I wrote this to break a "writer's block." Just a little tale from the "Bindings" continuum that occurs after Tofu and Kasumi are married. It's set about a year after the manga ends and a lot has happened (you'll have to read the other stories to find out). For one thing, Akane and Ranma are properly (and happily) engaged. Anything else the reader needs to know can be picked up from the story…


Chapter 1: Show Time!

In the Tendo family room, Soun, Nodaka, Kasumi, and Tofu wordlessly turned on the television and sat down in front of it. It was just shy of 7PM. They watched one public service announcement and then the program started:

[The camera view is masked by smoke and/or fog so nothing is visible except the front of a stage.]

ANNOUNCER: "Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Nerima Access Television Channel: NATC! Tonight we are please to broadcast a very special presentation. Throughout our fair Ward, we have many talented and noted individuals. However, none have generated such an impression on her vict -"

YOUNG WOMAN OFF-STAGE: "Watch it!"

ANNOUNCER: "umm… I mean 'guests' as the host of our show tonight."

[The silhouette of a woman appears obscured by the smoke. She begins walking forward]

ANNOUNCER: "Let's give a warm Nerima welcome to Miss Akane Tendo!"

[Loud clapping fills the soundstage. Akane Tendo steps out of the smoke holding a microphone. She is wearing a pretty dress with a long skirt and has makeup applied professionally to her face. Over her dress, she is wearing a professional apron. As soon as she is clearly visible to the audience, the camera pans over the audience. They stand up as they are applauding and beginning cheering. There are some adults here and there, but most of the audience seems to be high school students. The 'sound-stage' is actually the high school auditorium. Akane blushes and bows in response to their cheering.]

AKANE: "Thank you!"

[She stands up straight.]

AKANE: "Thank you very much! You're too kind!"

[The audience cheers for a few more moments and finally takes their seats again.]

AKANE: "Thank you very much for coming out on this Valentine's Day! I hope everyone had a lovely day! Welcome to 'Cooking with Akane'."

[The audience laughs and cheers again. The technician drops the gain of the audience microphones so Akane can continue without interruption.]

AKANE: "Before we begin, could I have a little help up here? One of the ovens is broken for some reason."

[She waves her hand through the smoke and the audience laughs. Two burly men step up on the stage and Akane motions for them to follow her. She then points to just off-stage.]

AKANE: "Yes, just over here. Thank you."

[The men walk off stage in the direction she pointed. A breeze starts from somewhere and starts to clear the smoke away.]

AKANE: "There! Now that that's taken care of, let me introduce my assistants for the night: Sayuri Ikeda and Yuka Wada!"

[Sayuri and Yuka walk out on stage. The audience can be heard laughing and clapping despite the sound level changes. Both young women are wearing American football helmets and have thick pillows tied about their torsos. Akane throws them a dirty look.]

AKANE: "C'mon you two, take those off."

[Both women shake their heads.]

AKANE: "Please? You look ridiculous."

YUKA: "No."

SAYURI: "Yeah, not so much."

AKANE: "Look, it's just for 60 minutes. What could possibly happen?"

[Behind the three women, the two burly guys reappear carrying a stretcher. On the stretcher is the smoking wreckage of a caved-in oven. Following them is a Shinto priest in funeral garb. He carries a bell hanging from a long staff and the bell is ringing mournfully. The procession walks along the back of the stage. Yuka and Sayuri nod toward the stretcher. Akane gives a big sigh and slumps her shoulders a little.]

AKANE: "Fine. Be that way."

[Akane straightens up and displays a bright face.]

AKANE: "So, during the show, I'm going to walk through how to prepare a Valentine's meal for your fiancé, and mine is going to eat it."

RANMA OFF-STAGE: "No, he's not!"

[Akane grits her teeth]

AKANE: "Yes, he is."

RANMA OFF-STAGE: "In your dreams, Tomboy!"

[Akane stomps over to the left side of the stage and reaches behind a counter. She lifts a huge mallet from there and stomps backstage.]

AKANE: "YES, HE IS!"

[Sirens begin sounding and flashing lights appear here and there on the stage. There are explosions sounding from off-stage and small smoke clouds puff from the sides of the stage. Yuka and Sayuri are alternately checking their watches, tapping a foot, and crossing/uncrossing arms. The audience can be heard laughing again. The sirens and lights stop and a moment of silence occurs.]

