic asshole might do to him or Ray if he ever found out. His concern for not letting their relationship become public knowledge was legitimate, what was wrong was how his stupid pride just won't let him admit it to Ray that beyond a point, he was incapable of protecting the Chinese teen and that his grandfather, simply by existing still controlled a major part of his life.
So he said something that he didn't then realise could be so hurtful. He knew for sure, it would shut Ray up though. He had failed to consider his boyfriend wasn't like him. He cared too much about what the world thought about him. He couldn't brush away everyone's opinions like dirt, the way Kai did. He forgot how insecure he could be and how much something like this would break him.
"Look Ray, you just won't look good next to me okay? You don't suit the image I have worked so long to build. So let it be. How does it matter who knows or who doesn't?"
Ray looked stunned, but his eyes lowered to the ground, he simply nodded. He didn't bring the subject up again.
That was the first night ever that Ray shied away from his touch.
'Too young too dumb to realise…'
The meetings were piling up, the closer he came to eighteen. He had to officially lead the Hiwatari Enterprises in about two months' time and there was a lot he needed to learn. What it was costing him, was time with his precious kitten.
He barely got to wish him 'good morning' or 'good night'. Weekends were spent arguing or with Ray acting a little off around him which ultimately led to night outs with Tala and Bryan where he would proceed to bitch about how he got none at all these days. His friends entertained his complaints with equally fervent ones in other departments, basically targeting Ray in every other way, which he would drunkenly nod to because what the hell, he was pissed and drunk and it was just Tala and Bryan. It was not like they would ever mention it to Ray.
He was so so wrong.
It had been a rainy night and the house cleaner had called in sick, so Ray being the diligent person he was, picked up the slack before the three Russians marched in late in the morning tracking the hall with mud that could have easily been removed if they had taken notice of the door mat. Needless to say, that pissed off the neko-jin who had, despite knowing Kai would not come home that night, remained sitting up on the sofa waiting for his boyfriend to come and take notice of him for a few blessed minutes before he crashed of exhaustion.
"What the actual fuck?! What sort of disgusting slimy sewer did you three crawl out of?! To hell with that, why couldn't you just wipe your fucking shoes on the fucking doormat?!"
Kai had a hangover and Ray looked like the worst person just then.
"Ray shut up. It's not like you will have to clean it."
"Damn straight I will have to, just how I did it this morning and the last after Kyana called in sick yesterday! Which you would know if you spent a minute in this house yourself!"
"Well at least you are making yourself useful in other ways, now that you are not playing Kai's active bitch anymore." Ray visibly recoiled when the words came out of Tala's mouth.
He shot one betrayed, disgusted look at Kai before turning to the redhead. "Just the opinion I would expect of a fucking machine."
Kai and Bryan exchanged a tense look, both aware that said topic was still a sore spot for Tala. Ray knew too, and he was looking to injure. Or be injured, given the way Tala lunged at him, almost grabbing his throat before the Chinese martial artist danced out of his reach and brought his own palm flat against the redhead's cheek.
It was purely instinct; Kai would swear later. Back in the abbey when they had to stick close to so much as survive, it was an unspoken rule that when one of the five was hurt, all retaliated. Apparently, Bryan had managed to bear in mind what his captain had said to the neko and how his actions were basically self-defence but Kai, drunk and furious, Ray's own boyfriend hadn't.
He grabbed Ray's arm, twisting him around to bring him face to face with himself, fist raised to punch the daylights out of him before wide, scared golden eyes brought him back to his senses.
Tala chuckled from the safety of Bryan's arms. "He agrees with me, you know."
Ray spun on his heels and left the house without his phone, jacket or anything else.
'That I should have bought you flowers…'
Their car was parked outside a cute little flower shop as they waited for the driver to return with their coffees that they had ordered from the cafe next door. Ray was gazing spell bound at a huge bunch of beautiful velvety red roses displayed outside.
"Buy me those, please." He smiled sweetly at Kai and it was the first time in an entire month that Ray had given him that particular smile.
Kai felt his spirits soar and he jokingly said, "What are you, my wife?"
It was just a little joke. He would have bought the roses for his baby of course. He was just trying to lighten the tension between them by reverting back to his usual sarcastic humour, but the moment Ray's face crumpled back into his little mask of hurt Kai realised what shitty timing this was, and how this was their first date together in three months, and how Ray rarely, if ever, asked for anything, and how he had smiled at Kai like that for the first time in an entire month.
