Selfish or Selfless: It's a Wonderful Afterlife

Changing Fate

Tifa was surprised that the sound still woke her. It had become so habitual that she would've thought she could sleep through it, but instead the torture remained. She counted the steps. She knew when he reached the floor. She counted his steps to the door. She noted the rhythm he used. Sometimes he was slow and quiet like he was a midnight capper. Other nights he would walk slow and steady almost like he was thinking. Still others he was quick and sure as if he running away from something.

Tonight was different. His long strides were quick, yet steady and quiet. Something was different about tonight. In the past... hell even a few days ago this would've spiked hope or at least interest in Tifa, but no longer. She didn't even lift her head. Yet she couldn't keep herself from counting. 27? That was two less than yesterday, but the same as four days ago. She relax after the door shut knowing the counting was over and then she tensed again a moment later knowing it would start all over again tomorrow.

xXx

The sun shone through the kitchen window as Tifa rinsed the breakfast dishes. It was bright and lovely and perfect, yet it did nothing to brighten Tifa's dull mood. Still she sent the children out to play. No reason why they shouldn't enjoy such a beautiful day. Once they were gone Tifa had a thought and she couldn't seem to get it out of her head. So she finished cleaning up then left a note for the children and headed out.

Tifa spent the day walking making the best of the sunny day. She spent the night working the bar, but neither the working nor the walking picked up her mood. So after she finished closing up and checked on the children, she slipped out of the bar.

Though he had lived there while he was ill and in a way had never stopped, Tifa knew the Church would be empty. He had deliveries. The building... the stones of the church were crumbling and the wood was rotting, but the peace and the permanent celestial presence in the building remained. The building itself had long lost its majestically brilliance and even its dignity, but the feeling when one entered would never diminish.

In the center of the church where there was once a beautiful garden of lilies now instead rested a pool of gleaming water. Tifa knelt by the water and reached out her hand. Even the healing water had no effect on the wound deep in her heart. Tears ran down her face as the water ran through her fingers. She was brave, wasn't she? She has never back down from a fight. She had seen that what needed to be done was done. And yet when it came to speaking to him she faltered... she failed. Suddenly all her courage and bravery left her. Why couldn't he choose her?

For a moment Tifa's world went white. Then a hand touched her shoulder. Tifa knew who it was. She didn't have to turn around. "He loves you, you know." Tifa spoke as she brushed her tears away. Once her tears were dry she turned to face Aeris. "It should have been me. He should have killed me then none of this would have happened. Then everyone would be all right. Then he would be happy."

The flower girl looked into the barmaid's eyes and gave her a soft sad smile. "This is how it must be Tifa."

Tifa didn't want to hear it so she turned away. She stood and paused staring at the water. If there was a place where her wish could be granted it would be here. This pool of healing water could give life. Could it not then also take it away?

She lowered herself into the water and laid floating in the water. "Please, I wish it had been me." Tifa whispered holding back a sob. "Not Aeris, but me."

He watched her floating from above. "He's an idiot."

"Neither of them are being very bright," she answered with a sigh. "Perhaps if we show her. Maybe then she'll see."

"What about him? How do we get him to see?"

"That's up to you."

Tifa closed her eyes tight then opened them. Nothing had changed. She closed her eyes again and let a single tear slid down her face into the water. She opened her eyes again because the water below her was moving. The healing water was rising around her. It fell on her and completely surrounded her until suddenly it stopped.

When she stopped Tifa couldn't believe what she was seeing. She had returned to the final moments of Aeris's life. She knelt praying, casting Holy. Tifa knew what would happen next, but a voice sounded in her head. "If you want it changed. Change it now."

Tifa didn't think she ran towards Aeris and pushed her away as Sepheroth's sword pierced her flesh instead of Aeris's. Red searing pain flashed through her body as he removed the sword. Everything slowed. She could hear someone yelling, someone crying, someone running. Her whole world blurred and went dark. So this was what it was like to die. One moment of pain then complete peace. She knew everyone around her was shocked and saddened, but Tifa herself felt nothing, but ease. She felt free.

