To Let Out a Puff

I never meant to smoke pot, it just happened. Axel handed me a smoke and under peer pressure and alcohol I took it. I got used to it thought, it became easier to inhale it in and exhale it out. It became a way to get away from it all, from the stress, from the pressure, from life. It became my sanctuary, my peace of mind.

This night was like any other Friday night. Roxas, Axel, and I were in the front of small house, Demyx's house, he invited us to come over to celebrate his now twenty-first birthday. Since he turned twenty-one there was of course alcohol everywhere you looked and everyone all up on each other trying to see if they could just get a taste of sweet sex.

It had been about thirty minutes before Axel pulled Roxas and me to the front of the house for a smoke. I was wearing a baggy tank, something I had become used to wearing. The sleeves hung so low you could see the majority of my side, with some skinny black jeans and a pair of lose combat boots with a black bennie covering up the top of my head but letting my bangs hit my face, I felt like a badass wearing all black. Roxas was wearing close to the same as me except he was wearing a pair of classic black vans and a Red Hot Chili Pepper logo on the front of his baggy tank top. Axel was attired in a black shirt that had a Green Day logo on it but was blocked by a loose red and black flannel with skinny black jeans and a pair of combat boots. We all had gauges, I had a size 8.25mm, Roxas had 10.4, and Axel is at an astonishing 12.7.

"Alright fuckers lets light up!" Axel said with a cocky grin on his lips. Roxas and I both smiled at his comment as we both took a joint and leaning against the front wall of the small house.

I leaned over to Roxas who had brought the lighter as he light both mine and his, he then leaned over to Axel and did the same.

I took a puff, leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, listening to the classic rock band play through the radio. It was 'Kashmir' by Led Zeppelin, one of my favorite songs. I took another puff, the smoke thickened, I couldn't see in front of me, just a huge thick cloud of smoke. It wasn't until I took my third puff a figure was walking towards us. A beautiful one, body so thin but at the same time so gorgeous. It was a figure by which shape and beauty cannot be described with simple words. Once the smoke from the joint I had in between my thumb and pointer finger had disappeared into nothingness I saw the lovey figure in front of me. Namine White, the quiet one with blonde hair. Every time I see her I feel as if I'm on a beach, surrounded by nothing just me and the waves wanting to embrace my toes that were buried in the white sand beneath me. I had talked to her only once, we were both riding the same bus and there was no more space left for me to sit so I sat next to her. My heart was racing, but I acted cool the entire time. Putting my earbuds in and listening to Holiday by Green Day. She was drawing. As I got off I accidently hit her arm causing her to draw a huge line across her paper. I blushed, "I-I'm so sorry." She just smiled and erased it. "It's fine." She looked up at me with light sea eyes, I blushed harder. I left the bus still thinking about her.

I didn't realize I was staring at her until her plush lips started to move. I shook my head looking down to her worn out high top black converse, her white dress that was right about in the middle of her thigh. Her hair was down and rested on her back. I didn't know what there were talking about until Roxas said "Kairi's in the house." Namine took one nod then started walking into the house. My heart was still racing, my chest started to feel like someone reached inside it and clenched onto it as hard as possible.

Roxas and Axel both knew I was gay, I told them when I was fifteen and they couldn't have been happier for me. Four years later and they still are by my side all the way, and when I told them I had my first girlfriend they were thrilled for me. I was 15 when I had my first girlfriend, her name was Fuu. I had met her at one of my basketball games, she was on the opposing side and as I tried to make a three-pointer she smacked the ball right out of my hand, turned around, and gave me a wink. She was a badass and I instantly fell in love with her. Her hair was about as short as mine but white, her jersey was white and purple for their home team, and her eyes, blood read. The game had ended and we had won, she came up to me as I was getting a huge gulp of cold water.

"You've got skills out there fourteen." She said with a cocky grin. My basketball jersey said fourteen on it, which also happened to be my lucky number.

