(A.N:/ So, like many of my previous fics, this title was inspired by a song. A Korn song, much like the others. (called "Coming Undone")
Alright guys. So, my first non-glee fanfiction! Yay! :D Anyway, a little explanation before I start writing. I've recently become kinda sorta completely obsessed with Thor and Loki (mainly Loki) and have thrown myself into the Avengers fandom. That being said, I am new and I've never written for such...off characters. The way they speak and such is still new to me so please bare with me on the dialect and characterization. I am still doing my research so I can make the characters more realistic to the canon versions. So yeah, please bare with me and if you think I'm doing a piss-poor job please feel free to tell me so, give me examples of what would be better. Seriously, as I said, I'm new to the fandom and if I'm doing a shit job on the characters I'd like to know so I can fix it.
Okay, so anyways, the rest of the Avengers don't come in right away, but they will soon enough. The fic starts with Thor and Loki being young because I'm thoroughly interested in their upbringing (I also thought that since I am worried about my characterization being off if I started them off being very young that I might be able to further explain the things I make them do later on. It makes sense to me, okay?) The first few chapters or so are more of a prequel to lead up to the Avengers bit. (It'll make sense, I promise.) This is also a bit of an AU in which Loki was never the bad guy and such. But yeah, I'm really excited to start this fanfic! It's for NaNoWriMo (this is my first time ever trying to do it) so let's see if I can actually write 50,000 words in thirty days…Probably can't seeing as how it takes me nine years to update any other fic but...yeah...Anyway, hope you all enjoy! Ha, and I'll try not to make any more massively long .)
"Really brother," Loki started, sighing in annoyance as he used his magic to drop Thor roughly on the bed. "If you wish to drink so much that you cannot walk without assistance you should remain in your room." Loki said, looking down at his brother with a hard look. He hated wasting his magic taking care of someone. It was of far better use as a trick. Thor had just turned fourteen and decided to celebrate the day away with mass amounts of ale while twelve year old Loki was left with the task of lugging Thor back to his room. "You are simply lucky that you managed to stay away from mother. If she saw you in such a state..." He trailed off, seeing no point in speaking any long. Sober Thor was hard enough to get through to but drunk Thor was like speaking to a brick wall. A very heavy,annoying, and talkative brick wall.
Thor let out a hardy laugh, adjusting himself to a more comfortable position (since Loki basically threw him down as hard as possible) and smiled up at Loki. "But brother, today is a day of celebration! Of triumph!"
Loki rolled his eyes. "It is the anniversary of your birth, not one of battle."
"Sit with me, brother." Thor said, patting the side of his bed.
Loki sighed loudly before sitting down on the edge of Thor's bed, making it a point to stay as far away as possible from Thor (which wasn't much considering how Thor was sprawled out).
"Brother?" Loki asked, softly. There was a strange sound of vulnerability in his voice. When there was no response Loki looked behind his shoulder and sighed. Thor was passed out, arms and legs spread out as far as possible. Since there was no way that Thor would remember, or hear for that matter, Loki's words the trickster decided it was an appropriate time to bare his soul. Loki had the burden of wanting to talk to someone about his fears and concerns but not wanting to actually have anyone know his fears and concerns. "I fear that I am different, brother." Loki murmured, looking down at his hands. "Different from all the other Asgardians." He paused, looking back once again to make sure Thor was still out cold. There was no way he wanted Thor to actually listen to him but Loki needed to talk to someone, even if they weren't mentally present. "I don't seem to fit in with the others our age, or anyone for that matter. I first thought it was due to my higher intellect or the mischief I cause but…it seems to be a different reason…" Loki paused again, not sure what to say. His words seemed to be failing him, something that Loki was not used to. "It is like there is something different in here," He said, his small fist coming up to his chest. "On the inside." He added, sighing and beginning to feel annoyed with himself. His words never failed him before. His lack of words were...annoying. "I…I'm not like them, am I?" He asked, more to himself seeing as he wasn't going to get an answer from Thor.