AKANE: "Ladies? Can you help me for a moment?"

YUKA AND SAYURI: "Yes, Akane."

[Yuka and Sayuri walk off-stage and quickly return rolling in a hand truck. The audience cheers and applauds again. Tied upright on the hand truck is Ranma Ono, bound in a straitjacket. He is unbruised and unrepentant. He glares at the audience.]

RANMA: "Fat lot of help any of you were!"

[There's more laughter and Akane walks back out with the mallet. She pitches it across the stage so it slides off-stage on the opposite side. She turns to glare at Ranma, but starts to break character and laugh. She quickly dodges in and kisses him on the cheek and works to get the glare back. The audience whoops and cheers at the smug expression that flashes across Ranma's face. He brings his own glare back.]

RANMA: "That's right - just leave the condemned to his fate!"


Earlier that week….

Hotaka Kawano ran into his son's school late. Today had not been going well for him. Two producers were crying poverty; his receptionist had announced she was resigning, and his network was breathing down his neck about losing the host for the television special he was suppose to be overseeing. "It's not my fault the Pie Lady was approached by Nippon TV," he thought. "Honestly, I'm not sure why they're so interested in a local celebrity. She's a nice person and can cajole a laugh out of the audience, but she's not going to be able to hold her own on the national stage outside of Nerima. But now I need someone else to do the show."

He bounded into the building and ran to the main office. As he screeched to a halt outside the open door, one of the women inside looked up from her desk computer. "Oh, Mr. Kawano! I guess you didn't get our message."

Kawano groaned and then said: "My receptionist quit today and things are a little harried at the station."

"I'm sorry," the woman - Ms. Kondo according to her nameplate - said sincerely enough. "I imagine running a television station is tough even when things do go right."

Kawano just nodded and asked: "What happened to Mr. Chikafuji? He said he wanted to talk to me about Atsushi's test scores. Is there a problem?"

Ms. Kondo held up a finger and tapped at her computer for a few moments. Then she gave a little smile and said: "No, there isn't. But you really need to speak to Mr. Chikafuji, and he's busy watching students up on the third floor. Something came up."

"Like what?" Kawano asked.

"There's some extracurricular activities going on today," Kondo answered.

"Well, it's tough for me to come back. Could I just go see him there?" he asked. Ms. Kondo stopped moving for a moment.

"I think it's all right…" a female voice shouted out from out of sight through an office door.

"Are you sure?" Kondo asked the voice.

"There's been no sign of mayhem. The walls are still standing," the voice remarked. "And the fire alarm hasn't sounded once."

"What's going on?" Kawano cut in.

"The Home Ec. kitchens are having an open session today," Kondo explained. "There's a whole bunch of teenage girls making chocolates for Valentine's Day."

Kawano laughed. "Is that all? Somehow, I don't think that's a problem. None of them will notice me - I'm just another busybody adult they won't want to acknowledge."

"Well…let me page Mr. Chikafuji," she said while picking up the phone. "Why don't you have a seat for a minute."

Kawano walked over to the waiting area and sat down. The area was by the main door and he could hear the young people walking the hallways:

"Man, did you see all the sugar in the hallway," one boy said to another.

"Yeah, and someone tried to melt chocolate using a microwave and a metal bowl!" was the reply.

"Then there's classroom E - nobody will go near it!"

"Everyone's afraid they'll be asked to taste it!" a third boy exclaimed. There was laughter at that remark.

"Hey, I heard she got better…" someone else replied.

"I don't care! I would hate to be in Ranma's shoes on Friday," the first voice said sharply.

"I don't know," a sly voice added. "He's pretty fast. Stuff the candy in his cheek, get rid of it when she's not looking, and then he has her total attention - it might be worth it." There was more laughter as the boys walked out of listening range.

Kawano smiled briefly at the conversation. He was pretty sure the lads had been talking about Ranma Ono. Most people in Nerima knew Ranma - he was one of those larger-than-life people who always seemed to be on a stage. "Which means the girl is Akane Tendo, another popular person," he mused. "Given that they are properly engaged now, I'd say he already has all her attention. I wonder why she's making chocolates then. I'd think they'd be beyond that stage somehow. Maybe she's cooking something else…"

"Excuse me, Mr. Kawano?" Ms. Kondo cut into his thoughts. "Mr. Chikafuji said he'll meet you in Hallway 3W." When he turned to nod at her, she added: "He suggested I loan you an American football helmet." She somehow produced said helmet from her desk.

