Foreword: This fic does not take place in the regular marvel continuum it was originally a narrative that I wrote for an RPG I was in based on the movieverse. So keep that in mind and don't come bitching to me about how some of these events never happened in 616. I know Lila never went to Xavier's but in our game she did.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! Came a loud rapt on the oldest Guthrie's door, startling him as he got up from his desk where he was working on a letter at his computer.
"Door's open!" Sam hollered out as he slipped on a t-shirt over his bare chest. The door opened to reveal his brother standing in the doorway. "Josh!" Sam exclaimed, very surprised to see his brother calling on him, the same brother who resented him leaving their Kentucky home after their father died, and hadn't let him forget that for a moment since he came to the school. "To what do Ah owe the pleasure."
Josh let out a loud sigh. "Ah was hopin' that Ah could talk to you for a sec." Well that there was a good sign, Josh had been trying so hard to suppress his southern drawl since coming to the mansion, and for him to drop that guard with Sam meant a lot to him.
"Sure Josh, c'mon in. Shut the door behind ya!" He said smiling at his younger brother.
Josh reluctantly came into the bending down slightly to get his wings in. After shutting the door he looked at his brother who was looking at him quizzically. "Sam, Ah was wonderin' if ya could get me a spot on the Junior X-Men team?"
Sam's jaw nearly hit the floor at that one. "Uhh… well… uhh." Sam stuttered a but trying to find a way to articulate himself. This totally came as a surprise to him. Josh the same kid who could be quoted in saying that he wanted nothing to do with his brother, was now looking for a way to follow in his footsteps?
"Nevermind, Ah didn't think you'd help me. Forget Ah ever asked." Josh said as he saw his brother's reaction was unwillingness to help him and he turned to leave.
"Now hold your horses Josh!" Sam exclaimed. "Ah'm just a bit surprised, Ah mean, ya haven't been the most friendliest of souls since Ah brought ya here." Sam explained to him, a slight look of ander spreading across Josh's face. "Now my hesitation was not 'cause Ah didn't wanna help, because we're blood Josh, and Ah'd do anythin' in my power to help you. But ya gotta understand mah confusion."
Josh went to speak when Sam cut across his words. "No you just shut your mouth for a moment and listen to me. Ah know Ah wasn't there after Daddy died, and Ah know Ah made a big mistake running away. And for what it's worth Ah'm sorry. But Ah did what Ah thought Ah had to do." Sam said sternly. "And not just for me Josh, ya gotta understand that. Ah made my decision because Ah thought it would be easier on everyone. Ah made a mistake and Ah'm not proud of it. But Ah'm here now, and Ah think deep down you know that. Or ya wouldn't be coming to me right now." Sam stood before his brother arms crossed.
"Ah'm sorry Sam." Josh said, his anger now softening to guilt.
"Ah'll have none of that either Josh." Sam said his own stern tone lightening. "Ya had ev'ry right to be angry with me. In your shoes Ah would be as well. Ah ran, and Ah never looked back. But holdin' onto the past isn't going to get you anywhere."
Sam's words were a double edged sword for the younger Guthrie who was holding on so dearly to his memory of Julia. The girl of his dreams, that was so viciously taken away from him. "You're right Sam." Josh admitted to his brother sullenly.
Sam's smile returned to his face as he looked at Josh. "Now as far as your other question goes, you know Ah'm not the one to ask. Ah don't run the junior team. You're gonna have to talk to Alex or Lorna about that. But Ah do have to say Ah'm a little surprised that ya wanna become an X-Man. Ah figured you'd want to get into music or somethin' with that fancy voice of yours."
"Well Ah just kinda figured that maybe you'd be able to talk to them for me ya know? Put in a good word for me?" Josh said hopefully. "And Ah dunno maybe, but Ah thought Ah'd try this whole X-Men thing out, see how it works for me. Ah mean there probably isn't a chance for me to break into music because record companies ain't lookin' to sign folk like us up" he said, motioning to the wings on his back.
"Well Ah can definitely put in a word for ya Josh, Ah got no problem with that. But you're still gonna have to go talk to them yourself." Sam said with a nod, "But don't go thinkin' that just because ya got those wings doesn't mean ya can't do what you want. Not everyone that has went to this school has turned out to be an X-Men."
"Like Lila Cheney? She's doin' that concert thing here this weekend, Ah hear that she used to be a student here…" At the mention of Lila's name, a noticeable look of pain crossed Sam's face. "Are ya okay Sam?"
"Nevermind, it's nothin'. But yeah, Lila is a perfect example she did go here, and now she's a big time music star." Sam said feigning a smile.
"Did ya know her well?" Josh asked Sam inquisitively.
"Ya could say that." Sam said, trying to hide the pain he felt every time her name was mentioned. "Listen Josh, Ah'm gettin' might tired. Ah think Ah'm gonna lay down for a nap. Ah'll have a talk with Alex tomorrow and Ah'll let ya know how it goes. Square?"
"Sure thing Sam, Ah hope you're feelin' better." Josh said with an honest smile, not feeling as much animosity towards his brother as he was before he came in. He quickly turned around and left the room, shutting the door behind him.
As soon as the door closed Sam sat back down at his computer and turned on his mp3 list. Sam found himself sitting at his computer desk listening to Lila Cheney's new single 'Sam'. It was embarrassing to him, to hear her pour out these emotions in this song. Tell the world how sorry she was that she lost this man, but she couldn't even pick up the phone and tell the man herself. He sat in front of his computer and he started to write.
