Author's Note: I'm so sorry this is late, but if you must know, I'm a die-hard Graylu shipper, so I just couldn't pass up this opportunity. Please forgive me for my incompetence.
Disclaimer: oh, I wish.
Prompt: Day 1- Cold
Other Info: this entire week's worth of AU's, probably, but I'll have to see. This one isn't, though; it's just... you'll see.
"You put up your walls and paint them
all a shade of grey..."
It wasn't that she was unhappy—for sure she wasn't. She acknowledged that well to the best of her ability.
The thing was that she simply hadn't recovered, couldn't recover, and didn't recover due to the fact that she had utterly ravaged herself and completely destroyed all her motivation for wiping clean her own slate of lies and, quite frankly, recovering.
She didn't have it in her, and she knew that—oh, how she knew that.
That's right. Oh, for how many countless times had she struggled to clean up after herself and sweep away the shards that shattered her—the incident. And oh, the innumerable numbers of times she had tried—how hard she tried, no one would ever know (or so she'd long since assumed)—to just forget it, move on, and pretend that it was fine and that she wasn't hurting inside, no-sir-ee.
No matter what she did, it would only continuously come back and haunt her, pester her, and never once obey her formerly adamant commands of "leaving-and-never-returning."
But, for everybody—just for her nakama, her dear nakama—she would keep the pain to herself.
Because that's what you do for your friends. You attempt to mask up the pain with a delicate façade that you know you can't keep up with eventually, but you try, because it keeps them and all else going if they know—or, rather, think they know—that you're fine, rest assured. That's just about all you can do. For silence is one's biggest scream, but nobody ever seems to hear it.
What a cruelly ironic contradiction.
Tonight was no different from any other night after the incident, and Lucy Heartfilia was fine with that. Just fine. Completely fine. No complaints. Nada. Besides, she'd long since given up trying to be anything else other than that: fine.
It just so happened that tonight, the guild was up and about, with its rowdy members being stuck in their drinking and partying soiree. Perfect; Lucy would have time to herself to think and clear her head. The days since it had happened had long since been over—or, seemingly so, for in actuality, it had only happened recently—and it didn't help that the hours seemed to now drag on even further than ever before. Sure, Lucy could oft be seen milling amongst the party members and dancing the night away, a little less than sober, but it wasn't like anybody could delve deep into the darkest depths of her brain and dig out what was truly lurking there. It was always there in the shadows.
Haunting.
The incident.
Something that she would never truly forgive herself for.
The air was crisp, and the morning freshness of the atmosphere still lingered faintly. The pearly orb of a moon hung high in the heavens, illuminating the royal blue-and-indigo night sky, and the stars twinkled like the eyes of a happy, ebullient child. A light breeze picked up, seeming to caress the blonde with its gentle palms, and the sky seemed to welcome her into its rosy embrace. Lucy's hair danced in the wind as goosebumps picked their way up her arms and legs, and she desperately rubbed them down. Her gaze was focused on the glimmering town lights of Magnolia as she steadily made her way up the pathway and away from the guild, away from civilization, where she found that she could finally find some air.
She'd been coming to this very spot for the past week now. It was the tallest hilltop overlooking the entire town of Magnolia—as cheesy as it may have seemed, it was, in truth, the perfect spot for a period of peace and quiet. The natural phenomena that occurred here—the fireflies, the occasional shooting stars, the clear view of what really lay out there beyond the moon and stars, the twinkling lights of Magnolia—provided the ideal escape from her dreary reality.
"Lucy?" A voice emerged from the darkness that enveloped her, and Lucy felt herself stiffen. A cold shiver settled over her, and the person continued. "What are you doing out here?"
Her palm lay flat on the rough bark of the tree she was standing in the cool shade of, away in the shadows, and she turned her head ever so slightly towards the direction of the disruption of her privacy—this was not a moment she was prepared to ever let anyone see, ever, let alone this person. "I could say the same for you," she pointed out with a acerbically sarcastic sigh that matched the hidden expression pasted onto her face. Lucy stilled herself; the ideals were the same: never let any of your nakama see you like this. "I mean, I'm just taking a break," she hastily amended, failing to notice the concerned light reflected in Gray's royal blue irises.
He cleared his throat, and mustered up an all-too-familiar chuckle, "Well, then, I suppose we're here for the same reason, eh?"
That caught Lucy's attention. Gray, seeing her posture as a welcome cue for continuation, added, "What's the matter, Luce?"
