That wasn't supposed to happen. It never was intended to be like this. For God's sake, she was White Queen, Icy Bitch, cold personified. She was Emma Frost. And Emma Frost never fell in love. It looked like now game decided to change its rules and forgot to inform her. That was supposed to be yet another entertainment, another "no strings attached" thing. Something she would still find an amusing memory during years to come. She still couldn't find the words to describe what had it turned into. Not that anybody beside her expected her to. Not that anybody cared or even suspected. After all she was still Frost.
Practice makes perfect. She practiced lying and pretending for almost as long as she could remember. And she was perfect at it. Not that being one of the most powerful telepaths on Earth didn't help, of course. She lied when she said she was doing this because she could. Nothing surprising, considering her reputation. She lied and everyone believed. Something she sometimes still doubted she was glad about. Reality was crueler and far more unbelievable. She was doing it for she just couldn't not to. Couldn't stop, couldn't turn around and walk away. Somewhere in the middle of what was supposed to be a game Emma Frost fell in love with her toy. Damn, Scott Summers.
To everyone it looked like she was the one who kept it going. She initiated it – whatever it was to be called now – and she did anything not to let it end. She was poisoning Scott Summers, even if only mentally. Not that everyone was that wrong. She did initiate it and she was willing to do almost anything to keep it alive. Because as much as she was poison to him, he was poison to her. She needed him. Needed to feel his love, even if it wasn't meant for her. Never for her, that much she almost accepted. Intellectually, oh intellectually she knew he loved Jean and he always would. Emotionally she couldn't let him go. Couldn't let go of those moments, when she was able to block all thoughts about Jean out and pretend it was herself this love was meant to. Heaven, that's what those moments were. Hell, that's where everything was headed to.
She had to stop it before it was too late, that much she knew. Problem was, more often than not, she felt it already was too late. She had become addicted to it. Addicted to feeling needed, feeling loved, feeling home. Even if it was all a lie, even then it was so much more than anything she ever had before. Truth was she became addicted to loving. And she was too selfish to just let the man she loved go. Not before she was able to completely convince herself, she would never make him happy. And, considering her personality, that was going to take quite some time.
What feared her most of all was the fact that falling out of love was never even considered as an option. Not even in her diamond form, when she was supposed to feel nothing. She loved Scott Summers – that was the only constant in her life, the only thing she knew for sure. Noone would ever know that much, for she still had reputatin to maintain. And that meant she still had a chance to find a way out. If not out of love, then at least out of this twisted thing she couldn't name. Sometimes she dreamed it was a relationship. Of course, dream it was. And then again, she just wasn't sure she wanted out.
