This is my first fanfic, so be kind! And if you have any words of advice/questions I would love to hear them. I'm doing this to make me a better writer and play with some characters that I have fallen in love with. I obviously do not own those characters.
This story is OOC and All Human.
Angst and smut ahoy.
The ground was wet beneath her and the moisture was seeping through her pretty flower printed dress. Twigs and leaves were caught in her hair and she looked like a wild child as she lay on the vibrant grass watching the rain pour from the sky. The water washed the tears streaming down her cheeks away, and she refused to close her eyes to the onslaught. Pain, buried deeply in her chest screamed, trying to crawl its way up her throat and she covered her face with tiny, grubby hands to hold it all inside. Choking she scrambled from the ground into the silent house. "Daddy?" she shouted, her voice echoing and making the lifeless looking women sitting at the base of the stairs flinch. Ignoring the woman she ran up the stairs, her short legs too small to climb more than one step at a time. The pain finally burst from her mouth in a wretched sob as she swung open the door into a bright room that smelled too much like bleach and death. Her father lay emaciated on the bed, breathing shallowly with his watery eyes on her. Despite being soaked and freezing she crawled into bed next to him, sobs wracking her body so she was shaking more from the pain than the cold. "Shh, Princess Isabella" whispered her father in a hoarse voice, "Don't let it touch you." Princess Isabella's cries became soft whimpers and her father's body cooled so she clung harder to him. Some time later the woman from the stairs looked into the room, emotionless, closing the door on her heartbroken child of a daughter mourning over the dead body of her husband.
Gentle fingers cradled my arm while wet lips sucked at the crook of my elbow pulling me from the memory.
"Where did you go?"
I raised my head to look into his eyes and found myself lost in the ocean. The piercing blue of shallow Caribbean waters, mesmerizing and comforting: each wave lapping at my secrets. I couldn't hide anything from Jasper.
"Back." I sighed, the word heavy on my tongue. "Watching." I saw my past as a stranger would, disconnected, looking in from the outside. I never felt like I belonged.
Jasper looked like he belonged here: bronzed skin, sun-bleached hair, and an accent to match. Texas suited him. Even down to the jeans and plaid shirt. It did not suit me. My skin cracked in the sunlight and the heat was too familiar, too filled with memories I would rather forget.
Suddenly, I yearned to feel the wetness seeping through my clothes again and the rain drizzling down my skin and the way the green seemed to suffocate me.
But those were the distant fairytale memories of a 6-year-old little girl.
And as soon as the flicker of emotion bubbled to the surface the nothingness overtook it.
Numb. I want to be numb. I can't feel anything that way. The fuzziness marred my emotions and I was ok again. Safely cocooned in my own void.
And then Jasper was right there giving me the only thing I let myself feel. He knew and he understood.
His lips returned to my skin, starting where they had stopped, this time leaving little patches of wetness where his tongue tasted me and stings where his teeth caught my skin. The warmth of his mouth sent heat throughout my body, coalescing in my belly.
Tiny nips of Jasper's teeth trailed upward along my shoulder and neck to place a kiss right behind my ear: Jasper's spot, his kiss. It claimed me completely. He owned me with it and I gasped in acceptance.
Suddenly Jasper jerked to a stand lifting me into the air, holding me firmly against his chest as if I would escape. Clutching me he swiftly walked from the library and down a hallway.
He laid me down on a bed I had never seen, in a room that I didn't even recognize. Probably the first one he could find in this enormous empty house.
Taking my sheer cream blouse in his hands he pulled it from my skirt and ran just his thumbs upward, popping open each button as he passed.
Goose bumps rose on my skin where his fingers trailed and I began to shiver in anticipation. The ache between my legs was growing intense and I unconsciously spread my knees, leaving myself open and pleading.
My back arched from the bed so that he could tug the shirt from my shoulders. I was laid bare for him then. White lace bra cupping sensitive breasts, high-wasted navy skirt bunching around my hips.
Planting a kiss on the inside of each knee Jasper hooked his fingers under the lace of my panties and pulled them down my legs. Eyes locked on mine, eyes telling me this was for me.
My hands stayed by my sides and my eyelids fluttered closed. For a brief instant I wondered what it would be like to be kissed on the lips. And to be stripped completely, skin to skin. Possessed through passion, through heat.
Then these thoughts were wiped from my mind as Jasper's tip traced up my slit. I gasped as his heat ran over my clit, making my hips buck.
And then he was slowly pushing his way inside me. Filling me physically while still leaving me empty.
But this was familiar and comfortable. This made me feel something in the emptiness, something I could handle.
Gently, always gently, Jasper began thrusting into me. Building sensation slowly.
I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut and focused on the sensation, the friction Jasper left behind as he pulled out completely and slowly came back inside me. The loss each time left me reeling, gasping.
