Hello, dear reader! This isn't the first time I've attempted a fanfic, but this is the first Knights of Ratatosk one I've done. I kept it to a one-shot, but I may use this in a longer story later on, so stay tuned. Please submit your reviews once you finish, and please keep it considerate. Thanks~!
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She was always watching him, throwing herself at him.
And as she did, I watched her through his eyes. His eyes, so ungrateful, so weak.
So freaking, goddamn blind.
Now I was free of him. I was no longer Emil's "Ratatosk Mode". I was Reno—a weak, human incarnation of Ratatosk, but Ratatosk no doubt.
And she watched me, wary of my stability, wondering if at any moment I would snap at her. She still believed I was merely Emil's darker side. Why did she have to worry about things like that? Why did she still think things like that?
I wanted to be so much more than that to her…for her…
I could have sat here forever, wallowing, but a voice called to me from the depths of my thoughts. "Ra…Ratatosk?"
I did not turn around. "I told you not to call me that while I'm human."
I could see her blinking those big, blue eyes at me. "I'm sorry then…Reno?"
"Yeah?"
"Regal told me to tell you that dinner was ready." When I said nothing, she continued, "Are you not hungry yet?"
I had to turn around at that moment, had to see her as she was bending over, her head tilted to one side, eyes wide with concern. My skin, human as I was, burned at the sight of her like this; for all the times she had given Emil this look, she was at last looking at me.
"Reno, are you okay?" Marta asked me.
At last I spoke. "Yeah, don't worry about me. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure? You look flushed…" She looked out the window, her thoughts trailing.
"What is it?"
"Oh, it's nothing!" she turned back to me and gave me her fakest smile.
"It is something," I insisted. "Come on, you can tell me."
"No, I…I couldn't say—"
"Just spit it out already, Marta!"
She flinched at my outburst, and immediately I wished I could take away my harsh words. Why did I always do this to her?
"Marta, I—"
"It's just…you look a lot like Emil when you flush like that…"
Then it was my turn to flinch. This was why I still snapped at her. What the hell did she see in those green eyes that she didn't find in mine? They're red, but never once did they wander away from her. Never once did they desire for anybody else but her…
"This is why I didn't want to say it…"
"No, I'm glad you said it." I glared down at her. "There's no point in pretending you still want me around."
"Reno, don't—"
"—say it? Say that you all are only going through the motions? That you all only pretend to care whether I die or not?"
"That's not true! We—"
"Like hell it's true!"
I had to stop now, before I said anything else hurtful to her. But God, I was already shaking so bad with my fury. And I could feel her slowly backing away—self-preservation at its finest. Maybe she at least pitied me, I hoped. But I was too dangerous for her, and we both knew that only too well. Too dangerous to really care for.
"Reno, we…I do care about you. A-and we're not just going through the m-motions." Now she was shaking, too. What was wrong with me?
"We wouldn't go through all this trouble trying to cure your sickness if we didn't care about you." Then she turned her head up to me, staring me down boldly with her tear-strewn eyes. "And I would have gone downstairs to eat a long time ago if I didn't care about you."
I sighed, for I had been holding my breath before she had said those words. They sounded like they meant something, but I knew the truth. They meant nothing to me. They still held back and hid the words I really wanted to hear.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Is that it?"
"You…" Now she looked genuinely hurt. Good. "You inconsiderate jerk! That's all you have to say after all that?"
"What were you expecting, a standing ovation?" I retorted. "Well, I'm standing, but I'll never applaud you. Not as long as you still cling onto that sorry excuse of a knight."
"Re-Reno…"
"So I guess I've finally hit the mark, haven't I?"
Marta's gaze fell to the floor, and she held her hands behind her back in shame.
"Ever since you first met him, you've been at his feet, begging him to love you back," I said to her, my words picking up heat as I went on. "But he'll never love you, Marta. And you know why? Because he's a coward. He only became my knight because he couldn't think of anything better to do with himself. He's an indecisive and pathetic excuse for a human being."
"T-that's not true, Reno!" Marta replied defensively, but her voice still cracked with her tears. "Emil may not be as strong as you, but he always tries his best to protect me, and he does care for me!"
"Oh yeah? When was the last time he's fought a battle without calling on me for help?" I asked. "When was the last time he drew his sword with his green eyes?"
She said nothing.
"That's right; never." I walked closer to her, and she, thankfully, did not back away. "Every time he had a sword in his hands, it was my red eyes that saw the enemy, seeing the thing trying to harm you! He was never there when it mattered!"
"St-stop it…"
"But I was always there for you!" I cried. "So why do you still choose him over—"
"Marta?"
Talk of the devil, I thought bitterly. There he was now, at the door, staring at the sight of us with the little nerve he had. We must have looked truly frightening, with Marta sobbing into her hands, and me, looking ready to rip her apart. Not out of rage, but out of longing to find a heart that would for once beat for someone else other than the green-eyed monster at the door.
"Regal was wondering where you've been," Emil went on. "He says dinner's getting cold, but I think he's just exaggerating, because it's not really that cold. I mean you've only been gone for a couple of minutes. It might actually taste better now that it's not scalding."
Stupid ass, still ranting when Marta was clearly not in the mood for his lame jokes.
"I-I'm sorry for keeping you all waiting," she murmured to the floor. "Reno said he wasn't hungry right now, and I was trying to convince him to come and eat."
"Wait, Marta—!"
"I'm leaving now," she said to Emil, still not looking me in the eyes.
She walked over to the door and past Emil, shutting the door behind her. It felt as if she had closed it on my heart. And I wanted to open that door, call down the hall to her. I wanted to run after her and snatch her away from my ungrateful, green-eyed twin. I wanted to kiss her until she finally understood who was really in love with her, who really appreciated her craziness, her annoying little quirks, her irresistibility.
Instead, I fell to my knees at the door and pounded it with my fist, my eyes, for the first time, strewn with tears.
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A/N: I kept feeling like Reno/Ratatosk should have ranted a bit more, but then it might've been a bit much. Reviews, please!
