Can't get it out of my head. Guess that's what happens when you don't have closure. Sorry Toris, you don't get it, either.
And though Ivan is my favourite character, my headcannon won't allow him to ever be happy. Sorry Ivan, too.
Enjoitsu. Or don't, it's pretty angsty.
Shaking his head, Toris stretched his arm out towards the retreating figure, fingers stretching to their limits in an attempt to stop the man from leaving. The man ignored him and, despite everything, despite whatever feelings he had and still harboured for Toris, walked out the door.
Toris's arm fell limply to his side before he retreated to his bedroom, ignoring the stares of his "brothers" Eduard and Raivis as he slowly dragged his feet up the stairs.
He was everything. Everything to him. Even if he didn't know how to express it, even if he only ever hurt him, even if they only ever hurt each other… Toris closed his eyes tightly, willing the tears welling up away. But Toris didn't have a will strong enough to ignore the pain of a broken heart and the tears threatened to fall- lingering on the brink of rolling over and making his pain all the more obvious.
Toris opened the door to his room and stepped through, letting it slowly swing shut behind him as he collapsed onto his bed.
And the tears fell.
Like a dam bursting, Toris let out a strangled cry, his tears flowing freely now. It wasn't… Supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be together forever. Despite it all, all of the abuse from both ends, all of the arguments, the declarations of hate, of love, of everything in between… Toris had been sure, so sure that the two would end up together; nothing able to break them apart.
He had been wrong. Though Toris would always forgive his other half… The other man wasn't willing to continue the hurt, the charades, hurting the man he loved, hurting himself. He couldn't keep doing it. They shouldn't keep doing it.
What would it cause? Going back, time and time again, forgiving each other after every heated argument. Every accusation of this or that, infidelity or some deep, dark secret. Every stinging word that tore into the heart- brought them down.
Every apology. Every kiss exchanged in forgiveness. Every touch, every caress, every time they made love- or just rough, violent make-up sex- falling asleep in each other's arms.
The nights that he wouldn't come to bed were the worst for Toris. He knew what his lover was doing. Sitting on the roof, likely. Drinking himself into a stupor, willing the hurt, the forgiveness, to go away.
It was always the worst when Toris forgave him. And time and time again Toris would forgive him- because his love was unconditional. A strange word. Unconditional.
No matter how many times he broke Toris' heart, lashed out at him, hurt him, lied to him or cheated on him, Toris would always accept him back with open arms and a sad smile, the only sign that he was hurt.
Sure, sometimes Toris would cry, sometimes he would shout and scream and announce how much he hated him, but in the end he would always forgive him- always. Because Toris couldn't help but love the man, no matter what terrible thing he did.
So he left.
Ivan didn't want to hurt the man he loved any more.
A/N:: Yeah, I don't understand male logic, to be honest.
