DISCLAIMER: CELIA RAY AND ROSSRACHMONCHAN DO NOT OWN THE SHOW IN ANYWEAY!
London Thoughts
Phoebe was playing with one of Ross's ultra nerdy, ultra cool model airplanes;
"Varoom," she flew it up into the air and "BANG!" she knocked the plane face first down on Monica's coffee table.
She did this in a repeated motion for five times almost to the point of being obsessive compulsive,
"Varoom" her arm moved up and "Bang," she chipped off the paint, and then Rachel, Ross, Joey, Monica and Chandler come in. They are soaked, everything from Rachel's new leather boots, to Chandler's cowlicky thing in his hair
"Guys" Phoebe said, "I don't want you to go."
"Why not Pheebs?" Monica asks, moving her empty picture frame on the door, so it lined up with the lines on her floor.
"Do you want this to happen to you?" she says and animates the plane crash one more time;
"Varoom, BANG!"
"Phoebe, that is a model airplane my students gave me."
"Oh, I'm sorry Ross…your royal, scientist guy." Phoebe snaps. "But my psychic said you will die tragically in a plane crash." She does the plane crash over and over "Varoom, bang. Do you want this to happen? Varoom, bang!"
"Oh, Phoebe do know how rare those are?" Rachel said, all the while Ross is trying to rip the airplane out of her hand.
"Yeah well I'm sure everyone who died in those probably said that too at one point."
"Oh, what the chances are like one in a million that we'll die in a plane crash."
"Pheebs, psychics are for fun, they mean nothing."
"There's still that one, there's still that small chance." She starts to cry, "You're killing yourself, just like my mom did!"
Chandler, comes in from the bathroom and says;
"Hey, little ones, when does the flight leave?" he looks at Phoebe in her third trimester of triplets, "Hey Fatty!"
She furrows her brow and lifts her nose,
"Oh, go…" she yells at Chandler, but can't think of anything to say.
"You know, I dated a girl who died in a car accident last week." Joey said morbidly to try to fool Phoebe, to try to scare her.
She whispers, she sounds like some character from a horror movie, her green eyes are intense;
"Go ahead and kill yourselves."
And her voice increases in volume and she moves her head so fast that her long gold-blonde hair gets in her eyes, and she yells;
"GO AHEAD KILL YOURSELFS, YA' MORONS!" and she slams the door of Monica and if Mr. Heckles was still alive, Monica knew for a fact that he would be up at the door telling them that they were disturbing his cats or his obo practice and then when Monica said;
"You don't play the obo" or "You don't have any cats"
Mr. Heckles would always say
"I could play the obo." Or "I could have cats"
Monica and Rachel sometimes even oddly missed that.
Later that night-Monica's apartment
"Okay! Let's pack!" Monica was hyper on caffine from Central Perk.
"Where is Joey?" Monica says, glancing around the perfectly kept room.
"He saved himself," Phoebe groaned, stretched out on the couch in her lime green and yellow flowered dress, "He saved his soul!"
"Oh, well I was going leave him in charge of packing my lingerie and underwear but oh well. Ross? Do you want to take this one?"
"Monica, you're my sister…" Ross, wrinkles his nose.
"I know, you get my books."
"Oooh, yeah books." Ross looked through all her books, none of them had been science or paleontology as he had hoped, but Pride & Prejudice, Emma, Wuthering Heights, and Gone With The Wind.
He picked up Gone With The Wind, and paged through it, at first it bored him to death, but then he found Scarlett O'Hara to be such a gripping character that he kept reading. Only to be interrupted by Phoebe's two blasted songs that she was banging away at on her guitar;
Em, insert lyrics here lol
By the end his ears were ringing and Phoebe looked very angry, she had been able to lie her way out of packing because Monica did not want her to hurt herself or the babies.
Ross read the sweet tragic adventures of Scarlett, O'Hara, how she lost Tara to the Yankees, how Ashley left her for Melly, how her mother died, how her father died, how she really loved Rhett but he did not love her, and when her daughter died. And then when Rhett left her at the end; that opened the floodgates, Ross started, he cried so hard. His upper lip quivered and he grabbed Monica's kleenex box.
