Large, Evil-Smelling Green Onion
'Neville Longbottom bought a large, evil-smelling green onion, a pointed purple crystal, and a rotting newt tail before the other Gryffindor boys pointed out that he was in no danger; he was a pure-blood, and therefore unlikely to be attacked.' COS, p185
But who would sell such things to poor, naive Neville?
Someone crafty, clever, and trying to make a buck.
"Lee, I really don't think I-"
"You saw, they went for Filch first, and he's a Squib! They're not going for only people with nonmagical bloodlines, they're going for anyone who can't say a spell."
"But-do I really need all-all this?"
"Okay, look, I'll go over it again. The onion, I mean, you've heard that garlic repels vampires right?"
"Uh-huh."
"And onions are like, a couple hundred times more potent than garlic." Before Neville could think about it too long, Lee rushed on. "And it not only repels vampires, but most large animals, and mummies too!"
Neville had time only to wonder, 'How could something I've eaten on hot dogs protect me against all that?' before Lee pulled something else out of his coat pocket. It was a large, pointed, purple crystal, dangling on a rusty silver chain.
"See this? The crystal reflects negative energy and most curses, so if the beast in the Chamber knows magic, you're covered. The purple color will scare off any smaller animals, like, ahem, Cornish pixies. And if you look through the crystal, you can see people under invisibility cloaks. And the chain? Pure silver! Real protection against werewolves."
Poor Neville was still wondering how you were supposed to look through something that pointy when Lee patted down his pockets and pulled out something who's smell even over-powered the onion.
"Genuine newt tail, slightly rotted but still good, protects against...against..."
"Against what?"
"Er, well...when do you ever use newt tails or other newt parts?"
"Potions?"
"YES! Potions! Um, well, see, this newt tail will, um, protect you against poisons!"
"What?" Even Neville was a bit skeptical about that.
"Y'see, er, you dip the tip into your food or drink or whatever, and it will-turn green, if it detects poison."
"Lee, isn't it already green?"
Thinking quickly, Lee glanced in his pocket. "Oh yeah, I had Potions before lunch..."
"I'll take it."
"Take what?"
"All of it."
"Good choice, that'll be...let's see...seven galleons...carry the two..."
Two minutes later, Lee was counting his money and chuckling.
"Too easy, just way too easy..." He hummed to himself.
"Jeepers, Lee, you have no shame." He spun around, terrified, but when he saw it was Fred and George, he relaxed.
"Can you blame me? I've made at least thirty-five galleons, on first years and that Neville kid alone! For this kind of money, I can pay someone to feel bad for me."
"Where do I apply?" George smirked. Fred rolled his eyes.
"Well, if that stuff works, he will be well protected. I was keeping track in 'Magical Creatures.' Practically the only thing you didn't offer him protection against were basilisks."
Lee snorted. "Get real, Fred. I may be full of shit, but you are too if you believe there's some over-grown gutter snake is crawling around."
'Neville Longbottom bought a large, evil-smelling green onion, a pointed purple crystal, and a rotting newt tail before the other Gryffindor boys pointed out that he was in no danger; he was a pure-blood, and therefore unlikely to be attacked.' COS, p185
But who would sell such things to poor, naive Neville?
Someone crafty, clever, and trying to make a buck.
"Lee, I really don't think I-"
"You saw, they went for Filch first, and he's a Squib! They're not going for only people with nonmagical bloodlines, they're going for anyone who can't say a spell."
"But-do I really need all-all this?"
"Okay, look, I'll go over it again. The onion, I mean, you've heard that garlic repels vampires right?"
"Uh-huh."
"And onions are like, a couple hundred times more potent than garlic." Before Neville could think about it too long, Lee rushed on. "And it not only repels vampires, but most large animals, and mummies too!"
Neville had time only to wonder, 'How could something I've eaten on hot dogs protect me against all that?' before Lee pulled something else out of his coat pocket. It was a large, pointed, purple crystal, dangling on a rusty silver chain.
"See this? The crystal reflects negative energy and most curses, so if the beast in the Chamber knows magic, you're covered. The purple color will scare off any smaller animals, like, ahem, Cornish pixies. And if you look through the crystal, you can see people under invisibility cloaks. And the chain? Pure silver! Real protection against werewolves."
Poor Neville was still wondering how you were supposed to look through something that pointy when Lee patted down his pockets and pulled out something who's smell even over-powered the onion.
"Genuine newt tail, slightly rotted but still good, protects against...against..."
"Against what?"
"Er, well...when do you ever use newt tails or other newt parts?"
"Potions?"
"YES! Potions! Um, well, see, this newt tail will, um, protect you against poisons!"
"What?" Even Neville was a bit skeptical about that.
"Y'see, er, you dip the tip into your food or drink or whatever, and it will-turn green, if it detects poison."
"Lee, isn't it already green?"
Thinking quickly, Lee glanced in his pocket. "Oh yeah, I had Potions before lunch..."
"I'll take it."
"Take what?"
"All of it."
"Good choice, that'll be...let's see...seven galleons...carry the two..."
Two minutes later, Lee was counting his money and chuckling.
"Too easy, just way too easy..." He hummed to himself.
"Jeepers, Lee, you have no shame." He spun around, terrified, but when he saw it was Fred and George, he relaxed.
"Can you blame me? I've made at least thirty-five galleons, on first years and that Neville kid alone! For this kind of money, I can pay someone to feel bad for me."
"Where do I apply?" George smirked. Fred rolled his eyes.
"Well, if that stuff works, he will be well protected. I was keeping track in 'Magical Creatures.' Practically the only thing you didn't offer him protection against were basilisks."
Lee snorted. "Get real, Fred. I may be full of shit, but you are too if you believe there's some over-grown gutter snake is crawling around."
