A man crying at the moon
The man was staring at the sky, his eyes an endless pit. Tears stroll down his cheeks as he glared at millions of shining stars illuminating the entirety of the endless sky. The moon on her part hid herself as always in the shadows. Even though he perceived her as a perfectly round sphere, Tae knew, deep down, that the darkness surrounding the moon hid the numerous craters profaning her beauty and therefore giving the illusion of perfection. He couldn't help but stare and wish it would be that easy to hide his own scars, but somehow, these types of miracles weren't made to be granted.
Getting lost in the immensity of the night, Tae noticed how the little jewel shaped lights swept position to form a familiar face he rather had forgotten. Wiping his wet and puffy eyes, the snot already covering the black sleeves of his hoodie, he sighed noisily, finally deporting his gaze to the ground, too much of a coward to glare back at the angelic face issued from his own tortured imagination.
Memories crept from the back of his mind as he tried his best to push them back where he thought they belonged, in a dark corner where they wouldn't resurface.
Souvenirs of a sweet smile spreading from full lips he had so many times kissed without ever getting tired of it hit him hard. He remembered…
His first love.
The curve of his almond shaped eyes, their tantalizing darkness as they bore into his soul with one quick glance.
The roughness of his calloused hands. Hands that had more than once strolled the guitar strings late at night accompanied by that voice of his… Such a beautiful duo that even the stars could have fallen for him.
Hands that he still wished to hold even though these were the ones of a traitor.
He broke.
Sobbing didn't feel like enough. He wanted to rip open his rib cage and throw his throbbing and aching heart along with his pain and sufferance.
No. He felt more like holding its tiny shape in his trembling hands and crushed the life out of it. And that, ultimately in the hope of never succumbing to the burning passion that bit and devoured his entirety as he lay eyes upon him.
Or hear their synchronized heartbeats through numerous sleepless nights.
But most importantly the burns his tongue left on his as they kissed like no one ever had before.
Tae heard a resounding tump as a small creature sat beside him, occupying the empty space left on the freezing bench he had sat on for most of the night.
"Mister, why are you crying?" said a little voice.
A tiny frame appeared in his peripheral vision. Judging by his height, the small boy was not older than six. His plump face was attacked by colonies of freckles that brought into light his deep blue eyes. The boy glared at him, part of his eyes shadowed by long black curls. A tentative smile rested upon his lips as his rosy cheeks contrasted with his pale skin.
Making sure his face was hidden, Tae tried to respond through choked sobs.
"What are you doing here alone in the middle of the night little one?" He answered evading his question as he addressed him a forced smile only perceptible by the glinting of his pearly white teeth.
"I like it when it's dark! And the sky is so beautiful" He said with glee as little sparkles of joy shone in his eyes.
Where the heck are his parents? It is dangerous for a kid to wander off in the middle of the night alone!
"Aren't you even afraid of me? I don't think we've ever met before…" Tae responded
"Well, my mama and papa told me to never speak to strangers, but I don't recall them telling me not to talk to a crying stranger… And, you are very sad… And, I don't like to see people being unhappy, so please, don't be mean to me" The little one squeaked pleading.
He was so incredibly adorable.
Tae had always dreamed to have kids. Even though his sexual orientation didn't lead to biological parents on both part, he was still hoping someday he could raise adopted children as if they were his own.
Unfortunately, his projects didn't go as planned.
The toddler didn't seem scared at all and that certainly bothered him. He would probably change his point of view if he did see his face…
Silence had set upon themselves, even though it only lasted a short period of time.
"Mister, if I may ask, why is it you're sad?" The toddler inquired, curious.
Tae sighed.
"I loved someone once and it seems he didn't feel the same" Tae answered in a soft whisper.
"You loved a boy?" exclaimed the little one, in a tone Tae suspected was shock.
"Well, huh, yes" Tae stammered, feeling uncomfortable.
"Wah! Could I love a guy someday too? It sounds really cool!" The kiddo said in awe.
Tae somewhat reassured by his misinterpretation of the boy's reaction couldn't help but smile a real smile at such cuteness and innocence.
"When you grow older, you can choose whomever you like! Though, you might not want to love a boy anymore… In the future, you'll probably find that uncool actually…" Tae said a sheepish grin forming on his lips, slowly replaced by a sad thin line.
"But girls are so boring… Except my mama! She is the best!" the kiddo pouted.
"What is it you hate about girls?"
"They always play with Barbie and I'd prefer they use the firetrucks like me!"
"It's not all the girls that are the same. Some actually like to play with firetrucks you know!"
"But they always cry… Like my mama when papa told her he didn't love her…"
"What a horrible thing to say to your mama! Did he apologize?" Inquired Tae, not at all worried about the outcome.
Fights happened frequently… You just needed to deal with them quickly before it was too late…
Too late…
"Yes, and since then, my mama lives with another mister and my papa stays alone at his apartment." The kid answered.
Tae, felt bad for the kid at first, was it not for the blank expression he bore while talking about such a touchy matter.
"You must be very sad your parents aren't together anymore…" Tae answered softly.
"No, because I heard papa explaining that it wasn't mama's fault… But when he saw I was listening, he asked me to go to bed. I wanted to know why papa had stopped so suddenly to love mama, but he said I was too young to understand!" said the little kid frustrated.
"Your papa is probably right…"
"One day, he will tell me!" the kid continued, confident.
"But Mister, am I too young to understand your story? About that man you loved?" he added curious.
By the look on his face, Tae knew he wouldn't take no for an answer.
And so, resigned, he promised he would tell him the story only if he went to his house and came back tomorrow.
Holding up his pinkie before him, they intertwined their fingers.
A promise.
The cold biting at his skin barely covered by mediocre clothing, Tae went directly home after that.
As he rested on top of his bed, he closed his eyes and prayed to the stars.
He prayed this promise wouldn't be broken.
