My Cabaret, Buffy, Phantom of the Opera, Forbidden Game, Labyrinth, Rocky Horror , Star Wars Crossover Extravaganza!

Disclaimer: Don't own any of 'em except my disturbing humor.

PROLOGUE: When the stories of these characters ended, we were left with somewhat interesting plot lines. I have changed a few things and so here is what happened: In Cabaret, the Emcee was desperately in love with Victor, but damn that Bobby! He had an affair with Vic behind the Emcee's back and then went and had a foursome with Cliff and Sally. In Buffy, Angel came back into the picture and had hot raging nights without poor Spiky knowing. In POTO, as we all know, Raoul won Christine's heart in the end, leaving poor Phantom to bask in despair. The Forbidden Game ended with Julian's name scratched off, and Jenny back in Tom's loving embrace. Unfortunately for Tommy boy, Julian's name has been re-written. In the Labyrinth, Sarah had no way of contacting Jareth, and thus, rejected him, and focused on her significant other, Sir Lancelot, the teddy bear. In that crazy Rocky Horror Picture Show, Frank-n-furter's creation, Rocky, was taken away by Janet, who insisted to Brad that they keep him as their....er...pet. Lastly, Star Wars erupted in a bang, when Anakin altered his DNA, made himself youthful and unburned while still running the empire, went back in the past, and discovered that Obi Won and Padmé were more than just friends. In a fit of rage, he went to Master Yoda, told him the news, and then discovered that Yoda was a little closer to Obi Won then he initially thought. To get back at their cheating lovers, they had an affair with each other. Lets just say ewwww. So without further ado, on to the fiction.

CHAPTER 1: THE PLAN

Midnight. All is tranquil. Ever cascading mountains of water tumble down narrow peaks. The beauty is unbelievable. Yet silence is not inevitable, for strange creatures lurk unseen. They are men on the surface , yet most are inhuman within. Their strange cult has formed, and within the depths of their fiery circle, one speaks:

EMCEE: Mmmmmm! ello! bonsai! I am your host! ello ladies (raises eyebrow at those in tights) and gentleman! (looks hungrily at the more macho in the crowd) As you all know, we have been called here to discuss the kidnapping of zhe ones we love. We all have zhat special someone. Mmmhm! And tonight, under zhe control of magic and other sextacular things, we will have our dames!

(Everyone claps in agreement)

Frank-N-furter: MMMMM! I like that one. For those of you who don't know, I am doctor Frank-N-futer. And I, can make you a man. A yummy man. And I want my man back. I made him myself, with blonde hair and a tan, and he's good for a little nights ten....

SPIKE: Bloody hell! No one gives a damn you freak. Just tell me how I can get the slayer. I know that deep down she wants me. Sadly, and against my will, I have fallen for her.

JULIAN: Egad man! I know what you mean! I too, have fallen for a mortal. She came in to my shadowy shadow world and rocked it hard.

EMCEE: Oh? So you had group sex too?

(Men look at each other sheepishly)

Anakin: Well I for one think we need a leader. That is why, I, Anakin Skywalker, appoint myself dictator of this clan.

Yoda: Young Skywalker must wait a minute says I. The imperial force is not aware to many men. (Yoda pauses, then blinks seductively at Ani) Isn't that right Darthy Poo?

( Anakin blushes furiously and makes rapid hand movements in an attempt to perform the Jedi mind trick on the others.)

Emcee: Oh? So you know zhis sign language too? Zhen tell me, what doez zhis mean:

(The emcee drops his pants and makes disturbing movements with his...er...hips. A loud bellowing suddenly comes from a shady corner of the circle.)

Phantom: Damn you! Curse you all! What is all this dictatorship and sex? Do none of you see that I am the Angel? That the Angel of Darkness is upon you?

Half the clan: We bow down to you Satan!

Spike: (grumbling) I'd like to give Angel a piece of my mind...

Emcee and Frank-n- furter : (eyes glazed over) You can be upon me any day!

(Phantom smacks himself and sits down by the fire and starts roasting a marshmallow.)

(Jareth, standing back from the group, suddenly speaks up for the first time)

Jareth: I propose a kidnapping plan. I think all of us should kidnap our own girl (looks irritably at some men), or boy...

Emcee: Oh Victor!

(Jareth rolls eyes and continues) And then we bring them back here and tell their significant others, and come on people! There always is one, that once they reach here they have 13 hours to solve the labyrinth or they lose them forever!(Jareth says this all very fast and erupts into hysterical high pitched giggling)

(The others just look at each other blankly until Julian finally speaks up) Why can't it be a haunted house?

Phantom: Yes! or an underground sewer complex?

Emcee: Or escaping the grasp of my tightly pinched butt cheeks?

(Frank-n-furter licks lips and moans while the rest just groan)

Jareth: (sighing sarcastically) Fine, fine! We'll just have to put the girls at the top of a haunted house in the center of the Labyrinth which is located in a complex underground sewer system...

Julian: With one of the nightmares being to find a man wearing pancake make-up with a swastika on his butt chasing after you backwards trying to furiously clamp you between his ass cheeks!

(Men consider this and look at Anakin for approval)

Anakin: (pondering) Mmmmm....ummm....

Emcee: Don't do zhat! You are making me pine for Victor!

(Anakin scoffs) Fine. What the hell. As long as I get Padmé back safely from Obi Won (Yoda's eyes fill with tears, exposing the longing within) and for goodness sake man, make sure the significant others don't win.

(Jareth and Julian present high fives to each other when no looks)

END CHAPTER 1