Kawano laughed. "I think I'll be all right without it."

"I wouldn't be too sure..." she warned while waving the helmet.

"I'll take my chances," he replied.

"On your head be it…" she answered. Then she had him sign in and gave him directions to 3W.

He left the office and followed directions to the proper stairwell. About halfway up, the sound of a small explosion echoed down the staircase. A cloud of white powder drifted down to Kawano. "That's flour," he thought as the powder enveloped him.

Three teenage boys dressed in white lab coats ran down the stairs toward him laughing. They were being chased by four girls yelling at the top of their lungs:

"Stay out of our kitchen, you losers!"

"That's the closest you lot will get to chocolate on Friday!"

"You're a bunch of jackasses."

"Do that again and we'll get *her* after you and have her feed you!"

The two groups ran by Kawano. "Looks like the Chemistry Club attacked the kitchens," he thought. "I'm guessing the boys rigged a flour bomb. Ah, young love."

He walked onto the third floor and saw Mr. Chikafuji standing in a small disaster area that was once a hallway. He looked surprisingly chipper for a man covered in flour. "Good afternoon, Mr. Chikafuji," Kawano called out.

Chikafuji studied him with mild exasperation. "You didn't bring the football helmet."

"I like to live dangerously," Kawano smirked at him.

Chikafuji barked out a laugh and grinned. "Actually, I wanted the helmet for me," he said. The teacher straightened up and bowed to Kawano who returned the greeting.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Kawano asked.

Chikafuji started to speak, but there was a loud pop from an open door and a rushing sound filled the hallway. A teenage girl's voice cried out: "Turn it off! Turn it off!"

Both men ran into the kitchen classroom to see three young women struggling to find the shut-off valve for the sink which had somehow blown its tap off - water was shooting out the uncapped stem. Chikafuji dove into the cabinet below the sink and found the valve. The teacher emerged and waved the girls back to their mixing bowls. He began to re-attach the tap as he said: "I got the aptitude scores back just before the weekend, and Atsushi's scores were very good. Good enough that I think he should be moved into the Honors class. That's what I wanted to talk to you about…." The teacher and parent then proceeded from there and had a conversation about Atsushi's future as Kawano help Chikafuji repair the sink.

The students in the classroom ignore the adults as Kawano had predicted. Since he was focused on Mr. Chikafuji, he only heard snatches of conversation here and there. Chikafuji seemed to hear everything though:

"It says we need to soften the butter. I'll do it in the microwave," someone said. Chikafuji stopped his work to snatch the metal bowl from a girl's hand and shoved a ceramic bowl at her.

"Put it in for 5 minutes," another said. Chikafuji counted to twenty and then hit the stop button on the microwave. He wordlessly popped the door latch and thumbed his finger at the microwave door. One girl got the hint and pulled out the bowl.

"Let's add more cocoa powder," the third said. Chikafuji turned and slammed his fist on the recipe book. The three girls looked embarrassed and re-read the directions.

"Done this a time or two before?" Kawano grinned at him.

"Two years ago, the Home Economics teacher nearly quit near Valentine's Day. Ever since then, he's refused to run open sessions in February. The students protested, so it was decided that all the teachers would take turns covering for him," Chikafuji said.

"Is it always like this?" Kawano asked.

The teacher came up from opening the shut-off valve and stood up. He gestured to Kawano and led the parent out the classroom door again. He said in a quiet voice: "Usually. We tend lose at least one microwave in February and several cooking tools. Many of the kids these days don't really know how to cook. They're at school, clubs, or sports most of the time and spend very little time in the kitchen. Unless they take Home Economics with us, they usually don't figure things out until they are on their own. Most of the girls here today have never really cooked before other than to boil water - they're not HEC students. Now they are trying to make chocolate - not an easy task. Most won't succeed."

"So what do they do then?" Kawano asked.

Chikafuji smiled and beckoned him over to a briefcase standing in the hallway. The teacher lifted and opened the case, displaying stacks of chocolate bars. "This is good stuff," he said. "Simply melt according to the directions on the back and pour it into molds or dip fruit in it. All done." Kawano began laughing quietly. "We buy it wholesale and sell it for 300 yen a bar, then use the profits to repair the kitchens. Most of the Seniors just talk to us first."