Dear
Lila,
This is a joke right? You're not actually coming here after all this time, without even having the gall to tell me yourself. When did you become such a coward? When did you become this person that I no longer know? Why didn't you just call me? E-Mail me? Mail me a letter? Do you think you can just reappear and pretend that nothing happened?
Bah, of course you do. And that's a part of you that I love so much. That ability of yours to forgive and forget. Let bygones be bygones. But that's not me Lila, I've never been good at this forgive and forget stuff. You know that. Of course you know that. You know me better then I know myself sometimes. At least I thought you did?
Do you even still care? I mean I heard that new single of yours, and you always did write from the heart, so I guess you do. But Lila, "Loved him, I lost him, there's rain in my soul, No sun in my sky save for memories." You didn't lose me, you pushed me away. You never showed up to that dinner that I made for you, I waited for you for hours before I decided I had enough and left to come back.
I was going to propose to you that night. I had hoped that maybe if we got married, things would settle down a bit. You'd stop pushing me away. But I guess it was too late for that wasn't it? Jeez Lila, I'm not good with this shit. You're the one that was good with words. Not me. You were always so good at knowing what I needed, without me having to say much at all. But... ugh.
And Lila, the title of that song you know I don't like being singled out. You know that anyone who knows the two of us will know it's about you and me. What is that Lila? You didn't lose me. You knew where I was. You knew all along that I'd come back to this school. You know me better then I know myself, at least sometimes I thought you did. But well near the end there, I wasn't so sure.
Maybe you did lose me? Maybe I'm just trying to hold on to something that's just no longer there. FUCK Lila, look at what you're doing to me.
Sam finished writing it and took his cursor over the text highlighting it all. As soon as he was sure all the text was selected he promptly pressed the delete button. This was ridiculous; Samuel Zachary Guthrie was not this much of a sap. His daddy taught him that it was okay for a man to cry, but it was not okay for that man to act like a fool. But at the same time, his daddy told him love can do strange things to a man.
Sam looked over at his dresser, a collection of pictures in frames that had been gifts over the years scattered the top of it. There were various pictures of his time at the school, and with the X-men but the picture he was looking for was a faded photo, taken years ago of him and his Daddy fishing. He was about five in the picture, and he remembered that day like it was yesterday. It was not long after Josh was born, and Sam, who was feeling a little bit left out of all the busyness that was happening around the house with the new baby being born.
Sam had learned some pretty important life lessons that day. He learned that it was okay to be upset and it was okay not to talk about it if he didn't want too. But what he wasn't allowed to do was take it out on other people, especially not his family. Which in retrospect he had been doing, him and Paige had been fighting constantly since Josh had been born, and all that was doing was stressing out Momma. They had a new baby brother to take care of now, and Sam was the big brother, and he had to look out for his brother and sister.
Sam got up and picked the photo up. Smiling as he remembered and feeling sad that he forgot that lesson along the way. But he knew it now, and he would make sure he did just that.
He wished he could talk to his daddy now. Talk to him about Lila, and their whole relationship. His Daddy would know what to do and say. He could set Sam straight. He could just imagine what his daddy would say to him.
Sam. He'd say, in that tone that said he had something important to say, so you better listen up real well because he was only going to say it once. You're acting like a damn fool son. If ya love this girl, then ya need to know how to let go. Because if it's true love, like me and your momma have, then she'll come back. But in the mean time boy, you need to move on you need to experience life for what it is. But if it's not true love, well, like the old sayin' goes. 'It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.' He'd stall for a moment and not say anything at all and Sam would just stand there mulling over what he had to say. Mind you boy, ya can't be looking around ever corner, hoping she'll come back. If you're gonna let her go, then ya need to let her go completely. If ya keep expecting her to come back, then you'll never have let her go, and you'll just resent her for leaving ya. Now quit your dawldin' and go do your chores.
Sam put the photo down and laughed. "You're right Daddy, you're always right."
Sam turned around and reached for the phone, he had a sudden urge to do something. He picked it up and dialed home. "Hello?" The voice of Lucinda Guthrie came like music to his ears.
"Howdy Momma"
"Sam! It's good to hear from ya how've ya been keeping? Is Josh behavin'? Will ya been down for Thanksgivin'?" She fired off quickly; her voice was tired, but as happy as ever.
"Ah've been fine Momma, you know me." He said with a bit of a laugh and he went on. "And don't worry about Josh has been keepin' his nose clean, and we'll be home for the turkey. But actually Ah'm callin' to talk to Lewis, is he around."
"Certainly Sam, give me just a moment." She said, and then she hollered out. "LEWIS! Your brother Sam wants to talk to you!" It sounded like a whole heard of elephants was trumpeting through Momma's kitchen just then.
"SAMMY! Are ya gonna come home for Thanksgivin' Momma said you might, and we're all hopin' you and Paige and Josh'll come. Because we all miss ya somethin' fierce." The little voice said at about a million miles a minute. The boy was about five now, him and his twin sister were born not long before mine cave in.
"Of course Ah am Lewis." He said with a hearty chuckle. "You don't think Ah'd pass up a good home cooked meal made by our momma now would ya?"
"No sir." Lewis said as earnestly as possible, "Momma is the best cooker ever you'd be a fool to miss it."
Sam gave a good chuckle at that, "Lewis you're getting' to be pretty big now, and Ah know we didn't really have much of a chance to get to know one another when Ah was there last time. But that's gotta change ya hear?"
"Yes sir." He said.
"Now what say you to me and you doin' a little fishin' when Ah'm home. Just me and you…"