He quickly texted his driver to pick up the roses on his way back in but apparently that wasn't the right thing to do either because when the man returned with the bunch, Ray never even looked at it.
'And held your hand…'
Hilary excitedly laced her arm through Kai's, blatantly hitting on him in a crowded mall at this point. He felt eyes digging in the back of his skull, Ray's, but they had fought that morning about how little time they spent together anymore and he had accused Ray of being a little too needy. Consequently he had refrained from so much as looking in Kai's direction the entire day and Kai was starting to feel a little petty.
He did not untangle his arm from hers and the eyes dropped away. Kai smirked.
When they finally reached the arcade a few paces ahead of everyone and turned around to wait for the rest of the gang, Kai realised Ray was not with them. He turned an inquisitive brow on Max.
"Oh your roommate? He left just a minute ago, said his head was starting to burst with pain."
Kai gritted his teeth.
'Should have gave you all my hours…'
Kai returned home that night exhausted and guilty. It was their anniversary and he had promised Ray they would go out and have dinner wherever the Chinese teen chose to, that they would dance to Ray's favourite songs and make love under the stars when they got back home. Kai had even remembered to have a huge bunch of red roses picked up.
A meeting had come up out of nowhere though, and it was too late to go out now. He was sure Ray would be furious. He wasn't going to get to take his beauty under the night sky and would have to deal with a very, very angry neko-jin. So he was surprised to find the dining hall lit up with candles almost burnt out, his favourite delicacies laid out on the table, wine glasses filled and a lonely Ray asleep in his seat.
His heart squeezed with love and guilt and he swore to make it up to the guy in the morning as he gently carried his dozing lover up to their room in his arms.
By the time sun rose and Ray woke up curled in their bed, Kai had left for work again.
'When I had the chance…'
Ray looked slightly dejected. He had made reservations at his favourite Chinese restaurant to celebrate the first month of his relationship with Hiro who was always excited to try out whatever Ray bothered to say was something he liked. Apparently, he had forgotten over the week and set up a meeting with Mr. Dickenson and a few other board members for the exact same time and by the time Ray called him to ask him how much longer Hiro was gonna make him wait, the older man was already halfway to the compound across the city.
So Ray had smiled politely, even though his boyfriend couldn't see him over the phone and assured Hiro it was no big deal, that it was only one month, not like their anniversary or anything and that he wasn't mad and still loved him, before hanging up with a sigh.
That was about forty five minutes ago. Kai was still debating with himself what was the best way to approach the lonely neko right now without suffering any damage to his own person. This was back when Kai was still trying to win Ray back, when he still couldn't see how Hiro could ever make Ray happier than he did, when he was still an arrogant, blind fool.
The main door of the dojo swung open and in came Hiro carrying the biggest bunch of roses painted midnight blue, like the shirt Ray had put on, and a huge dorky smile on his face. He walked over to his surprised boyfriend and handed him the flowers with a flourish before telling him he was gonna change quickly and they could still make it in time.
Shocked, Ray grabbed his shirt sleeve. "What about your meeting, Hiro?"
The blue-haired man turned to fully face the younger neko before grabbing his elbow and pulling him to his feet. Hiro cupped Ray's face in his hands and placed the softest kiss he could against the plump, pliant lips before pulling back and staring dead into warm golden eyes. He brushed his thumb across Ray's lips and said,
"Priorities."
'Take you to every party cause all you ever wanted to do was dance…'
The club was packed and no way in hell was anyone going to recognise anyone here.
Kai could practically see desire rise in Ray's eyes as he took in sight all those couples dancing together on the dance floor, more than a few gay couples in the crowded bar.
"Please Kai, just one dance."
Back when their relationship started, Kai would make a point of fulfilling every single one of Ray's wishes whether they were earnest or in jest. Now, it seemed like all Ray did was beg and all Kai could do was disappoint him.
He could never bring himself to look Ray in the eyes and say, "I am scared, I am scared he will do something to you, love. I am not ashamed of you. It would feel so good to scream my devotion to you from the top of the world but Ray I am just very scared. I can't lose you, I can't risk it."
So all he did was give Ray a stern glare and make his way over to the bar, waving him off in the direction of the dance floor almost as if ordering him to get lost and have his wishes fulfilled elsewhere, by any one of the random men who would surely be all too eager to feel him up.