The Promise Land. There was a bright white light then she found herself there. She smiled. Zack hadn't changed in the years since she'd seen him. "Zack?"

He looked up and smiled. "How are you Tifa?" He walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"I'm dead," she said blinking amazed. One minute she was alive. The next she was dead.

Zack nodded. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"Yes," Tifa answered, then she looked at him suspiciously. "How did you know?"

"You and I are the only people who remember what it was like when you lived. To everyone else you died saving Aeris. Even Aeris doesn't remember."

xXx

Afterlife made Tifa an acute observer. This time she had to watch as the final events of their battle against Sephiroth unfolded. She couldn't help instead she watched as she friends fought and suffered. Tifa often wanted to say just a few words to her friend to show them their way. At first things went much the same way as they did when she had been alive, but after they defeated Sephiroth things began to unravel. It was almost as if the fighting was keeping them strong. Keeping them together.

When it was all over they all met up again outside the ruins of Midgar. They all sat quietly together. Finally Marlene ended the silence. "Why does everyone look so sad?"

Barrett shushed Marlene then hugged in his own fatherly way. "Marlene, I told you-" Barrett tried to console the girl but ended up only upsetting her.

"I know what happened Tifa." The entire group tensed at the mention of her name. "But I want to know why everyone is so sad. If Tifa were here she would want everyone to be happy. She was always trying to make people smile." Marlene huffed in her distraught state. "Why is everyone doing exactly what Tifa spent her life trying to prevent?"

The silence resumed once Marlene's tirade ended, but this time it was thoughtful considering silence as apposed to the previously depressive quiet. No one could bring themselves to be happy or to smile, so they merely made a silent packed not to be depress and not to frown. All that is except Cloud, none of them could make him smile not even Marlene or Aeris. After Cid pestering him for the third time, Cloud stood and left. "She didn't want us to be sad, but she didn't want to die either."

"No, you're supposed to be happy." Tifa shouted down at him then she paused for a moment. It was just the shock. He was allowed to mourn his best friends, but after a little time he would be happy. Tifa gave herself a reassuring smile as she watched her friends. They would all be better off.

xXx

Time passed and things were different. Barrett went on his trip to Corel Town, but this time Cloud didn't go. As Barrett and Marlene packed to leave Aeris appeared at Cloud's side. "Why don't you go with him? You could visit Nibelheim again and finally get some closure."

Cloud stared blankly back at her. "The only good thing about Nibelheim is now dead."

Though she tried Aeris couldn't apologize before Cloud turned away and her standing alone. "Oh, Tifa." Aeris looked up to the ceiling. "If only I could talk to him the way you did. I was his friend, but you were his guidance. He's still going to need your help."

Tifa knew Cloud would always need her in some way, but how could she tell him to be happy. To move on. She watched as he failed to find his calling and instead joined Reeve, who was trying to 'help the planet'. Aeris returned to her ever-crumbling church to tend to her flowers. Things were different than with Tifa and yet suspiciously familiar. Tifa knew what was going to happen before it did.

Edge was established and christened, but the city didn't grow as fast as Tifa remembered. More of the people left for places with more conveyances. "Of course without Strife Delivery Service it's still unsafe to send or receive packages." Tifa sighed. Okay, so there might be a few downsides to her death.

Not only was Edge smaller, but it also had a surprising lack of fun to be found. Tifa had to admit her bar was the first one to be started in the former Edge, but how come no one else came up with the idea of opening a bar. Then again to be honest Barrett was the one who came up with the idea for the second Seventh Heaven.

None of the old team kept in touch except Aeris once sought out Cloud. She finally found him and Reeve in a small, seedy, rundown bar in Edge. At first he brushed her off. She stood against and bore his distant persona. "Come by the Church tomorrow."

"I'll see if I have the time."

Aeris backed down a moment turning to leave. "No. Stand up to him. Tell him that he has to talk to you."

"No. Come to the Church tomorrow." Aeris didn't turn back to face Cloud but her voice made it very clear that she was not taking no for an answer. "We need to talk."

xXx

Cloud stood outside the church scratching the back of his head for a moment before entering. He didn't see Aeris when he entered, so he walked slowly and deliberately to the flowerbed in the center of the church. He knelt down and stared at the flowers on the floor. He reached out to them then snatched back his hand as if the flowers would die if he touched them. Maybe he thought that they would.