"Clever," Kawano admitted with a smile.

Down the hallway, a female teacher was heard yelling: "For the third time, you do not soften eggs! You break them open! And you NEVER heat eggs in a microwave."

"Well, that's not quite true," Kawano whispered to Chikafuji.

"Listen, if these girls don't understand that you break eggs, explaining that you have to break the yokes too isn't going to work either," Chikafuji said firmly. "Most of them will not try cooking until next Valentine's Day - provided there's a guy their trying to get his attention."

"I'm beginning to see why the Home Ec. teacher nearly quit," Kawano commented.

"Oh, this is nothing. That was really spectacular - we lost an oven range, two sinks, three microwaves, and several pots that were completely melted," the teacher laughed. "And that happened in a single day!"

"Man, must have been a really bad class," Kawano said with some amazement.

"Oh, no," Chikafuji replied. "That was from one student!"

"Who was that?"

Chikafuji grinned. "At the time, the worst cook on the planet - Akane Tendo."

"At the time?"

"She's improved a lot since then. She's learned patience, and she usually keeps someone with her to make sure she stays on track," Chikafuji said still grinning.

"And she's in Classroom E right now," Kawano finished.

"You heard some of the students?" Chikafuji asked.

"That and I see the barricades outside that classroom over there," the parent added with raised eyebrows.

Chikafuji's grin became vicious. "We do that to remind her we haven't forgotten. It forces her to slow down." He gestured at Kawano. "Let's go see how she's doing…" The two walked quietly toward the barricades.

"I think it needs more sugar," one young woman said.

"Akane…" another started. Kawano swore he could hear eyes rolling. "Just follow the recipe."

"But chocolate is suppose to be sweet," Akane protested.

"Here, try this," a third voice suggested.

"Ugh! That's horrible!" Akane cried.

"See," the third girl said firmly. "It doesn't work. At least you can recognize good chocolate."

"She should be able to - it's practically the only dessert she'll eat," the second voice teased.

"Maybe I should make a firmer chocolate…this stuff comes out more like fudge," Akane said.

"NO!" both compatriots shouted. The teacher and the parent suppressed their laughter as they eavesdropped.

"We are not experimenting with a double-boiler," the third girl said. Chikafuji held his head in his hands as if in pain. Kawano grinned at him.

"And Ranma likes fudge more than he likes straight chocolate - you know that. This recipe is perfect," the second girl said.

"But…"

"Akane! Follow the recipe to the letter!" the two voices cut her off.

"Okay…" Akane said resignedly.

After a few moments, the second voice asked in a serious tone: "Akane, why are you doing this? You're engaged. He bought you a lovely ring. You don't have to give him chocolates to show you're interested. You've moved way past this point."

Akane sighed. "I've never made any boy chocolates," she said simply. "I want to give him some before we are married."

"You gave him chocolate the first Valentine's Day he was here. And he gave you a small white chocolate back on White Day."

"I bought that small piece because I found out he did care about my opinion," Akane replied. "And that he was hurt when he thought I didn't care about him."

"But you did care. You tried to make chocolates for him that year. It just didn't work out and you got frustrated with the whole thing and dropped it," the third voice said.

"He doesn't know that - I shouldn't have given up," Akane stated. "Now, this is the last Valentine's Day I can try again. Even if I don't succeed, I can show him that I tried, even if he can't eat it."

"I don't think it will really matter to him."

Kawano heard someone stirring a pot. "You're wrong, Sayuri," Akane said in a quiet voice. "Ranma grew up without love - Genma took it from him. Ranma's better now, but that's why he tried so hard to be the center of attention - even if he pretended not to care. I want to give him one more good memory to set against the nightmare Genma gave him."

Kawano looked at Chikafuji's face who only nodded grimly. "That's a very deep young woman," Kawano noted quietly. Chikafuji just nodded again and then motioned for Kawano to follow him away from the door. Kawano peeked in quickly and saw the backs of three young women as they faced the classroom counter. He had to slam his hands over his mouth though to choke off the laughter and run from the door. On the table behind the girls were two more American football helmets and lots of pillows. Obviously Akane's friends had been teasing her by showing up in "armor".

Once he was safely away, Kawano asked: "Was she really that bad?"

"Worse," Chikafuji said. "Once upon a time, she could make a kitchen explode just by looking at it. These days, she does all right. It's only when she tries to get creative does she get in trouble, but it just means a bad dish, not a wrecked kitchen."