"I said pack the books, not read the books." Monica whispered to Rachel.
"Yeah, really, he's no help."
"You weren't either Rachel."
"I was so…" she whines, "I put the nail polish in the little baggy."
"Big help." Monica said.
"He's so cute, crying, I cried at that movie." Rachel started to whimper. "He's so sweet."
Monica looked at her, her blue eyes icy, yet giving a knowing look.
"No," Rachel says, "I don't."
"Rachel."
"He's getting married we're over."
"Rachel." Monica reinforces.
"I don't love Ross." And she stops and chokes on her own words.
Chandler's office-same time that night
"Chandler," Joey says looking at the name on the office door, "You're not Michael Wong."
"Charles still hasn't changed the name on my door. And I've worked here for three years."
"What are we here for?" Joey asks, and looks at the W.E.N.U.S. on Chandler's desk.
"We're trying to escape Monica's psycho packing frenzy, because that just might be what kills us."
"Who told you that?" Joey's brown eyes grew wide with horror.
"Phoebe."
"Oh, yeah, Pheebs. The reason I can't eat meat." He smiles, and then frowns. "Chandler, can I use your internet."
"Okay," Chandler says, "But no porn, Charles hacks into all of our accounts and looks at our internet history."
"Okay."
"Really? I never thought you did anything on the internet but look up porn."
"No, I'm going to look up hot girls I could hook up with in London," he grins, his "how ya' doing" grin and takes a seat.
"Oh, while you do that I will look up the numbers on the W.E.N.U.S" Joey chuckles at the sound of W.E.N.U.S.
"Weekly estimated net usage systems." Chandler says.
"Oh, I know, it's just W.E.N.U.S."
"Look at that ladies and gentleman, our Joey, all grown up,"
"But I am grown up, only grown ups can use Chandler was averaging the numbers on the W.E.N.U.S. Joey was looking up girls;
He said he was a man searching for a woman between the ages of 20 and 24, in the London area; he got three results;
Cira Parklen, was a beautiful blonde, with wavy hair that fell just past her shoulders and light blue eyes. She had high, angular cheekbones, and a small pert little nose; her profile said;
Loves thongs, lingerie, and watching dirty movies.
5'9", 109 lbs.
Joey's grin grew wider and wider until he got to the very last one;
Is looking for a serious relationship.
That ruled out Cira Parklen.
The next one was Katherine Lorabede; a fairly attractive girl with curly black hair and that cut just above her shoulders and she had dominant, flashy blue eyes; it wasn't her appearance that made Joey rule her out, it was the fact she loved to read John Steinbeck and the fact she was an English teacher. Joey thought teachers and professors i.e. Ross were all boring.
But then there was Felicity Walthem, which was also Emily's last name. Felicity was pretty, but a little too pale. Her huge dark eyes dominated her face, and her brunette hair framed her square face, in lots of little short, wispy curls. But her profile made her perfect for Joey. Three of the things on her profile were;
No falling in love with me.
Just one, short, wild, crazy, fling.
Just the good stuff.
Joey chatted with her online a little bit; and he learned she loved romantic comedies, especially Sleepless In Seattle and she liked sports and cold pizzas. He smiled, could there be a person more perfect for me? He thought, they arranged to meet at the London Marriot their second night in London.
"Looks like you're going to have to get your own room," Joey said to Chandler.
"And why?"
"Because I hooked up with someone."
"Who?"
"Felicity Walthem."
"Isn't she Emily's cousin?" Chandler asked.
"Yeah, that's how I know she's not a rapist or a killer."
"Oh, Joe, you've hit an entire family to sleep with."
"Yeah, you bet I did." Joey grins, proud of himself.
Later that night-Monica's apartment.
Rachel hears a knock on the door, she is in her night gown, and her hair is uncombed. It is a repeated knock on the door. And Rachel goes to open it. Ross falls flat head first onto her bare feet;
"Don't you know not to lean on the door?"
"Yeah, well."
"That hurt,"
"Do you want some painkillers?"
"No, I will be all right, is Monica here?"
"No, she went to buy labels for all the suitcases. Why?"
"I wanted her help on this video camera, figuring it out how to use it."