The blonde's heart throbbed. Sure, she had been all too used to having Natsu call her that—that being among her daily pick of nicknames he'd assorted especially for her—but having Gray call her that seemed to give it a whole new meaning. How strange.
She raised an eyebrow, finally pivoting around fully to face him. "What do you mean?" she asked, although she had a feeling that she knew all too well where this conversation was going. Realization dawned upon her, and she hurriedly attempted to avert the subject. "Gray, I'm fine. I honestly don't understand what you're talking about." Lies, lies, lies. Her lips curved into a smile. "Is it wrong for a sensible soul to want to take a break every now and then?"
"I think you know what I mean, Luce." There he goes again. "Heh, but, well, I suppose you're right. Crazy bunch, aren't they?" Lucy almost dismissed his former solemnness for a moment there.
"I could say the same thing for you. You're pretty crazy yourself, with the stripping," she remarked blandly, crossing her arms. Gray took a single step forward.
"Eh? You can't be serious about that!" he protested uselessly, throwing up his arms into the air for dramatically exaggerated emphasis; his face was still all smiles. "I mean-"
"You mean what?" Lucy felt another laugh bubble up in her throat, except that it didn't feel as forced as before—another strange occurrence. It was rather eccentric how easily she could laugh with this guy. "Don't make excuses and say it's a medical condition or something. I bet you just want to do it." Lucy winked coyly.
"That's where you're wrong. Everybody's already seen my glorious, chiseled stature," Gray teased, the words rolling off his tongue playfully. His hands were stuffed into his baggy trouser pockets, and a smirk adorned his face.
Lucy grimaced, remarking, "It's actually pretty creepy how similar you sound to Juvia, you know. Speaking of which, I bet you guys've been spending more time together." She motioned in Gray's direction suggestively, hoping to drop a hint, but he only crossed his arms expectantly and shifted his weight onto his other leg in a rather smooth, suave manner. "Any feelings, hm?"
Gray's face turned sour. "Don't even remind me about it."
"What's up? You've gotta admit that you're a perfect match."
"Hey, don't change the subject, okay? I mean, sure, Juvia's a nice girl—she's flawless, really. Gorgeous, smart, courageous... need I go on? But I don't feel right with her. I feel like it's infatuation. I don't deserve her kind of love. It's far too flattering, and I know I'm gonna treat her like shit, to be honest." Gray shrugged it off, passing his opinion as a factual statement, which Lucy found interesting.
"I'm pretty surprised you were so brutally honest about it all," she interjected, but Gray waved it off.
"Nuh uh. Back to the point now. Why don't you come and sit with me?" As a demonstration, he settled himself down on the hillock, overlooking the town, and crossed his legs, before invitingly nodding at the spot next to him. Hesitantly, Lucy crept over, when she realized that her legs felt like lead—it seemed like she hadn't sat down for an eternity. Even though she'd silently pledged and sworn an oath to herself that she'd never let this kind of distance matter draw her in with him, she felt her feet moving on their own.
"Um, sure," she said awkwardly, feeling very out of place. Gray's familiar chuckle rang in her ears, when she piped up, "Oh, hey."
The laughter ceased, but the air around them was still and light. "Hm?"
"You said you were coming here to think too. Why don't you spill what's on your mind?" Lucy probed, hoping that the impression she was leaving on the brunet wouldn't come off as too nosy. Hurriedly, she amended, "You don't have to. I was just wondering."
"Nah, it's nothing really, but..." Lucy immediately tuned in, crossing her legs. The mood that hung between them took a more solemn and melancholy turn... not that she minded, that is. Gray sighed, the breath he exhaled appearing in puffs of cold vapor; the blonde noted that his voice always seemed to have a baritone hum to it. Finally, he relented, and let out another deep sound of- what was that? Disappointment? Sadness? Dread? She had yet to know.
"Okay, Luce," Gray began, his hands lying limp in his lap, eyes distant and unknowing, glinting with a harsh bitterness, "remember Deliora?" He glanced at her through his peripheral vision, taking her tiniest hint of a nod as a cue to go on. "Well, during Tartarus... Heh. There were the Kyuukimon, those demons from the Book of Zeref, and of the Nine Demon Gates. Apparently, when Keith—that necromancer guy, remember?—intercepted you and Wendy, we got separated. Then you saved us, Lucy, and Silver—" he swallowed inaudibly, "—uh, Silver, he... he and I went to fight somewhere else. And..." He lowered his head, his teeth clenching together painfully at the memory of what had followed, and exhaled a few raggedy breaths in his struggle to control his emotions. "And... And..." Gray's fist clenched tightly into a fist, and just looking at it—and seeing that darned mark—reminded him, reminded him so much of it. "I found out that... Silver was my father," he finally admitted, and felt his chest's burden immediately pressure him less so, as he had, in the end, found a trustworthy confidant: his teammate, his best friend, his...
