the stretching avenue of nostalgia
--:--
-another moment gone-
::-::
It's funny how one person can change your entire prospective on life. How the most powerful beliefs you've had, could melt away like the snow. And when that single person finally learnt what you've been trying to tell yourself all along—finally have up on you.
Funny, huh?
--
j.h.
With the funeral mourners parting their separate ways with the hugs and whispers of future hope, he knows that it's time to disregard his own feelings and leave her for good.
"Goodbye, Josh. It was nice to see you again—even under these poor circumstances. You take care of yourself now, okay?" The raven haired beauty ordered with a sad smile and watery eyes clouding her brown orbs.
Josh nodded curtly, felt her wrap her arms around his stiff unmoving body, and watched her walk away.
He remembered only minutes ago, seeing Derrick sobbing uncontrollably over her. How Derrick had not the first clue around true love—because he had such a tight stick up his ass, he didn't even see that his own fiancé just wasn't into it as much. Or the way her frown would etch upon her beautiful face—turning her whole features into a tortured guilt.
Derrick had hobbled up to Josh, leaning his weight onto his crutches, and leaned towards Josh placing a strong hand on Josh's shoulder.
"I know it must be tough for you, but you weren't in love with her. Even if she was your best friend, man. But I'm glad you came to the funeral—she would've been glad," Derrick sniffled and was about to walk away. "By the way, Josh. I know." And he teetered off without an explanation.
Josh had his lips parted in bewilderment but he asked no questions, even as Derrick shuffled off with a crowd of cooing girls offering their own ways of 'sympathy'. Derrick ate it up with huge amounts of pleasure.
"Ass hole." Josh heard someone grumble. He turned around out of fright, but no one was there. It was beginning to rain now, slow little pitter patters of rain drops coming down from the ominous cloudy sky above.
Because this is how it was supposed to be in the cemetery—a depressing, dark, heart-jerking place.
--:--
c. l.
She was sad to see all her best friends and close relatives and every other person she knew, standing, weeping upon each other's shoulders, and helplessly crying and comforting others.
But the one boy who stuck out to her most was him. The boy who she had given up her entire innocence to. The boy who had promised to never let her fall. The boy who whispered the sweet nothings in her ear—and meant every single thing he said.
She barked back a chortle watching her "fiancé" hobble up to him. She stared in complete and utter disbelief as Derrick spat those snared words without feeling a trace of guilt as he spoke them aloud.
And when Derrick limped away like the little wimp he was, she cursed loudly.
Josh surprisingly turned his head side to side to hear what he must've heard. He heard her. He could hear her!
"Josh?" She spoke with a hint of concern. She watched his hair get tousled in the wind and his clothes get soaked as the rain begin to fall from where she was.
"Wha—?" He stammered, not even understanding.
She found herself smiling in a sad little way. "I'm here."
His eyes crinkled in that Josh-esque way that she adored so much. She carefully observed that he had not cried once.
"I'd like to understand the truth, Josh. Is that okay?" She asked him quietly, the plan forming in her mind rapidly. She knew that God would allow this one favor—she knew it deep in her heart.
"O—kay?" It took him a minute to respond.
"Good. Let's begin."
--:--
j.h.
He found himself falling slightly, even though when he glanced down at his feet, he was still gradually standing on the moist ground. It wasn't raining here though. And when he looked back up, it was a sunny day and there was a swing set in front of him. He felt someone's presence next to him.
It was hers.
She smiled at him and turned her attention to a boy and a girl sitting on the swing set, their bodies facing towards each other. The little brown haired Spanish boy had a little box in his hand.
"I stole it from my mom," he admitted in a tiny child's voice.
Josh recognized the little brown haired boy—it was him. When he was ten years old.
"Don't tell her." He added in seriously. The little girl with white-blond hair and robin-blue egg colored eyes, nodded. She understood.
Josh realized that his mom had found out, she had seen him trying to reach into her jewelry box—but she understood, too.