"She'll be back in a few minutes Ross if you want to just stay here."
"Okay."
"Okay, I have to replace the flowers in Mon's vase,"
Rachel took out some dead roses and baby breath from Monica's crystal vase, and her eyes are fixed on Ross as he struggles to set up the video camera so she would be able to see the wedding, Ross, though it was not noticeable had tears in his eyes;
Rachel threw the roses and baby's breath in the trash and went over to Ross;
"Can I help you with that?" she asks.
He wipes his tears on his "I heart Fossils" nightshirt and says;
"I wish I didn't have to do this."
"Oh, Ross, go read your science papers, I can do this." She reaches toward the old fashioned video camera.
"Rachel, I don't mean it like that. I mean I want you to come."
"Ross, I have to work, I'm already at ends with my boss."
"Oh, come on Rach," he touches her shoulder briefly and fiddles with the end of her sandy hair, "I mean it's me, it's my wedding."
"Ross, I can't."
"Why not, I'll even make the excuses for your boss."
"No, Ross it's weird."
"Why, Rach? You're one of my best friends."
"It's weird because of 'us'"
"Rach, there is no 'us'. We are over."
"Ross,"
"I'm marrying Emily."
"I know, but that doesn't mean…" she trails off, her voice hitching.
"Rach, it does mean we are over. We are over. I love you as a friend, but I am in love with Emily, can't you just accept this."
"Yeah, congratulations Ross. I think Emily is great." She was lying, she was jealous of Emily. She knew that no one, not in a million years, could love Ross more than she did. She hugged him, and he sniffed her coconut smelling hair and kissed her on the cheek. She kisses him ever so lightly on the lips, and they let go of each other and he pulled her back in one more time. And they don't let go for a full minute.
The next morning-the cab ride to the airport
"Oh, my god." Monica screams. "We are going to be so late!"
Traffic is backed up all the way down fifth avenue. "Oh my god! Cab driver, drive around the traffic! How hard is it to drive around the traffic."
Ross felt bad for the cabdriver, he was young, no more than twenty five, with dark skin, and round eyes, he had a nice smile flawed only by braces.
Chandler, says to Monica, sarcastically
"How? How do you drive through traffic?"
"Okay, calm down, Monica you're not going to miss your flight," she takes a deep breath, "But we have to go through customs, and there might be a huge line," her eyes widen, "Oh god, we have to go through customs! There might be a huge line! Speed up!"
"Calm down woman!"
The taxi driver looks around and misses the fact that the light has turned green, and a hoard of cars drive in front of the cab, "Now you got us back to the end of the line again!" Monica yells.
"We're going to tip you twice as much for putting up with the likes of Monica aren't we?" Chandler says to the cab driver, Howard. He laughs and Ross says;
"I'll be the one to tip you extra, remind me of that?" and then he pauses thoughtfully and says;
"Hey, I lived with her for sixteen years and no one ever paid me." And he watches his little sister yelling and screaming and wondered what his parents would say, probably nothing. He wondered if they even cared enough about her.
The Airport-An hour later
Monica has always hated customs. The line was huge, and there was a family of ten screaming little children in front of her. She thought they were cute, four little blonde curls, in overalls, and six boys, three blonde and four brunette; Chandler coward behind Monica, Chandler was apprehensive around children; they were running around with coloring books and teddy bears chasing after each other.
Joey went first, his bags went through with no problems, but he couldn't stop staring at one of the security guards. She was about five foot, six inches with curly red hair pulled up into a lose bun, and gray eyes that were too small for her square face.
"How you doing?" Joey smiles seductively.
"I'm really quite busy." She snarls.
"Oh, so," he tilts his head, "Are you on one of the flights."
"I don't like men." she says.
"Oh score." Chandler gives Joey a thumbs up and says sarcastically.
"Do you want a pillow for the flight or a punch in the face? And remember I can have you thrown off the flight if you flirt with any member of the crew."
"Don't be mean."
"This is a first for him." Chandler says to the woman, who's name tag reads Kelly.
"Chandler," Joey whines, tears filming in his eyes, "A lady rejected me."
"So sad, Joey, so sad. Now you know how it feels to be me."
"But Chandler," he puts his head down on Chandler's shoulder and grabs his hand.
