Love for My Mysterious Ninja

Fist part: To Find Reason

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own much of anything. The proof is in the name. Ever heard of me? Didn't think so.

This is my first Naruto fan fiction and I hope every one enjoys it. This will be a two-shot, a before and after kind of concept. Though not really, just two similar occurrences at two different times with the same characters.

Summery: Kakashi didn't know whether to live or die, and had nothing left in life. But a small, shadowed girl with innocent words and soft touches might be able to show him he is loved by some one still alive.

To find reason and acceptance shows you the way to happiness.

Kakashi's point of view

XxX

It was as though I was trying to die. Maybe I wanted to, but was it right? After he died and I was given the damned cursed eye, I feel as though I'm torn between life and death. Should I die like I was supposed to that night, or live like He wants me to?

Who do I have left? A few friends, Genma and Asuma, Anko and Iruka, I know there's more. The ones I loved the most and were dearest to me are gone, died either by their own hand or saving mine. They all died.

I wonder why my body is as strong as it is. If I were weaker and killed in battle, would they hate me if I saw them on the other side? If I died in battle, they would understand, but what if I just let myself die without trying? I would hate to see their faces if I did. But is that worth living in this sorrow? This pain that puts my chest in chains and squeezes my heart? My body aches, my soul and head throb. Is this even living?

My feet dragged as I slowly made my way through the trees. The outskirts of Konoha were filled with trees as far as the grass country. I could get lost here and never return to the ninja life. What's a tool worth if the tool is uncertain?

Nothing.

I could see the village's lights not to far away. They shone bright enough to illuminate the leaves surrounding me. The hollow sound of wind brushing leaves was depressing and seducing. Dust in the wind? Souls to the air? Could I find peace, to let the faces of my comrades and friends rest?

I doubt I could ever be free of the anguish. Pain this strong is not easily forgotten or ignored.

My body is tired and blood seeps through my clothes reminding me of my condition. The mission I had just accomplished was blurry and I couldn't remember what it was that I had done. What kind of ninja am I?

I have to sit as my energy finally fails me. I collapse against the smooth bark of a slanted tree. It was like the tree was made for me. The soft earth cushioned my dead weight and the tree curved and supported around my back and body. I could sit here forever and never want to leave. I could almost feel it comforting me, brushing at my cheek with soft fingers.

And I relaxed. A measure of peace. I could feel myself slipping into another world, death I hoped, but knew it was sleep. I hadn't slept well in a long time. I looked foreword to succumbing to darkness with no faces or blood.

And I could still feel the soft brush of something against my cheek. But what was it?

My awareness heightened and I realized I was not alone. As quickly as my broken body could, I pushed myself foreword and drew my last kunai on them. I couldn't see the figure, but the small surprised cry was from a small girl.

I lowered my weapon and slumped back against the tree. The adrenaline rush completely exhausted what was left of my energy. This wasn't much in the first place. My body seemed to awaken and pain assaulted me at every wound. I hissed as broken bones pushed against straining skin. I hadn't realized the actual damage done to my body as my mind was consumed in agony. Which would be better, body or mental pain?

"I'm sorry, but are you alright?" Her voice was soft and uncertain. She couldn't be more then a small child. I glanced over to her trying not to move. She was young, no more then five or four. She had on a small strapped night dress that went to her knees. Her hair was short and wisped around her shoulders in the slight breeze. I couldn't tell the color in the dark, but it was light as was her dress.

But her eyes. The moon and village lights in the distance were bright enough to put a soft glow to her lovely emerald eyes. I can't remember the last time I had seen eyes so innocent and beautiful. It was like looking at a shadowed creature with illuminated green eyes. It scared you, yet drew you. To flee or bask in loving glare of green?

I couldn't go anywhere in my condition.

"What are you doing out here?" I ask. She giggled softly and points up to the canopy of leaves above us.

"The sakura blossoms are falling tonight. I like to come out here when they fall in the moonlight. But I saw you, and you looked hurt, and sad." Her voice grew mellow as she looked at my bloody body. "When my daddy comes home hurt, mamma touches his face, so I thought I would try to make you feel better. It helps daddy."

