tHE sECOND tALE OF lUCY tURNENBAUMERUMM

a Pirates insert-yourself/pardoy fanfic

Summary:
Like in TTLT, Lucy jumps into pirates-land and screws with the plot. Only this time, she's older. And therefore dumber.

RATED T FOR STUPIDITY! (also cause I curse some now) BE CAREFUL!

Disclaimer: Didn't I tell you? I own all the rights to Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh wait... I lied. But I do own the absolutely insane Lucy Turnenbaumerumm, and Jamie Sparrow, who is my favorite pirates OC.

A/N: Welcome back, y'all! Okay, done with my two-second southern-ness, brought on by Oklahoma! (the middle school's musical). Do you like the dumbness up at the top? I'm trying to be more organized, and have had fun with the dumb things you can do with alignment and things like "toggle case" (for the title).

Anyway, the inspiration to write this is, like the first one, true to 'my' inspiration to return to pirates-land. Also, Lucy Turnenbaumerumm is still very me... so the changes that have happened to me have to her and vice versa.

Enjoy.

Chapter 1: Returning to Pirates (1287 words)

Okay, so, technamally, it wasn't a year since I was last in pirates-land. It was actually kinda quite a bit more than a year, because for some reason I had been too lazy what with typing up my first adventure in pirates-land and writing other things and going to school and attempting to have a life on the side to actually go back to pirates-land. So it was more than a year and a half since I last went to pirates land, but what could I say? I couldn't exactly go back in time and tell myself that I had to go to pirates land within a reasonable timeframe, could I?

After all, I didn't have magical time-travel powers.

Anyway, so it was Spring Break. Pretty special, huh? And at first it woulda just been normal and boring, and the only thing productive I woulda gotten done was writing a whole ton of a revision of this original story I wrote. But then, this author, illogical squeeks, put up a new story. An absoluterly hilarious one. I can't really memember what it's about, but that's beside the point. Cause then I went back and read this story of hers, A Long Way From Home, which is about this insane-o girl on the Flying Dutchman. And somehow that made me wanna go back to pirates-land.

So, I shut off my computer and went up to my attic. I pulled the Pirates 2 DVD off the shelf (that actually belongs to my friend, but I stole it from her so long ago that I don't think she misses it anymore). "Selene!" I called to the otherwise empty attic. Selene is my magical guardian angel lady who isn't actually that good at protecting me but she's awesome for when I wanna do dumb stuff like this. Go into pirates-land, I mean.

Selene appeared nearby me. "That's what Rose from Titanic looks like! I forgetted." Selene rolled her eyes.

"I don't look like her. She looks like me. Duh."

"Oh yeah. I forgetted. Oh, guess what? I used your name to make a nickname for Slenee."

"I know," Selene said. "By the way, why did you just use the word 'said'? I thought you hated it."

"I did, but this is a fanfic. So I don't care. Wait, how did you know that I did?"

"Don't you remember the seeing-in-the-fourth-dimension thing?"

"No."

"Whatever. I'm too lazy to explain it to you now. Where do you wanna go?"

"Second Pirates movie, please. See? I have it right here." Whenever I went into a movie, a magical copy of myself stayed in my dimension, appearing to watch the actual version of the movie. It was pretty awesome... and it helped my parents to not know that I spent my spare time in parallel universes.

"Umm, Selene, I has a question."

"Have," she corrected.

"Huh?"

"You said – oh never mind, you clearly don't care about grammar right now. What's your question?"

"Are they still gonna recognize me? I mean, I growed four inches and my hair has a similar but better-looking cut then it did then if I remember that haircut correctly and I wear contacts now not glasses, so..."

"They'll recognize you fine. Start acting like your typical dumb self and you should be good."

"Hey!" I protested

"I don't mean it as an insult; they just think you're crazy."

"I am crazy."

"So then what's your problem with it?"

"You said dumb. I'm not dumb; I'm insane."

"And the difference is?"

"Word choice." Selene rolled her eyes.

"Are you gonna go into the pirates or not?" she asked. I thought about it for a moment.

"Actually, I haven't watched this one in a while... could I jump in after I watched it?"

"So, what, watch it twice?"

"It's not unbelievable!" Selene sighed.

"Fine! Call me back when you need me." So, I did. I sat and watched the movie again, just so I'd be familiar with it and where it left off, and then I called Selene back. "Now you're ready to go to pirates-land."

"Aye!" Selene shook her head.

"Where'm I tossing you in?"

"Hmm... I'll end up near the Pearl, in the beginning. You know, before Jack gets there."

"Alright," Selene answered. "Careful, this is going to hurt." Selene smacked me upside the head with some magical bag of bricks or something. The point was, it knocked me out.

* * *

"Help!" I yelled. I was close to drowning.

Again.

See, when I went into the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, over a year ago, I managed to start it off on an amazing foot: I nearly drowned right outside of Port Royal. The good news was, I was rescued by Jack, and proceeded to assist him in his adventures... and brought along a non-canon character named Jamie who was his sister (or half-sister or something). For any more clarification on my adventures, you'll have to read TTLT, the conglomeration (OMG BIG WORD... that sounds cool XD) of that complete adventure.

Anyway, this time when I was drowning, it was a little scarier, because it was dark out so I couldn't tell which way was up by the light. I managed to get myself to tread water. By this time, I could make out a big hunk of a ship next to me. I hear, rather than saw, a drunken Gibbs singing.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest,
Yo ho ho and a bottle o'rum.
Drink and the devil had done for the rest,
Yo ho ho and a bottle o'rum."
He laughed rather creepily.

"Hey, Gibbs!" I yelled. "Man overboard! Well, actually a woman, but that's beside the point!" I didn't hear any sort of response. "YO! GIBBS! FORTUNE-TELLER DROWNIN' DOWN HERE!" Instead of Gibbs, a familiar brown-haired, brown-eyed girl poked her head over the side of the ship. "Jamie!" I exclaimed excitedly. This was Jamie, Jack's half-sister, who I had met when I actually ran into a wall in Tortuga. Regardless of our strange meeting, we had become pretty close over the course of the few days that we had spent together. I swam closer to the ship and discovered that I had the luck to be right next to one of the handy dandy staircases cut into the wall. I scampered up it. "Jamie!" I said once I was up there. She stared at me, not recognizing her crazy friend under all the changes that had happened in the past eighteen months.

"Who're you?"

"Lucy Turnenbaumerumm! Don't you remember anything?" I asked. Suddenly, she recognized me without my glasses and slightly taller and wearing different hair. I hugged her.

"Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you!" she said.

"Sorry, I took a long break... far away..." I didn't feel like adding that I went to another time. She wouldn't believe me if I did, anyway. "So what'd I miss around here?"

"Nothing much," she answered. "Other than a hurricane. That wasn't fun."

"You'll have to tell me all about it!" I suddenly shivered in my wet clothes. "Could we maybe get me something dry to wear, though?" I asked. She nodded.

"I've got all your effects back in our cabin. You can change, and I'll tell you what's happened." I nodded, so she led me belowdecks. We had a cabin all to ourselves, much like the one that Ana, Jamie, and I had shared on the Interceptor, except that this one felt a lot bigger because there were only two of us. Jamie handed me a dry set of clothes and the short sword I had taken from Will's smithy. I put them on quickly, excited to be beginning another adventure.

A/N: Woot! This thing again! This time, it's actually going to work! I'm going to update it! Yes, that's what I plan on doing this Spring Break. Writing fanfics and original stories. Well, tell me what you thought of this. I'd really love to know.