"A little too close Joe,"
"We're just holding hands now, aren't we."
"Uh-huh, I think we should let go."
"Yeah."
They drop each other's hands quickly and then shake their hands off. Chandler goes through security with no problem, same with Ross until they find his dinosaur "toys";
"Excuse me sir, are these weapons?" a large, burley security guard says;
"No, they're my dino friends."
"I'm afraid you cannot take these on the plane sir."
"Why?"
"They have sharp teeth, which can hurt on of the passengers,"
"Oh, Thomas the T-Rex, and Mallula from the Mesisoic era." Ross starts to cry a little they were his dino friends.
And then went Monica, she was proud and confident and flips her dark hair off her face, and a blonde security guard, one that Joey might flirt with if he wasn't still heart broken after being rejected by Kelly, started ripping off her belt and her locket, and her shoes.
"My, belt, my Nana's locket, it's been in my family for like 70 years, My earrings, ohhh and my ankle bracelet that I borrowed from Rachel, that was a close one!"
"All set Miss, go ahead through now."
She does, and her heart almost stops when the alarm goes off.
"This alarm need fixed."
"Ma'am, step over to side."
Monica looks up and she sees a security guard who is the spitting image of Richard. He begins to feel her up, and moves his strong hands around her pockets.
"Joey, I'm strangely aroused" she whispers.
Joey gives her two thumbs up.
Kelly goes through Monica's bag and pulls out her fuzzy pink diary and opens to the most reason date;
"Monica's true confessions
I want a boyfriend and I miss Richard...still, so I wonder what it would be like to sleep with Joey…" Joey grins, and says
"Do you want a Joey coupon for love?"
"Stop reading, stop reading!" Monica waves her finger at them.
Kelly continues; "… no commitment, just a one night stand a fling, well wait, I would only sleep with JOEY if I was DRUNK"
Joey lays his head down on the back of the chair and says;
"Hah, Chandler Bing that is only two women out of the world."
Kelly takes Monica back into "the room" and tears through all her perfectly folded clothes arranged in her suitcase alphabetically by color and occasion. She asks her to take off her coat and searches her inside pockets, and finds her change purse. She digs through it as if she still thought Monica was a terrorist.
"You'd have to be real drunk." Kelly says.
"I know," Monica rolls her eyes and sits down;
At the gate terminal
Ross was bored without his dino friends and Chandler, Joey, and Monica so he looked through his bag and aside from a few pieces of lint, he also found an envelope. He gently picked up the envelope and read it, it said;
To: Ross
From: Rachel
He didn't think it would happen but as he opened up the fat envelope tears welled up in his eyes; he wiped them off with the sleeve of his I heart fossils T-shirt and tried not to make a big deal about it; his ears rang with all their songs, With Or Without You, Everybody Hurts, The Way You Look tonight.
In the back of the envelope he found a dog eared picture of him and Rachel together. It was taken five years back, when they first started going out. Rachel's hair was pulled up in a loose bun and Ross had put a red rose in it, she was dressed in a sexy purple dress. They were holding hands and the two of them looked like they fit together, two pieces of a puzzle completing each other. He also had placed a movie stub from their first date in there, the movie was called Infinity. And we opened the letter, slowly carefully not to rip or smudge it with his coffee from the airport coffee shop. This letter was so important to him.
He read through it.
I will get back with you if you accept full responsibility for what you had done. You were unfaithful to me. We were not on a break.
He hated that part, but then he read the last line.
I want to be back with you Ross, because I love you so much. You will always, no matter what have a place in my heart.
Love Rach.
And he folded up the letter, hoping to put away the past. And make room for Emily.
Five minutes later-by the flight listings
Ross looked at the flight listings;
Paris…on time
Detroit…on time
London England…scheduled time; 10:15, estimated arrival time; 2:20
Ross narrowed his eyes at the screen;
"Monica, does that say what I think it says?"
"Yeah, I think that means our flight is delayed." She says, nonchalantly.
"Mon, I know, I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS" he yells in her face, as if he was trying to deafen her.
"Wow, Ross, it's just a wedding, it's just Emily" and then she looks down at the floor and says
9