"Cloud." Aeris said when she spotted him. She bit her lip when he looked up at her with the closed off look that Tifa knew well. "Cloud?" Cloud had showed up but he wasn't there to talk. He was merely there to appease Aeris. He would look at her and acknowledge what she said but it wouldn't change what he thought or felt. It was the same routine he pulled on Tifa time and time again.

"We have to talk about what happened?" Cloud looked down when Aeris tried to make eye contact. "Marlene was right. Tifa didn't want us to be sad. We tolerated it from you for a while, but you have to stop mourning eventually."

Cloud didn't respond, but he did react. His head came up and he glared. HE GLARED at Aeris. "Cloud, stop it."

"Cloud?" Aeris voice came out hollow. Tifa winced as she watched Aeris in pain. Pain Tifa had forced on her. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

He didn't respond to the strange tone in Aeris's voice. "Don't talk about her." His hands formed fists. "You wouldn't understand." He stood up and looked down at Aeris. "This is something you couldn't understand." He turned to leave.

"No. Aeris, stop him. Help him." Tifa didn't know how Cloud could still cause her pain when she wasn't even alive.

The girl in pink didn't say anything right away. Then she balled her hands as well. "No, Cloud. We have to talk about this. Tifa was my friend too. I miss her as much as you do." Aeris closed her eyes against the tears trying to control her emotions. "She died saving me. She saved me and I couldn't heal her." She couldn't hold back any more. Letting herself go she hugged herself as she cried. "She died and it was my fault."

"No," Cloud said quietly, "It was mine." He didn't look up. "She sacrificed herself for you. She would never blame you."

"Yes."

"She wouldn't blame you either." Aeris had stopped crying, but her eyes were still shining with unshed ones beyond her lids. "She loved and trusted you. She would never blame you."

"Yes. Yes."

"And that makes it all the more my fault. I promised to protect her and I could. She prevented me from killing you, then died in your place at Sephiroth's hand. She protected you, but I could protect her. I couldn't even protect you." He paused and turned away. "What sort of hero am I?"

"Cloud. No."

"You were her hero. She loved you in spite of your faults. She forgave you-"

"She dead. She can't forgive me anymore." Cloud often got into fights, but Tifa had never seen her childhood friend truly lose his temper. "She was in a bind and I didn't rescue her." Cloud shook his head. "She'll never forgive me for not telling her." Cloud walked out of the church without another word.

"Oh, Cloud." Aeris hung her head. She reached out to the flowers. "Don't you know Tifa would forgive you for anything. And she has." Aeris picked three beautiful flowers then walked to the door. Cloud was just outside sitting on the Fenrir that Reeve had acquired for him. She handed him the flowers. "Forgiveness is not earned it's freely given. You earned her trust. She'll forgive you. It's your if you want it."

Cloud gingerly took the plants from Aeris's hand. With a nod he drove off. He drove awhile then decided where he had to go. When he finally stopped he was at a very familiar place. The cliff over looked a barren stretch of dessert that a rather large sword watched over. This was Zack. This was where Cloud came to talk to him.

Zack another failure. Another friend he failed to save. "Zack, I owe you. I know that, but I need one more. Protect her. Take care of her." Cloud's movements were jerky and distracted. "I couldn't save you. I couldn't protect Aeris. I couldn't rescue..." Falling to his knees Cloud couldn't bring himself to say her name. "What does it matter if we save the world, if we can't stay with those we love." He closed his eyes. "I am so sorry."

Her heart broke at the crushing tone of Cloud's voice. He was supposed to go back to being the arrogant, stubborn ex-SOLIDER that everyone knew and loved. He was supposed to be happy. "Cloud." Her heart screamed. His head came up slowly. He heard her? "Cloud?"

He stood and looked around him. "Zack?" Cloud got no answer. "Zack, please take care of her. I don't want her to be alone."

Tifa knew Zack was next to her before he threw his arm around her. "I will, if you will. Be careful."

xXx