OK, this is probably the worst thing ever, but it was clogging up my hard drive, so what the hell. It's going up. Wrote it quite a while ago, I THINK it's my first ever piece of fanfiction, so it's at least a year old.

I own nothing but the idea

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'Ow, ow, OUCH! Jesus fuck that hurts!'
'Stop it Owen, I have to get these out quickly.'
Owen flinched again, overdramatically in Tosh's opinion.
'Bloody alien cactus.' he grumbled, and then swore again as Tosh yanked out another particularly big spiky lump of plant.
'Oestrolepitha.' exclaimed Jack from the doorway.
'And what the hell is that supposed to mean?' snapped Owen.
'It's Costnian for exploding plant. The official Torchwood name for it is 'dynamite flower', for obvious reasons.' Now stop being a baby and let Toshiko take those thorns out. They're mildly poisonous.'
Ianto looked at Owen's screwed up face, and allowed himself a secret smile. Owen was such a prat sometimes, but this one really took the biscuit.

The team had been going about their usual business, Ianto was making coffee, Tosh was doing her computer stuff, Gwen and Jack were in Jack's office doing whatever they did while they were in there, and Owen was cleaning up a young lad who had got on the wrong side of a weevil. Nothing too serious, mainly because Owen had shot it before it could do any real damage. As they couldn't send him to the hospital because they'd ask too many questions about what happened, they decided to take him back to base and treat him there and then retcon the hell out him.
When Owen had finished he sent him up out the tourist info centre way with a can of coke with added retcon.
Owen was just mopping up the blood when Ianto and Tosh heard a bang, and smoke started billowing out of the medical bay doors.
'Holy shit!' Jack and Gwen had heard it too and were legging it towards the smoke, Gwen swearing like a trooper.
A shape appeared in the smoke. It was Owen, dubious brown spikes lodged in his arm and shoulder.
'Bloody thing exploded!' he yelled, staggering into the main Hub.
Seeing the brown spikes, Jack leapt into action.
'Gwen, get the big tweezers, Tosh, you're the gentlest, you'll have to take them out, and Owen, you're gonna want to sit down. This is gonna hurt. Quite a lot.' Jack tried not to look pleased, and actually managed, for a few seconds anyway.
'Ow!' Owen's yelp shocked Ianto back to the present.
Jack shook his head wearily. 'There are two major rules you learnt when you joined Torchwood. One, don't mess with the rift, and two, don't with what comes out of the rift. Have you leant your lesson yet?'
'Yes.' muttered Owen sulkily.
And all was calm. Until a few days later, when Owen bit into a blue apple...

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Yeah, it was terrible. Review if ya want lol