Incomplete
Incomplete. That was the word. All the stories he had heard. All the tales of horror and joy, whispered in hushed tones, late at night when he was young, and later in deep bragging voices. None of the stories had even offered a glimpse of what it had been like. "Don't do it, Harry. You'll regret it forever." He had scoffed at that advice, from "old" people and after school specials, caught on Dudley's tv. Maybe, way back in the day, that had been what it had been like, but this was the nineties. "Oh, God!" thought Harry as he fell back on his bed. Sobs were stuck in his throat, but he was a man. He couldn't cry now, especially now. He hadn't realized just how empty he would be. He had thought he would be gaining something, not losing. All of his friends had done it, Ron, Dean, Seamus, Fred, George, everyone. They bragged about it. With who, where, when, and how many times; Harry knew all the details. Every time somebody else passed that "milestone" Harry felt younger and younger. When Ron had run up to him with that look on his face, Harry felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Harry had known, well, thought he had known, what to do. Now, Harry wondered if the big smiles the boys had had when they announced their "victory" weren't hiding feelings of emptiness, confusion, and sadness.
It had just seemed the right thing to do. Besides, Cho had
Been pushing at him. Not "If you don't I'll leave," but a more gradual
"You'd do it if you loved me," that got under his skin just as effectively as the first would have. Cho was a year and a half older and five times more experienced. Harry had always felt like a little boy, following around a beautiful older girl who tolerated his presence. He was amazed how physically he could feel his loss. Now he knew how an amputee would feel. He knew that would be the only physical repercussion. They had been careful. Cho wouldn't want to mess up her life with an unwanted child and Harry knew he couldn't be a father quite yet. Thinking of her gave him another pang.
Cho hadn't been a bad girlfriend, but he knew the relationship would end soon. He loved her and, in some ways, she loved him, but he wasn't ready for someone like her. He knew the breakup wouldn't be bad. It had been heading that way for a long time. It wasn't that he wouldn't miss her; she hadn't been a bad girlfriend. She hadn't used him for his fame or his money, like other girls tried to. He had done only one thing he regretted with her, and that was his decision, a bad one it may be.
He awoke the next morning with sun shining in the window, a cruel mockery of the pain he felt. He looked in the mirror and went down to breakfast. He saw Cho surrounded, as usual, by her Ravenclaw friends, and was even more sure that the relationship wouldn't last out the week. He sighed and turned to the Gryffindor table. He sat down by Ron and looked in his eyes. He now saw, behind their bright, cheery smiles, their eyes held the same tired, searching look his own did. He plastered a smile on his face and began, "Hey, guys! Guess what I did last night…
