Abyss of Addiction

Chapter 1… Losing Myself In You

V's POV

I hate this place. The beds are hard. The pillows are flat. The food is disgusting. These people are all crazy. I suppose that says a lot about myself. I suppose I'm just like everyone else her; no better than the rest.

I wonder how it is that I got here. Looking back a year ago I felt like I had it all. I was dating a famous musician. I was traveling around the world with him. We were happy and in love. Then it all fell apart.

When he died I lost myself. I was looking for a way to escape. Looking to unwind. Looking for a way to be happy again.

So I let him in. The monster. He loved me. I needed him. He fulfilled my needs. Gave me everything I was looking for.

Crank, Coke, Flake, Snow, Candy, Crack. The monster goes by many names. Whatever you call him. I love him.

That's what brings me here. I'm staying her with all of the other addicts and junkies. Various drugs all plaguing them.

I've been clean for 2 weeks now. Looking at myself in the mirror I don't even recognize myself. I used to be so beautiful. Envied by women. Wanted my mean and women alike. As I look at myself in the mirror I can't remember why. The way I look right now no one would want me.

Group therapy is interesting. There's a teen druggie trying to run away from daddy's own addiction with some medication of his own choosing. The a few actors and actresses who can't get far enough away from the spotlight to save themselves. The singer of a once famous band that has basically folded. Some dumb jock wrestler. Everyone with their own reason for addiction.

Not much is said doing group therapy. Everyone has their own reasons for being here, no need to share them with everyone else. We all know the mistakes we made. We all made these choices for ourselves.

I'm a level 2 here which means I get a few forms of freedom. No longer confined to my room. I get to spend a few hours in the rec room and eat meals with some of the other people here.

We all live by a schedule here. Everything done at a proper time. That's supposed to help us get our lived back on track while we all try to find whatever life is left in out mutilated bodies.

Shifty's POV

This isn't the first time I've been here. In and out of this place. One the inside of these walls it's easy to stay clean, away from temptation. But outside are all the reasons I just can't stay straight. My lifestyle doesn't help. Bars, clubs, concerts filled with alcohol, drugs, temptations.

I was son the top of the world once. Singer of a band. Money and fame. A wife and son. Then I let it all go. Slip right out from grip.

I felt like a fish in a bowl. Constantly being watched, judged, ridiculed. I simply couldn't deal. So I found a way out. Painkillers and cocaine.

No more pain. No more judgments. It all disappeared when I was high. Just a little bit here. Just one more. Then another. I lost control. I let it take over.

Every time I think I can beat it I fail. I let myself believe I can do it just one more time. Just one more and I won't get addicted this time. Then it all comes bad. The want, the need, the desire.

Life on the inside is good. I'm in control. I listen to the stories of other people. They've been through the same thing. Done what I've done. Felt like I've felt.

When you're weak, empty, lost, confused or hurt you let it in. It fills you. Takes away the pain. You never want to let the feeling go. Then it consumes you. You start spiraling down. There's no way to stop. No end in sight until you crash. Everything comes halting to a stop. Then you end up here. Or worse dead.

Jeff's POV

I don't belong here. I'm not an addict. It's a requirement to return to work. I had two choices: come here and stick it out through the program or deny 'help' and get fired. I didn't want to lose my job, so I'm here, but I'm not happy about it.

"Hi Jeff." Say the coke girl as she walks by to sit next to the rocker. I don't know any of their names. I don't pay attention to anyone while I'm here.

"Hey." Just a simple reply. I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to complete the program and get back to my life.

I can hear the two people talking at the end of the table. Coke girl is talking to the rocker about her life pre drugs.

Our group therapist says I should get involved more. Talk to the other people. I don't want to, but if it gets me any closer to getting out of here then I will suck it up.

"What are you guys talking about?" I ask as I move towards the other end of the table, trying to include myself in the conversation.

"V's telling me about the tour she went on with her ex." The rocker answers. V is the coke girl, easy enough to remember I suppose.

"Oh yeah what tour?" I ask trying to sound interested.

"Me and Dave went on tour with his band Drowning Pool last year in Europe for Ozzfest. It was awesome."

"Oh yeah who else was on tour with you guys?" I asked trying to see if she was actually into the music or just some kind of groupie.

"Well Ozzy was there obviously; that man is a riot. Umm… let's see Slayer, System of a Down, Tool, Bad Religion, that's all for the European leg of the tour. There were a lot more band for the North American leg, but I was at home for a lot of that." She seemed to know the bands. Maybe that's why her and rocker boy got along so well.

"How did you meet Dave?" I figured I would indulge in the conversation. Nothing better to do right?

"Actually we grew up together in Texas. I write music and he loved playing and being on stage. When he started a little garage band after highs school I helped him write some songs. The more time we spent together we just clicked. It's like we were just meant to be ya know? And then well everyone knows what happened. And now here I am." Dave had heart problems from too many drugs and died. Apparently drugs were just another thing they had in common.

"Sorry for your loss. I didn't know him personally, but he was a great musician." I gave her my condolences, but knew they meant little.

"Thanks Jeff." She replied cracking a small smile. She was a beautiful woman. I can only imagine how stunning she was before the drugs had taken a toll on her.

Out therapist came by and asked to speak with me alone, leaving rocker boy and V alone, I threw away the rest of my food and made my way to her office.

Author's Note: Here's a new story I've been working on. Let me know if you like it and if I should continue. xoxo Melissa