When Thor answered, Loki nearly leapt out of his own skin.
"Of course you are different, brother." Thor mumbled out through a yawn. Loki turned around to face Thor. Vibrant green eyes met icy blue. "In all nine realms you have the most wit." He said, causing Loki's lips to curl into a small smile. Thor chuckled. "You also have the most sarcasm." He added. Loki's smile fell into an annoyed frown. Every sweet moment the two shared was always ruined by one of them (though those moments where usually purposely ruined by Loki).
"Go to bed, brother." Loki said, standing up – or at least, trying to. Thor had latched onto Loki's middle, dragging Loki into the middle of the bed as he did so. "I meant alone." Loki grumbled out, sending Thor his angriest glare. Loki's words fell on deaf ears as Thor fell fast asleep before Loki had a chance to finish his sentence. Thor's arm wrapped tightly around Loki's waist, pulling Loki in even closer to his chest. Loki sighed in annoyance. With the way Thor was holding him Loki wouldn't be able to escape until Thor either woke up or rolled over and released him.
Loki's frown slowly curled up into a soft smile. Though he would never admit it (especially to Thor) he appreciated the contact. Especially from Thor. His father had a tendency to remain distant towards his youngest son while Frigga, his mother, always gave Loki a sad, unsettling look whenever she faced him. Loki wasn't sure as to why his parents were so awkward around him. Why they were so much more loving and affectionate towards Thor, but Loki tended not to dwell on that. He found it far too depressing to think about. Thor's contact felt safe. Loki felt protected in Thor's arms, though what he was being protected from, he was unsure of. In Asgard he was safe. He was a God. He was son of Odin.
Deciding that he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon Loki decided to sleep, curling up against his brother and using Thor's chest as an awkward (and rather stiff) pillow. Soon enough Loki drifted off into sleep.
"What the...?" Loki said, looking around in confusion. He was in what Loki could only assume was Jotunheim. Yes, this had to be Jotunheim. It matched the description of the stories his mother used to tell him and Thor when they were younger. "This must be a dream," Loki said to himself, looking around at his surroundings. "Yes, a dream." He repeated. There didn't seem to be anyone else around. Loki sighed, annoyed and confused as to why he was dreaming about Jotunheim.
Loki began walking around, looking around cautiously as he did so. Even if this was all just a dream Loki was still in Jotunheim and caution was still necessary. With no armor, weapon, or big brother to protect him caution was of the upmost importance.
After while of walking Loki came across something rather intriguing; a mirror made of ice. It was fitting yet oddly out of place at the same time. For some reason Loki felt compelled to head towards the mirror, instantly regretting his decision as he did. He stared at his reflection in horror for a few moments before forcing himself to look away. His eyes had changed from their piercing green to a blood red. His skin was a deep blue with darker markings. It was a horrid sight that made Loki's heart sink. He looked like a Frost Giant. He looked like a monster. Loki quickly looked down at his hands only to find them their usual ivory colour.
"You are right in thinking that you are different." A voice behind Loki suddenly said.
Loki jumped, looking behind him and seeing no one. He was alone. When he turned around to face the mirror again there were two reflections. One Loki's and one another; a frost giant. He had no actual body, only a reflection. Loki frowned. So this is a nightmare. He thought to himself. "Who are you?" Loki asked in his best demanding voice. Though he was terrified he tried his best not to show it.
The frost giant cackled. "I am Laufey but I would think the more pressing question is who are you?"
Loki frowned. "I am Loki of Asgard."
Laufey shook his head. "Look at your reflection. You are not of Asgardian blood." He said with a wicked grin.
