Okay, while I'm working my butt off on my other story, In Truth, None of It Was Fiction, I've decided to do a series of brief one-shots.
This is an idea that I've actually had in my head for a while, but until now, it was just a list. Nothing more. Buuut, I've decided to turn it into a fanfiction for all you people out there.
This is KarmaHope, introducing: The Top Ten Ways to Fail as an Alchemist
I guess it's gonna be sorta crackfic-y, but not too much? Maybe? I dunno. I'm just gonna write it.
Feel free to make suggestions as to other ways an alchemist can fail! I've only got four so far, so I'm gonna need some help!
-o_o-
1) Transmute a Cactus- Without a Transmutation Circle
It was high noon in the middle of summer and, for some reason, Edward and Alphonse Elric were traipsing through the middle of the desert.
"Al," Edward whined, "Why did we choose now to go and visit Liore?"
"Don't ask me brother," was the unsympathetic answer, "You were the one who made the decision!"
The alchemists walked on in silence. The sand was hot, the sun was hot, the air was hot- everything was just hot, hot, hot!
There was nothing in sight for miles. Just endless expanses of burning yellow sand. A small lizard scurried by the boys' feet, but the two weary travelers paid no attention to it. Unhindered, it continued on its way.
Ed and Al kept walking for what seemed like hours. "I hate deserts," was the often-muttered refrain that emerged from the elder boy's mouth.
"I agre-" suddenly, Al's voice was cut short.
"Al?" Ed quickly looked around him. "Al!" Where could he have gone?
"Brother!" came the muffled response, "Down here!"
Edward facepalmed. "Again? This happened last time we were doing something like this!"
"I know!" Alphonse yelled back up to his brother, "Can you just get me out of here, please?"
Twenty minutes later, both of them were once again on the surface of the sand. After Al had been emptied, they continued on their journey.
One hour later . . .
Edward was dragging his feet, nearly bent over double. "Thirsty," he muttered.
Al looked at his brother in concern. When things had gotten this bad the last time, at least they had already been in Liore. This time, they were still stranded out in the middle of the scorching sun.
Suddenly, his eyes caught something. "Hey, brother! What's that?" he asked, pointing.
"What's what?" Ed questioned blearily, squinting in the direction that his younger brother was pointing. At first, he couldn't see anything. Then gradually, he could make out a dark blob on the horizon.
"I dunno," he told his brother. "Maybe we should get a closer look."
As they turned course to head towards it, Alphonse cried out, "It looks like a person waving!"
"Person?" Ed's head shot up. "If there's a person, then maybe he has- WATER!"
His weariness forgotten Ed sprinted towards the human-like figure. "!"
When he got within ten feet, he screeched to a halt. "AL!" he called back over his shoulder, "It isn't a person! It's a weird green thing!"
He waited as Alphonse caught up.
"Oh! It's a cactus!" the younger Elric exclaimed.
"What good is that?" the older Elric complained.
"Brother, cacti are mostly water!"
"Mostly . . . water . . ." Ed got an evil grin on his face. "Watch out Al, I'm gonna feel a whole lot better after this!" With that, he clapped his hands, preparing for a transmutation.
"Wait, no! Brother! Cactuses have-"
Too late. Edward sprinted the remaining ten feet towards the tall green desert plant. His hands were outstretched, eagerly awaiting.
"-spines . . ." Al finished weakly. "Too late."
"OOOOWWWWWWW! What the hell!"
The younger Elric walked up to where his brother was impaled on the spiny plant.
"I tried to warn you, brother," he told his impetuous sibling, "But you didn't listen."
"I don't give a damn!" Ed yelled, "Just get me offa this thing!"
Alphonse merely shook his head, doing as his brother had requested. Will he ever learn? He wondered.
After that incident, Edward would always shy away from anything that resembled a tall, green plant. Envy always wondered why . . .
-o_o-
Soooo . . . moral of this story? Don't attempt to transmute cacti without a circle. Oh, and that I am completely bored during Social Studies class. (Not that that's why I came up with this idea or anything . . . *looks to one side and whistles*
Ah, well. Up next- an incident with Red Water . . .