Josh found himself walking towards his young self, trying to figure out who the girl was. And when the girl smiled, he immediately knew who it was.
"Well—" He took a deep breath, leaning closer towards her small figure. "Open it," he whispered in her ears. The blonde giggled sweetly and eagerly opened the box with an anxious pair of gentle hands.
She pulled out a gold necklace with a pendant of a ruby red heart. Josh hoped she got the message. Somehow even now, Josh knew it was real. She smiled brightly then.
--
Josh turned to the more aged version. Still beautiful. Still wearing that necklace.
Josh remembered the story she told him one day at the park when the two were swinging on the elementary school swings, smiles both on their elated smiles. They were fifteen. He remembered her telling him that when Derrick asked who the necklace was from and why she was wearing it. She told Derrick that it was from her mother—who died a year later from then—and it was important to her. Derrick pretended to care.
--
"It's for you—it's my heart. And now you know you will always have it," he mumbled, blushing a scarlet red.
"Thank you Joshie," she had squealed then, and leaned towards him to hug him tightly to her small body. "It's bootiful," she said with tears in her little eyes.
Little Josh had beamed, and the older Josh, was beaming for being a lady's charmer even then.
-:-
He turned towards her now, and watched her eyes shut tightly. Then he felt that familiar shift and he was brought to another scene.
--:--
It was their senior year. She had convinced him to join the school play, 'for memories' she compiled. Josh had snorted and said 'no', but when she unleashed the full power she had on him, he relented, mumbling a moody "fine". She had hugged him tightly then.
The play was of a tale of a man meeting a mysterious singer on the streets. She had been playing for the enjoyment, but people had tipped her anyway. He hadn't looked at her closely then, but once he heard her voice—he immediately fell in love.
It was a cheesy tale, that Josh would admit, but it had the most saddest parable to share. The girl got into a car crash the night he had been planning to propose to her after months of sneaking around with her—without her husband knowing.
And when she died, the poor man vowed to never love again. And that was the end—depressing as it was.
-
Anyway, Josh had come a long way while doing this play. His guy friend, sure, they laughed, but when opening night hit—no one was laughing.
"Will you sing for me?" He asked, wide eyes in tact. Hope on his sleeve.
She nodded, her blonde curls shifting upon her delicate shoulders.
…
--:--
Josh could easily recall what it felt like to touch his lips to her not-usually-glossed ones to end the perfect scene. He could describe that kiss with infinite words.
Because that kiss was his first kiss—not that he'd tell anyone. And his first kiss, he had always wanted to be with a girl he was in love with, and true, yet again.
--
Everyone clapped then, and the curtains closed.
--
Josh turned to her with a look of bitterness, and adoration.
"I wish you didn't have to go." He uttered, watching her see-through figure lean towards him.
He found himself back in the cemetery, in front of her gravestone, and kissing her ghosted figure.
"Josh, I'll always be there. I'll be in the wind, I'll be the rain falling down upon you, I'll be the sun you look to for warmth, and most of all—I'll be in your heart. Because what's mine is yours." She whispered sincerely. Those blue eyes that he had fallen for immediately, were now watering.
"Will I see you again?" He asked quietly.
She nodded, her eyes sure. "I'll be there when you need me most. Now go—be happy and remember that I'm always there for you." And before Josh could do anything or say anything to that, she was shimmering away.
And then—she was gone.
--:--
"It's like the wind," he heard her mutter as she stood watching the sun disappear. "I can't see it," she said in a bewildered tone. "But I can feel it."
A tear slipped from his eye and before he knew it, he was sobbing on her shoulder. "Me too, Claire." His throat locked. "Me too." And as he stood looking out towards the sea and the sun, and the promises it held and broke--Josh could easily recall the desires and hopes and dreams and lessons he experienced all because he fell in love.
--
fin.
*Review*
-another moment gone-
PS: The last dialogue quote. "It's like the wind, I can't see it, but I can feel it." Is from A walk To Remember. All credit to Nicholas Sparks.
