A/N: Let it all out, man…
NOTE: Killua's narrating.

DISCLAIMER: My feels are freaking mine, alright? CRIES.


REPEAT

Yes, it was one hell of a roller coaster ride for me–like I've been thrown down the darkest abyss, but I would find some sort of heaven in there. I did not know what and where it had lead me, but making that decision is one of the huge steps I know I have to take to go on with my life, to grow as a person, as a man, as a brother, and as a friend. It was hard, probably the hardest decision I needed to make in my lifetime. Regrets? Sometimes, yes, but looking at that blissful smile on my sister's face, the heavy load of sorrow and rue somehow fades–little by little. But the pain of two years ago still stings.

Letting go; I found out that I'm not used to that kind of thing, especially if it's on something I wanted to own forever–something that I wanted to own… but was not even mine to begin with. What a lame excuse for never wanting to cut a thick well-knotted rope with a person you deeply have a connection with. But it's true. Gon…

Meeting Gon in the Hunter Exam was strange and new. It was the first time I ever spoke with a person my age that long. I don't know, I just felt… comfortable at that time. That was maybe because he's the same age as me? I think not. He was like this never ending ray of sunshine, you know. Whenever I see him, whenever I'm with him, whenever he's just there, I feel this sudden boost of energy. He's like a huge pill of energy. Gon led me from my solitude. He was my light, a very stubborn one, and he will remain as that until forever.

And I couldn't believe it. I know I was happy. Me being with Alluka, I was happy, certainly. But I couldn't believe it. It came back–that feeling like when Milluki told me Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio came to see me, that feeling I had, though I was inside my cold and numb self, when my chest started choking me to death because of the warm rush of excitement that came tinkling my dead emotionless nerves all of a sudden, when I suddenly had the urge to smile without me even knowing it. It was completely different from the joy I feel whenever I was with Alluka.

Did I hear it right?

"Onii-chan…!"

Yeah, it was Alluka. I may have mistaken that to something I was thinking about. But my ears never lie. Alluka was calling me, I know, but her voice was somehow faint. All of the other noises were also faint. Being a trained professional in the art of assassination, I have known to detect a distinct sound even in the largest mob of talking people, and I was sure I heard something at that time. I looked around, quite desperately, and searched. The rush of excitement was still there–that same feeling…

The people around the market were a blur. Alluka's silhouette was distinct in my vision, but I wasn't in full attendance to her. I subconsciously grabbed her wrist and pulled her close while I was doing a little parameter check around the town. The familiar sound of running footsteps made the corners of my lips curve on its own. Ah… And as I turned around, my sun rays shined on me again, and I felt my heart sinking deeply into my chest in awe. It was beating fast with excitement–like a drum was planted on every part of my body. It was as though I drank that huge pill of energy again. And I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that my happiness was locked away in a dark room inside my emotions, and I couldn't believe that the key to that room is still hidden inside those pure bright hazel eyes.

"Killua!"

I smiled, quite dumbly, but I didn't care. I didn't see anyone at that time but that boy–that man–my best friend, running towards me, looking at nothing else but me, calling my name. I chuckled while watching him stumble upon an old lady. That same innocent apologetic sheepish laugh remained in him after all these years. I chuckled more, feeling my heart punching my lungs even wilder than before. Finishing with the apologies, he looked at me and gave me same wide candid smile he had. I did the same. He ran, and paused in front of me.

We stood there for a while, staring at each other, familiarizing ourselves with the new developments in our faces with each planting a quirky smile on one's face. I took a deep breath and nodded once, trying to pull up a straight face. He did the same thing.

"Gon."

"Killua."

A staring contest began. I did not know the point of it but we were seriously just staring at each other while holding back a huge smile. And after a few seconds, countless of precious melodies of laughter were released from our throats. We laughed, like the old times, while pointing at each other. The memories I had with Gon were suddenly lit vividly inside my head and it played there for a while.

"I'm Killua."

"I'm Gon!"

"Then let's stay together!"

"Thank you, Killua. Coming here with you, no, meeting you… was a really fortunate thing."

"Killua. It has to be Killua!"

. . .

"See you later!"

We both took a deep breath and now looked at each other formally. There wasn't any awkwardness at all between us. It's just like before, like when we see each other during the Hunter Exam, like when we meet after each fight in Heaven's Arena, like just… seeing each other again after a few seconds of separation–only now we're taller, and older, and stronger.

"It's been a long time, ne!" Gon started, talking with that familiar energetic tone of his voice, only lower tuned, while glancing at me and smiling at Alluka with his beaming bright eyes.

I looked at my sister. She was smiling and seemed really happy to see Gon again. This made that feeling in my chest turn from pure excitement into awe. "Yeah," I replied, looking back at Gon and giving him the most candid smile my excited facial muscles could ever manage. "And wow, you actually grew taller."

He gave me a candid smile in exchange. "Hehe~ I could surpass you in height."

I gave a playful sneer. I was only about an inch taller than him and yes, I think he could surpass me in height but, "Nope, no, not a chance."

He pouted. Ah yes, that's Gon for you, alright. "So, what are you doing here?" He smiled again.

I pulled Alluka closer. "What do you think we're doing? Touring the world, of course."

Gon laughed. "You still talk like Killua, Killua."

Normally, this would piss me off for some unknown reason. But Gon's laugh and the moment was too precious to ruin. "Well, you still act like Gon, Gon."

He stopped with a smile and stared me in the eyes again. It would look like he wanted to tell me something, but was hesitating, or rather at lost for words. I just knew, because I was feeling the same.

I took another deep breath as I thought it was necessary. "Well, what are you doing here?"

"We're on a mission."

We… That piercing pain in the chest replaced the joyous one, and the feeling of sorrow and rue came back, hitting me with its best shot. I sort of wanted to be in that 'we'–be that someone again, his partner in battle, his partner in everything. I smiled to show how proud I was of him at the same time smiled to help heal my fractured ego.

"I also wanted you to meet Ging but he ran off from me again." Gon frowned a little.

My eyes grew wide. "Again!?"

He nodded then gave that same bright smile. "Yeah, but it's all fine because he's actually in the next region we'll fly to. Our mission is awesome, Killua! We get to fight cool monsters with strange looking faces and be in different new places and all. Do you want to–"

"Gon! We're leaving!"

I snapped my head towards a group of strange looking people by one corner then shifted my gaze back at Gon who was looking at them too with a slight frown on his face. How I wish I could say 'Let's go, Gon!' at that time. I batted my eyes and gave a huge smile on the face.

Gon turned his gaze on me again. He smiled. "Killua, do you want–"

"Go, Gon," I stated, grasping Alluka's wrist and pulling her close again. I smiled at him with reassurance.

A frown was visible on his face but it was obvious he was trying to not let his lips fall into a concave curve. He smiled and looked at me straight in the eyes, his irises gleaming like crystals soaked in water. He took a deep breath. "I miss you, Killua."

A smile flashed across my face voluntarily. It wasn't forced, it wasn't from instinct, it came from deep within me, but my chest felt heavier than before. "Yeah, me too."

Something was pricking my chest as I watch Gon run off while shouting 'See you later!' and waving a hand at us. He was fading again, but the pricking and the piercing was overshadowed by a greater entity–a new and bright one. It was like me breaking out of my assassin ways by taking the Hunter Exam; there was that pricking and piercing feeling in my chest at that time, but it disappeared because of Gon. When I met him that time; today, it felt like meeting him for the first time… again.

END


A/N: Thank you for everyone who took the reviewing seriously in my other KiruGon drama fic. I'm taking notes, really. Thank you for reading and telling me what to fix. Kindly do the same here? Review please ^^