A/N

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Legend of Zelda or any of the characters, items, places, or anything having to do with the Legend of Zelda. I wish I did, but I don't.

The Zelda fandom needs more parodies. :-D I've seen a few stellar ones here already, and I wanted to try my own, so here goes!

OH! The reason the separation lines are A's is because the squiggly lines don't seem to be working. You know, the squiggly line on the key below the escape key? Arghhh! Neither do asterisks work, and I don't know why. DX

I wrote the beginning of this when I got bored one night. P.S. This story is the most serious, tear-jerking, and touching story I've ever written, so don't flame me because it's beautiful, flame me because I just lied.

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"Her eye, Link, her eye!" Navi shrieked in her shrill fairy voice.

The monster, Gohma, hit Link several times. "AUAGHH!!!" he cried, and huddled under his shield, poking his sword out from under it at an odd angle just in case the monster was stupid enough to stab herself on it.

Navi shrieked again. "Link, you coward! Get out from under that shield! You hit her eye! Isn't it BIG enough?! It's even red for Din's sake!"

Link gritted his teeth. Isn't there some way to get rid of her? He got out from under his shield, took out his slingshot and attempted to hit the spider.

Five hits and a few cuss-outs from Navi later, Gohma was stunned.

He ran up to it and, laughing maniacally, hit it. It soon stopped twitching, and he kept hitting it.

"Link! You idiot!" Navi groaned. "It's dead already!"

"Are you sure?!" Link said, hitting it with as much force as he could muster.

"It's DISINTEGRATING!"

"…Oh."

"Get into that portal!"

Link wrinkled his nose. "Bossy fairy."

Navi just rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Just get into the portal."

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"No FREAKING way."

"The fate of Hyrule depends upon thee. Go to the Princess of Hyrule, Link. Go now."

"Oh no! I'm not dumb. Navi's annoying enough, I do NOT want to play sissy dolly tea-party with some pink princess!"

"Link, hero," the Deku Tree sighed. "Thou art bold… Thou may become courageous, perhaps. The fate of Hyrule rests in thine hands—"

"Would you cut the Shakespeare crap already?!" Link raved.

"…Fine. You don't get to castle, Hyrule go boom. But—"

"Now I can understand you!" Link interrupted.

"Shut up, bold hero!" Link didn't say anything, and the Deku Tree continued. "The curse that Ganon cast upon me was a death curse. I do not have much time left."

"THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE ME GO INTO YOUR GUTS?!"

If the tree could have, it would have rolled its eyes at Link. "But before you go to the castle, you have to take this stone." A huge emerald appeared above Link.

He grabbed it. "Wow!"

"It's the Spiritual Stone of Forest, Link. Now go, for the fate of Hyrule, nay, the world, rests in thine hands."

Link didn't listen. "I wonder how much I can hock this for," he said.

"Do not sell that! It's a sacred emerald! You need that!" Navi ranted. Link scowled and shoved it into his knapsack.

"Good…. bye…" the Deku Tree said, and he began to fade. Link's eyes widened and he ran away. The Deku Tree looked at Navi and said, "I do not envy thine task, Navi the fairy," and the Deku Tree was no more.

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Link had been out of the Deku Tree's valley and without Navi for about 10 peaceful, golden minutes, when she showed up behind him.

She was remarkably silent for about 5 more minutes, then she said something. "Where are you going?"

"The waterfall."

"Why?"

"To take a shower!" he said irritably. "I have to get all the tree guts off of me."

Navi stared at him. "…NO! We have to get to the castle NOW!"

"I'll just walk through it and rinse off, see?"

"You'll regret it later, hero boy," Navi warned, but Link rolled his eyes and drenched himself under the waterfall.

"See?" But Navi burst into tears. Link's eyes widened. "Geez, all I did was walk under a waterfall!"

"Nooo… It's the Deku Tree, he was the guardian spirit, he created the Kokiri!"

"Oh well! Some other moron will come take the job."

Navi ignored this. "Is my mascara running?" she queried.

"Uh…"

"Whatever!" she shrieked. "Get to the castle!"

Link didn't say anything more, and began walking towards the forest's exit. He came to a bridge leading to what the guard said was Hyrule Field, and began to walk along it.