That was the first time Kai lay in bed at night, pretending to be asleep and listening to Ray trying to muffle his sobs instead. It tore him to not be able to comfort the love of his life, but he didn't know how he could ever face him again.
'Now my baby's dancing, but she's dancing with another man…'
It was an afterparty thrown to celebrate their fifth world victory and it brought about a stunning revelation. Hiro Granger couldn't dance. Yet, he made a fool of himself with a happy smile when he realised what it meant to Ray, who in turn ignored all the stepped-on toes and clumsy movements, carefully guiding his lover as to how and when to move, with a content smile and loving eyes.
Kai put his fist through the glass window of the washroom that night.
'My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways…'
BBA had just undertaken a project funded by the Hiwatari enterprises which required foreign collaboration. Being the young CEO of the company Kai had to accompany one of their overseas guests to the evening dinner and intimate her of the details regarding the entire exchange in a manner that would earn favourable support, given this particular woman was the richest amongst those present, incredibly important to the furthering of their goal and could land him a profit of millions.
He won't normally give up any of his rare hours with the neko-jin for anything but this was too good a deal for Kai to even attempt refusing and he clearly remembered Ray mentioning he had been invited by some of his friends to dinner and drinks that night, so the Russian obliged.
He hadn't bothered asking who these friends were or where they planned to go, hence he did not know how to react when he saw Ray lounging against the bar in a crisp white shirt, sleeves folded up to the elbows and the first few buttons undone, the picture of casual grace and playfulness with an arm around Max Tate's shoulders. Frankly, even if Mr. D had neglected to inform him his old team mates were going to be present he should have known. The BladeBreakers were the old man's trophies and he gave up no chance to display them with unmatched pride.
He tried to make sure when he went to meet Ray he did it alone, but the woman, whatever the fuck her name was, kept their arms laced together, eyelashes coquettishly fluttering and lips pouting, clearly hoping to gain more out of the evening than what was on the table, despite how standoffish Kai tried to act. He couldn't risk pissing her off though, so after having referred to his aching ankle as an excuse to avoid dancing for the third time when she was still no closer to giving up, Kai gave in.
Holding her felt like torture. His arms just couldn't find the right way around her trim frame, because she wasn't Ray.
… no, Ray was staring at them from across the room.
Fifteen minutes later, the Chinese joined the crowd on the dance floor with a partner of his own. A random man they had never met before, Kai noted with distaste. What really pissed him off was how Ray ground his butt against the older man's pelvis, touching him every fucking where and letting him return the favour. They danced a little too close, for a little too long and Kai could do nothing but glare the entire time.
So when the guests began departing and Ray let the rando drive him to their home, Kai saw red.
He sat in their room positively frothing at the mouth as he waited for his slut of a boyfriend to get back home. When he heard the door downstairs open, his hand clutched the bedsheets tighter. Ray's footsteps were heralded by a jaunty whistle that set Kai's blood boiling. He didn't know he could feel those levels of anger at all.
The first thing Ray said to him when he entered the room was, "Make sure you take off those shoes before falling asleep. I am not doing it for you."
Kai growled, actually growled. "You seem a little too happy tonight, Kon."
"No thanks to you." He went about setting his keys and phone aside, before reaching to undo his shirt while simultaneously kicking off his shoes. The words, the nonchalance, the mindless stripping…
Kai slammed Ray against the wall. The same wall he had first kissed him against was going to be splattered with the Chinese teen's guts now. Ray struggled against him and Kai bit down on his exposed shoulder in a manner of responding. That stilled Ray.
"Did him in good tonight, did you? In the back of his car at our doorstep? That would be desperate enough to turn you on, I suppose."
Kai was shoved off with such strength that the back of his knees collided with the bed frame, making him fall back, immediately turning the advantage of height in Ray's favour. His looked positively livid, eyes slits and fangs bared.
"Where do you get off, you disgusting bitch?!"
"Where do I get off?! What the hell do you mean, where I get off when you were the one acting like a practicing whore tonight?!"
"Why? What about my arm candy was so different than yours that it made me a practicing whore and you an affectionate lover?!" Ray practically seethed by the end of the question. "Was it the fact that the diamonds on his left hand alone couldn't buy my entire existence like your Isabella's could?! He would probably have to throw in his expensive, designer shoes as well but I think we could manage!"
