It was just another day. Only two months after the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri was already down at the rink working on a new routine for the next season. It's been two months since Yuuri won that silver medal that he'd slaved over for a year. Two months since he moved to Russia. Two months since Yuuri started living with Viktor.

Life couldn't have been much better. He was living with the man he loves the most in the world. That feeling of elation that he felt when he stood on the podium at the GPF doesn't even compare to the pure euphoria he feels when he and Viktor return home after a long day of practise and just cuddle each other on the sofa with Makkachin. In these moments, he just wishes time would stop so he could live his life this happily forever.


But life isn't nearly so kind.

Yuuri loves Viktor. It's a fact, just as much as it's a fact that fish swim in water and humans need air to breathe. Yuuri has always loved Viktor from the first moment he laid eyes on the grey haired Russian. To begin with, Yuuri's emotions could have easily been mistaken for simple idol worship, but as time went on, the feelings grew and flourished to a fully-fledged love for the other man.

Yuuri never dreamt that this love he felt for Viktor would ever be acknowledged, let alone reciprocated. But here he was, living with the same man he used to admire through the TV screen. Yuuri seemed to be living a dream – a seemingly impossible dream.

And that was a fact that never escaped his mind.

It didn't escape Yuuri how seemingly amazing and perfect his situation seemed. It felt like some sort of fairy tale. But not one that he could convince himself had a happy ending.

Every once and a while, right when he was beginning to accept the reality of his relationship with Viktor, his torturous mind loved to give him a kick back into the pit of anxiety and nerves that he was fighting so desperately to heave himself out of.

His mind loved to remind him that Viktor is The Crowned Prince of the figure skating world; the Five Time Consecutive World Champion in the Men's Single Division, and previously The Most Eligible Bachelor around. Viktor could have anyone he wanted. He had, no, he still has the whole damn world wrapped around his little finger. So what on Earth was he doing with Yuuri?

'What if tomorrow, Viktor decides that I'm not good enough for him? I couldn't even win a gold medal at the GPF. So useless. What is he even doing with me? I'm a disgrace. I guess he's just taking pity on me…'

He never thinks to tell Viktor any of this. The faster he tells Viktor, the faster Viktor is made aware of how much Yuuri is lacking – that's if he didn't already know. But in the end, telling him will just help him realise exactly how much of a mistake he made choosing Yuuri.

On most days, Yuuri was very good at just letting these thoughts go on into the background – into the constant hum of self-deprecation that held a permanent spot in his head. Usually he's able to mostly convince himself that these ideas he's being presented with are unfounded.

On most days.


It goes as it usually does. It creeps up on him slowly, right when he's unsuspecting.

After a long session down at the rink, Yuuri stops to take a small breather. As amazing as his stamina is, it's not literally endless.

Out of habit, Yuuri finds himself scanning the rink for a certain Viktor Nikiforov. He can't help that his eyes are drawn to him constantly. His eyes land on Viktor who appears to be chatting away with a fellow skater from the Russian National Team. They speak like old friends – though Yuuri supposes that they probably are – and they laugh together and it looks as natural as walking. It's clear to Yuuri that Viktor looks like he belongs. And he does.

This is where Viktor should be. On the ice. In Russia. Not with Yuuri.

What could Yuuri possibly provide Viktor that the latter couldn't get elsewhere from someone else? Yuuri isn't special. Far from it.

If anything, Yuuri is a burden. He always seems to be in need of someone to calm him down from his anxiety attacks and more often than not, that person is Viktor. Viktor is someone who's meant to fly, he's an angel who belongs in the heavens but because of Yuuri, he's weighed downed and tied down to Earth. It's not supposed to be like this.

It's Yuuri's fault. It's his fault that Viktor is stuck playing babysitter to a 24 year old who can't even hold it together, to someone who can't even win one stupid skating event. He can't even come first place, he doesn't deserve gold. He'll always be second place. And he's just waiting for Viktor to realise that Yuuri belongs in second place – in competitions and in his heart (if he's in his heart at all). In fact, perhaps that's being too generous, because perhaps even second is a stretch for Yuuri. He might as well quit and leave now to save Viktor the hassle and effort of telling Yuuri to leave and never come back. It's the least he could do.

'Viktor…I'm sorry for being a waste of your space and time. I'm sorry for taking you away from skating for a whole year – taking you away from the sport you love, the crowds who adore you, everything you worked so hard for. I'm sorry you dropped everything for me, left everything you loved, just for me. I wasn't even worth it in the end…'

Yuuri feels the tears begin to pool up in his eyes. He knows what's coming and he knows he can't hold back the panic and the insecurity that's so deep seated in him that it's hard to see where it ends. It's as much a part of him as an arm or a leg.

He does the only think he can think to do. Get out of the public space. Letting everyone see how pathetically weak he is would only serve to highlight how incompatible he is with Viktor.

His tired feet carry him far away from the ice rink and back to his probably-soon-to-be-former apartment. The journey from where he stood on the rink back to Viktor's apartment is a blur in his mind. Too much of his focus being dedicated to holding back the flood of tears threatening to over flow at any moment.

It's only once he buries himself under the duvet of their shared bed that he lets the tears finally drop from his eyes. It isn't long before the pillow beneath his head becomes soaked with tears.


The rest of the chapters - there are 3 in total - will be out by the end of the day. I've written them all, I'm just in the middle of proofing and stuff.

I've literally had that prompt sitting on my laptop for months. I'd tried different ships but I had well and truly lost the writing mojo. But somehow, I managed to hammer this one out to completion - everything else never made it past planning.

Reviews and feedback are much appreciated :D

Check out my Tumblr at fandomdevoted for fandom related posts and feel free to drop me a message on that if you so wish :D