"I am no monster like you!" Loki yelled, using his magic to shatter the mirror. Much to Loki's dislike the shattered mirror only made many more, smaller, duplicates of his reflection. His skin was still blue and his eyes red. Laufey's crooked grin remained behind his reflection. A moment later Laufey was gone and Loki was alone once again, staring at his reflection with tears running down his eyes. "I am no monster." He repeated. "This is only a dream." Loki cautiously brought his hand to his face, feeling his skin that was cold and rough on his markings. "I am no monster...I am no-"
"Brother!" Thor's voice suddenly boomed out, cracking the sky and ground. Everything around him seemed to shatter. Loki knew what was happening. He was waking up. Before Loki knew it he was back in his brother's bed and looking up at a concerned Thor. "Brother," Thor said once again, "There are tears in your eyes." Thor had a sad look on his face.
Loki scoffed. "No there aren't." Loki replied, stubbornly as he furiously wiped away his tears. He then noticed that his eyes feel raw to the touch, like he had been crying for hours. He hadn't realized that it wasn't only his dream self that had been weeping. Loki brought his hands down to touch his cheek which felt warm once again and Loki let out a small sigh of relief. It really was just a dream.
"What troubles you, brother?" Thor asked, face scrunched up into a look of worry.
"Nothing, brother. I am fine. You were just chocking me with your enormous hands." Loki lied, quickly. Lying was something that he had perfected over the last few years.
"Brother…" Thor said, softly. It wasn't until then that he noticed how small Loki was. How fragile. How…
Loki shot his brother a glare. "You're an insufferable oaf, you know." He said, sharply. Even in Loki's tear-stricken, vulnerable, state, he still had the same bitter hardness that he had with everyone he met. It made Thor sigh a little in relief when he saw Loki becoming himself once again. "Unhand me at once. How dare you treat a God in such a manner."
Thor was about to say something about how he was a God as well but thought better of it. Loki was upset and neither were in the mood to have a verbal disagreement (besides, Loki always won when it came to battles of words and wit) "My apologies." Thor said, loosening his grip on Loki. As Thor previously noticed, Loki was fragile. Much more so than all the other boys his age. Loki bruised easily and with Thor's strong grip the older brother had to be extra careful not to hurt Loki.
"If you want my forgiveness move over." Loki said, sharply. Loki could feel his eyelids growing heavy again. He needed to sleep, hopefully this time a dreamless one. "I require more room." He demanded.
Thor smiled brightly at Loki's words. It wasn't everyday that Loki wished to remain in his presence. Usually the only company that Loki liked to keep was with himself. It was a good feeling to hear his brother say that he actually wanted to spend more time with him; even if he really didn't say it. "Goodnight, brother." Thor said, turning the lights off.
Thor's smile dropped when he felt Loki wiggle closer to him. Normally a hug from Loki (or any form of affection, really) would make Thor happy but Loki was obviously upset and sought comfort. Thor had now seen Loki cry three times in his entire life, each time being more heart-breaking than the last. The first when he was a one and Thor dropped his brother on the ground. The second was three days later when Thor dropped Loki again (after which Frigga forbid Thor from holding his brother). The third was a few minutes ago. Loki wept in his sleep, obviously troubled by his own mind. Thor felt pity for Loki. Being trapped in a mind such as Loki's would be enough to make any man cry. Loki was cold, distant, and above all else, mean. He thought he was better than everyone else and to be completely honest, Thor would have to agree.
"Speak of this to no one." Loki commanded as he snuggled his face into Thor's chest. "As of sunrise I will take my leave and tonight's events will have been long forgotten."
"Aye, brother." Thor said, yawning once again and wrapping an arm protectively around his little brother's waist. Thor was curious as to what was so upsetting that it made Loki of all people cry but for now it could wait. It was the middle of the night and Thor was far too tired to try and coax and answer out of Loki. "Aye."
(A.N:/ And that would be the end of that chapter. I really hope you guys enjoyed and thanks so much for reading! Seeing as this is for NaNoWriMo I should be updating it regularly. Every couple of days or so (maybe even daily, who knows) But anyway, thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear what you guys thought (don't mind me, just casually hinting for reviews like the cheap review whore I am...) But yeah...Hope you guys liked it! I'll update soon!
Now time to plan out the rest of this fic...)
\o/
