AN: Three different takes on what could have happened to Fred after that bloody wall decided to fall on him. Pick your favorite, I don't own any of the characters, J.K. Rowling does.

This will be the humourous (I hope, at least.) Enjoy!

Fred Weasley was being dragged upwards. Up from the heap of stones that had just hit him, dragged by an invisible force. Towards and through the ceiling. He yelled and cursed, not understanding what what happening, he could still see a tuft of his red hair sticking out from underneath all the rubble and his brothers standing around his body. Higher and higher he went, cursing everything and everyone, his voice (if he still had one and it wasn't just his imagination,) got shriller as he almost started to panic.

"...And the bloody Y-fronts of Merlin haunt you for the eternity!" he finished as he was pulled through a cloud and suddenly stood on it, wearing a white robe.

"Calm down, mate," a slightly familiar voice told him and he looked up to see a black-haired man sitting on the next cloud. It seemed the soft light came from the white substance itself, the sky above them was dark.

"What the hell just happened?" he bellowed and noticed all the people sitting, laying or otherwise occupying the clouds around him. Because that's definitely what it was, clouds.

"You just died," the man said to him and chuckled. Fred took a closer look and noticed it was Sirius Black. Then he was probably right too.

"No, I can't die now! I'm in my prime!" he shouted and clenched his fists in anger.

"That's what they all say," a brown-haired woman answered as she sat down beside Sirius with a bowl of popcorn. "Now move, you're blocking the view." She crossed her legs and gazed down on Earth. Fred mimicked her and was astonished to see the battle going on not that far under them, almost as if they were hanging up in the ceiling of the castle.

"What?" The distance didn't add up to how far he had felt when he was dragged up. Now George was hastily throwing away the rocks that had fallen on his, Fred's, body. He hadn't been far behind them, but had first caught up when Percy, Ron, Hermione and Harry had left. "I have to get back," Fred muttered and dived off the cloud only to hit what felt like a warm jet of air. He tried swimming downwards, but it was no good.

"Lad, that won't work," a new voice said from behind. It resembled something he had heard a long time ago, too long to remember. He tried and discovered he could stand on the air and turned to see who it was.

"Uncle Fabian?" He recognised the bronze-coloured hair and cheerful face from photographs, seeing it was something else. He slowly walked towards the man who was only slightly taller than him and received a hug.

"We've been waiting for one of you to join us soon," Fabian said and snickered, leading his nephew with him, one arm over his shoulder.

"Wa-waiting?" Fred stuttered. No matter how cool and articulate he normally was, suddenly dying had made his mind momentarily blank.

"Yeah, Molly's worries haven't been for nothing. Though she have no idea how nice it is up here," Fabian said and made Fred sit down on a cloud. "First we thought it would be Ron, then Ginny, then Ron again, then Arthur, a year ago Bill and now I just lost my bet." Fred's eyes widened at how cold-hearted his uncle could be.

"Chips?" Gideon offered from beside him. Fred turned, he hadn't noticed his other uncle before he talked.

"What's the matter with you people, sitting up here and taking bets on who's dying and who survives?" Fred's voice got shriller and he would have left if he knew where to go.

"It isn't because we don't care, it's exactly because we care," Gideon told him calmly and took a handful chips from the bowl. "We never wanted our sister to lose a son, but when it first happens we might as well get a kick out of it."

"Shh, something's happening," Fabian said, he had laid down and peeked over the edge. Fred did the same, pillowing his head on his crossed arms.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" Under them, Molly – their mother and sister – ran towards a black-haired woman while throwing off her cloak.

"Wow!" Gideon uttered as Molly started firing curses at fast intervals. She refused any kind of help offered, barking at the students between hexes and curses.

"Go Molls," Fabian shouted with a laugh. Fred couldn't help but get touched by his mother's rage following his death. Not that he was about to get all mushy and cry.

"You – will – never – touch – our – children – again!" she screamed and hit Bellatrix with a curse straight over the heart.

A general "ohh..." went through the nearby crowd as they watched the witch topple over and fall over, hitting the floor with a small thud.

"And what now? Is she too coming up here?" Fred inquired at once, fury boiling in him at the thought.

"And your mother thought you had brains," Fabian muttered. "If this is Heaven, she is of course going to Hell," he said, smacking Fred gently on the head.

"Yeah, yeah," he just answered, slightly annoyed.

"Maybe they're getting here later," Gideon suggested, meaning his nephew's wits.

"What do you usually do around here, when it's not a deadly battle going on?" Fred asked and sat up on his knees.

"Eat. Tell stories. Joke. Have sex." Fabian sat up too and took some chips.

"Basically Heaven," Fred concluded. Gideon rolled his eyes and prayed those wits were on express delivery.

"You know, Lupin and that foxy lady he came with jumped straight in the sack. They disappeared that way at least," Fabian told him and waved his thumb somewhere behind them.