Said best friend exploded—as in, a rather emotional piñata-full of horrified expressions crossed onto her face at the same time, all haunting her eyes, her soul. "Gray..." she whispered breathily, in hushed shock, staring into his dulled irises. "Gray." She regained her composure, and laid a reassuring palm on his arm. "Gray, I'm so sorry. To think that you kept this into yourself this whole time without even sharing... That must've been so hard on you..." Lucy felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes, and reluctantly refrained from wiping them away. Her free hand met his bare shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry that I didn't know. I'm so, so sorry for not helping, even when I could've... How?"
As shocked as Gray was to see the blonde at his side sobbing her own eyes out—at his situation, nonetheless—he kept his calm and focused his skyrocketing rollercoaster of emotions at bay with another barely kempt sigh, and managed out a small reply, "Keith was a Necromancer... He found.. He found his body and brought him back to... to life." He watched the rage and disgust display itself on Lucy's disapproving face. He felt his barrier slowly dissolving. "A-And... I hit him. I fought him. I hurt my father. With my own bare hands..." Said body parts were shaking, and, despite the fact that he clenched them together again, they refused to cease the trembling. He gave up. "And he fought me, just to let me get over my fear of... of Deliora. Why couldn't I have realized that sooner? His time... Dad... He asked me to kill him, and I couldn't. He'd done bad things after being resurrected, but I couldn't. Why, Dad..." He trailed off, his voice feeble and torn.
"And that's just the catalyst," he resumed his sob story and the thoughts that plagued him day and night, refusing to leave him alone for once, forever daunting and drifting around his head, pushing the blame onto him... "Ur... she died to save me. Ultear—you know what happened to her? She used a spell that... that took her life. It saved me. Turned back my time. I would've died if she hadn't. But she did, and now... She sacrificed herself. For me. Lyon, crying... crying because of me. Dad fighting, crying... me. Me. Me. Me. Don't you see, Lucy?" Gray grabbed at his hair in frustration at himself, desperation as to why it was always him, on the verge of breaking down. "Always... for me. Why do I hurt everybody around me? I... I made Juvia cry. For me. Why? And now, look..." His hand shakily made its way up to Lucy's tearstained cheeks, and his thumb automatically made to wipe away the wet trails of her empathy. "You're crying for me now... D-Don't cry." He forced a smile onto his face, but, like glass, Lucy knew from the start that it was just a façade—a thin veneer—and now it was crumbling down. She brought her own hand on top of his own, and guided her other to the side of his face, where she could clearly see the blurred remnants of his sleepless nights and ghosts of thoughts in everything—the drooping bags under his eyes, the pallid pallor of his forehead and guise, the icy blue veins that stood out on both his temples due to exhaustion; things anyone else except for her would have easily overlooked.
"Gray..." she began, albeit unsteadily, for she knew she had to tread carefully—treading on thin ice, like others would say.
"Why are others always sacrificing themselves for me? Why..." A thin trail of tears leisurely dragged down his cheekbone. "Everybody's leaving me. Why am I- why am I so stupid? How am I so stupid?" His jaw was set.
Lucy cleared her throat. "No, Gray, don't say that. Don't do this to me... You are one of the most extraordinary people I've ever met in my entire life, no joke. For one, you're strong, you're sturdy, and you're smart. You have an incredible sense of justice and a steady pace I know no other would have. As for occupation, you're by far among one of the most amazing mages I've ever met; you're a proud disciple of Ur. You can't keep blaming yourself for the inevitable. You have to accept that nothing that happened was your fault, and it would've happened anyway. Why not be thankful that it was you they had gladly risked their lives for, and not anyone else? Remember that this is life.
