It's been two years. 730 days. 1051898 seconds. But these numbers are meaningless. My heart doesn't measure the time using numbers, but by how much it aches every day when she's not here. She would be my girlfriend, Natalie. She would be the one person who I could trust. She would be the one person who understood me. She would be the love of my life who died on an RTA I was attending.

It was a beautiful summers night, the ones where men spontaneously take their girlfriends out, proposing to them as the sun sets. One of those nights where anything is possible, an almost magical night. I was at the station, finishing off paperwork to do with an arrest I'd made that day to do with a robbery. Out of the office I could see the sun sinking into the earth, blood red seeping across the sky. And then a call came in. A major RTA had been reported a few miles into the motorway, a short drive from the station. The Inspector came in, rounding up as many of us as he could to attend the scene.

"Leon, RTA. 4 cars and a lorry involved, you need to get down there now. Number of casualties unknown. Go to the yard, team up with Kate." he barked at me as he went past to find more people. I smiled; this was the reason I became a cop, all the action and helping people. I pulled on my stab proof vest, I didn't need my heavy jacket, it was too hot. I grabbed my hat from it's perch on the chair next to me, running through the corridors out to the yard and into the car that screeched to my left, Kate at the wheel.

"God Leon, you're so slow!" Kate complained, although I could see the smile on her lips.

"We can't all be speedy like you. Come on then, get moving!" I said, placing my hat on my lap as Kate zoomed off, following the other patrol cars.

We arrived at the scene; it was the worst I had ever seen. 4 cars were scrunched up against each other, and the unfortunate one at the front was embedded into the front of the lorry, which was on its side, blocking the road. The driver of the lorry was climbing out of his cab, a look of complete horror and disorientation on his face. He sat on the door, watching as people climbed out their cars, the lucky ones. Kate swerved to avoid a child who had run across the road, blood covering one side of his face. I threw myself out the car, pulling him on to the verge out of harms way.

"You alright mate? Come on, lets sit you down here. Kate, get the blankets and first aid kit out the car!" I yelled at Kate as she pulled over on the verge. She ran over, throwing me the blanket and first aid kit, then running in the opposite direction to help others.

"My mum,, she's stuck in the car. She wasn't moving. Please help her." the boy begged me, tears mingling with the blood on his face. I placed the blanket tightly around him, pressing a gauze to his head and quickly wrapping a bandage around it, securing it in place.

"You just sit here mate, and I'll try and find your mum. Don't move." I warned, standing up and sprinting to the car he had pointed out. I ran around to the drivers side, pulling at the door with all my strength.

"Leon! Leave it, I've checked her, she's dead." Aaron shouted as he helped an old lady over to where the boy was sitting, not knowing that his mother was dead. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I would tell him later, but right now I needed to get everyone else to safety. The lorry driver was still sat on the door of his cab, watching in shock.

"Excuse me sir? Come on mate, we need to get you sat down over here with everyone else so it makes it easier when the paramedics come." I indicated for the man to climb down the piping on the underside of the lorry, so that he could get to me safely. He looked at me blankly, and then at the carnage across the motorway. I took a good hard look, taking in all the scattered debris across the road. And then my eyes rested on a car which was wedged in between the one the boy had come from and the one that was wedged in the side of the lorry. My stomach suddenly dropped, I recognised the car. I forget about the lorry driver and everyone else in that instant.

*

Time seemed to slow down, and the only thing I could hear was my heart beating in my ears. And that's when I heard it. That god awful scream will stay with me for as long as I live. She screamed for help, for someone to get her out, she screamed for me. I ran to the car, peering in the window, checking where she was, if she was ok.

"Nat! Natalie, oh god, I'm here, it's ok, I'm here." I cried as I took in the state of her. Her legs were covered in blood, there was a big gash across her head and it appeared that her wrist was broken.

"Leon! Please, get me out!" she screamed, and my heart twisted in pain.

"It's ok darlin', I'm gonna get you out. I'll be right back, ok?" I promised, flinching as she screamed for me not to leave her. I ran across the motorway, looking for anyone to help me. "AARON!"

"Leon? What's wrong?" Aaron asked, sprinting over to meet me.

