Gone
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Janet Evanovich's characters
a/n so this is just a short little ficlet that I got into my head. And no, I haven't given up on run away but as well as a lot of stuff that has been going I've had a pretty bad case of writer's block. But it is on its way! Enjoy!
It was two in the morning and I was still awake. Usually, this would be an oddity in my life. I wasn't a night person. Or a morning person. Really, I was just a midday till maybe 8 person. But that's not the point. This had really become a routine for me. Throw myself into my work during the day, go home, eat something that Ranger wouldn't even call food for dinner, waste my time one way or another until there was nothing left to do, climb into bed and wait for exhaustion to force my body to sleep and wake up the next day early, hoping that Ranger would be there to make me run but knowing he wouldn't be.
I could feel myself sag as my traitorous mind mentioned Ranger's name. I knew I was in love with him. I'd finally accepted that when I saw his body on my apartment floor. The thought still haunts me that he could have died and never known. So, when he called me to tell me he was leaving, I asked to meet him in his apartment.
Flashback
I wiped sweaty palms on my jeans as I walked towards Ranger's apartment. I will not back down from this I told myself firmly. Imagine if he doesn't return from this. He deserves to know how I feel about him, even if he could never return the feelings. He had told me more than once that his life and relationships didn't mix. I took a deep breath and let myself into Ranger's apartment.
He was on his couch on his laptop, clearly waiting for me, otherwise he'd be down in his office.
He stood up when I came in, a small smile on his lips. I drew in a shaky sigh and looked down at my feet. Shit, maybe I couldn't do this.
I heard footsteps approach me. But it wasn't until Ranger's fingers lifted up my chin that I looked at him. He looked concerned, his dark eyes unusually unsettled. 'Babe?' his voice is soft and questioning, looking deep into my eyes as if to see what was bothering me by just looking at me. Mind you, it seemed to be a more common occurrence with him then I was willing to admit. Damn ESP.
I took a deep breath, trying to remember why I came here tonight. You love him. You love him. You love him. Stop being such a chicken and tell him. I repeated that mantra in my head for a few moments before I had the courage to open my mouth. 'Ranger, I wanted to talk to you before you left tomorrow.' He nodded and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the couch and onto his lap.
Cuddling into that oh so familiar warm chest, I worked up the courage to open my mouth again. After a minute of breathing in the scent that was purely Ranger, bulgari, gun powder and something that was just pure him, I pulled away to look into his eyes. 'I don't know how to do this Ranger. I don't do this. And it's hard.' I paused for a moment and saw him nod minusculey.
I blew out a sigh and continued. 'The Scrog affair scared the shit out of me Ranger. And not because he kidnapped me; not because he kidnapped your daughter; hell not really even because he strapped a bomb to my chest. What scared me was seeing you on the floor of my apartment, not knowing if you were dead or dying.'
I took another deep breath, mentally armouring myself with the unknown yet gentle emotion in Ranger's eyes, the warmth of his embrace. 'I was scared shitless that you were dead, and I'd never be able to tell you how much I love you.'
I looked down as I said this, not quite brave enough to look Ranger in the eye when I said those three little words. 'And now you're going away again to who knows where, and I had to make sure you knew before you left.'
After a moment of silence, I looked up to see Ranger looking at me seriously. 'You love me babe?' His voice sounded almost astonished. I felt myself smile, bottom lip slightly trembling as I nodded, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I saw brilliant joy spill plainly across his features, unable to be contained by that notorious 'blank mask'.
The joy on his face not slipping, his lips crashed down on mine, victorious and ecstatic. I kissed hungrily back, not wanting to loose the man pressing me into the couch.
Eventually, he broke away, his eyes shining, and rested his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes, a smile on his lips. 'Love you too babe.' I felt myself relax muscles I didn't know I'd tensed at his words. I let my eyes flutter closed too. We stayed in this relaxed pose for a minute or two before I felt his lips softly caress mine. I let my eyes open to see that his eyes were looking deeply into mine. He let his lips touch mine lightly before his eyes locked again with mine. 'Will you stay with me tonight Steph.'
I felt a few tears creep down my cheeks. He was leaving tomorrow. Leaving. I wasn't willing to let him go yet. I nodded with another smile and kissed him again slowly. Smiling at me softly, he lifted me up in his arms. For the first time I realized that his gaze shared an equal portion of love and lust. It didn't seem like that different a gaze then usual, maybe more open. But I knew it hadn't always been that way. There was definitely a time that his glance was full of lust alone. That gaze that always brought on a low tingling in my belly. I bathed in that glance, memorising it for when he was off battling the evil of the world. I reached up to stroke his cheek as he carried me through his bedroom door.
It had been two months since that night. And I wasn't coping. Not really. I think I was fooling everyone though. Except maybe Lester. He'd been keeping a strangely close eye on me, like he could tell I wasn't alright. I was trying to avoid him. His scrutiny always put me on edge. He always found a way to be near me though. And even though he sometimes made me uncomfortable with his unrelenting gaze, he treated me like his little sister. The others did too, but not as much as Lester.
In the absolute quiet of my apartment, a shrill ring cut through it like fingers on a chalkboard. After jumping about a foot in the air, I picked up the phone next to me, trying to quell down the excitement that was asking why anyone would call me this early in the morning.
'Hello?' I answered, subconsciously holding my breath as to who was on the other end and why. 'Steph?' Damn it. My hope was desperately clawing back, mingled with my fear, when I heard Lester's voice. 'Les? Is there a reason you're calling me at 2 in the morning? I mean it's not even really a time people usually call other people. Even to go running it would still…'
'Steph!' Lester's voice cut through my nervous rambling. I shut up and waited for him to continue. 'He's back Steph.'