Jasper's hands came around me pulling my hips off the bed to meet his.
His fingers pressed tightly into my skin and I imagined his fingers longer, paler; nails neatly trimmed short. This image sent shockwaves of pleasure and desire through me. I wanted to take each of those long fingers into my mouth and suck on them just to taste where they had been. I wanted to watch them play music on my bare skin. I wanted to feel them on my lips and in my hair and inside my body. I wanted them to hold me so hard that they left bruises behind.
Mostly, I wanted to know whom they belonged to.
Jasper's thrusting increased in pace and I saw a flash of green. Emerald, lost in lust and passion and need.
The heat and pressure were building, rushing in from my toes and from the top of my head, until it reached where Jasper and I were joined. It exploded around Jasper as my muscles clenched and a low throaty moan bubbled out of my mouth.
I saw full pink lips and felt them momentarily touch mine with a spark of electricity before they were erased as Jasper thrust deep two more times then dropped my hips and fell over me. I could feel his hot liquid squirting inside of me as he came hard.
His breath was hot and heavy on my neck. "Bella, oh gawd, Bella."
His voice was thick with accent, deeper than normal, the southern drawl lengthening syllables in ways that made my heart clench and stomach heave. The gorgeous fingers I still saw tracing my skin transformed again. They became shorter, harrier, with too many gaudy gold rings.
Sweat broke out on my forehead. Trembles violently overtook me. My heart pounding so hard it felt like it could break my ribs. My breathing was shallow. I couldn't get enough oxygen. I felt like I was suffocating. Toxins were seeping into my void. The world shrunk to just those fingers and the little girl still trapped inside me was screaming over and over again. All I could hear were her screams and breaking glass, punctuated by heavy breathing and snapping bones. Those hands burnt along my skin, searing the flesh from my frame.
And then nothing, blackness overtook me, blissful and empty.
I smelled wheat swaying in the wind, shimmering heat and good bourbon underneath the unconsciousness and it pulled me to the surface.
My eyes fluttered open to Jasper caressing my face and rocking me back and forth as I lay in his lap. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was begging me to wake up.
"Thank god, Bella!" A phrase so close to the one that had sent me spiraling downward, but this time it was comforting. His accent masked by worry for me. He was just my Jasper now, mine and mine alone.
My face was pressed into his shirt and his scent soothed me.
I opened my mouth to reassure him that I was fine but all that escaped was a pathetic sob. I realized my body was still shaking and fat tears were trailing down my cheeks to fall heavily into my lap.
"Bella, baby, it's ok." He effortlessly turned me in his lap and began wiping the tears from my cheeks and onto his jeans. Looking deep into my eyes so that I had to focus on him. "I'm here. Nothing bad can touch us here. Shhh."
His gentle words eased the pain back, and the waves in his stare lulled me closer to calm.
Minutes passed with him staring into my eyes, caressing my cheek and drawing all of the shudders from my body and drying my tears.
I opened my mouth again, "It's too fucking hot here, J." Whiney and petulant it spewed from my mouth.
The tears suddenly stopped falling from Jasper's crystal eyes as he let out a loud "Ha!"
I always loved how easily he knew me. Picking up on what I was thinking only moments after I do.
Jasper jumped from the bed and took my hands, pulling me up with him.
"We are moving then." His tone was final, but his eyes started to shine.
He liked new places. I didn't like to stay still.
It is easy when you have nearly limitless money at your fingertips. We rarely stayed in one place long. As long as we still went to school no one seemed to mind our wanderlust.
"Where do you want to go, Bells?" He was nearly dancing in his excitement, my anxiety forgotten.
Jasper and I were two sides of the same coin. I felt nothing and he felt everything. He pulled me close to his body, twirling us around, laughing merrily.
As I grew dizzy lush green forests and waves crashing forced their way into my head. I could see cliffs and huge stone rocks jutting out of stormy waters and bonfires tinged green from the driftwood thick with salt. I could smell the damp moss and the moisture clinging to my skin. I could feel my back on the damp grass again, with a smile on my face instead of the tears.
The sense of need had never been so strong as it was in that moment.
I wanted to find myself again.
I had been wandering since that final moment with my father, in a purgatory of washed out emotions. He told me not to let it touch me, and he saved me from more than just his death.
He taught me to beg not to feel anything. Because keeping my self sequestered in emptiness kept me sane, kept me safe. It kept me from feeling his fingers, and it kept me from feeling his fist. And it kept me from seeing her turn her face aside.
But I had lost myself in that void.
I needed to find Princess Isabella again. I needed her strength, because I had lost mine that sad, final day with my father.
I needed to go back.
"Home." I whispered.
Jasper stopped spinning me. I never talked about my home, it wasn't a place Jasper and I shared. I had never wanted it to touch the dismal wreckage that our lives were.
It was sacred.
"I want to go home."
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