I smile as she digs her toe in the ground and hides her hands behind her back. "I'm sorry if I made you mad."

"No, you didn't make me mad. I just didn't know you were there. Thank you though, for your concern."

Slowly, she walks closer to my side and pulls the wrapping bandages from her leg. It's a ninja fashion to wrap your arm or leg up, but to see the girl with it was odd. She was either from a family of ninja, or just liked the look. Would she someday be a tool like I am?

I was jerked from my musings as she started to wrap the bandage around one of the gashes on my arm. I pulled away from her and she jerked forewords. "Don't," I growled. "You shouldn't stain your hands with my blood." She looked hurt for a moment, and then her green eyes lit up with anger.

"Baka, I won't be staining my hands with anything if I am using them to save. Destroying stains and saving cleanses. That's what my mamma says. She's a medical ninja and she would know." I couldn't utter a word as she takes my arm again with more strength and continues bandaging my arm. For such a young girl, she is smart. And good with wounds.

I flex my arm a bit to test her work and surprisingly it's good. Tight enough to staunch the bleeding but loose enough not to hinder the wound's healing. "Thank you," I reply softly.

Her words are still circling my mind. Do I destroy, or do I save? Both, I decide. If I die now, would that be right? Shouldn't I live and protect Konoha to repent for the friends I let die? Would that bring me peace?

"Why are you so sad?"

"Because those I love are dead." I am surprised that I answered her. Her voice, so close to my ear, was like an innocent conscience. I find myself still hearing her soft voice whisper words of prosperity and peace. It makes me want to find sweet peace.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Can I make you feel better?" She looks at me and I lose myself in her green orbs again. Can I let any one in just yet? If I lost them, would I die more inside?

"I don't think you can do any thing. They all die in the end, leaving me with no one to love, or be loved." I push myself forewords to lean on my bent up knee. I feel so desperate, so lost. I loved them so much, needed them, and now that they're gone, I have nothing but my ninja obligations. The girl sits next to me and leans softly against my side.

"I love you, and I'm right here. If you ever feel lonely or unloved, just remember that I will love you. Even if you never see me again, just remember that somewhere I'm alive and still loving you." I don't know what to feel with the girl saying she loves me. She is a baby, a little thing. But I want to believe her.

"You're too young to be loving me." I say a bit unnerved. Why do I feel like a pedophile? I haven't done anything! I swear I have no idea how to handle this. What the hell do I do?

"No I'm not." She said matter-of-factly. "I love my family; I love my friends, my village and home, my pets and the trees. And now I love you too. You're my new friend." She smiled and laughed as she latched onto my arm, careful of the wound. Her exuberance was a welcome sight and I felt my own smile and chuckle. I could really like this girl. And she made the chains on my chest seems less constricting. Is this what a real breath is like? I inhaled the scent of forest and cherry blossoms. Whether from the trees or the girl beside me, I'm not sure.

"Ok, well you can call me friend if you like, but I doubt we would ever see each other again."

"That's alright. Oh," She put her hand to her mouth and smiled shyly. "I never asked you your name."

"How about we stay strangers in the shadows. It's more mysterious that way."

She looked confused, and maybe hurt. I cursed myself until she giggled and smiled again. "Ok!" She pumped her arm into the air and giggled again. "My mysterious ninja friend." I liked that, ninja friend. Her friend.

She stood suddenly, and grabbed the kunai I had earlier threatened her with. I turned as she crouched behind me and started carving in the bark of the tree I had leaned against. She hummed as she worked, and it was to dark for me to see. She laughed again and stood up. "This can remind you, that you are loved. So if you ever need me, or comfort, you can just come back here and know that some one does love you. Ok?"

I turned to see her work, but it was too dark. With a few hand signs, I lit a small fire in my palm and held it up against the bark. I had a feeling that I would be coming to this spot again.

S.H. Loves M.N

Forever

She is just too cute. I feel myself wishing that after tonight, I will see her again. But I know I can't. As much as I would love it, I wouldn't want to lose her, or her lose me. Death could destroy such a young child. I could die any day now, and so could she.