Kai started to sit up but Ray just shoved him right back down. "Because I assumed that was all they were, Kai! Bloody arm candies for one bloody night that shouldn't realistically bother the men we are actually committed to, which happens to be ourselves, haha what a joke! Or were they more? Was your Isabella more to you than a nightly obligation?" His voice had dropped steadily and even when his sneer turned into a hurt smile Kai didn't try to sit up.
Ray spun on his heel and headed towards the washroom before stopping and turning half his face to consider his lover, he whispered, "I suppose she does look good next to you, supports the image you have worked so long to build."
'Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out of my life…'
Ray didn't go out of his way to speak to him after that incident, neither did he try to blow Kai off in any sense. He behaved just as he was wont to do recently, and Kai was surprised to notice how different it was than in the beginning of their relationship. Conversation was to the point now, 'good morning', 'breakfast is ready', 'I will be back home by so and so.', 'alright, take care' when earlier they would joke about mindless topics and feel ridiculously giddy when they reached across the table to kiss each other goodbye.
It was like the love in their relationship was dead. He was downright shocked to realise how long he had managed to ignore it for. It scared Kai right out of his mind, so much so that when Ray noticed the panic in his eyes, he sighed and enveloped the Russian in a hug, the closest and most intimate hug they had shared out of the bedroom in a while.
Kai in turn closed his arms around the neko's waist, burying his nose in the sweet smelling hair. "We'll be fine Ray." And it was more of a question than a statement.
A question Ray didn't bother answering.
'Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made…'
"Please Ray I am sorry! You know I am sorry. I will be better! I love you, listen to me I love you!"
'And it haunts me every time I close my eyes…"
"No, Kai you don't love me and I don't think I love you anymore either."
'It all just sounds like ooh ooh ooh ooh ooooh…'
Golden eyes were clouded over with a thin film of tears but the jaw was set and the face was calm and Kai realised Ray had truly moved on, found love again, and decided to be happy with him.
They danced together in silence, unable to look away from each other. Kai could feel tears tracking down his cheeks and he could feel everyone staring. He had just given himself away he knew, and he didn't care anymore. He deserved the harsh judgement of their friends when the details of their little romance all those years ago were undoubtedly going to be unravelled later tonight for everyone to scrutinise and poke at.
… and even though Kai was, for the second time in his life, reduced to begging again, he bit his words back and smiled sadly. At least, it was only Ray who knew how pathetic he truly was. Ray, his happy ending that he wrecked with his own hands.
'Too young, too dumb to realise…
That I should've bought you flowers…
And held your hand.
Should have gave you all my hours…
When I had the chance.
Take you to every party cause all you ever wanted to do was dance.
Now my baby's dancing, but she's dancing with another man.'
Hiro watched from next to Tyson as Ray visibly struggled with bursting into tears. The recollections were painful, but Hiro knew it was the closure Kai deserved as well as Ray did, so he remained still and waited for when he could whisk his beautiful angel away.
"Although it hurts," Kai guided Ray's head on to his shoulder and the man he had watched the Chinese teen grow into, the bloody amazing, kind, generous, loving and loved man sucked in a breath to hold back a sob as gentle whispers carried the words Kai was singing against his neck to his ears.
"I will be the first to say that,
I was wrong.
Oh, I know its probably much too late,
To try and apologise for my mistakes,
But I just want you to know."
They had stopped moving now. Ray was sobbing and Kai's voice was cracking, his hands disjointedly stroking the raven hair he had once been the only one who had the privilege to touch. Every time he watched Hiro card his fingers through the strands, a part of him wanted to twist his fingers right off his hands, but when Ray's quiet and content sighs reached him, a much smaller part of him thanked the heavens that Hiro Granger was ten times the man he had ever been.
"I hope he buys you flowers," he resumed singing.
"I hope he holds your hand,
Gives you all his hours,
While he has a chance,
Takes you to every party, cause I remember how much you loved to dance,
Do all the things I should've done,
When I was your man.
Do all the things I should've done,
When I was your man."
Disentangling himself from the now weak and clingy limbs, Kai stepped back, appearing calm and composed as always. That night, for the first and last time in his life, he walked away from a crying Ray.
—
"Just let me… just let me love you, Ray."
"Crazy old sourpuss, you better do because I love you too. I love you so much it hurts me."