Suddenly, there was the sound of breaking glass, and then a strong "bang". A microwave came flying out of Akane's classroom. "Are you sure about that?" Kawano asked as he ducked reflexively. But Chikafuji was already running toward the classroom.

Kawano ran after him. When he entered the classroom, the air inside was full of smoke and one of the windows was broken. The three young women were standing away from the window, about where Kawano had seen them last.

"What happened?" Chikafuji demanded.

"I don't know," the blue-black haired girl answered. Kawano recognized her as Akane Tendo.

"We weren't near that microwave," one of her friends replied. "We've been using this one." She tapped an oven near her.

Kawano was about to back the girls up (given that he had looked in on them 60 seconds ago), but Chikafuji seemed to take them at their word. Instead the teacher ran over toward the window, "Looks like the Rocketry…" he started.

Suddenly, Akane was beside him yelling "Down!" The girl pulled the teacher out of the way as another rocket smash through a window and embedded itself in the ceiling. Akane looked at the rocket just as the motor died. Then she growled, grabbed something from a nearby backpack and leaped out the shattered window.

Normally, any adult would have expressed dismay at seeing anyone jump out a third story window, but this was Nerima. Chikafuji just stood up and looked out. Kawano ran up beside him and so did the two young ladies. Akane was lying on the back lawn face down. "Is she hurt?" Kawano asked.

Chikafuji shook his head and the girl with the lighter brown hair said: "No, she's playing possum. I've seen her do this before. Watch."

Seven boys from the rocketry club ran over to the downed girl with various cries of "Oh crap!", "Hell", "I told you we shouldn't do this!", and "It was just a joke!" Two boys flipped Akane over. "Hey, that's Akane…" one of them started.

Before the hapless lads could do anything else, Akane was on her feet with a squeeze bottle held tight in her fist. She shot something from the bottle into each of their open mouths. "Three, two, one…" the girl with the darker-brown hair said.

"AAAHHHH!" all seven boys screamed, bolting away from Akane holding their hands over their mouths.

Cheering erupted from the other classrooms facing out the back. Kawano found himself laughing. Akane grinned at everyone, curtsied (not bowed) to them and walked back inside. Everyone in Classroom E walked out into the hall.

Chikafuji was suppressing a smile when Miss Tendo exited the stairwell after having climbed back to the third floor. Kawano was impressed by her bearing. She moved gracefully like a cat and was very sure of her stance. "A definite martial artist," Kawano thought. She wasn't 'over-the-top' beautiful, but she was fairly attractive and carried herself with an openness that made her seem approachable. There was also a bounce to her step that hinted at a dynamic personality. "She's going to do well as an instructor. People want to talk to her; they want to like her," he added silently. "It's easy to see why she so popular at school."

Tendo looked at the teacher while maintaining a respectful posture and asked somewhat mischievously: "How much trouble am I in?"

"Depends," Chikafuji answered. "What did you hit them with?"

She grinned, held up the bottle, and said: "Just some strong Super Chile sauce - it's a little worse than Tabasco sauce, but not by much. The police get angry if I bring anything stronger to school."

"And there is Tabasco sauce available in the cafeteria - it's not like it's a banned substance," the light-brown haired girl piped up, defending her friend.

"I suppose we can let it slide," the teacher admitted. He made a shoo'ing motion and added: "Back to your chocolate." The three young women bowed respectably and returned to the classroom. Chikafuji noticed Kawano gazing thoughtfully after the three women. "What's up?" he asked.

"I just lost the host for a television spot today, so I need to find a replacement. An idea just hit me." Kawano replied.

"What, Miss Tendo?" Chikafuji said surprised. "She's a lovely young woman, but I don't think she's really an actress. Maybe her friend Miss Ikeda is, but Tendo can't be anyone but herself."

"That's probably true," Kawano agreed. "But I don't need an actress." He looked at the chaos around him. "And I don't need just her…" he added almost to himself. He looked quickly at Chikafuji. "Who's in charge now that Principal Kuno is gone?" he asked.


A/N: Next up - The Show Continues.

BTW: The title of this story was mentioned as a joke in a review elsewhere. It spawned a thought trend that led to this. See? Your reviews are important, here and elsewhere. You never know where they can lead someone else, so make sure to write them (again, not just here!). See you in 7.