"It's Nat, she's in the car over there. You need to help me get her out." I begged, pointing to Natalie's mangled black car.

"Natalie? Your Natalie?" Aaron asked, his eyes widening as he followed me to the car.

All I could do was nod, "We need to get her out, help me open the door." We both pulled as hard as we could on her drivers door, but it just wouldn't budge. The whole right side of the car had been pushed in with the impact, meaning we couldn't get the doors on that side open. "Try the other side." We moved to the left side, pulling on the doors. The left front passengers door started to give, so we pulled it with as much force as we had. It finally flew open, Aaron ended up on the floor from the force of it.

"Leon, I don't think you should get her out, it's not safe! She might bleed out." Aaron warned, talking quietly so as not to distress Natalie.

"Aaron, I am not leaving her in here. Go, I'll get her out." I hissed.

"AARON! LEON! Get back, there's a fire, they're gonna blow up!" Kate yelled from her position on the verge. Both our heads spun around and we looked in horror at the small fire which had sprouted out one of the cars.

"Aaron please help me." I begged, wetness round my eyes.

Aaron looked from me to Natalie to the fire, and then nodded, "Be careful, we don't want to do any more damage."

*

Aaron reached into the car, reassuring Natalie that she would be ok and that we were going to get her out. She was rapidly losing blood and conciousness, but this was her only hope. Aaron started to work on getting her free, trying to get her out in the best way so that she didn't lose too much more blood. He pulled her free, dragging her across the front seats, getting her to me. And finally she was free, and in my arms. I shifted her weight so that I could carry her fast, across to the verge with the others.

"Hey Nat, come on babe, stay with me." I begged, pressing my lips to her forehead. Her skin was cold and clammy, completely at odds with the warm balmy air.

"Leon? Is that..." Kate asked, but a look from Aaron stopped her.

"How far away are the paramedics?" I asked, gently laying Natalie on the grass verge, placing a blanket on her.

"A few minutes. Here, put this on her as well." Kate said, passing me some bandages to put around her head like I did with the young boy.

"I need to stop the blood, but I don't know where it's coming from!" I groaned, throwing my hands up in frustration. I tried wrapping the bandage around her head, but my hands were shaking too much. Hands gently covered my own, I looked up, it was Kate.

"Here, let me." she said gently, expertly bandaging her face.

"Thanks." I said gratefully, pushing Natalie's raven hair off her face. Her hair, it was sticky with dark red blood, blood which was now on my hands.

"Leon?" Natalie gasped, reaching for me feebly.

I pulled her up, cradling her in my arms, "Natalie, shh, don't waste your energy."

"I'm dying, aren't I?" she cried, a tear parting the blood on her face.

My breath caught in my throat, "No, course you're not. I wouldn't let you would I."

She laughed, a laugh that was so unlike her normal laugh. That was what first attracted me to her, her beautiful fruity laugh that made everyone want to join in. "I love you." she whispered, placing a cold, white hand on my face.

"I love you too. But I hope you're not telling me this because you think you're dying. Because you're not. We've got years ahead of us yet, more beautiful summers like this. You just need to hang on, yeah?" I pleaded, seeing the light slipping out her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I really do love you." she said, tears flowing thick and fast now. She strained her head upwards, and I lowered my head, meeting her lips half way. I knew before I even looked in her eyes that she was gone, taken from me. I pulled her closer to me, her face buried in my chest, my head buried in her hair. I protected her body as the cars blew up around us, and then there was a strange noise, like the howling an animal makes when it's in pain. But then with a shock I realised it was me.

I have never forgotten that day, never forgotten Natalie. But there are things about her which I forget everyday. I forget that her eyes were the dusky blue you get in a summers sky, not the bright sparkling turquoise I envisioned in my head. I forget that her smile created two little dimples in her cheeks, ones which I would kiss. I forget what her favourite book is, what her favourite song is, what her favourite memory of us as a couple was. And that's the scary thing. I don't want to ever forget her, I don't want to move on. But my mind is losing the memories, forcing me to move on or go crazy with the thoughts of her that I can't remember anymore. Every day I am faced with tragedy at work, and everyday I think of Natalie, of how she should be here with me. But she's not here, I am, and I need to move on. But the plain, simple truth is...it's impossible.