"Link," said a voice, which wasn't Navi's.

He looked backwards and saw Saria. "Oh, hi."

"Link, I've come to say goodbye."

Link was unimpressed. "Is that all?"

Saria looked hurt. "No! I've got a present for you!"

Link's eyes brightened. "Gimme! Gimme!"

"Here, you creep!" she said, and hurled an ocarina at him.

It hit him in the forehead. "Awesome! A nose flute!" He stuck the mouthpiece in his left nostril and started blowing as hard as he could, creating a noise that scared birds from the trees and made Saria clap her hands to her ears.

"Oh, ewwww!" she screamed. "No! You put it in your mouth and blow!"

"Oh. I'm not putting it in my mouth after it being in my nose!"

"WHATEVER!" Saria screamed, and ran the other direction.

Link just shrugged, stuck the 'nose flute' in his knapsack, and left the forest.

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He had only just gotten out of the forest when he saw a huge owl, sitting on a tree and staring right at him.

"Hoo, hoo!" it cried out.

Link screamed. "AHHH! Please don't eat me! I'm stringy! Go eat the pink princess instead! Don't eat me!"

"I'm not hungry right now," the owl said. "But watch out tomorrow night."

Link sighed relievedly.

The owl began talking. "You are about to embark on a great quest, hero. You'll come across great puzzles, but you can't give up…" The owl droned on, but Link soon tuned him out and began thinking of how many Rupees he could fetch for that useless stone or the nose flute.

"Are you even listening?!" the owl chirped.

"YES!" Link snapped back. "Uh huh. Can I go now?"

"Ugh, why do I even bother?!" the owl squawked, and flew off.

"He's worse than Navi," Link thought, and began towards the castle.

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He ran along a path headed to the castle for a very long time.

Soon, night fell and the moon rose. "Brrrr! Why is it so cold out here?" Link asked Navi.

Navi snorted. "You're wet. If you hadn't walked through that waterfall, you wouldn't be so cold right now. I told you you'd regret it."

Link just shivered and grumbled some more.

He was calmly walking along a nice dirt path when Navi heard a blood-curdling scream.

"AAAAAAAGH! HOLY CRAP! SKELETONS!"

"Link! Hit them with your sword!" Navi screamed.

He stabbed at them for a while, and soon they died. "Whew!" Link sighed. "Thank Nayru that's over."

Navi settled back down to go to sleep on Link's shoulder, when she heard another blood-curdling scream. "AAAAH! WHAT THE FRICK! MORE SKELETONS!"

Those soon were un-skillfully slain, and Link began panting. "Do I have to do this all night long?"

"Yup," Navi said cheerfully, and went to sleep again.

Link was tired. He had stayed up all night fighting, and was nearly falling over by the time the sun rose.

When the last skeletons finally dissapeared, he DID fall over. Not asleep, just collapsed.

Navi woke up with a start. "Link! Why are you on the ground?"

The only response was panting and a dirty look.

"Ohhh, I get it, Link. You were fighting all night, weren't you?"

Link nodded.

Navi snickered. "You know, if you had just gotten into the river, they wouldn't have gotten near you."

"OH, THAT DOES ME A HUGE AMOUNT OF GOOD NOW, DOESN'T IT!?" he roared in her face. "I'll get you back for that, fairy, I swear!"

Navi drew back. "Sorry…" then burst out laughing again.

Link grumbled, and then could stay awake no more. After 1 hour, Navi could be patient no longer and attempted to wake him up.

She tried everything. Touching him didn't work, hitting him didn't work. So she began making noise. She screamed. She banged around. But nothing worked.

Then she shouted, "OH NO! SKELETONS!" Link not only woke up, but in one jerky movement, he jumped up, drew his sword, and screamed.

Navi burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHA!"

Link scowled. "Shut up, fairy."

"I woke you up because we have to get to the castle."

"As long as she doesn't want me to play dolls," Link grumbled, and began towards the palace.

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So how was it? Good? Bad? Awful? Abhorrent? Please review, or no updates! Yes, criticism is very welcome. Flames are welcome as well... I could use a laugh.