"Mira once said that everybody in our guild shares one common thing: they have all experienced pain in their pasts. And you..." Lucy perceived the defiant gaze in his captivating eyes, the curve of his cheekbones, the defined jawline, and each spike of bedhead hair that made up every part of Gray. "Your past is one of the hardest I have yet to hear. Stay with us, Gray. You're one of us; your blemishes are also part of us, and, most certainly, part of you. Whatever happened is over; it cannot be undone. But, don't you remember? They always, always live on in our hearts, no matter what." Lucy placed her palm over Gray's heart, and the rise and fall of his chest comforted her. "You know what they say. You feel that, right? They're always in here, Gray. And in here is also your purpose in life: remember them, but live on. Accept your past, okay? It was never your blame to keep; it never will be."
She felt her body move on its own; before she knew it, she was kneeling on her knees, leaning forward, and enveloping Gray in a welcoming embrace. He made no move to follow, as his muscles were tense, expression distant, but Lucy paid no mind.
"Remember that, Gray." The blonde unhooked her arms from around his neck and made to move away, only to pause momentarily in her tracks, frozen, as she felt a pair of muscular arms encircle the small of her back and around her shoulders. She crashed back into Gray—oh!—wrapped in a tight, bone-crushing hug—it was as if the ice mage refused to let her go. The two molded together (as awkward as it seemed), their bodies seeming to fit each other perfectly.
Gray's head lowered to the crook of her neck as he murmured, "Stay with me, Lucy."
Lucy's lids lowered as the bejeweled drops welled in her chocolate eyes once more, threatening to trail down her cheeks as she sharply inhaled. Oh no, not this again. This can't happen again- "Don't you worry."
"I worry a lot," Gray responded, and, after what seemed like an eternity, eventually released her. "But what about you? You know—" He hastily rubbed his eyes with the back of his palm, "from what I've deduced, you've got something on your mind too, Luce."
The celestial mage blinked furiously at this in a vain attempt to force back the incoming tears. "Um, well—"
"Wait, Luce," Gray interrupted suddenly, sitting back on his haunches, "look, you don't have to, but just know that you can trust me." Lucy raised an eyebrow.
"Of course I can. Seeing that we've already gone so far into this conversation, I guess I'll just have to tell you what's bothering me too, huh?"
"If you want to play fair."
"... Alright." Lucy reclined a little into the grass, tilting her head and gazing at the sky. A shooting star blinked by with a brilliant flash before disappearing among the masses of other superplanets. She let out a soft sigh—a breath she had no idea she'd been holding. "Oh, the stars are so bright tonight..." she gasped in awe. "Well, it was also during Tartarus, like you. After you all got swallowed by Alegria, the Plutogram, I was the only one who managed to escape, for some reason, and Mard Geer started announcing to all the soldiers and Tartarus guild members that whoever killed me would become one of the missing Kyuukimon, so I summoned Virgo and Loke to fight them and Torafusa, the water lizard demon that Gajeel defeated... Then... Jackal appeared, so I summoned Aquarius—"
"Lucy," Gray cut in abruptly, "isn't that technique forbidden? You could've gotten yourself killed."
"... That's right, but I did anyway. But my spirits weren't strong enough against three Tartarus members—Lamy included, so Aquarius told me to summon the Spirit King... I... Well, I... didn't have the key, so Aquarius... She... She just... told me to break one of the golden zodiac keys as a... a substitute. But I couldn't. She told me to break... her key. I shouldn't have. I swore I would always—" Lucy broke off now, crying, but sniffed and resolved to continue until the end of her explanation. She steeled herself. "I swore I would never, ever sacrifice a friend for another, but I did... Aquarius... Aquarius... She was my first friend... I loved her... a lot. I betrayed her. And now, I'll never see her again. As a celestial wizard, I—I broke my oath. I broke it. I betrayed her... All she ever did was... was care for me. Now I'll never be able to repay her. What have I done? What have I done? Why..." Valiantly attempting not to, but still doing so, Lucy sobbed into her hands. "I wish... I always wish now that I could've done more with her. So much more..." she finished wistfully. The stars from above reflected comfortingly in her watery eyes. "I suppose our situations are similar."
Gray wrapped his arm around the celestial mage's shoulders, and pulled her close to him; she made no effort to push him away. "Huh," he commented thoughtfully. "I guess that we're similar in more ways than one, huh? But Luce, you saved us. Nobody could ask for more than that. Thank you. I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you..."
Lucy put her hand on her chest, relaxing slightly. "I'm so glad I got this off my chest. It's been bothering me for ages..."
