Lvmj: "Friend got me back into writing as how my hands are better right now. Might know her from the other Naruto story on my account, "Seeing the World Blindfolded", so decided to try out a Naruto one. Forwarning, foul language ahead.
DarkLvmj: "Oooooh! A new one!"
Lvmj: "Speak of the devil....still haven't come up with another name eh?"
DarkLvmj: "Nope!" cackles.
Lvmj: Sighs. "Anyway, help with the disclaimer."
Both: "We don't own THIS!"
The Comedy Fox
Chapter One: How it all started
They think I can take the pain? The ridicule? The God-damned stares of hate and pity?! I can't! For the first time in my measly four years of this pathetic life, I am giving up! I cannot stand it! I just want to die, to wither away in this lonely alley corner, away from the bastards that beat me. Not that anyone would care to find my corpse.....wait.....I think I'm wrong on that part.
Maybe the old man with the funny clothes and the nice people at that ramen shop will give me a proper burial? They are the only ones who openly nice to me, not counting those guys in Masks. They may have been nice to me but saving me, but they are as dull as a brick, especially that white haired guy.
Speak of the devil, he's right hear kneeling beside me. I can't really move nor hear him....wonder what he's saying.
Two more Masked people come and knelt down beside him. They brought a stretcher of some kind....kinda hard when to make it out when you got all this damn blood over my eyes. White hair seemed to be frantic about something.
"It's okay Naruto, we are getting you to the hospital," I finally heard White hair speak. I guess my freakish healing kicking in. Why can't it just stop and let me die?
"Come on, help me lift him up Neko," White hair says as the lady Mask help me up on the stretcher. So that other Mask is called Neko? Strange name for a Mask.
Scenes change as I drifted in and out of consciousness. A forest, buildings, doorways, and finally a white ceiling.
Konoha Hospital, my second home, literally. I scanned my room, it being actually my own private room every time I come here, to see the old man sitting down at a desk in the corner. He usually does this, defeating his so called enemy, paperwork, while waiting for me to wake up. It just bugs me on how they got the desk in here this time, I am not usually up and awake when they bring in the damn thing.
"Ah, Naruto-kun, you're awake!" the old man said as he suddenly appeared beside me. It always shocks me on how he can move so fast when he's all pushing seventy.....how old is he anyways?
"Neh, old man, how old are you?" was my question to him. His face, priceless! The amused yet dumfounded look he gave me will be etched into my memories forever.
"Old enough to know that that's not a questioned to be answered now," was his answer.
Tch, old bastard, dodging the question.
"Anyway, when can I get out of here?" and when can I get out of this damn casts! First time I noticed them when trying to get up. They must have done a number on me since I usually wake up good as new.
"Not for a while Naruto." The old man pulled up a chair and sat down beside me. "Naruto, how would you like to become strong?"
Strong? Enough to beat back all the assholes that have wronged me? Where the hell can I sign up for that!
"You got a deal old man!" I said in a light tone, but I couldn't give him the usual grin. All the things that have happen.....I can't seem to get over it. He seems to have noticed it as well.
"Naruto, are you alright? I would assume you are happy about this," the old man said. Damn he catches things quickly, doesn't he?
"I am, but I can't seem to smile," I said gravely. It seems the bastards of this village have robbed me yet of another thing. It shouldn't even be hard to smile! Just lift up the muscles in your face and freaking smile!
Instead I frown even further. A withered old man was placed on my head, ruffling the golden locks on it, breaking my thoughts on my smile.
Looking at the old man beside me, he seemed to have aged right before my eyes. His own eyes seemed too sparkled with unwept tears, his frown hung down so low I thought it would fall off.
"Naruto....you will make a great shinobi. Starting tomorrow, you will be trained by me, the strongest ninja of this village, the Hokage." That literally had my eyes bugging out. The old man?! No, MY old man the strongest ninja in Konoha?
Damn! He's freaking awesome!
"So....am I suppose to call you Hokage-sama or something?" He chuckled and I tried to smile, failing.
"No, my boy, no. I fear it wouldn't feel right you calling me anything else besides 'Old Man'."
I nodded in agreement. I don't think I could ever 'formaly' respect him in words, but he knows as I do that he holds the greatest respect that I could give him.
And thus, our training started for six years.......
Which leads to my current problem. I stand before Hokage-jiji, delt in an ANBU fashion that Kakashi-White Hair helped me pick out.
A black longsleeved shirt with ANBU red armor covering instead of their usual white ones. The sword on my back was dealt in duel ones, as I never truly felt comfortable with just one.
And as every ANBU have, I have a Mask placed on me. It's very different one from the rests of my colleagues. It has been described to me as a "Comedy Mask", popular for Comedy and Horror theatre I have seen off outside my home.
My hair had calmed down a bit from spiking up when I was younger. It still hade spikes, unnatural really, but most of it flopped down over the head of my mask and past my ears.
Ah, but I digress. My problem with the Old Man.
"What the fuck you mean I got to go to the Academy!?" Yup, you heard right. Hokage-jiji better have a damn well reason for this.
"Our Country, the Land of Fire's, Feudal Lord has decreed that you are two go through Academy for training," he grimaced. Damn right he better grimace! What the hell does that bastard Lord of ours think I have been doing for years?!
"What the hell is that about!?" I scowled beneath my mask.
"I know, Naruto-kun. But it's not that kind of training, it's for psychological healing you go through Academy with peers of your own and graduate with them....shit."
He cursed when he felt my 'killer-intent' sweep over the area. I mildly notice the ANBU come in before immediately go back out when they notice it was me. They are smart enough not to get on my bad side.
"GRADUATE WITH THOSE .....THOSE.....GAKIS?! What the fuck! I am going to kill him!"
"Now hold on Naruto, you have to do this. Didn't you always want my job?" Hokage-jiji said, diminishing my anger in an instant.
How the hell does he do that? Must be a Hokage thing.
Speaking of that, I always wanted to be Hokage, to fix up the flaws I see in the Konoha system and make sure no one is ever cruel to an....unfortunate soul.
"Fine," I breathed out, defeated.
"Good," Jiji chuckled at me before growing serious, which makes me stand up tall, well straight, I am rather short. "ANBU Comedy Fox, you are to report to Academy room 12 of Umino Iruka first thing in the morning."
I only had one thing to say.
"I fucking hate this."
Okay, maybe four things to say.
Lvmj: "Comments?"
