"Why are you always leaving?" The words rang out colder than the chill of the rain against his skin. "Why... why can't you just, stay?"
Raindrops mixing with tears. He wasn't used to humanity- not at all. The tears stung, they hurt, and they hurt because he was broken. He was broken, and lost, and turned around in a world that he wasn't sure he'd ever really belonged in. And if he didn't belong there, and he didn't belong in heaven, then where did he belong. And to whom did he belong.
His breath was shaky, warm and cold, like ice and fire, appearing like fog with each exhale.
"You can't- you can't just fight for me and then leave. That's not how it works Cas. You can't always leave when it gets tough. I'm... I'm not sure how I feel ok? I don't- I'm still trying to understand how this works too."
He took swift heavy steps through the mud, the ground sloshing with each step, the rain growing colder as he approached the angel. Pain. "Please look at me. Please." the words came out borderline broken and angry, the words shaking. "Look at me." he growled grabbing his wrist gently, almost letting go when he felt him flinch from his touch. And Cas had every right to flinch. If anything he should have been gone by now, he should have took flight the first chance he had. But he had done what Dean was asking him to do once more. He had stayed. He had fought, even when Dean had given up- And he had lost an innocence that once radiated through his entire being. No... No he hadn't lost it, it'd been stolen- and he would most likely never get it back.
And if he did, it'd be scarred. It would always be scarred.
He could see it in his true form. Or at least the true form Cas had once revealed to him. The way the light flickered like a lamp about to go out. He needed help. Someones, anyones. But Dean could see that he wasn't going to accept it, he wasn't going to get it. He didn't want it. He didn't want help, or hope, or healing. He could see it because he was the reason.
"I'm so sorry." he said as he tugged his arm, a tricky dance to get him to turn slightly so he could place his other hand on his shoulder, and turn him to face him completely.
Cas stood tall but the small curve of his broad shoulders only spoke of defeat. And despair. He wasn't sure about anything anymore. His eyes were swimming with everything. Everything and not anything less, he almost drowned as he watched it all. It was like their whole story was playing like a movie through blue eyes. So unusually blue, and they were all over the spectrum, navy, azure, pale grey, cerulean, powder, midnight. A beautiful midnight blue that held the deepest threads of this story. The blue where the pain was so tangible that it only made him that much more magnificent. Because he was still there. He was still standing.
His cheeks were flushed, patches of light red tinting his pale rain cold skin.
"I want you to stay."