"You're starting to sound like my coach." I grinned and that was the start of it all, I was with her until junior year of high school. Until, she did the unspeakable. I was driving over to her house like I normally do after athletics. I opened her house door and her a loud and fast creaking noises, I went to the source of where it was coming from, Fuu's bedroom. I opened the door to see two bodies, male and female to be embraced in each other with the male on top. Fuu stopped and covered her naked pale body in the white sheets at the end of the bed. I switched my glace over to who the male was, Riku.

"Xion, this isn't-"

"Save it!" I scream out as I slammed the door behind me and rain out to my car, and with that I drove off. I went to the clock tower where I almost fell of the ledge but Roxas stopped me before I could. He held me through the rest of the day, both of us crying. That was the last I ever herd of Fuu.

My joint was almost gone so I threw it down and rubbed it out with my boots. I had to go see Namine, the first time I saw her my legs grew weak. It was the kind of first love I had experienced with Fuu. I was a little high but not hallucinating yet. Something in my mind told me to go to Namine I love her, I don't know what voices in my head were telling me this but I need to, I have to.

I walked past Axel and Roxas who were in their own conversation into the entrance of the house. I looked around, good amount of people here, everyone was dancing on each other, the lights were out and the only sources of light were from the black lights hanging around in the room. I went over to Kairi, Kairi and I had been pretty good friends, she wasn't as close to me as Axel and Roxas but we had been good friends.

"Hey Kai." I said jerking my head up fast.

She smiled and hugged me, "Oh my god hey! When did you get here?" I heard her nose start sniffing. "Have you been smoking?"

I looked around the room, no sign of Namine. I didn't realize she asked about the smell "Uh maybe like forty-five minutes ago?"

Kairi started looking around where I was looking. "Searching for anyone special?" She said kind of annoyed.

I looked down then looked back up. "Actually yes, do you happen to know where Namine is?"

Kairi pointed me to the kitchen, "Last time I saw her she was in the kitchen talking to Olettle."

"Got it, thanks Kai!" As I was walking off I heard her voice once again, "Welcome Xion!"

I could see Namines blonde hair from where I was standing but she was moving. I rushed to find her, I ran into the small kitchen to find her not there. I decided to grab a bottle of beer while I was in there, I chugged about half of it, I could already feel the affect it had on me. About five minutes later I went around the kitchen to the bedrooms, she wouldn't be here, she's too innocent, but I checked anyways. In one room I heard creeks and moans, couldn't be Namine, I've heard her sweet innocent voice, definitely not her. In another room I heard two people talking, the door was cracked. I peeked my right eye through the crack, I was staring at the back of a man with long white hair. Arms were wrapped around the mans neck, lips smacking could be herd. The lips stopped, a voice spoke up.

"Riku, I don't know about this…" Riku, Land. He's the one that stole my beloved, he just goes after everyone he can. That poor girl, she doesn't know what she's in for with him, heartbreak, just like he broke my heart, he saw my heart with Fuu and fucked my love right out of her.

I took another large sip of the cold beer in my left hand, empty, I was near drunk. The two bodies turned, I could now see the girl in for heartbreak.

Namine. 'No, no… no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!' I thought. 'No this isn't happening, not again, not now, not ever!'

I swung the door open, they both looked at me, put my fist behind my head and let it go, hitting the white haired bastered right in the cheek. Namine had her hands over her mouth, I looked over at her. The drugs and alcohol were getting to me, I pinned her against the wall and kissed her hard. I grabbed her hands and pinned them to the top of her head. She didn't kiss back.

Once I left her lips with the scent of beer, tears started running as fast as they could down my cheeks.

"Namine, I love you." I whispered, I looked up at her, her face was pure shock.

I let her hands go and hit the wall as hard as I could with my right hand, bruises already starting to form. I ran, I ran out of that house, Roxas and Axel were still out in the front.

"Xi! Where are you going?!" Roxas yelled out. I didn't say anything. I got in my black pick-up truck, started it and drove off.

Everything happened so fast. I didn't have anyone with me but me and my drunk and high self. "You think you can just take, take, and take?! Well I'll show you, I'll show you how much you've hurt me you cock-sucking fucking bastered!" I increased my speed, I knew exactly where I was going, to the clock tower to just leave my empty heart to die alone just like I will.

"I'll do what should have been done!" I screamed out, swerving around on the road.