"Likewise, Luce, likewise." Without their conscious knowing thereof, the two had entwined their hands, and both stood up at the same time. Gray took a step closer, closing the distance between them with a genuine smile; Lucy made no protest as she melted into his form.
"Gray?" she whispered after their shared moment of sweet serenity. Said ice mage glanced down at her. Their arms were still wrapped around one another.
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
"... For what?"
It was at this time that Lucy finally lifted her gaze to his handsome face. "For this," she replied. "I thought no one would notice. Turns out I have better things to do than wallow in self-pity..." Gray shook his head.
"No, Lucy, thank you. You made me realize that it wasn't my fault for everything that's happened, right? I mean, this is us. This is Fairy Tail. Crappy things happen now and then."
"You're right," the blonde admitted, unraveling her arms from around Gray's muscular abdomen. She sighed lowly. "Well, this didn't turn out quite as I expected." One pointed look from Gray, though, told her otherwise; she asserted with a pensive smile as memories trailed through her mind and soul like a rushing river, "But I'm glad that this happened, really. I'll still miss Aquarius though—"
Suddenly, Lucy felt the ice mage's lips on her own, effectively silencing her, and—despite the frigid air from the high elevation that floated around them—she felt her face heating up a thousand degrees hotter than Natsu's fire. She stood, rigid for a second, before her senses came flooding back into her and she felt herself returning the passion the brunet had so gladly given her.
They pulled apart after what seemed like a millennium of goodness. Lucy's face was still red, and she observed that the person standing in front of her's cheeks were also dusted a shade of pink.
"What was that for?" she inquired, breathless.
"To shut you up. I couldn't, uh..." Gray scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, "I couldn't bear to see you standing there—and I quote—'wallowing in your own self-pity.' It's not like you, Lucy. I mean, I miss Ur and Ultear and my family too, but I'm sure we'll both get over it soon, right? And, anyway." He quickly averted the subject of their conversation. "It's getting late, and I'm sure you don't want to head back to the guild after this... So, sleep over at my place tonight?"
Lucy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, but the rest of her face was in all smiles. "Of course."
The sun broke through the calm of the night, showering the town of Magnolia in a beautiful display of its shattering rays. Being the first of the Fairy Tail guild members to consciously awaken from the previous night's after-party-slumber-mode, the guild's residential centerfold model, Mirajane Strauss, yawned and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
"Oh my," were the first words that escaped her mouth as she surveyed the damage done—once again—by Fairy Tail's excessive partying, but she waved her concern off with another giggle. She brushed a few specks of imaginary dust off her dress and pulled open the guild doors. "This sunrise never fails to amaze me—oh!" She whirled around once more, her dress frills fluttering, as her mind ticked. "Huh. I could swear I thought that someone was missing here..."
Her musings were interrupted by the groans of the late master Makarov as he groped around for a table edge to assist him in his standing up. The white-haired beauty rushed over.
"Good morning, Master Makarov!"
"Why, g'morning, Mirajane!" the old man grinned in greeting, when he was met with a bout of goosebumps and shivers. Mirajane looked on quizzically.
"What's the matter?" she questioned.
"Oh, it's just the darned weather."
"Oh!" Mirajane snapped her fingers as her thoughts recollected. "That's right! I wanted to chat with Lucy yesterday about something. Have you seen her lately, Master?"
"Come to think of it, I haven't," came the reply. Thoughtfully, he stroked his chin, and gathered his floppy jester hat and staff. "Ah, that's right," he recalled, "I think I saw her leave the guild after a while last night. There was something off about her, I have to admit. Actually, Gray might've gone after her. I have no idea." Mirajane's eyes lit up like the night sky, and she beamed, thoughts clouding her head as she dove into her matchmaking reprieve. Master Makarov eyed her warningly.
"Gray?" The blue-eyed beauty's daydreamed, thoughts filled with tiny blonde and black-haired babies. Adorable! "Yes, that'd work out really well... Woooow!" She clasped her hands together in delight.
"By the way, Mira..." She turned to look at the guild master.
"Yes, Master?" she answered with a smile.
"Did you realize how cold it was yesterday?"
Tourists and foreigners continued to visit the eccentric town of Magnolia on a daily basis, be it via the train, the rented SE-Plug, or by any other means.
However, when asked, the old town regulars would report that that night was, most certainly, one of the coldest nights their cozy, homely little town had ever experienced.
Cold.
I honestly don't know what I did here. Anyways, I'm sorry if it dragged on, and I hope you liked this oneshot. :')