"So it's beds and such somewhere here?" Fred hadn't seen anything but white clothes with people on.

"Nope. No beds, no bathroom, no kitchen. 'Couse we don't need it, it's just to wish for something and it appears!" To prove his point Fabian held out his hands and a banana materialised. He handed it to Fred.

"Thanks, but I'm not up for fruit now." These people seemed completely untouched by the fact that they were dead.

"Peel it anyway," Fabian encouraged with a grin. Fred did, discovering the banana itself to be of dark chocolate. As this wasn't against his wished he took a big bite and chewed thoughtfully.

"You'll get used to it after a while," Gideon said and leaned back on his arms. Fred frowned a little, not believing it fully.

"Wait, why are you wearing regular clothes and I'm stuck in this sheet?" He had suddenly taken in that his uncles wore shirts and jeans while he was still in the white robe.

"You have to wish for it," Fabian told him slowly, as if he was extraordinary thick. Fred raised his eyebrows a little and concentrated, a moment later he was wearing a comfy blue t-shirt and jeans, his bare toes digging into the soft, cool cloud. Maybe he could get used to this after all.

"I think their done down there," Fabian commented and they turned their attention to Hogwarts again. Many had gathered in the Great Hall where the dead bodies was laid out in rows.

"You big dolt," Fred muttered as he noticed his twin sitting by his corpse, tears trickling down his cheeks. Their mother was a complete mess, sobbing recklessly. Why couldn't they see that he had it perfectly well? Then he realised with a pang that it would be a long time until he would meet any of them again.

"Come, that's nothing to watch," Gideon said softly and put a hand on his shoulder. He turned away despite wanting to yell out to George, tell him he was fine, shake his twin senseless to make him see it.

"That's the crap about dying, seeing all the crying afterwards," Fabian said darkly. "Well, I'm tired," he stated airy and laid down on his back, pounding a piece of the cloud into something resembling a pillow. Fred laid down too, on his side with one arm under his head and realised even Heaven was Hell without George.

"Come lay here," Gideon offered and patted the white between him and his brother. Fred obeyed, crawling on his hands and knees before collapsing on his stomach. Why did this have to happen to him, them?

"Night, then," Fabian said and Fred felt a hand on his shoulder. He grunted as a response and closed his eyes. By some miracle he fell asleep even though his mind was racing around the sudden changes in his life. Like a lack of exactly that.

--

Something was fluttering in front of his face. Fred tried waving it away, soft flesh hit the back of his hand and he opened his eyes.

"What the..." He sat up and grabbed the flying ear between his thumb and index finger. The small, white wings kept flapping, hoping to get loose. Was it...? No, it couldn't be George's ear. Still Fred thought he recognised a small scar on the back, from one time when they had played with Charlie's cat.

"Oh, is that here again," Fabian said and Fred turned to see his uncle sitting with crossed legs in front of an old-fashioned muggle television. Letting go of the ear Fred walked on his knees over to him and cocked his eyebrow at the picture. It was positively the battle they had watched last night. Or this morning.

"Why are you watching that again?" he asked and scratched his chin.

"All the deaths messed up the reception last night, we got something long after it happened and some things that didn't happen at all, all jumbled up. Alan was waiting for his wife for several hours and it turned out she was alive all the time," Fabian said and changed the channel, showing the same fight from a different perspective. "Beside, we can't be everywhere at once and this is a great way of catching up on what we missed."

"Uh-hum. Do you know where George is now?" Fred suddenly had a need to see how his twin was doing without him.

"Shell Cottage," Gideon answered as he was walking towards them with a cup of coffee. "Shall we head there?" he asked and sat down. Fred nodded and before he knew it the entire cloud was zooming south, arriving in seconds. He leaned over and saw straight through the ceiling of his oldest brother's house. He soon spotted his twin in the bathtub on the first floor, Bill, Fleur and Charlie down in the kitchen.

"Oh, la la," Fabian commented as he too spotted Fleur. Fred didn't care, he only watched George, wishing hard to be down there with him. That wasn't fulfilled, instead he saw the red head gliding below the water and a series of bubbles being released. Maybe it would come true in a way, that they would reunite soon.

"What is he doing? He's not drowning himself?" Gideon said and raised his eyebrows.

"That's exactly what he's doing!" Fred shouted in happiness, he would get his twin back! "No, what now?" he said confused as he saw Bill going up the stairs and into the bathroom. "No!" Fred repeated as his oldest brother yanked the shower curtain away and got George out of the water.

"Idiot," Bill said when he was sure George was alive.

"No, you're the idiot! He was so close, you nitwit-bugger!" Fred shouted, knowing they actually didn't hear him. "So freaking close!" He got up and walked angry away, his vision hazed with millions of angry stars. He didn't see his uncles or that he was walking on thin air as he strode away in anger, wanting to curse and kick anything, mostly his brothers just for being ignorant.

AN: Loosely lines up with my other story One, thus the almost-drowning.