"You should be getting home now. It's really late, and dangerous." I lean back against the tree and swear I feel warmer, more free. Like she put a piece of her self in the message for me.

"I can't leave you all alone. You're still hurt." I can see tears pool in her green eyes and almost want to let her stay. But I can't let my self grow too attached to her. I am not yet ready.

"I will be fine, I promise. In fact, you can even come back here tomorrow to make sure I'm gone. A ninja doesn't die so easily." The last was a bull faced lie, but it would ease her worries, if only for tonight. "So go on home and get some sleep." I smiled as best I could through my mask, but she smiled too, so I think she saw.

She surprised me again as she leaned forewords and kissed my cheek. I was stunned, to say the least, and a bit embarrassed. It was such an innocent kiss, and innocence was so foreign to me. But I liked it. The warm feeling that rushed through my soul completely doused the anguish and sorrow that boiled there. It made my world seem so much more pure.

I really did feel loved, and I promised myself that I would keep living and protecting, for the sake of innocence, for peace. For the love of all those who love.

She started to skip away, and I watched as more shadows covered her, until she stopped and turned towards me. Even in the dark, her green eyes still shone so bright. "You know, when my daddy gets sad or wants to take his mind off stuff, he reads his favorite book. Mamma says it's a dirty habit, but I like reading. Maybe you should give it a try. He likes to read something like Come Come Present or something like that. I can't read, but I heard mamma say it a few times. It could make you happy like it does daddy!" With a wave goodbye, she skipped off and completely disappeared.

I thought for a minute, and then grunted in laughter. Interesting reading material, Come Come Paradise. I really hadn't read much before for enjoyment, but I heard that if you really get involved with the story, you feel like you're in the story. I could take her advice, I suppose, and who knows, maybe it might work.

I sit at the tree for a while longer, waiting until my bleeding completely stops. I still picture the girl in my mind as I rest, wondering if I will ever see her again. I suppose I will, seeing as anything could happen. I don't know what she looks like, or her name, but that's probably for the best. Just after one meeting, I am completely attached to her.

All I know is that she has the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen and the initials S and H. There are most likely hundreds of girls with green eyes and those initials. But for now, I guess that's ok.

Like a hidden little angel to bring me from my darkness and give me a purpose. A meaning to life. For that girl, and for other such innocent and pure souls, I will keep on fighting and living to protect them.

Finally, I feel like I can move enough to get back to the village. I might just be able to sleep tonight with out the faces and blood reaping my mind. I might just be able to find a sense of peace.

I grab my discarded kunai and start to stand when I look back at the reassuring message. I don't know why, but I want to give her a clue to who I am, as she gave to me. So I write my own little note to her.

I'll remember

K.H.

And I smile, one that I haven't done in a long time. A real, joyful, and free smile. Besides the memorial, I believe this tree is going to be a spot I visit just as often. In happy times, and when I need support and comfort.

It's because some one who still lives, loves me.

Continue, because living needs more then reason. Go find it.

XxX

Thank you for reading my first Naruto Fic! Yay me! It's not a secret who the little girl is, even if it's obvious, Kakashi doesn't know so it's still a mystery to him. And if any one thinks that Kakashi is being pedophilic, then I don't want to hear it. He is a little freaked out at first, but the little girl shows him a different kind of love. The love of friends, of human beings. The love that gives people the courage to keep on living, because they have some one behind them, urging them, giving them hope. That is the kind of love the girl shows Kakashi.

And incase you're wondering, Kakashi is 19ish, and the girl is around five. He is mainly living through ANBU work, sick with survivors' guilt and the wish to end it all. He doesn't know why he still lives, and therefore, can't find a reason to keep going.

If any one has questions, just ask me. I am just a little nervous about this whole thing. I am not sure I got his character right, or even if it flows well enough. It was done in a bit of a hurry. Garr. Well, thank you if you would review, and the second half should be out within a few days. It is under review.

Thanks again,

Laters

Ymir-chan